by Brent, Cora
“How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know.”
She’s looking down and I know she’s trying so hard to be brave, not to cry. I tip her chin up and briefly kiss her lips.
“I’ll come back.”
She manages a tearful smile. “You promise?”
“I promise.” I stand and kiss her forehead. “Trust me.”
“I’ll trust you forever, Ben.”
My keys are in my hand. “You were right. People will want to hear this story. You should publish it in the Bulletin.”
“If that’s what you want then I will.”
She walks me to the door and we kiss one last time. It’s killing me to walk out on her and for a second I’m sure I’ll cry too.
I know she remains there at the front door watching as I walk away. I know she’ll keep watching until I’m gone. Halfway down the front walkway I pause and turn around. I give her the only thing I can give her. I hope it’s enough.
“I love you, Camden.”
And then I leave without looking back a second time because whether I want to or not, I need to go.
Camden
Trina literally drags me out of the newsroom at lunchtime. “You can’t keep moping around in there and eating sad little ham sandwiches by yourself. “
“I’m not moping,” I grumble but I allow myself to be propelled to that high energy den of gossip and drama known as the cafeteria.
School has been back in session for a week and just when I think it’s impossible to miss Ben any more than I already do, I walk to the bus stop the following morning and the ache deepens. No one except Trina minds when I keep to myself. Everyone’s busy talking about the hockey team or college applications. And today they’re also talking about the front page article in the latest issue of the Bulletin. I don’t need to talk about it. I know every word by heart. I wrote it.
Trina talks me into getting a stir fry bowl and then shepherds me to the table where her boyfriend, Kent, sits with a couple of his buddies. It’s not really my crowd but I know Trina wants me here so I sit across from her and try to act cheerful.
Kent pecks his girlfriend on the cheek and gives me a curious look. “How’s it going, Camden?”
I move my rice around with a plastic fork. “Not bad.”
Kent pauses. “Have you heard from him?”
There’s a thud as Trina kicks her boyfriend underneath the table and Kent complains, “What the hell, babe?”
She gives him a withering look. “Does nothing I say ever sink in?”
Kent gives that some thought. “You said not to hassle Camden about Ben because she’s in, like, a delicate condition or something. But I wasn’t hassling her.”
Trina moans and puts a hand to her forehead. “I did NOT say the words ‘delicate condition’. Do not repeat that because it doesn’t mean what you think it means. I said my friend is feeling fragile because she is worried about her boyfriend and you ought to have some compassion.”
Kent endures this speech while guzzling a carton of milk. He finishes it and belches. “I get it. Sorry, Camden.”
“It’s all right.” I’m smiling because it’s hard not to smile around the two of them. “I heard from Ben a few days ago. He’s still tied up with legal issues. He doesn’t know when he’ll be back.”
Kent nods. “I miss that fucker.”
I have a feeling this is high praise coming from Kent Dresher.
“Yeah, I know people wrote him off as Devil Valley trash but I always knew the boy was quality.”
The words are said right behind my back and I know I’m supposed to hear them. I turn to see Allie Wexman sneering as she educates some hapless sophomore girl.
Allie acts like she just noticed me. “That’s pretty wild about Ben. Sorry, I mean Bennet. He’s famous enough around here for his own fan club now. Hope he has the stamina to handle all the attention.”
Trina gets annoyed. “You’re talking to his girlfriend. Have some respect.”
Allie is unimpressed. “Somehow I get the feeling he’ll be eager to trade up.” She saunters off with her apprentice in tow.
“Vapid hag,” Trina mutters at Allie’s back and stabs at her rice bowl.
I’m not worried about competition from Allie Wexman or any other girl. But I can admit to myself that when Ben told me his entire story I was shocked. I knew all along he had secrets. I just never expected that his secrets were so excruciating. Or so dangerous. I also never expected to hear that he’d come from an entirely different world than the one we share in Devil Valley. The thought had never crossed my mind that he might have more in common with our wealthy Black Mountain classmates than with me.
Trina and Kent banter back and forth, teasing each other, and I get the impression they are trying to make me laugh.
“What’s going on?” Kent gestures to the main cafeteria door where there’s some kind of buzz happening as people gather and make noise.
“Who knows?” Trina rolls her eyes. “Probably some stunt from one of our resident social media influencers.”
Kent straightens up with a grin. “Not quite.” Then he puts his hand to his mouth and emits a piercing whistle. “About time you showed up for this semester, fuckface!”
Now Trina is also grinning. “Turn around, Cam.”
I’m curious enough to cooperate and an instant later I gasp.
Ben isn’t dressed in the school uniform. He’s wearing jeans and one of the hooded sweatshirts I bought him for Christmas. It appears he hasn’t shaved in a few days and he looks older, more like a man and less like a high school boy. Maybe that’s just from the exhaustion of everything he’s faced lately or maybe it’s because he’s been forced into adulthood with no possibility of turning back.
He’s fending off greetings and eager hands while searching over the heads of the crowd. My breath catches as I stand up and wait for the answer to the question that privately haunts me in my bleakest moments.
Are you still mine?
He shifts and our eyes meet. The smile that lights up his face is the answer to any question I have and the source of everything I want.
I don’t care who is watching.
I don’t care who talks.
I run straight into his arms and wrap my legs tightly around his waist. Our mouths collide with a thousand promises and we kiss until we’re breathless while cheers and whistles echo around us.
Mr. D wades through the crowd with irritation and blinks when he finds me and Ben embracing at the center.
“Welcome back, Ben.” He offers a handshake. “When you get a free moment, come down to my office for a chat.”
Ben nods. “Yes, sir. Is it all right if I catch up with you tomorrow?”
“Yes, that’s fine.” The principal is about to walk away but then he stops. “Camden, in light of your last article in the Bulletin I’m sure you have some important matters to discuss with Ben. If you need to use this afternoon in order to settle some business related to the school newspaper, I can excuse you from the rest of your classes.”
I try to look serious but the smile on my face won’t let me succeed. “Yes, in fact I believe I need to conduct a follow up interview.”
“Good. I look forward to reading it.”
As soon as Mr. D steps away, Kent and a squad of the other BMA jocks surround us in order to offer Ben fist bumps, backslaps and bawdy comments.
Trina shows up to pull her boyfriend away and she gives me a wink, mouthing the words, “Call me later.”
Ben slides an arm around my shoulders and breaks the news to his buddies that he’s not sticking around today.
“Lead the way out of here,” he whispers in my ear and I hug him around the waist.
On the way out I catch a glimpse of Todd Bellinger’s sullen face as he watches me march out the door with Ben. This might give me some satisfaction if Todd were at all relevant but he’s not.
I left my coat in the newsroom so we need to make a stop but once we’re
there I throw my arms around Ben and block the exit.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming back today,” I accuse. “I didn’t even know you were in the state.”
“I came straight here.” He runs his hands over my body. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“You succeeded.” I kiss his neck and he holds me tighter. “Where should we go? The next bus to Devil Valley doesn’t show up for a couple of hours.”
“We don’t need to ride the damn bus ever again. I have wheels.”
“Your mom’s car?”
“Nope. Some assets belonging to my father were discovered in a safe deposit box we didn’t know about. My mom gave me a big chunk of it and I am now the proud owner of a brand new used Toyota Tacoma. Drove it all the way here from Coral Beach.” He runs a hand over his jaw. “Might have forgotten to shave on the drive.”
I nuzzle his cheek. “I think I like the semi beard.”
Ben abruptly pulls back and just stares at me in silence until I start to squirm.
“What’s wrong?”
He grows serious and cups my chin in his palm. “Camden, your face has been in my mind every hour of every day. And yet when I look at you I’m completely blown away by how beautiful you are.”
“Ben.” I kiss him and then prop my chin on his shoulder, squeezing him close, rejoicing in the hard expanse of his chest and the soapy scent of his skin. “I love you so much.”
He sighs into my hair. “I love you too, baby.”
I want so badly to be alone with him, to feel his naked skin against mine and make love until he understands how loved he is and how desperately I’ve missed him.
And we’ll get to that.
First I want to hear all about what he’s been through since the day I watched him drive away from my house.
We hold hands on our walk out of Black Mountain Academy and Ben leads me to a silver pickup truck. He claims to have gotten a great deal on it.
“Did your mom drive home with you?” I ask after he sits behind the wheel and cranks up the heater.
“She’ll fly home the day after tomorrow. She was invited to a local talk show down there to tell her story. I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Not my thing but after the years of silence and worry, talking seems to help her finally come to terms with everything.”
I touch his knee. “I read some online articles.”
He nods and stares out the windshield. “So you already know how it ends.”
I know that the Drexler men decided to change their version of events. They pinned the murder of Ben’s father on Ben’s Uncle Layton, who conveniently died last year. Angus and his father were the only other witnesses besides Ben and they told the same incredulous story. They said Layton was arguing with his brother and pulled a gun. They said after Ben’s father was killed they were afraid. They said Layton had threatened them. They said Ben had simply been mistaken about what he saw. Understandable, since witnessing his father’s death was a traumatic event. Of course some details got mixed up. Sure, they were awful sorry that they lied all this time but that was in the past. Everyone could move on now.
As for Angus’s injuries, he would be recuperating for a long time following an unfortunate ‘skiing accident’ over the holidays.
And the missing couple?
The case remains cold with no evidence to tie their disappearance to the Drexler Group.
Reading between the lines, it’s easy to see that there has been a long list of people, from politicians to reporters, who have been bribed or threatened to make them cooperate with this new fiction being peddled by the Drexlers. I guess all the money in the world can do that. The idea is terrifying and I don’t know how Ben can stand it. Then again, he doesn’t have a choice. Perhaps someday justice will be served. Until then, life can’t be placed on pause indefinitely.
Since I left my rice bowl behind in the cafeteria Ben offers to take me to lunch at a small retro diner in Black Mountain. We choose a cozy booth in the back and Ben stays on my side with his arm around me.
“So.” I snuggle against him and try to sort out which question I want to ask first.
He peers at me. “So?”
“Well, for starters, what name should I call you from now on?”
“You should call me Ben.” He tugs at a piece of my hair. “Like you always have.”
“And is it Ben Drexler or Ben Beltran?”
He massages my neck and becomes pensive. “I gave that a lot of thought. I wondered if I was dishonoring my father by abandoning the family name for good. Then I decided that my father would understand. He would understand that I stopped being Bennet Drexler a long time ago. Somewhere along the way I stopped simply pretending to be Ben Beltran.”
I kiss his cheek. “You are Ben Beltran.”
He grins. “Yup. Resident of Devil Valley. Devoted son. Second baseman for the Black Mountain Academy baseball team.” He reaches for me and runs his hand over my cheek. “And most importantly, Camden’s boyfriend.”
I grab him in a fierce hug, all the days of heartsick anxiety melting away now that he’s close to me again. “You’ll have to get comfortable in this position,” I warn him. “Because I’m never letting you go.”
He chuckles. “Don’t worry. I’m not ever going anywhere without you.” He seals the declaration with a kiss. And a whisper. “Trust me.”
I whisper back. “Forever, Ben.”
Epilogue
Ben
Five years later
“You can stop doing that.” She laughs at me.
“What?”
“Throwing me a worried look every mile. I promise I won’t ruin your upholstery.”
“Shush, I wasn’t thinking about my truck’s upholstery. I was admiring my wife. Do you need to stop before we get to town?”
“No, I can make it. I’ve only puked once today so I’m hopeful that this phase is on its way out.”
I look at her again, this stunning genius of a woman who, for some inexplicable reason, chose me.
“What’s the deal with Frankie? He didn’t want to drive up with us?”
Her brother is in his third year at ESU, where both Camden and I went to college. We don’t live too far from campus and we see him all the time. After playing ball for the university for all four years I accepted a job in their athletic department. Camden, meanwhile, became editor-in-chief of ESU’s weekly newspaper and went on to achieve her masters in record time. She teaches some undergrad journalism classes and also writes freelance articles for a number of publications around the country. Two years ago we tied the knot and two months ago we bought our first house.
The same week we discovered that we are going to be parents.
“Frankie is getting a ride into town with one of his friends this evening, which is good because my mom would have been disappointed if he missed Christmas Eve.”
When we’re still five miles away from Devil Valley, Camden says she wants to stop at the Cushings’ house first in case we lose track of time later. We’ve always stayed in close touch with them and visit whenever we return to Devil Valley, which is often. They lovingly refer to us as ‘the children’.
Diane and Dee are delighted to see us, as always. Dee had gastric bypass surgery last year and they have recently taken in two foster kids, both teenage boys who greet us shyly with their hands stuffed in their pockets. The boys smile with childlike surprise when Camden presents them both with prettily wrapped gifts. Diane serves us plates of cheese and crackers and asks about our jobs and our new house. They see Camden’s parents regularly but want to know how my mother is doing.
My mother’s life has taken a completely different direction. She’s written a memoir, started a new business as a life coach and moved to Black Mountain. I’m pleased to tell them she’s doing great. We won’t see her for Christmas since she’s currently enjoying a Caribbean cruise but these days she’s confident and successful and has no use for Dirtbag-type people. I’m proud of her.
Camden’s pare
nts are expecting us so we can’t stay long. When we return to the truck I lean over and plant a quick kiss on my wife’s lips.
“I feel kind of guilty that we didn’t share the news.”
She smiles and flattens her palm to her belly. “We’ll tell them. After we tell our folks.”
I start the engine and switch on the heat. “We better get to it before your belly pops.”
“Already happening. Check me out in these new elastic waist pants.” She beams as she says this.
Her hand still rests on her belly and I cover it with mine. Among the gifts packed into the shopping bags in the backseat is a picture frame containing an image from last week’s ultrasound. We plan to give it to her parents on Christmas morning.
On the short drive over to Camden’s old neighborhood we talk about our other plans for the week we’ll be in town. Kent and Trina made us promise to visit Black Mountain and have dinner at their house. Kent just signed a contract to play pro hockey and in the spring we’ll be visiting Black Mountain again to attend his wedding to Trina. They broke up after high school but in time things worked out for them and now they’re back where they belong. With each other.
“Forecast says it might snow late tonight,” I point out, noting that the sky already looks pretty threatening.
“That’s perfect.” Camden plays with a strand of hair and smiles as she watches the familiar sights of Devil Valley roll by. We pass Devil Valley High and Imogen’s Diner and Dee’s Gas and Goods. I slow down when we approach the fateful street corner where the two of us used to wait for the bus to Black Mountain.
The corner is empty right now but my mind’s eye sees the view from outside the truck, when I stood in that space day after day in the presence of a girl who was destined to become my everything.
Camden’s thoughts are the same. I can tell by the way her smile grows and she looks at me in a way that always threatens to steal my breath.
“I love you,” I tell her because I can never say it enough.
