by Sarah Raz
Why had he bothered to waylay her and give her this account of his doings, Alice wondered. He had never apologized for abandoning her and ignoring her after years of close friendship. Why did he wish to hurt her again? “Alice, I have no idea what is going on with you since you are not telling me anything, but seeing you here in Plovdiv alone and without a spouse, I can only surmise that all is not well. One word and I will let everything go, I will leave everything. The trip to Israel, my wife, I will let it all go. We have no children; Lisa has difficulties conceiving. I am certain now that I have acted foolishly when I gave in to my parents’ wishes. If you only say the word, I will make sure that you will have every reason to forgive me. We will be so happy together. We can stay in Plovdiv, if you like, or we can leave for Israel or for anywhere you wish. Everywhere we go I shall be able to provide for you and look after you. Alice, there had not been a single day that I had not recalled your blue eyes, those eyes that had been mine for so long. There had not been a week in my married life that I had not thought of the true friendship we had enjoyed all these years. Alice, if you just say yes, I shall be yours. It could not have been an accident, us meeting like this, on the street, only two days before my voyage. It had been fate that pulled us apart and now it has brought us together again.”
Alice, who up until then said not a word, could not believe her ears. She poured herself a little cherry juice from the large dewy carafe and wiped off some of the droplets. A handsome woman stared at her from her reflection on the curved glass surface framed by the blood-red liquid inside. The reflection shimmered as if trying to tell her something and then, all at once, Alice had regained her senses. It must have been her, this beautiful, confident woman. How alike she had become to Luna, her mother! Alice failed to notice how similar she had become in appearance to her mother as she matured. It was so long that she had been yearning to hear from her mother, to receive her guidance and hear her wisdom. She had tried dreaming about her, but with no success. For hours she sat staring at the moon, receiving to answer.
“This is no fate that is making all of this happen, Marco. This is a vision that is telling me to not give up on what I already have. Life places in our paths innumerable challenges. What I have experienced in the last five years, some do not experience in entire lifetimes. I have a husband who is lying in bed writhing in pain after a horrible accident. A husband whom I have abandoned. I needed to have met you in order to remember how much I loved him. I am so grateful to have met you, have you bring me back to reality, and have you present me with this choice. Marco, someone had sent you from heaven to open my eyes and make me see. Go to Israel with Lisa and build your life there and I shall go and come, finally, to my husband’s rescue. We may yet meet in Israel. You remember how in our Jewish school they kept telling us about the Gathering of the Exiles and the rebuilding of our homeland? Your brother David and my brother Yitzhak had gone to make this dream come true. We shall follow in their footsteps and try to do so ourselves.”
Alice felt a new spirit in her, a spirit of renewed confidence in herself. She arose from her seat and came over to Marco, who had been rather stunned by her tirade. She gave him a ringing kiss on his cheek, slapped him rather hard on his shoulder and said, “I shall never forgive you for what you have done and the hard times I had to endure because of you, but I wish you and Lisa success. I hope you build a new home in Israel. In the end, all of us Jews will gather there.”
Alice ran to her aunt’s house to get Mati. As she was running, her hair had slipped its moorings and was now blowing in the wind. Her eyes were red with tears and running had made her breathing rather labored, her breath whistling as it escaped her lips. Alice burst into the house, never bothering to shut the door behind her. Sarah had become quite startled when she saw the state Alice was in; disheveled, wild-eyed, barely able to catch her breath. “Alice, what is going on? Had someone attacked you on the street?” Alice caught a glimpse of Mati sitting on the carpet and gathered her in her arms. “We are leaving. We are going back to daddy. We can stay here no longer. There is only one place for us now, at your father’s side. Come, Mati, let us say our goodbyes and thank Aunt Sarah and Aunt Suzanne. Then we pack and run to catch the train.”
The aunts tried their best to get Alice to calm down and carefully consider the implications of her actions. They tried to appeal to her reason and explain to her that it would be far from easy to manage alone in Sofia, with a crippled husband, no shelter, and no income. But Alice’s mind had been made up.
Sofia
This was no walk in the park, no new adventure. Alice knew that she had to prepare for the worse. She had been willing to give her all as long as she could be at her husband’s side. All her life she had known that she alone was responsible for her actions and her fate and she had gone to considerable lengths to ensure her independence. She could not fathom why this time she had found herself unable to stand up to her family’s wishes. Jacques knew her well enough to see that there was nothing he could do to change her mind, though he still maintained that her place had been in Plovdiv, under his protection. He spent little effort trying to dissuade her from her chosen course of action. Alice started planning her next moves while on the train. Mati was babbling, telling her dolly all about her father, of whom she had heard many stories of late, but whom she could hardly remember. In her imagination, she pictured him as he looked in the photographs her mother had shown her.
Alice had put every effort into her appearance. After an absence of nearly two years, she had been anxious of the reunion with her husband. Asher knew nothing of her return, as she had given him no warning and no opportunity to object. She knew that he would not love the surprise. All she had taken with her were a few items of clothing for her daughter and her and of course her jewelry box, her secret treasure. She was in no shape to carry heavy suitcases. Asher’s sister lived in a poor suburb of Sofia and it took Alice quite a while to find the address after she and Mati stepped off the tram. Alice had never before visited this part of the capital city. She arrived at an apartment building which had no concierge and whose appearance made it abundantly clear that its residents could spare nothing for its maintenance. The building was old, the staircase dark and grungy with many steps missing. Alice thought that Asher had moved in with his sister because her apartment had been on the ground floor; clearly, there was no way he could navigate this broken staircase. She gathered Mati in her arms to stop her from falling and knocked on the door. As there was no answer, she knocked harder and called out Asher’s name. Inside, she heard some movement and a muffled sigh. Alice leaned on the door handle, which gave way, and opened the door. A heavy stench filled her nostrils. The blinds had been shut. Mati was afraid to come in any further and tugged at Alice’s hand. Her hairs stood on end as she made her way into the room.
Asher lay on the bed, emaciated, a heavy beard covering his face, wearing nothing but an undershirt. Next to him, there was an uneaten meal and a full glass. The apartment was clean and tidy, but it bore the unmistakable imprint of a heavy, perhaps terminal illness, of lifelessness, and of despair. Alice could not believe her eyes. Her Asher, a handsome and confident man who filled all around him with good cheer was now lying on his bed broken and utterly spiritless. “Alice,” he called out weakly while making a futile attempt at raising himself. “My Alice, how is it that you are here and you have never let me know that you were coming? I would have prepared myself so you didn’t have to witness how pitiful my situation had become.” Alice hurried to his side to prop him up, hugged him, and begged him to refrain from trying to get out of bed. She fixed his pillows and made her way to open the window. With the rays of sunlight streaming through the newly opened blinds, she could see that Asher’s condition was worse than she had imagined it to be in the dark. She foolishly believed his last letters in which he had assured her that his condition had been slowly improving and she was stunned to what degree they had strayed from the truth. Alice was fi
lled with feelings of anger mixed with compassion. Her words failed her. Little Mati appeared in the doorway. Her confidence had grown now that the room was better lit. Asher was overcome with emotion seeing his daughter and opened his arms to greet her. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Mati approached him rather cautiously and lightly touched his hand. “Daddy?...”
Alice moved through the room, thoroughly examining every nook and cranny. She browsed through the drawers of an old armoire and found the wooden shaving box she had given Asher so long ago on the eve of their wedding. She took a piece of candy from her purse, gave it to Mati, and asked her to play with her dolly while she took care of some things. From the kitchen, she fetched a bowl filled with hot water and some face cloths and from her own satchel she took out a piece of scented soap and proceeded to wash Asher’s tortured body from head to toe. As she was passing the wet cloth over his skin, she tried to pass with it all the positive energies that she could muster. Every caress made her soften, helped her let go of her anger. Asher had given himself over to her completely. Offering no resistance, he let out soft sighs with each touch of her hand. Alice shaved off his beard and with it several years had departed from Asher’s countenance. She felt like she was bringing back his spirit. In the closet, she had found a few items of clothing that no longer fit, since Asher had lost so much weight.
“How I longed for this moment,” Asher said as she propped him up in an armchair. “I have no idea why I had been so determined to spare you and not bother you with my condition. Why I could not see that the sooner I grew stronger, the sooner I would be able to bring you back to me. I only wanted what was best for you, but I was deluded. I have read every one of your letters begging me to allow you to be by my side during this difficult time, but I forbade you to come only because I had been worried about you and your wellbeing. Forgive me, Alice, forgive me for stopping you from coming earlier. I believed that the passing of time would do me good, but days became months and months became years with no improvement. Like a gambling addict who is certain that his next hand will be the winning one, I thought that each new day would be the day when I would finally feel better, would be able to get up and take care of myself. My sister had done all she could to help me until she could do no more. Once I found a letter that she had been meaning to mail to you, a letter in which she had described things how they really were so that you would know how much I needed you, and I stopped her from mailing it. All my strength had been lost since you left. I put up a fight at first, but after some time I had given up, I became discouraged, apathetic, and yet I could not look at myself in the mirror and admit to myself that I needed you desperately, that my life depended on you. That without you, my life, such as it was, had not been worth living anyway. That it was high time for me to swallow my pride and cry out to you for help. But I was ashamed. I could never have believed that I would disappoint you so. This is why I kept the truth from you.”
Alice could not stop her tears. She was ecstatic that she could so quickly come to the decision to come to Asher’s aid and execute that decision with no delay. She sat next to him, took his hand, and intertwined her fingers with his. “Asher, our strength is in our unity. Have we not promised to support each other no matter what? Have we not vowed that our relationship would be based on telling the truth to each other? I am so pleased that I have returned so that I could save our marriage. We owe it to Mati to have a father in her life like every girl should have and to ourselves too; we, whose love has survived so many challenges. Asher, we have the strength within us to go forward and succeed together. Help me and we shall do this as one.” Asher nodded his agreement and tightened his grip on her hand. With all the difficulty, it had appeared that they were happy to be together again at last. Alice was just about to fix something for him to eat, when the front door opened to admit Asher’s sister. She was glad to see Alice and plied her with lengthy blessings and expressions of welcome. Alice said what had to be said. “I appreciate everything you had done for Asher. I am sure you gave it your all trying to rehabilitate him. I am grateful, but from now on I will be taking care of him. It had taken me too long to come to this realization, but now it is clear to me that it is I who should be the safe harbor in Asher’s life. Thank you again, sister in law, for your efforts, which I hope to repay one day.” Alice knew that money alone could have made this repayment possible at that time, but money was precisely what she so sorely lacked.
That same day, Alice found a furnished apartment for rent close to town center; not a heavily Jewish neighborhood, but one that was more upscale. She could look into the future and see that nothing could stop her from bringing back the life that they had wanted. Mati was placed in a kindergarten so that Alice could find work. She had renewed her contacts with the shirt manufacturer, who was pleased to let her market his wares yet again. Asher, as it turned out, was not severely handicapped after all. He could walk, albeit with a slight limp. He desperately needed Alice because with her at his side he forgot about his disability and did not feel crippled. Alice imbued him with a new spirit, a new lease on life. She constantly encouraged him to get up and get back to his old self. Her bottomless vitality gave incredible authenticity to Alice’s actions. As a newly mature woman, one who had been popular and easygoing with people, she began searching for a place of employment for Asher. It was not an easy task.
In May of the year 1934, the government in Bulgaria was taken over by a fascist party with an anti-Semitic agenda. Civil unrest was brought about by economic depression, which many had believed was the outcome of Bolshevik policies, policies that had been supported and in some cases led by prominent Bulgarian Jews. The previous government had been ineffective in its efforts to curb anti-Jewish activities and propaganda, specifically the many blood libels that were circulating among the general population. Bulgarian churches tried to counter ant-Jewish sentiments, calling Jews “brothers to the Bulgarian nation for the last four hundred years”.
Most anti-Semitic actions took place in the provinces, but even Sofia the capital saw the introduction of a numerus clausus, a “closed number”, a quota of Jews being admitted to universities. Those who were admitted, were required to pay a much higher tuition than their Gentile counterparts, a move that foreclosed the path to higher education for many Jewish families.
Through a lawyer who had been an acquaintance of her brother Jacques, Alice obtained the contact information of a small factory, a family business that manufactured sewing thread, called “Bulgaria”. The owner of the business agreed to hire Asher as a bookkeeper. Alice had arranged the introductory meeting at the lawyer’s office, where Asher had been warmly recommended and where the necessary assurances were made that he would excel at his new position. Asher’s salary had not been high, but it was sufficient to make him feel that he was honorably and profitably employed again. Asher’s erstwhile self-confidence had returned. He did well at his job and was greatly appreciated. Not much time had passed before was promoted to the head of the accounting department.
Alice had become a whirlwind in the world of sales and marketing, an area of business that she had always loved and in which she had found considerable success. She worked on commission and in addition to the shirts and blouses business she began marketing various accessories for women. She had considered making hats again, but Asher made her swear not to do that. “You should never return to something which had not brought you any luck,” he said. “The memories alone will make you fail.”
It was evident that both Asher and Alice had regained their happiness. During the days they had both been busy, but the nights belonged to them. Their apartment was clean and tidy, arranged in Alice’s usual good taste. Every so often, Alice would purchase another household item, a painting, a knickknack. The apartment had not been luxurious, but it had the charm and the warmth of a family nest, of a pleasant abode.
Alice finished her workdays before Asher, so she would pick Mati up from kindergarten and h
urry home to cook him his favorite meals. Asher never forgot to make sure that their house had plenty of fresh flowers. They had not failed to invest time in each other and in their life as a couple. Once in a while they bought each other small gifts, always by way of a surprise. He bought her a hairpin with semiprecious stones and she bought him a necktie. He spoiled her with sweets and she bought him a leather briefcase for work. Asher was in charge of shopping for the home. Alice would give him lists of things to buy, but he would roam the markets and buy whatever he fancied. “Asher, how come you bought leeks? It’s not every day that I can make you leek patties since they are very time consuming to prepare. Peeling, washing out all the sand, boiling, mixing, frying. Why don’t you just buy what’s on the list? Leek patties are for special occasions.” Asher would smile and retort, “But every day with you is a special occasion and when my heart is full, it’s the perfect time for leek patties.”
