“Where are you going with this, Hank?”
“Bear with me. I’m getting there.” He plucked a blade of grass and stuck it between his teeth. “When we started making really good money, things changed for me. For the first time in my memory, I had time to play—and I had money to buy myself a few toys, a fancy truck, a hand-tooled saddle, and other things I’d never been able to afford. I could also kick up my heels when the mood struck, and I went a little crazy for a while.”
He forced himself to look at her.
“I was raised with a sterling set of values, but for a while there, I forgot everything my parents ever taught me.” He tossed the grass away. “Instead of toeing the mark and walking the straight and narrow, I chose to break all the rules. I told myself I wasn’t hurting anyone, certainly not myself. I honestly believed I was the same old Hank, that I was only having a little fun for a change. Where was the harm in that?
“Only I wasn’t the same old Hank. Slowly, insidiously, the lifestyle and the people I called friends began to change me.” A tight feeling moved into Hank’s chest. “I just didn’t realize how much I’d changed until I woke up in my truck one morning outside Chaps with a monster headache and dim recollections of a hot little blonde I’d met in the bar the night before.”
He interlaced his fingers and popped his knuckles.
“When I first came around, I could barely remember her face. But as my brain started to track again, I remembered more and more in bits and snatches—how I’d spotted her and moved in for the kill, never once wondering or even caring about her feelings. She’d been something I wanted, plain and simple, and I was hell bent to have every damned thing I wanted. In my mind, she wasn’t a person, just a body. And I set out to have her, feeding her all the standard lines, buying her a stiff drink to relax her and dull her inhibitions.”
Hank stopped and grabbed for breath, finding it difficult to go on. But he forced out the words, telling Carly how sick he’d felt when he saw the blood on the seat of his truck. “It drove home to me, like a light exploding in my brain, that I’d changed more than I could begin to comprehend, and that I didn’t like or respect the man I had become. I didn’t even bother to get your last name. It wasn’t important to me. Come morning, I never meant to see you again.”
She glanced quickly away. “I already know it meant nothing to you.”
“You’re wrong, Carly. The next morning, it meant more to me than I can tell you. When had I stepped over that line, becoming a man who no longer respected the feelings of others? At what point did I stop caring if I knew anything at all about the women I had sex with? All I cared about was making sure it was safe sex, and with you, I didn’t even bother with that.”
She rested her chin on her upraised knees. “It no longer matters. You’ve apologized. I’ve apologized. We can’t go back and change what happened. We can only go forward from here.”
He shook his head. “If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we don’t grow. What I did that night was a harsh wake-up call. I was desperate to find you and couldn’t. I had nightmares and woke up in a sweat, wondering if you were all right, if you were pregnant. I kept remembering your sweet face and big blue eyes. I’ve never felt so ashamed in my life. You may believe you did nothing to let me know that the bar scene and everything else was new to you, but the truth is, you gave me plenty of signals. I was just too drunk to pick up on them.
“My choice. People can blame their behavior on the alcohol, but the bottom line is, I was in full possession of my faculties when I took the first drink, I knew exactly how I wanted the evening to end, and what happened later was my fault, not yours. You say you waded in over your head? In my opinion, a lady, sexually experienced or otherwise, shouldn’t have to worry about how deep the water is, not if she’s with a man worth his salt.”
His voice shook with the intensity of his emotions, and his eyes pleaded with her for understanding. Carly couldn’t think what to say, so she settled for touching his hand.
Smiling sadly, he studied her face. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll never play by those rules again, telling a woman anything she wants to hear just to seduce her. That said, I’d like to set the record straight on a couple of things.”
“What’s that?” she asked in a choked voice.
“You really were the most beautiful woman in the bar that night. Drunk or sober, I know beautiful when I see it. And when I saw you, I honestly did wonder where you’d been hiding all my life. Not everything I said that night was a line.”
Heat pooled in Carly’s cheeks. The emotions she read in Hank’s eyes alarmed her, making her yearn for things that could never be. Her turn. She knew Hank was thinking they might start over fresh, getting it right this time. But she was a long-term lady, wrapped up in a short-term package. If she allowed herself to believe what she saw in his eyes, it could only end in heartbreak for both of them. This ranch was no place for a blind woman, and eventually she would be exactly that, a blind woman with no hope of ever seeing again.
In the city, blindness was easier to deal with. There were sidewalks and crosswalk lights and public transportation. She could have the house organized by professionals so she could easily find everything she needed. More important, she could come and go freely without help, holding down a job and taking care of the everyday things, like shopping and doctor appointments.
Hank lived on a huge ranch, miles from town, which would be rife with dangers for a blind woman. She’d be totally dependent on him every time she ventured from the house, and he had no inkling of how difficult it would be for him to keep the inside of that house organized just for her.
Carly was also very much afraid that his fledgling feelings for her stemmed from emotions other than love. She was pregnant with his baby, and, being an honorable man, he felt a strong sense of obligation. She also feared that he might pity her. She wanted no part of anyone’s pity, least of all his. When and if she allowed herself to love a man, it would be for all the right reasons, not the wrong ones.
“Thank you, Hank,” she finally replied. “It helps to know it wasn’t all just a meaningless game.”
He reached to push her hair from her eyes, his smile so tender that her heart caught. “Is there a possibility—even a remote one—that you’ll give me another chance? You won’t regret it, I swear. I don’t make the same mistakes twice. Next time, I promise you, Carly, it’ll be as perfect as I can make it.”
Oh, how she wished she might say yes. “I think it would be better if we just work at becoming friends,” she forced herself to say. Gesturing at their surroundings, she said, “I’m not cut out for ranch life. If we forge emotional ties, it’ll only make it that much harder when it’s time for me to go.”
He fell quiet for a long while. Then he nodded. “All right. Friends, it’ll be. Just know that the offer is always open if you should change your mind.”
The way Carly saw it, she had no options. She pushed hurriedly to her feet. Brushing at the back of her jeans, she flashed what she hoped was a carefree smile. “Back to the salt mines. I need to study, and you’ve got work that needs doing.”
Chapter Seventeen
As recently as a month ago, Hank would have laughed his ass off if anyone had told him he’d soon be married and glad of it. But every time he looked at Carly, that was how he felt. Perfect for him. The thought went through his mind, again and again.
On the Fourth, the entire Coulter clan and all those connected to the family, by marriage or by employment, gathered in the backyard of the main ranch house of the Lazy J for a picnic. Hank was provided with an opportunity to see his wife interact with members of his family, several friends, and all the ranch hands. All his brothers loved her, and she got along well with everyone else, even Shorty’s cantankerous dog, Bart.
Running thirty minutes late, Hank’s mother arrived bearing gifts for the baby—a sweater set, crocheted in variegated yellow, blue, and pink, and a pair of baby rattles, festively beribboned with pink and
blue at the handles. When Carly saw the presents, her face flushed an alarming shade of scarlet.
Hank didn’t blame her a bit for being embarrassed. They’d been married for exactly one week, she had no idea anyone knew about the baby yet, and the yard was teeming with people she barely knew. He stalked across the lawn, furious with his mother for being so insensitive. Fortunately, Carly recovered her composure by the time Hank reached her, and she defused both the situation and him by hugging Mary and thanking her.
“My mother crocheted,” she said. “I felt so sad when I learned about the baby because I knew there’d be no pretty little sweaters and booties from Grandma. Now just look! Grandma is making things for my baby, after all.”
Given the fact that Carly had probably never seen a baby sweater, Hank seriously doubted that she’d been wishing for one. But, true or not, the response was exactly what his mother needed to hear. Mary’s eyes filled with tears, she beamed a huge smile, and promptly tugged a half-finished afghan from her bag.
“I’ll have this finished soon to complete the ensemble.”
Again, Carly made all the right noises, somehow managing to look pleased as punch.
A few minutes later, Hank drew her aside. “I’m sorry my mother did that. She just doesn’t think sometimes.”
“I was embarrassed at first, but then I decided it was silly. Things like this happen, and everyone would have found out soon, anyway. This way, we got it over with fast.”
“I could wring Mom’s neck.” Hank looked out over the yard. In addition to his family, all the Kendrick clan had come, along with their Rocking K ranch foreman Sly Glass, who was married to Helen, Rafe Kendrick’s mother-in-law. “She didn’t mean to embarrass you. She’s just happy about the baby and didn’t stop to think.”
“She’s wonderful. And it’s nice that she’s so happy about the baby. Ever since I found out, I’ve been missing my mom so much. She was the first person I wanted to call when I tested positive. Now I’ve got your mom. She’s a lovely substitute.”
Hank was relieved to know she felt that way.
A few minutes later, his father drew him away from the gathering on the pretext that he wanted to see this year’s crop of foals. En route to the pastures, Harv clamped a hand over Hank’s shoulder and said, “Talk about the luck of the Irish. That girl’s pretty as a picture and sweet to boot.”
Hank nodded.
“You’re coming to care for her, aren’t you?”
“I’m in love with her, Dad.” Hank reached the fence. After hooking a boot heel over the bottom rung and resting his arms on the top rail, he stared off at nothing. “I know it happened fast. I’m in so deep it scares the hell out of me.”
“Do I take that to mean she doesn’t return your feelings?”
Hank shook his head. “Just wants to be friends. That’s a step forward, but it’s nowhere close to where I want us to be.”
Harv settled in beside him. “Friendship works. You’ll get her there.”
Hank wasn’t so sure. “We had a long talk yesterday, and she’s more relaxed with me now. But that’s the only encouraging sign.”
“Time’s on your side.”
“That’s true. She’s still bent on eventually dissolving the marriage, though. Says she isn’t cut out for ranch life.”
“Not everyone is,” Harv conceded. “But there’s nothin’ that says she has to be. Take Molly, for instance. She’s a finance wizard. On the surface, her and Jake don’t seem to have much in common. Couldn’t be more different if they tried, in fact. But I can’t recollect ever seeing a happier couple.”
“Carly’s a teacher. She wants to work with blind kids.”
“She works with kids, you work with horses. You’ve got common ground.”
“I never realized what an optimist you are. She’s big city, I’m a country boy. She never even saw a horse ’til a week ago.”
Harv mulled that over. “When it comes to love, I reckon I am an optimist. Look at your mama. Fell in love with her the minute I first clapped eyes on her. Couldn’t have found a woman more different from me.”
“You seem perfect for each other to me.”
“We were like night and day at the beginning. I was a drinker and partier. She went to church three times a week, read her Bible atwixt and between, and swore lips that touched liquor would never touch hers. I think the girl starched her drawers.”
Hank chuckled.
“I cussed like a sailor,” Harv went on. “She wouldn’t say ‘shit’ if she had a mouthful. For damned near the first six months of our marriage, I never saw her naked. Every time I got a twinkle in my eye, she turned off the lights and hid under the covers.”
“Enough, Dad. I’m convinced my mother’s still a virgin. Don’t disillusion me.”
Harv rubbed his jaw. “Yep. Pure as new snow, that’s your mama.” His mouth twitched at the corners. “My point is this. Different isn’t always bad. Your mother brought fine things into my life—added some ‘pretty,’ if you know what I mean—and straightened me up in the process. Left me once, early on. For nigh on a week, as I recall. I had it in my head I could still drink and carry on like I always had, married or not. I didn’t trifle on her. Never that. But she wasn’t sure I hadn’t.”
“I never knew Mama left you.”
“Oh yeah. Pregnant with Jake at the time. Had a tummy out to here.” He gestured with his hand. “Wasn’t easy, packin’ her out of her daddy’s house, I can tell you that. Didn’t weigh much over a hundred pounds, fully clothed and soakin’ wet, but it was damned hard to get a good hold without hurtin’ her, especially with her hissin’ and spittin’, bound and determined not to go.”
Hank stared incredulously at his father. “You forcefully removed my mother from Grandpa McBride’s house?”
“She wasn’t about to come home otherwise.” Harv cocked an eyebrow. “Your mama’s stubborn, in case you haven’t noticed. Wouldn’t listen to nothin’ I said. When she first left me, I got my mad up and told myself I didn’t care, but once my anger burned out, I missed her like blue blazes. That brought me nose to nose with reality. I couldn’t live without her. What choice did I have but to go after her? Little hellcat blacked my eye before I got her settled down.”
“Mom hit you?”
“Made me see stars. Her fist is a perfect fit for my eye socket.”
“I never would’ve thought it. Mom’s not the physically violent type.”
“She’s not so inclined as a general rule. But she was flat pissed that afternoon. I think she would’ve stomped me flat if she’d been packin’ a little more ballast.”
“No wonder Grandpa had a problem with you.”
Harv laughed. “By then, your grandpa knew how much I loved her, son. When I showed up, ready to fight buzz saws and win, he already had her bags sittin’ on the porch. While he helped me load ’em in the truck, he said all newlyweds went through an adjustment period, and if I wanted to keep my Mary, I’d best start doin’ a heap of adjustin’.”
“In other words, you were the one who had some changing to do.”
Harv nodded. “Even with all the changin’, though, your mother and I are still mighty different. She came my way a little. I went her way a lot. We met somewhere in between. To this day, I can’t really say I understand how her mind works more’n half the time, and she’d probably say the same of me. Life is full of surprises. I like it that way, and so does she.”
Hank sighed. “It’s weird, hearing stories like that. I can’t remember you and Mama having a single fight.”
“If you’d been me, would you have fought with her again?”
Hank thought about it. His father outweighed his mother by a fair hundred pounds and could have knocked her flat with one blow of his fist. “No, I don’t guess I would. Doesn’t sound like she fought fair.”
They fell quiet for a time, both of them grinning sheepishly. Finally, Harv asked, “Where was I? I’ve flat forgot.”
“I think you were trying t
o tell me that a few changes might swing the vote in my favor. Ordinarily, that might work, but Carly has a problem with my being a rancher. A man can’t change the basic package.”
“Nope. But he can sure as hell wrap it up in prettier paper.” Harv patted Hank’s shoulder and straightened away from the fence. “You’ll coax her around to your way of thinkin’, son. You’re a Coulter, aren’t you?”
As much as Carly enjoyed the Fourth of July picnic, she was weary by early evening and more than ready for a relaxing drive into town to see the fireworks. An hour after the picnic mess was cleared away, practically everyone who had attended the party was parked along the lakeshore, the pickups backed in toward the water for optimal viewing.
“The Kendrick/Coulter version of a tailgate party,” Hank said.
Carly sat with Hank in the bed of his truck, their backs braced against the cab. He’d brought along two army blankets, one folded beneath them for padding, the other draped over their outstretched legs to ward off the chill that always descended after dark at such a high altitude. To their right, Rafe and Maggie Kendrick, Bethany’s brother-in-law and his wife, were awaiting the display in much the same fashion, except that they were snuggling like newlyweds while their two children napped inside their vehicle. To Carly and Hank’s left, Bethany and her husband Ryan were perched on the open tailgate of their Dodge, their son Sly asleep in the cradle of Ryan’s arm.
“How come Ryan and Bethany named their son after a ranch foreman?” Carly asked.
Hank smiled. “Sylvester Glass is a great old fellow. Ryan thinks of him as a second father, and Bethany fell in love with the old fart shortly after she married Ryan. I guess they wanted to honor him.”
Blue Skies Page 25
