by K. N. Banet
He asked for this, and it gets me what I want. He’s the fae and should have known better than to play bargain with an arms dealer, who has probably done this hundreds of times.
“A bargain made, and a favor owed,” Sorcha said softly, her expression settling back into the benign, noblewoman smile. “I agree to the terms.” She stood and walked elegantly across the room to place the dagger on Paden’s desk. I watched her, refusing to take my eyes off her as she leaned over and got into Paden’s face. “Cassius will be angry with you. I’m not, but understand that I have been nothing but brutally honest. You asked for this, and what comes back on you is of your own making.” She didn’t allow him to respond, walking out of the office.
I stood slowly, unsure which feeling I should ride. I was both victorious and pissed off. I would get Paden’s help with the case, which was a blessing I needed. I was pissed off by how it happened because I knew it would come back on me.
“You should have taken the money,” I said to him, looking at the door Sorcha just waltzed out of.
“This is too dangerous to just take the money,” he murmured in response. I didn’t know what he was thinking but had a strong feeling it was about the dagger and what he had just done. “After Sinclair, I’ve been more careful. I have to be. That didn’t just nearly get me killed. It damaged my reputation and showed a weakness—my connection to you. If Mygi is behind the prison break to kill you, I can only imagine what they might try to do to the fae living outside the bounds of the courts and nobles, illegally trading information and helping someone take them down. I’m not you, Kaliya. I don’t look at danger straight on and take the risk or risk the ones around me. My wife doesn’t deserve blowback because of what I do. I’ll do it because it matters, but I won’t do it blindly.”
I nodded slowly, understanding his reasoning.
“One of her weapons is that important?” I asked, crossing my arms.
“Her weapons are known to cut wounds that refuse to heal and a number of other things. I wish she’d spent a moment to explain the truths behind the Iron Moon, but there are stories floating around. I can easily figure out if there’s any truth to them because I have the blade.”
I didn’t need to hear any more. I left him with his prize and found Sorcha standing at the bar with a new drink.
“We’re not staying,” I hissed, not losing a step as I passed behind her. She didn’t make a remark in return, falling in step with me and leaving the Jackalope in complete silence.
8
Chapter Eight
I didn’t speak the entire drive home, and Sorcha made no attempts to explain her logic or defend her decision. I parked roughly, making both of us jerk, thanks to my heavy foot, and got out of the BMW without taking it into the garage. I was angry with her and angry with myself. I was just fucking angry, and I didn’t know what to do with that feeling because underneath it all was a bold sense of satisfaction.
I got what I wanted, and I didn’t need to do a damn thing.
Sorcha was quietly following me. Before I opened my front door, I turned to her, inhaling at the sight of her full fae form. I had barely glanced in her direction on the drive home, so I had no clue when she dropped her glamor. It stunned me into forgetting what heated thing I wanted to say at that moment.
“I am what I am,” she whispered. “Cassius knows it. He’ll be angry with me and with Paden, but he won’t be angry with you.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” I accused. “Did you know he would ask you for something instead of taking my money? This was my burden to bear, not yours.”
“You got what you wanted in the end, so who cares who did the bargaining?” she countered. “I’m not a fool, Kaliya. We’re the same. You know we are. We can only be true to ourselves. Me, you, Paden, we look out for ourselves and those we care about. I care about Cassius, and that makes me care about you. I don’t care about Paden. You got what you wanted because you might care for Paden, but you’re desperate to fix this for Raphael, and that overrides all things, including my safety and the safety of my husband. You knew how to step into the bargaining and end it. You could have taken your need off the table, and there would have been nothing to bargain for. You’re trying to feel guilty about that because you think you should.” She stepped closer to me. “But you don’t feel guilty. You’re angry because you don’t feel guilty at all.”
“We shouldn’t play together anymore. I don’t like when people call me a bad person. Only Cassius is allowed to do that. And Raphael. Preferably only Raphael now that I consider it. Cassius is condescending.”
“I don’t think you’re a bad person.” For the first time since we met, her brows came together and wrinkled her forehead. “Terrible people wouldn’t attempt to feel guilty.”
“Sorcha—”
Her hand came up, and I was silent. Magic—she had magically silenced me.
“I’m not done,” she whispered, taking another step closer. “You aren’t terrible. Neither am I. I’m fae, Kaliya, and a bargain was going to happen. What I’m trying to say is you don’t need to feel guilty. What I did was of my own free will. I’m an adult and probably the most dangerous fae in the world. I certainly don’t need my new naga friend protecting me. I’m not fragile.” She lowered her hand, the magic releasing my tongue as she did, and tilted her head. “But…thank you for trying. Other than Cassius, no one really cares what happens to me. Most of the fae would prefer if I just disappeared and never came back, taking everything I’ve ever made with me. I know it’s only because Cassius loves me, and you have an odd relationship with him, but I do appreciate the sentiment of the attempt.”
I didn’t know what to think for a minute. The way she talked was different, but the words felt eerily similar to things I had said before while risking my life for some stupid thing or another.
But I had one more question.
“Why did you bargain with him? You could have just turned him down.” I needed an answer.
“Part of me was offended he would even ask me, so I wanted to give him what he wanted just to hurt him. I hadn’t felt that rush in a long time. Part of me had gone into that office, knowing he would target me if we offered him a chance to bargain, and that was exciting. Why would he bargain with you when he could bargain with me? But…he wasn’t bargaining for himself. That’s what really decided it. He wants to protect his wife and his business and care for the small family he has in that little bar. That’s honorable, too. I didn’t find his motives to be underhanded or criminal, so…he seemed worthy.” She looked away, nodding to herself as if she had made the best decision. When she turned back to me, her smile was back in the perfect place and utterly benign. It was the look in her eyes that gave her away. “Why didn’t you stop it?”
“Because helping Raphael is more important than any of you,” I answered honestly. She already knew the answer. Only a tinge of guilt hit me for so boldly admitting it. I couldn’t fight the biological need I had to protect him, and there was no use in trying. It didn’t mean I had to give him an eternity with me, but I would keep him alive. There was really no other option.
“You know most lovers feel that way, right? It’s not just a ‘you’ problem. If I had to decide between you and Cassius, there wouldn’t be a moment’s hesitation. I would let you die and sleep easy at night. What I did tonight doesn’t put Cassius at risk, though, so no worries for me on that front.”
“Of course.” I was beginning to admire her. There was an honesty I couldn’t help but like, even if my own feelings were a touch more conflicted than hers. Others would definitely say she was unlikable because of her hardline on who she gave a shit about and who she didn’t, but we lived in a dog-eat-dog world. I only found her confidence in her opinion admirable, and I couldn’t fault her logic. “They aren’t like us.” I nodded toward the front door. “They would try to save all of us.”
“They would,” she agreed, almost sad. “Admirable and honorable. It’s why we love them, isn’t it?
Let’s get inside to these men who are much better people than we are,” she ordered with that smile. Her glamor returned, reshaping her ears to seem like a lower fae.
I could and should have corrected her. I didn’t love Raphael. I was beholden to him, attracted to him, but love was a long way off, and I couldn’t honestly say I wanted to get there.
But I didn’t correct her. I opened the front door and walked in without saying another word. We found the men in the kitchen, both looking in our direction. Raphael’s cheeks were flushed, but nothing else seemed out of place or strange.
“You’re back earlier than I expected,” Cassius pointed out as he slid off a barstool and met his wife for a kiss. “How did it go?”
“Well enough,” she said, looking back at me as she ended.
I stayed silent, not wanting to be the person to break the news. Her eyes narrowed, but her smile became more genuine.
Yeah, I’m not falling for that one. You did it, you tell him. I’m not going to be that type of snake.
“Love?” Cassius frowned at her, then at me. “Kaliya?”
“Paden wanted to bargain,” she explained, wrapping her arm in his.
“Oh, no,” Cassius groaned.
I smirked and looked for my stash of scotch. Raphael had it next to him, and I poured myself a glass as Sorcha continued. I felt the heat coming off him and stepped closer, hoping he wouldn’t notice. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed him until I was standing beside him.
“He reasonably understood this is a dangerous endeavor, with people willing to kill over it. We’re all tough people and experienced in the arts of war and subterfuge, but he’s just an information broker. A good one, but not a warrior,” she said, sitting down at the bar countertop across from me and Raphael. “He made the daring decision to try to bargain with me instead of Kaliya.”
“Sorcha…please don’t say you bargained away a weapon.” Cassius sat down beside her and lowered his forehead onto the countertop. I resisted the urge to laugh out of pity.
“He has Iron Moon,” she said softly. “And he owes me one favor for anything in his scope of work and ability. In return, he’ll be our eyes and ears on this, trying to find us more information about Mygi Pharmaceuticals and Raphael’s mysterious time with them.”
“At least it’s only Iron Moon,” Cassius muttered, shaking his head. “It was…your second creation, wasn’t it?”
“You remembered!”
I had never seen unadulterated joy from Sorcha before, but there it was. It was pure. She was genuinely surprised, astounded, and overjoyed by Cassius remembering such a small, innocuous detail about her work.
That’s what love looks like.
A strange melancholy hit me for a moment, and I wanted to walk out, but I kept my feet planted.
My parents had that.
“Well, so Paden has Iron Moon now, and Kaliya didn’t have to get herself into trouble to do it. It’s probably one of the better bargains I’ve ever made,” Sorcha continued. I knew I missed something in there, trying not to watch Cassius and Sorcha being cute, but it didn’t seem like I missed anything important. “Kaliya, how long do you think it could be until he finds anything?”
“Honestly?” I sipped the scotch and shrugged. “I’m not sure he will.”
“What?” Her face changed.
“I think him asking questions for us is more likely to piss someone off enough to come find me,” I clarified. “But it would be nice if he found something we could hunt instead of that alternative. Playing the odds, though, it’s definitely more likely someone comes after us for ramping up our nosiness.”
“Oh. Yes, that does make sense, doesn’t it?” She relaxed again. “But if he can find anything, how long do you think it could take him?”
“Normally, he pulls the plug on research after a week,” I explained. “He’ll keep looking into something in case there’s anything new, but he usually can find everything there is to be found in under a week.” I downed the rest of my scotch and poured another glass. “There’s the added benefit that someone will notice he’s looking, then the rumors will truly spread. It’s one thing to hear about me and Cassius running around in circles, we’ve done it before, but pulling in outside help will get attention.”
“It’s not something we usually do,” Cassius agreed.
I lifted my glass, prepared to take another drink.
“I wish I could keep up with any of this,” Raphael said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry I’m not much use.”
“Oh, you’re useful, we just don’t know how or when that usefulness will come in handy,” I said with my glass against my lips. I sipped it in the silence after my words, then continued, knowing they were waiting on me. “We never know when we need your particular abilities in a fight or if something triggers your memories, which could give us valuable insight. We can’t rely on regaining your memories, but we can hope they resurface, eventually.”
“We could try breaking into Mygi’s servers again,” Sorcha offered. “I know someone—”
“No,” Cassius said simply, reaching out to grab my bottle of scotch and drag it unceremoniously across the counter closer to him. I grabbed a glass from the closest cabinet and put it in front of him, watching him pour. “Paden is at least a…friend of Kaliya’s. No one you know would be interested in helping us unless they took something much bigger from you than Iron Moon. Or they would just try to kill you on sight.”
I kept my mouth shut, resisting that nagging urge to say ‘let’s go for it, anyway.’
“I could try to bust into their servers again, but I’m not the best hacker, and you all have seen every bit of public information I’ve gotten from them. I think we wait out Paden’s research. At the very least, someone will get tired of us and come to shut us up. If anything, our investigation is a PR problem for them.” I finished my second drink and put the glass in my sink. Without stopping, I grabbed the scotch and tucked it back where it belonged, then took Raphael’s empty glass from him. Cleaning was a better use of my time than getting drunk. “What did you two talk about while we were gone?”
“We just went over everything I remember from the lab,” Raphael answered quickly. Too quickly. I raised an eyebrow to Cassius at Raphael’s response, who groaned.
“Just make it more obvious that we talked about the women while they were gone, why don’t you?” Cassius finished his drink and put the glass where I could easily reach it.
“Yeah…” Raphael was regretting his every word when I looked at him. I could only imagine what they talked about and wanted to know every word. “But we did go over what I remembered from the lab.”
“We did,” Cassius agreed. “I wish there was more identifying information, but the spells they have on you are complex. Enough to remember the horror, but not enough to pin them with it.”
“How did you even know it was Mygi?” I asked, frowning.
“Um…” Raphael’s brows came together. “Now that I think about it… when I first got out, I only had the sensation to run for the hills and flashes of bad shit happening, playing over and over in my head. I couldn’t let anyone catch me…” He rubbed his temple, and I knew he was in real pain. Whatever train of thought he was on was running right up against those spells, and he was getting backlash—a common deterrent for those trying to recover their memories. “So, I ran. I figured out what year it was, and that I was on some road in the middle of the Rockies. I moved south since I know New Mexico and Arizona better. I thought I would go home, but…” His eyes went wide. “I got home, and there was a van with their logo on it. Someone was talking to my mother, and I remembered the logo, and it…reminded me why I was running.” He lifted his scarred arm, where someone had done a cruel experiment to test his healing factor. “I remembered the torture, but I had forgotten everything about the lab until that moment. It was a Mygi lab, and those people were my enemies. I kept running.”
“It’s easy to block out memories of certain places and t
hings, but it’s almost impossible to make someone forget trauma,” Cassius said softly.
“What do you think?” I asked, looking at him. “Monica figured it was a spell done directly on him.”
Cassius shook his head. “What if it was an area curse?” he asked, his eyes narrow. “Do you remember how you escaped?”
“No,” Raphael whispered.
“It doesn’t change the spell itself, but it could be a spell that hits people who leave the property. You left the property, and whatever spell they enclosed around it made you forget many of the details about your time there. It’s…”
“Not uncommon,” Sorcha pointed out. “Some supernatural construction companies use the trick, so they don’t have to alter every memory of a supernatural’s home individually. They’ll spell the entire property and give a few people the key to get in and out without the memory spell taking effect. It’s much harder magic, though, and requires a lot more power, whether it’s fae or witch. It doesn’t help us fix Raphael, but it’s an interesting idea.”
“It would bode more trouble for us, actually,” Cassius countered. “If we ever find this place, we need to figure out how to get in, then out without losing everything we learned.”
“A problem for another day,” I declared. “It’s been fun having you two, but it’s time for you to go. There’s nothing else we can do tonight except talk in circles.”
“Ah, of course.” Cassius stood and offered a hand to his wife.
It was unnecessary but sweet to watch her take it with an indulgent smile and let him assist her getting off the bar stool. Sorcha kissed my cheek, then Raphael’s. Cassius just waved. I followed them to the front door and locked it behind them, then sighed heavily as I looked at Raphael, watching me down the entryway hall.
“What did you and he talk about?” I asked softly, leaning against the locked door behind me.
