by Sarah Raz
Alice told Asher the events of that afternoon. She told him of the confrontation she had had with her sister and of how determined she was to continue on the course she had charted for herself. They sat down to eat their dinner, quietly, each contemplating the meaning of life, the meaning of good and of evil, of that which was allowed and that which was forbidden. Alice recalled a poem by Dr. Shaul Mizzen, who was considered by many the national poet of the Bulgarian diaspora:
What is a woman? A thing to be sold.
Her looks, her charms, she peddles.
Gold, silks, and lotions she covets.
And you, men? A lunatic mob.
Pretending to be wise.
How lucky was she that her chosen one had not been like all men. Even when suspicion had crept into his heart, he placed his trust in her, always supportive and trusting. A difficult day had been Alice’s lot, but also a very impactful one. She was not going to succumb to questionable morals whose time had come and gone. She will pursue her destiny and chart her own course even when it contradicted accepted norms. Hypocrisy had never been her way and once her mind had been made up, she could sleep in great peace.
Alice’s business was booming. She spared no effort and devoted herself fully to her work. At the same time, she had not failed to pay proper attention to her husband. They met every Friday afternoon at the park. Alice finished her work a bit early, picked Mati up at the kindergarten, and hurried to meet Asher. They enjoyed their afternoon promenades, an occasional stop at a sidewalk café, and from time to time pampered each other with little gifts. Alice had never once felt ashamed of her status as a working woman. She always had a good chuckle with herself whenever she saw ladies from the Sofia leisure class with their fancy hats. This had her thinking of making millinery again, but Asher made her swear to never repeat anything that would remind him of their bitter times in Marseille.
Around that time, Mrs. Fryer, the wife of Dr. Fryer, who was then the Chief Rabbi of Sofia organized a fundraiser for the resettlement of Jewish children from Germany in the Land of Israel. These children, whose parents were physically and psychologically harmed or even killed in the early stages of the Nazi persecutions against German Jewry, were being sent from Germany to join the Jewish community in mandatorial Palestine. Bulgarian newspapers that were known to express the official government policy, “Mir” and “Slovo” published op-eds with the opinion that it was not up to little Bulgaria to meddle in how the much larger Germany had been treating its Jewish population. After all, Bulgaria had long enjoyed close relations with Germany as a junior partner in trade and in international affairs. Alice joined the effort and had some success in collecting donations from Jewish merchants. In total, six hundred and fifty thousand lev were collected, a formidable amount no matter how one looked at it.
Menachem had yet to lay eyes on his granddaughter Mati. Alice had kept in touch with him via letters and Jacques would stop by once in a while when his business had taken him to the capital. Alice’s connections with her ancestral home in Plovdiv were thus stable if somewhat irregular.
As Alice was closing her front door on her way to work, she saw a messenger boy who had just come from Asher’s office. Asher was in the hospital. Alice hurried to his bedside and found him in considerable pain. With him was a coworker who told her that Asher was up on a ladder retrieving files from a high-up shelf when he suddenly felt faint, lost his grip and fell to the ground. The doctors found that his leg had been badly broken and required an operation to reset it. The operation had been a success and Asher was discharged from the hospital that same day with a cast on his leg that extended all the way from hip to toe.
Alice, who had always been resourceful and could meet any situation head on, found herself in a state of confusion. She found it difficult to manage on her own without her husband by her side. The managing director of Asher’s company promised to help her make ends meet for a period of three months, after which Asher should be able to stand on his own two feet again, but for now she had to serve on him hand and foot, as he was completely bedridden. She bathed him, gave him physical and emotional support, and generally tried to keep his spirits up as much as possible.
After one month, when the cast was taken off, it had become apparent that the operation had not been a success after all; one of Asher’s legs would now always be shorter than the other. Even worse, Asher could put no weight at all on the injured leg. The doctors explained that he needed another operation followed by a series of complex and expensive post-operative procedures. Once again, Asher was hospitalized and once again he underwent a major operation. This time his hospitalization had been quite an extended one and the hospital bills kept coming. Alice spent their entire savings and even the three month advance she had received from Asher’s workplace, but neither were sufficient to pay the hospital bills. Asher returned home and embarked on a series of treatments, none of which did anything to alleviate his pain. Desperate, he contacted his eldest sister, the one who had raised him after his mother’s death and the only one in his extended family who had paid him any mind at all. His sister did not disappoint; she volunteered to come and take care of him, making it possible for Alice to return to her business.
Asher had found himself in the throes of a serious depression. This was not how he had pictured his life and it was not the life he had envisioned giving to his wife. He resolved to never be a burden on Alice. He wrote, once again, to Jacques, Alice’s eldest brother, begging him to allow Alice to stay with him for a few months until he could regain his mobility. One day, Jacques appeared on their doorstep and declared himself ready. “What are you ready for?” Alice asked, serving him something to drink. “To take you and Mati back to Plovdiv, of course,” was the reply. Alice could hardly believe her ears. “What could have possibly given you the idea that I would abandon my husband in his hour of need and in this condition?” she demanded. Patiently, Jacques explained to her that he had been invited by Asher to take her back home and recommended that she seriously consider this course of action. Men can be right sometimes, he said. Asher chimed in, asking her to acquiesce to the proposal and assuring her that his recovery would be more swift and assured if he could be sure that she and Mati were well taken care of. His concern for the both of them was eating at him and his mind could not possibly be at ease as long as she remained in Sofia. He begged her to move back to Plovdiv, for a short while, until he himself was well enough to come and fetch her. Asher promised that he would write to her all the time and the money that they could save by having her and Mati live with her brother could be spent on more frequent treatments and speed up his full recovery. It all made perfect sense. Alice had grown weary from arguing and from the enormous burden that Asher’s accident had placed on her shoulders and she decided to accept his wishes. She packed a few items of clothing for Mati and for herself, offered some advice to her sister in law as to how to best take care of her husband, and accompanied Jacques on his return trip to Plovdiv.
Plovdiv
Alice never stopped crying the entire way back to her ancestral home and the sky itself seemed to have been crying with her. It turned out to have been a grey and rainy day, something which helped little to elevate her spirits. The windows on the train were fogged in, making it nearly impossible to see outside. Mati, now nearly three years old, a happy and rambunctious toddler, drew the attention of the other passengers in the railcar. Alice missed seeing the gorgeous views that she recalled seeing on her outbound journey from Plovdiv to Sofia all these years ago. She caught herself with a tentative smile on her face and through her tears she could see the two flaming redheads in her family: her daughter Mati and her brother Jacques. Both were eager to find reasons to be happy, to laugh and to smile, while she, seated opposite them, had been so glum and so serious. Alice made an effort to remember all the good things that happened to her since she had left home, to relive the times when she had been determined to conquer the whole w
orld with the power of her love. Life’s fickle fortunes had not been particularly kind to her; those happier days flashed in front of her eyes and disappeared, leaving her with a new burst of bitter tears. Little Mati climbed on her mother’s lap, caressed her face, gave her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek, and in her little girl’s voice pleaded with her not to cry. “Don’t cry mommy,” she said, “daddy said that we would all be taking a train ride to a beautiful new place, so please don’t cry!”
Alice made an effort to stop crying, but her sobs would not be easily controlled. How was it, she thought, that her brother Jacques had always been there for her when she was desperate for someone to help her. He must really feel sorry for me, she thought. The sister who always needs rescuing. This was hardly the triumphant return to her hometown that she had so often played out in her imagination. She had never expected to return home broken from worry and laden down with daily struggles. She had no choice in the matter; this time things were decided for her. How could matters have come to this, to her leaving her husband behind? Hadn’t they sworn to never leave each other’s side? How could she have agreed to leave her beloved behind in his darkest hour? How could she abandon her husband when he needed her the most? Was money the answer to everything? Jacques was a pleasant enough interlocutor, but he could not understand a woman’s heart, her feelings, her emotional needs. He had always been coldly analytical and curt in his judgments. Alice was eternally grateful for his willingness to always come to her aid, but at the same time she was deeply embarrassed that she couldn’t make it on her own. Now she would surely become easy prey to Rebecca, her sister in law. After all, she had already had a falling out with her sister Corinne, who, true to her word, did not waste much time in informing the rest of the family of Alice’s “shameful” behavior. They would just have to live with the fact that she will always be independent in her actions.
As if reading Alice’s mind, Jacques turned his attention to her. “Alice, now that you are going to stay with us for quite a while, I am asking that you respect my family and behave yourself. Please, no more embarrassments. I promise to meet your every need, yours and your daughter’s, but I ask that you forget about going out to work or conduct business dealings and that you make do with the little that we can offer. You know how jealously my wife guards the family image and how important it is for her to maintain appearances. And you know that I am the chairman of the Jewish school board and that I provide legal counsel to the Jewish community at large. Everyone knows the Levi family, so please Alice, no drama and no confrontations. Find yourself occupations that are appropriate for a woman in your position. Take care of our father, who could certainly use some extra attention. You know how Rebecca is not very good with that sort of thing. Plus, she is very busy with her volunteering chores. Perhaps you can join her after a while. Then there are your two aunts who are feeling well and so far are managing to navigate these difficult times. They have no close family of their own and I know they would very much appreciate your company and your support. And finally, I want you to rest a bit. You have had many years of countless adventures, so take a little time for yourself. Relax. I promise to always be by your side if you behave yourself.”
Jacques contemplated the still very beautiful Alice and wondered if she would be interested in separating from her husband and searching for a new beginning. He was all but convinced that she would be better off divorcing Asher and starting a new life with a new family. Wouldn’t it be better to start looking for a new partner, one who would be better able to support her and Mati? Jacques had the acquaintance, through his many roles in the Jewish community in Plovdiv, of several eligible bachelors including a particularly good match, a young widower who had been left alone to raise a small boy. He was only trying to be reasonable after all. Asher’s recovery prospects did not appear to have been entirely promising. The doctor with whom he had spoken, quietly, alone, prognosticated that it would be at least two years before Asher could regain anything approaching full mobility. The failure of the first operation could never really be reversed and at best Asher would be left a cripple, walking with a heavy limp for the rest of his life, if he could even walk at all. None of this had been unknown to Asher and in fact he had told Jacques the bad news himself after making him swear that he would never reveal it to Alice, at least not until she had safely reached Plovdiv. It was Alice who had been left in the dark. She was certain that she would find herself back at her husband’s side in Sofia after only a short time. Jacques had never even told the bad news to his wife Rebecca; had she known the truth about just how long Alice would be staying with them, she would never have agreed to host her and her niece. Jacques knew that his wife had been far from happy with the arrangement that had been thrust upon her, but his commitment to his own sister had been such that he chose to take the risk.
Finally, Alice arrived at her brother’s house. A familiar place, but not necessarily an inviting one. Rebecca, stretching to her full formidable height, received her with open arms. Alice climbed the stairs to meet her, not believing her own eyes: her sister in law, smiling, her eyes filled with worry and compassion. Something must have happened to her, Alice thought. Either she had received precise instructions from Jacques how to greet me, or she has real feelings for me. Could it be that she had softened with the years?
Linka, Rebecca’s only child, a well-groomed baby girl all dressed in white lace, was lying down in her crib, which had been set in the middle of the living room. Alice had immediately recognized the style of the lace-maker and she knew at once whose handiwork the baby’s clothes were. “Welcome, welcome, come in both of you, we are so glad to see you here!” Had she heard well? Was it really Rivka’s voice that was carrying the warm greeting? In any case, Alice had no choice; she had been bound by her supplicant position to thank her hosts as profusely as possible. She resolved to herself to maximize her thanksgiving, so that she could retain her hostess’ graces for as long as possible. “Rebecca, I shall never forget this moment and your kindness for as long as I live! It is so nice of you to receive my daughter and me in your home. I promise to help you as much as I possibly can. I will watch the girls so you can be free to go about your business. I release you from any kitchen duties and I will personally cook everyone delicious meals.” Alice felt that her groveling was, perhaps, becoming a tad excessive, but insofar as she had known Rebecca, she thought that this approach would carry favor with her. After all, hadn’t her entire life been based on feeling superior to others? She had always been aloof and it behooved Alice to reinforce that feeling. She knew full-well the deal that she had struck; she would have to serve the masters of the house in exchange for the food she and her daughter would eat and the roof that her brother had put over their heads. Alice stopped at nothing to let everyone know that she had resolved to live up to their expectations of her and it seemed to her that her words and her demeanor had been well received by Rebecca. Alice was led, as could be expected, to the back of the house, where a small, but tidy room had been prepared for them just behind the kitchen. The room sported one large bed, a bed which she and her daughter would sleep in from now on.
Alice had been pleasantly surprised to find in the room a tap with running water and a small wardrobe in which she could put her and Mati’s clothes. “How is father doing? Can I sleep at his house?” Alice inquired of Jacques when he had brought in her suitcase. Jacques cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. “Father has a woman living with him now, so you may find it a bit awkward to stay there with the two of them. I am sure she would be glad to invite you over, but I do not believe that she would agree to have you stay there with her. She is a kind woman who serves father hand and foot and thus frees me up from having to deal with his needs on a daily basis. Once in a while, we invite him over to our place for the Sabbath. Now that you are here, we shall do so more often. You know how Rebecca dislikes kitchen chores, so she prefers to only have guests for the High Holidays.” Alice felt sympathy fo
r her brother. He had always done things not only from the deepest sense of loyalty to the family, but also with a keen eye on what “people” would say about this loyalty. If it weren’t for him, who knows where she would have ended up. She promised herself to limit her stay with Jacques to as short a time as possible. That same night, tired as she had felt, she sat down to write to her husband.
Alice could not fall asleep that night. Mati turned and tossed at her side and twice nearly fell off the bed. It was an uncomfortable arrangement for both of them. Alice made a mental note to herself to petition Jacques for another bed to be placed in her room, since neither she nor Mati could live like that for three months.
That morning, Alice arose early and immediately made her way to the kitchen where she proceeded to make breakfast for everyone. She sliced up some bread and dipped it in a mixture of eggs, milk, and cinnamon. After the bread slices had enjoyed a brief bath, she fried them in oil until deep golden brown and liberally sprinkled them with confectioner’s sugar until they were white as snow. She then made her signature sweet milky coffee. Sweetness was her great passion in cooking. For the two toddlers, she made bowls of cream of wheat. All the while, her mind was with Asher, her husband, who was all alone in Sofia. She tried to let her chores occupy her mind, but without success. The thought of what she could do to provide for herself and be independent of others would not let go of her. Asher had been right; he could not at the same time focus on his own recovery and on their wellbeing. She had been right to relieve him from his duties to her and their daughter. Alice tried to convince herself that her time in Plovdiv would pass quickly and she would soon be reunited with her true love. She woke Mati up, washed and dressed her, and then both of them sat down to wait for the masters of the house.
