by Mia Ford
I wasn’t exactly sure I knew how he would react, but I knew that no matter what the outcome, I had a responsibility to tell him. I knew several people growing up who never knew their fathers, and I knew that if he decided not to be part of our lives, it wouldn’t matter to our child whether he was absent by choice or by ignorance. Still, I needed to make sure that he knew about this baby. I had thought not getting his number was a good idea, keeping us from carrying on with something that would never work anyway, but it seemed that I was definitely wrong. Having a way to get ahold of Cameron at that point would have been more than helpful.
I took a deep breath and walked out of the bedroom, my eyes glazed over. Hailey stood there looking at me, and I handed over the test as I walked out of the bedroom and to the windows in my living room. I stared out into the distance, little white flakes showing themselves as the orange street lights shined down in the daylight. I could hear Hailey’s careful footsteps approaching, and I turned around, my arms wrapped around my waist.
“I have to find him,” I said.
Chapter 21
Cameron
My time in New York was thankfully cut short, the slopes being less packed than they had in previous years. The snow wasn’t anywhere conducive to a good ski, and the warming temperatures in the area left icy patches straight down the middle of the slope. I had the unlucky gift of discovering the ice, taking a pretty good spill and spraining my wrist. The resort owner felt terrible, but knowing that a resort in Utah was begging for us to come, I told him to just let us out of our contract, and everything would be fine. He was more than happy to oblige since he was barely making enough to keep us in business anyway. In our contract, there was a clause that said if we didn’t reach a minimum number of clients, the resort would pay us a flat rate. I knew he did not want to pay that flat rate.
So, we got on a plane after seeing to my wrist and headed to Utah, somewhere not that much better than New York, but at least not as packed with dirty streets and angry clients. I still couldn’t get Bea off my mind, though. I thought about her every night and every morning. I hadn’t hit on a girl at all since I left Aspen, and I had turned down several others along the way. Glen could see that there was something heavy weighing on my shoulders, but still, he kept his distance and didn’t ask too many questions. He knew that when I was ready to talk, I would talk.
Even in my dreams, Bea was on my mind, floating through the snow like an angel. The night before, I had woken up in a sweat after watching her walking away from me. She stopped and turned toward me, her belly large with a baby inside. It was the strangest thing to dream, and I could only assume it was because I had actually entertained the idea of having her in my life for a long period of time.
I took a deep breath and tried to shake the memories floating around in my head. I was in the middle of a class, listening to Glen give the rundown on safety. He had taken the lead on just about everything lately, seeing that I wasn’t quite up to the task. I wanted to be there, to be present, but I had changed, and I still couldn’t completely figure out the extent of it. I felt different, like something inside of me had taken a turn, like I wasn’t the same man I was when I had arrived in Aspen just a few months back. Every day, I looked for a sign, something telling me that Bea was looking for me, but the phone never rang, and no letters ever came. Without my information, it would be pretty hard for her to find me. My business was built on private clients, and I had never had any reason to actually advertise my company. Our name wouldn’t be in any yellow pages, and we didn’t have a website.
I knew that Bea lived somewhere in Colorado, but I had no idea where. The only thing I knew was that she was going to come looking for me in Aspen in a year. I knew no matter what that I would be there waiting, hoping that she hadn’t changed her mind. Hoping that some other man hadn’t come into her life, leaving her only briefly thinking about me on New Year’s Eve while cuddling up with him far away. I didn’t care that I might be all alone, sitting in the courtyard when the fireworks went off if it meant there was even the slightest chance that I would get to see her again.
“Cameron,” Glen whispered. “It’s time to do the movement checks.”
“Right,” I said, taking a deep breath and walking out of the building.
I hopped on the lift next to Glen and rode it up to the top of the bunny slope, trying to get my mind back on track so I could make sure this group of skiers made it down the hill without incident. Glen had been a good enough cohort that he had managed to have a whole slew of skiers go down over the last week without incident, even though I had been on another planet. I would have to eventually thank him for everything he had been doing.
We went through the movements, and I stood at the front, watching each skier go down. When the last one approached, she smiled at me sweetly and pulled down her goggles, pushing off down the slopes. As she skied, her brown hair blew behind her, and thoughts of my private day of skiing with Bea ran through my mind.
“Hey,” Glen said, rousing me from my daydream by slapping me on the shoulder. “You ready? I put everything away while you were helping the skiers down. Come on, I’ll race you to the bottom.”
I smiled and nodded my head, zipping up my jacket and looking down the hill. I realized at that moment that I hadn’t really gone skiing since I was in Aspen, not having the want or gumption to face the hill. I pushed off, already way behind Glen, but not really caring. When I reached the bottom, I slid over to the bench and unhooked my skis, picking them up and carrying them inside. There was no concierge service at this resort like there was in Aspen, so we laid our skis on the rack and headed for the bar, a place I was becoming all too familiar with once again.
The lounge was small, but adequate, with old mahogany décor and the real feeling of a mountain retreat. There were large fireplaces strewn all around the lobbies and one at the back of the bar, crackling loudly. The bartender was an older man, with a kind face that I was sure had seen a lot through the years as a barkeep in a resort. I ordered a whiskey on the rocks and turned to Glen, who I knew was waiting for the right time to speak up.
“I miss Bea,” I said, cutting him off. “I know that is what has been making you wonder. I know you’ve realized that I am not quite myself lately.”
“Yeah,” he said, looking down at his drink. “But I didn’t want to push you. I know that it wasn’t something you were planning.”
“But it happened nonetheless,” I said with a sigh. “We spent Christmas together, and that was what really started it. We had an amazing time being fools, dancing to Christmas music, opening silly presents, and just having an overall hell of a good time. That night, I asked her out for New Year’s Eve. I knew when the invitation came out of my mouth that it was already too late, but at that point, I was so involved, I couldn’t turn myself away. The night was magic, like a damn romance novel, and when we had sex, it was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. To be completely honest with you, I was waking up with the idea of trying to keep something going with her.”
“What happened?”
“She shot me down before I could even say a word,” I said. “She had made up her mind that I wasn’t a man that could change, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure that she was wrong. I completely froze and just let her make the choice, leaving without a word. The last thing I did was kiss her on the forehead and head out of there. That was why when I showed up at the airport, I was less than grounded. That’s why for the last month and a half, I’ve been all over the place.”
“It’s all right, man, everyone is entitled to that time,” Glen said. “Remember when I broke up with Marisol, right after Christmas four years ago? I was a complete wreck.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I just never thought it would happen to me. You know me, not the settling down type. Now, I can’t stop thinking about Bea and what it could have been.”
“Why don’t you contact her?”
“I mean, I thought of that, but I have no record of who sh
e is,” I said. “I called in a favor with the bartender, Brian, but the room was booked under some guy’s name. I guess he wasn’t able to take the reservation, so Hailey had paid him for it. Other than Bea from Colorado, I have no other information. I don’t even know if her name is short for Beatrice or something completely different.”
“What about her job?”
“She’s a ghostwriter,” I said. “She doesn’t publish her own stuff.”
“You sure know how to pick ‘em.” Glen chuckled.
“I just wish that I had done more to be with her.” I sighed. “I should have stood up in the hotel room and told her that she was completely wrong about me. I should have told her that she made me want to be a better man, that I couldn’t imagine my world without her. I should have done anything but get up and walk away. I never have been very good with women beyond the first date.”
“You don’t know that,” he said. “You just never let anything go past the first date. Look, I didn’t mean to push all that settling stuff down on you when we were in Aspen. I just wanted you to be content and happy, and I was really just projecting my insecurities onto you.”
“Aww, man, that’s all right,” I said. “It really didn’t have anything to do with it. I wasn’t looking whatsoever when I met Bea, but it just kind of happened to fall that way. My heart was attached before my brain could even catch up to what was happening. By the time it had, I was on a plane, making my way to New York. She said she was going to meet me in Aspen on the next New Year’s Eve, so I guess I’ll bide my time until then.”
“Hey, who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone else.” Glen looked up at a big chested blonde, prancing her way toward us.
“Hi,” she said happily, staring at me.
“Hey,” I said, taking in a deep breath.
“My name is Honey, and I was wondering if you would be willing to book a personal lesson with me?”
I sat there for a second, almost frozen by her words. She wanted a personal ski day with me, and I couldn’t even imagine being around another woman alone for that long. I wanted Bea, not some slutty blonde at the bar.
“This man,” I said, slapping Glen’s shoulder. “He is the man to talk to about personal lessons. He is the master of technique.”
I winked at Glen and swallowed the rest of my whiskey before standing and grabbing my coat. I walked away, glancing back at Glen flirting with the blonde. I smiled and shook my head, making my way to the front doors. It was crazy how everything had flipped since Aspen. I walked outside into the snow, looking up at the night skiers jetting down the mountain for the last couple of times before the slopes closed for the day. It was eerily quiet, and it almost reminded me of that time right before sunrise, when you could hear a pin drop. I wanted to be back in that courtyard with Bea. There was no way around it.
I needed to find her, and I needed to tell her just how I really felt.
Chapter 22
Bea
I woke up and looked outside, standing at the window and thinking about everything that had been going on. I still couldn’t believe that I was pregnant, even after spending the entire week thinking about it. I had set up my first appointment at the doctor’s and bought a couple of books that would help me through all the things I had been feeling. It was an incredibly strange feeling, and even though I had Hailey as support, I yearned for Cameron to be by my side. I knew that it was probably the hormones making me so clingy and emotional, but I wasn’t sure if I would ever get over the feeling of needing Cameron in my life. Growing inside of me was his child, and I needed to figure out a way to let him know that.
I sat down on the couch and pulled out my laptop, searching for anything I could that would lead me to him. He didn’t have social media, I couldn’t find any trace of his business, and the resort website had taken down all the ski instructor information. They were still busy, but the instructors had changed, and Cameron had jetted off to his next destination already. I picked up the phone to dial the resort, my intention being to ask them for his info. When the voice answered on the other line, though, I knew that they wouldn’t give that information out over the phone. So, instead of giving them the third degree, I made reservations in one of their rooms for the weekend. I thought that maybe, if I was there at the desk, they would give me the info. Otherwise, I was booking myself a really nice, two-night vacation in Aspen. I was pretty sure what I was paying for was a room it would take months to put back into my savings.
I hung up the phone and walked into the other room, wanting to keep moving so I wouldn’t lose my nerve. I packed a bag and went out to my car, climbing inside and taking a deep breath. I drove out of my long driveway and hit the highway, not stopping for anything but gas all the way to Aspen. When I drove into the parking lot of the resort, a nervous twinge came over me, and I found myself looking around at the faces passing by, thinking I would see Cameron at any minute. I knew he was gone, though. It was just hard being back there. I checked into my room and went upstairs, pulling out a warmer sweater and then heading back down.
When the front desk was clear of any guests, I walked up to the counter and smiled at the girl typing on the computer. She was young and pretty, with long blonde hair and an impeccably pressed uniform. She was exactly what the resort wanted as the first person to greet the guests.
“Did you forget something?” she asked.
“Huh? Oh, no, I just wanted to ask you a question.” I smiled. “For the month of December, you had some freelance ski instructors here. Their names were Cameron and Glen. I am desperately trying to get ahold of them, and I was wondering if you had a phone number, address, or an email address, even. It’s really important.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” she said sympathetically. “I personally don’t have that information. That would be with the owner, but even if I did have it, I am not allowed to give it to you.”
“Well, is there any way you or the owner could contact them and get them my information?”
“I’m sorry ma’am, but the owner is away himself,” she replied. “He won’t be back until late March. He is opening another hotel in Dubai, and he went there to sign the papers.”
“Wow, okay. Do you think there is anyone else that would have that information?”
“On a professional note, I would have to say no,” she said. “But unofficially, the bartender in the lounge had become pretty good friends with him, so he might be able to help you out.”
“Brian,” I whispered. “All right. Well, thank you for your time.”
“No problem,” she said. “If there is anything else we can do for you, just let us know.”
“I will, thank you,” I replied, turning and walking toward the lounge.
I knew that if I broke down right there, if I told this young girl the situation, she might go out of her way to make it happen. However, as I clutched my stomach, feeling a bit nauseated again, I knew there was no way that I could give her all that information. Hailey and I were the only ones that knew about the baby, and I wanted to keep it that way. I knew that if she knew, she might slip up and say something to Cameron, or even tell Brian.
I walked over to the doors and looked out the windows at the darkening sky. The ski slopes were busy still, the night skiers taking advantage of the good weather. It wasn’t quite as busy in Aspen as it had been around Christmas, but it was definitely still bumping. There was a strange feeling in my chest, like the feeling I had been having in my dreams of Cameron. It was like I could almost feel him thinking about me. I shook the thoughts from my head, knowing it was silly, and it had to be my hormones messing with me. Whatever the reason for my racing mind, I knew that finding Cameron would be the first step at stopping it. After that, it would all depend on how he reacted to the news that he was going to be a father.
As much as I wanted to run into him, I hadn’t even really thought about how I was going to deliver the news. I didn’t want to send him running off for the hills, but at the same time, I wanted to be up
front and honest with him. This was going to be a huge shock for him, probably even larger than the jolt it gave me. I was anxious about it, but it was a wasteful emotion since I wasn’t any closer to finding him than I was before. I shook my head and went into the guest bathroom to the right, peeing for the hundredth time that day and washing my face off with cool water.
I stared at my pale complexion in the mirror and hoped that the nausea I was feeling wasn’t going to come back full force. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck in a hotel in Aspen all weekend, puking my guts out. Everything had happened so fast and out of the blue that maybe taking a small weekend away from life wasn’t at all that bad of an idea. Hailey had been so worried about my mental state that she had barely left my side for the last week. I had taken some time away from work, not finding the ability to bring any creativity to the surface. Although having Hailey with me was a Godsend, I really did need some time alone to really think about everything and make a plan for the future. Whether I found Cameron or not, this baby was going to make its arrival in less than nine months. I had to start thinking about that and the fact that I needed to get prepared for it. Luckily, I wasn’t the girl that had to worry about where to live or financial stability. I had a great job and a beautiful home. Those things were just foundations, though, and there were a lot of factors that went into raising a child, one of which included having a father figure in the picture.
