by Nalini Singh
Page 39
They hadn't been far off the mark, but for the wrong reasons. It didn't matter. Because of her delay in realizing the truth, several children had died, in her lab. Two more remained - the boy, Jonquil Duchslaya, and the girl, Noor Hassan. Ashaya stared at the files and knew that they would meet the same fate if she didn't prevent it.
She didn't feel pity for them. She was Psy. She didn't feel anything. However, the fact that one of her putative research assistants was doing this without her authorization made this about who held the reins of power. Which was why she wasn't going to go to Ming and complain. Nor was she going to take Larsen to task.
This was the opportunity she'd been waiting for. If her strategy worked, then not only would these children survive, the Psy Council would no longer have anything with which to coerce her cooperation.
That thought in mind, she began the journey that would lead her upstairs and to the cornfields outside. The guards were becoming accustomed to her daily walks, exactly as she'd planned. Of course, her plan of misdirection was hampered by the fact that she had a very short period in which to lay the groundwork. But the haste couldn't be helped, not if Jonquil and Noor were to walk out alive.
Some might have said she didn't want the children to die because she'd somehow retained a conscience, even in the depths of Silence. Ashaya would have disagreed. She had no conscience, no heart - like her own son, Jonquil and Noor were nothing more than bargaining chips.
All she had to do now was find a party willing to negotiate their release.
Chapter 32
Night had fallen in a soft whisper, but Talin hardly noticed. She sat at the small breakfast table on the second floor of the lair, her mind still spinning with the realization she'd had mere hours ago. She wanted to deny it but it rang with the clarity of absolute truth, a truth she had to understand. Yes, her fear of watching Clay turn from her in disgust had been at the root of her actions, but that fear had been tangled up with so many other threads.
She had been on the cusp of womanhood when she'd run from Clay with that most brutal of lies - young, confused, lost. Now that she was willing to see, it was stark that in her confusion, she had mixed up the protective fury of Clay's love with the jealous rage she'd seen in Orrin. That twelve-year-old girl who had missed Clay so desperately had also been terrified that he would destroy her trust if she let him back into her life. The memories of Clay protecting her, keeping her safe, laughing with her, had been the only treasures she'd had left.
Even that wasn't the whole story. It was too simple, and she was through with hiding. The unforgiving reality was that in spite of her youth, she must have subconsciously known that he wouldn't be an easy man to love. No, Clay was hard through and through. But he had loved her enough to put everything on the line - his sanity, his freedom, his pride. All so important to a dominant predatory changeling. She didn't know what he felt for her now, but she knew it was time to hold up her end of the bargain. To love him enough. Enough to not let fear stop her, whatever guise it took.
A slight noise cut into her thoughts as Clay pulled himself up to the second level. "Damn, I just got a sharp reminder from Tammy about a pack thing. You've got fifteen minutes to get ready or we'll be late. It's close to six already. "
"I can't," Talin said, gesturing at the papers spread out on the table, papers she'd barely looked at since coming home. Guilt stabbed. "I have to see if I missed anyth - "
"I told you," Clay interrupted. "We're taking care of that. We've got people out there right now. I've tapped a Psy connection who might get us something very useful. But this dance, tonight, is important to the pack. "
"I'm not part of DarkRiver. " And she needed time to consider her next step. She didn't know how to be in a relationship, didn't know how to open herself up that much. "I'll be a stranger. "
"No, you won't. You'll be with me. " He stroked his fisted hand along her ponytail. "Please, Tally. "
Her heart clenched. He called her Tally, but he didn't trust her with his soul, the leopard's wariness hidden behind a near-impenetrable shield - yet she knew. Did he think she didn't? Silly, arrogant leopard. She knew him too well, loved him too much, to not see. "You said 'please,'" she teased, fighting past the painful insight that no matter what happened, he might never again love her as he once had.
"Very funny. "
"I want to. But I'd feel so guilty having fun while - "
"A few hours, that's all. It'll help you get your head back on straight. "
She had to agree with that. Her focus was shot, which reminded her - "Did you get an update on Max?"
"He's fine, conscious. I had a packmate swing by and do a physical check. "
Some of the weight crushing her lightened. "Tell me, why the dance?"
"It's to celebrate the formal blessing of a mating. "
"Like a wedding?"
"Mating is nothing like marriage. It's forever. Mated pairs never choose to leave each other," he said. "Complete loyalty till death. "
Her soul ached at the thought of the beauty, and the terror, in such a commitment. "Why the blessing if it's already decided?"
"To show the pack's acceptance, welcome Zach's mate into DarkRiver. " His eyes grew intent, penetrating. "You okay, Tally?"
He knew her far too well, too, but she couldn't let him sense this hurt, didn't want her new knowledge - of the love she might've lost forever - to come between them. "I'm fine. Just a little tired. "
His expression gentled. "I need to be there, baby. I'm a sentinel. "
"Your presence matters to them," she said, so proud of what he'd become. "I understand. Let me freshen up. "
Once in the bedroom, she quickly washed her face and hands, then pulled on the newest and nicest shirt she had packed. It was white and long-sleeved, the severe lines broken up by slender panels of fine lace down both sides. She left on the jeans she was wearing, but let down and brushed her hair. Then, on a whim, she dug around in her bag until she found a little zippered pocket. She thought she'd forgotten to take out something from there the last time she'd - Her hand touched metal.
"Bingo!" She lifted out the faux-silver earrings. A Celtic design, they would swing gently from her ears, dressing up her simple outfit. Her smile dimmed as she stood in front of the mirror slipping them into her ears.
Jon had given her these a few months ago. They were cheap - he'd found them at some flea market - but they meant everything, because he had bought the gift with honest, hard-earned money. "I haven't forgotten you," she promised with fierce dedication. "We haven't forgotten you. " Because finally, after much too long, she had realized her leopard would stand by her through every darkness.
Clay was leaning against a tree at the edge of the Pack Circle, watching Nico swing Talin around, when he felt a familiar presence. Sascha came to stand beside him, keeping a small distance between them. Though most changelings craved touch, she knew he wasn't one for casual contact.
"She looks like she's having fun. "
Clay nodded. "Yeah. "
"So why are you standing here?"
"I'm not a big dancer. "
Sascha shifted and he knew she'd folded her arms. "That's your excuse for tonight. What about all those other times you choose the shadows?"
"What's this - free psychoanalysis?" He had made it very clear that he didn't want anyone, even Sascha, peering into his emotions. "Been peeping, Sascha?"
"I don't actively have to look, you know that. I pick up emotional echoes like you pick up scents. " She leaned back against his tree. "Things have improved a considerable amount since Talin came into your life, but you're not happy. "
"You're a genius. "
"Stop being flippant," she said, quiet power in her voice. "This is important. You aren't helping Talin by being this way. "
He glanced at her. "Tally is my business. "
"She might have been once," she replied. "But you brought her into t
he pack and now she's ours, too. "
Clay felt the leopard uncurl into a crouch inside of him. "What are you saying?"
"We like her. We'll look out for her. Even against you. "
He tempered his response with cold steel. "I will look out for Talin. "
"I don't know. " She shrugged. "All I see is this wall you've got around yourself, so hard, so thick. She's your way out, Clay, but only if you let her be. "
Nico jerked Talin in a particularly energetic whirl and Clay scowled. She was human, not changeling. He hoped the boy remembered she could be more easily hurt. Then she laughed and he relaxed. "Stop talking in riddles and give it to me straight. "
A frustrated sound. "Fine. Whatever it is that you're letting poison your relationship, you need to get over it. You're not good for her like this. "
The blunt comment stunned him. Sascha was intensely loyal to DarkRiver. The fact that she'd put Talin's well-being above his gained her another slice of his respect, even as the implications of her statement angered him. "I'm giving her everything I can. More than I've ever given anyone. "
"Not enough, Clay. And she knows it. "
Claws raked his gut. "She's not like you. She can't feel what I feel. "
"You tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. " She moved into his line of sight, tall enough that he only had to lower his head a few inches to meet her gaze. "Your Tally is one of the most sensitive human beings I've ever met. Some abused children become that way - alert to the slightest changes in the emotional temperature of a room or a relationship. She knows exactly what you feel. "
"Sascha!" Lucas called out from the Circle. "Stop flirting with Clay and come dance with your mate. " His grin was a bright slash.
