“About my mom…”
“What about your mom?” Ford asked sitting up from where he’d been leaning on Sawyer’s shoulder to look him in the eye. “I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned your mom.”
“I never talk about her,” Sawyer admitted. “But I told your mom about how we used to make snickerdoodle cookies on Christmas Eve.”
“What happened to her?” Ford whispered.
Sawyer wasn’t sure why, but for the first time, he wanted to open up. “She died, my first Christmas vacation from college. I was on my way home for Christmas break when I got the call. She died at work from an aneurysm. I never even got to say goodbye,” Sawyer sighed.
“I’m so sorry,” Ford whispered. “I can’t even imagine,” he added, leaning back on Sawyer’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around Sawyer like he was trying to comfort him.
“It was a long time ago,” Sawyer said.
“Maybe, but I can’t imagine losing my mom,” Ford said, and Sawyer felt the shiver that went through his body at the thought.
“I couldn’t imagine losing your mom either,” Sawyer said, kissing the top of Ford’s head.
“They love you,” Ford whispered against his chest.
“The feeling is mutual,” Sawyer admitted.
“I know I shouldn’t say this, because maybe this isn’t your idea of a perfect Christmas, but I’m so glad for this snowstorm and the canceled flights,” Ford mumbled into his chest, but Sawyer heard him clearly.
“This is as close to perfect a Christmas as I can remember having,” Sawyer revealed.
“Me too,” Ford whispered burrowing further into his body.
15
Ford
Ford wished this wasn’t a moment out of time. He wished this wasn’t a magical aberration and wished that this moment could last forever. But wishing wouldn’t change the fact that once there was a flight out, Sawyer would be gone. Sure he would be back, but for how long?
Ford was suddenly overwhelmed, the sleigh, the intimacy––he was in too deep. How could he not fall for this man? He was vulnerable, and kind, and right now in his arms, he could pretend like this was their life. And maybe they had just put their kids to sleep before Christmas morning and were taking time out for themselves.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Ford said, his voice low in his chest. “I wish this was real.”
“Hey… this is real. Why would you say that?” Sawyer asked, trying to move Ford from his chest so he could see his face, but Ford refused to look up.
“You’re going to leave, and this will just be a memory,” Ford whispered.
“And you don’t want me to?” Sawyer asked.
Ford sat up and grabbed the reins, but Sawyer stopped him., “Hey can we talk about this?”
“No, never mind. It’s just the whole…” Ford waved his arm around.
“The snow?” Sawyer teased. “The trees? What?”
“You know what I mean… I just meant… I think, it’s probably the whole night has got me, you know…”
Sawyer didn’t let him keep making a fool out of himself, he used a finger to turn Ford’s face towards him. “Hey, hey. Let’s take it one step at a time. I’m here right now. We can figure the rest out.”
“I don’t even know what…” Before Ford could form a coherent sentence, Sawyer grabbed his face gently and looked into his eyes.
“Hey, don’t worry about things that haven’t happened yet.”
Sawyer swooped in for a kiss that started out softly, then he hovered his lips a scant breath away and whispered, “I don’t have all the answers, but I know I don’t want to say goodbye forever. There’s something between us, Ford.”
Ford nodded. “I felt it too, I feel it… but what if it’s just temporary.”
“Why should it have to be?” Sawyer asked. “Why does it have to be?”
Ford didn’t have an answer to that. “I don’t know.”
“Give me a chance, Ford,” Sawyer said in a pleading tone. “I’ve been running for so long, but for the first time in a long time, I don’t want to. I don’t know what that means yet… but I know I wanna see where it goes.”
Sawyer pressed his forehead to Ford’s, the thick knit of their caps touching. Sawyer kissed the tip of Ford’s nose before dipping lower and kissing the young man’s lips gently, sweetly, so perfectly that he half expected a soundtrack to start playing.
Ford’s body lit up at the taste of Sawyer... chocolate and butter and man. A delicious combination that was tough to resist. Not that Ford was trying to resist, not that he could if he tried.
Sawyer broke the kiss. “We will figure this out, I promise.”
16
Sawyer
The ride back had been mostly silent and somehow without words they had mutually agreed to sleep in separate rooms. Sawyer went to bed with the conversation he had with Ford playing over and over in his head. He had to ask himself if he was really ready to make a commitment, one a man like Ford deserved. Because Ford was right, he was going to leave.
The universe must have been having a laugh, because when he woke up the next morning, Ford met him in the bathroom they were sharing. He was still in his pyjamas, looking rumpled and adorable, until he got a look at Ford’s face. His usually smiling face looked like someone had just told him Santa didn’t exist. Sawyer walked up to Ford and put a hand on his elbow, concerned. “Hey, what’s wrong? Everything okay?”
Ford looked down and Sawyer could see him biting his lips nervously. “I got an email this morning that the snow’s letting up for a few days and some flights will be leaving,” Ford sighed and looked away, before continuing. “You were first class on standby, and the airline had my information. There’s a flight out this evening to New York and you’re on it.”
“Oh.” Damn… Sawyer definitely did not see that coming. “So, I can leave today?”
“Yeah,” Ford replied in a monotone.
“I can leave,” Sawyer whispered under his breath.
Ford took a step back from him like he’d been slapped. “Yes, you can go,” Ford said dully. “Let me know when you want me to call you a car.”
“Trying to get rid of me so soon?” Sawyer tried to joke.
“The flight leaves at six,” Ford said, and started backing away from Sawyer.
Sawyer wasn’t sure what to say or do. Amber Falls, Colorado, was a one year stop max. He wasn’t even sure where he would be in the next year after this project wrapped up. Since Mark had gotten married, it was Sawyer who had picked up the slack for traveling. Not that he ever had a reason to complain. Hell, he’d volunteered.
If the snowstorm had cleared for a few days, then he had no reason to be here. And it didn’t seem like Ford was going out of his way to make him stay, so he might as well leave.
This wasn’t his comfort zone. This wasn’t his place. A voice in his head whispered Where is your comfort zone? Where is your place? Truth was, he had no idea. He had just been drifting for as long as he could remember.
So, he could leave. Of course he could, Ford was his employee. His employee for Christ’s sake. So what was his problem leaving him?
There was no problem at all, he told himself.
Ford. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about him. He was the filter through which Sawyer was seeing everything though. How was that even possible? He’d barely spent any personal time with the man. He couldn’t be so important to him already, could he?
But hasn’t he been burrowing himself under your skin the past months as you’ve been working together? that persistent voice asked. Maybe all the wandering has been leading you here… This time the voice sounded more like his mom than he cared to admit.
But he had to be logical. They barely had a relationship. This was crazy thinking. Annoyed at himself, he shook off this train of thought and got moving. He hadn’t gotten attached to anyone in so long, but Ford had gotten under his skin. Although that wasn't enough to linger like a lovestruck fool. Ford hadn’t exactly told him to st
ay, so there was no need for all the philosophical or whatever arguments.
Sawyer managed to hide out until it was almost two p.m., Barb brought him a plate of lunch to his room. She hadn’t said much to him, just cupped his cheek and said, “We’ll miss you, honey. You know you can always come back.”
He felt a lump in his throat, and he had no idea what to even say in reply, so he just nodded. His heart clenched when she leaned in and placed a kiss on his forehead. He felt like he was ten again and his momma was tucking him in.
Sawyer couldn’t eat a bite of the food Barb had brought him. Instead, he packed his suitcases back up, stripped the bed, and when that was done all he could do was pace, until Ford knocked on his door telling him the car taking him to the airport had arrived.
Ford didn’t even wait to help with Sawyer’s bag, let alone hear him say he would be down in a second.
He made his way downstairs to find Barb and Doug at the bottom, but no Ford.
Barb gave him a tight hug, and whispered, “You remember what I said, son,” before stepping back.
Sawyer stuck his hand out to shake Doug’s, but Doug drew him in for a hug too. “See you in the New Year, son. Merry Christmas. Too bad you couldn’t spend Christmas with us. Make sure you come back.”
“I will,” Sawyer whispered.
Sawyer looked around for Ford when he stepped back, but he was nowhere to be seen and Sawyer’s heart dropped. He hadn’t even bothered to come and say goodbye.
Fuck!
Sawyer went outside with his heart in his throat thinking that he wouldn’t ever get to say goodbye. He knew he would be back in two weeks or so, but his legs felt heavier with every step he took. Until he got to the trunk of the SUV taking him to the airport and spotted Ford standing there. His relief was replaced with anger when he saw how close Ford was standing to a very handsome man Sawyer assumed was the driver.
Sawyer had a brief moment of wanting to act like a four-year-old throwing a tantrum. He even considered putting himself between them, but sanity prevailed, and he simply cleared his throat to get their attention.
If he expected them to jump apart guiltily, he was disappointed because Ford simply lifted his head, but the smile that was on his face from talking to the––Sawyer grudgingly admitted—stupidly, fuckable man beside Ford, disappeared.
Sawyer’s temper wasn’t helped by the fact Ford moved to stand next to the tall drink of holy hotness.
“Wyatt, this is Sawyer. He’s the one you’re driving to the airport,” Ford said.
“Nice to meet you,” Wyatt said and reached out for a handshake.
Sawyer debated being rude, but he figured he was stuck with the man for the ride to the airport. So, in this case, discretion was the better part of valor.
“Thank you for the ride,” Sawyer managed to get out.
They all stood there awkwardly for a moment, until Ford broke the silence. “I went to school with one of Wyatt’s brother’s and he’s our closest neighbor to the south. He called my dad saying he was going to Denver and asked if dad wanted him to pick up anything with the weather clearing for a couple of days. So, dad figured it made sense for him to drive you.”
“I don’t mind,” Wyatt said.
Of course you don’t, Sawyer thought sarcastically.
Ford leaned in and gave Wyatt a hug. “Thanks, Wyatt.”
Wyatt returned the hug. “No problem, short stuff. I’ll give you two a moment.”
Was it Sawyer’s imagination, or was that hug going on for too long?
“Would you like help putting your suitcase in the trunk?” Wyatt asked, pointing at the rolling suitcase Sawyer had beside him.
“Nope, I’m good…” Sawyer replied politely, even though he was thinking, go away.
Wyatt left them alone, and neither of them spoke for a moment, before they both started speaking at the same time. “Are you okay?” Sawyer started.
“Did you need help with your suitcase?” Ford asked coolly.
“No, it’s fine. I can get it myself,” Sawyer said and lifted his large case into the trunk and put his garment bag beside it, but held onto his briefcase. When he was done, he closed the trunk of the SUV so Wyatt couldn’t hear what they were saying with him sitting in the driver’s seat.
“So,” Sawyer said.
“So,” Ford echoed.
Well, that was unhelpful, Sawyer thought. It seemed Ford wasn’t going to start whatever conversation they needed to have.
“I’ll be back right after New Year’s,” Sawyer said.
“Right, I’m sure you’ll inform me if you need a car to pick you up,” Ford said in that same cool tone, like they were no more than strangers. Sawyer hated it.
“I’ll call you once I arrive,” Sawyer tried again.
“If that’s what you want,” Ford replied, and to Sawyer it sounded nonchalant.
Ford met his gaze, calm and cool in the rapidly waning afternoon light, and if he wasn’t reading into it, Sawyer saw a flash of pain there, before it disappeared so fast he could have been imagining it. But, how could he know what he was really seeing when Ford’s attitude seemed so blasé? Sawyer couldn’t read the mind of the man standing in front of him, but his attitude was an icy cold front, strong enough to rival the chill already in the air.
Sawyer was about to give up, but just as he turned to walk to the passenger side, he felt a hand on his bicep. “Wait, I was being childish and that’s never a good look,” Ford sighed. “But I’m not sure how to act here, you know? Am I saying goodbye to my boss or the man who takes my breath away?” Ford whispered, and Sawyer felt that tightening in his heart region again. “I guess I thought we would have more time before we had to say goodbye. And we could figure out what this meant. I know it’s not your fault, you don’t control the weather,” Ford managed a chuckle but there was no humor in it.
“I know, I guess I didn’t see the storm letting up quite so soon,” Sawyer said stupidly, not really saying anything of what he was feeling, but that pesky voice came back telling him to speak up. “I don’t want to leave,” Sawyer said simply, and Ford looked at him considering for a long moment, so he added, “I don’t want to leave you.” Sawyer drew Ford into his body and breathed him in as though if he took a deep enough whiff, he would hold his scent with him for as long as he was gone.
Ford shook his head against Sawyer’s chest, so he felt it more than he saw it. “You can’t take me with you.”
“Would you come if I asked?” Sawyer inquired.
“Would you ask?” Ford replied.
Sawyer didn’t know the answer to the question. Could he ask Ford to leave his home, his parents… would it be fair, when he didn’t even have a home for Ford to follow him to? A real home?
Instead of answering the question, Sawyer hugged Ford tighter to his body, not wanting to let go, but knowing he had to leave soon if he wanted to make his flight.
Do you want to make your flight though? Sawyer couldn’t help but wonder.
Ford broke their hug before Sawyer did and stepped back, then looked up to meet Sawyer’s gaze. “You should go if you’re going to have any hope of making your flight.”
“I should,” Sawyer agreed, but before Ford could take another step back, Sawyer swooped in and put his arms around Ford, tugging him closer, and he felt Ford’s smaller body yield, letting himself be moved. Sawyer brushed Ford’s face gently through his gloves, but he needed to feel his skin, so he used his teeth to pull his gloves off one by one, turning his head to let them drop, not caring where they landed.
Sawyer then used the pads of his thumbs against Ford’s lips tracing lightly. Ford was looking straight at him, his eyes huge and shadowed. Sawyer could see the sadness there, but it didn’t take away from his certainty.
Sawyer knew Ford would welcome his kiss, even now. So, he cupped Ford’s face, and brought it to meet his. Sawyer lowered his mouth to Ford’s, and he was so sweet, so beautiful, so fucking right.
Ford melted into him, his m
outh seeking Sawyer’s. Sawyer felt Ford’s need, and it matched his own. Sawyer lost himself in the kiss, tasting and savoring everything that was Ford. Ford matched him, and he could feel the urgency in his touch, the fire in his blood. How could he let this man go? When he’d never known a feeling like this in his life. He’d kissed enough people to know this was something different.
Sawyer felt the need in Ford, and his whole body responded. Their kiss was suddenly more urgent, hard and demanding. It was like they were spinning into infinity, just the two of them, locked to each other.
Sawyer wanted Ford. Fuck, he wanted him. He wanted Ford with a fierceness and passion he’d never felt. It was overwhelming and rocked every part of him. It made him feel out of control and that wasn’t a feeling he was accustomed to.
All he could think was, Ford. His Ford.
Sawyer forgot where they were and deepened the kiss, and Ford responded with the same fierceness and need, his lips opening and his tongue searching.
God… this man had him inside out. No one before had ever been Ford… and no one else would ever be, his heart told him.
It took all his control to break the kiss. They were both breathing heavily, still locked in each other’s arms.
“I don’t want you to go either,” Ford said, and tightened his arms around Sawyer for a moment, before stepping back and breaking their hold. Sawyer felt like he had just hit the earth with no parachute, when Ford stepped out of his arms and walked away.
“Bye, Ford,” Sawyer said out loud, even though there was no one to hear it, then made his way to the passenger seat of the SUV.
17
Sawyer
Every mile they drove away from Ford, away from Amber Falls, the more Sawyer felt like someone was squeezing his heart in a vise. Like he couldn’t breathe. Fuck!
“Ford, my perfect gift.”
“So, why are you leaving?” Wyatt asked.
“What?” Sawyer looked to his left, to the man who was driving him to the airport. “What did you say?” Sawyer questioned.
Stranded With His Boss Page 7
