by Sarina Dorie
PONYTOPIA
A Short Story
SARINA DORIE
Copyright 2020 Sarina Dorie
Ebook Edition
Cover Design by Sarina Dorie
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COLLECTIONS OF FUNNY SHORT STORIES
Fairies, Robots and Unicorns—Oh My!
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stand-alone Novels
Dawn of the Morning Star
Urban Changeling
The Chronicles of Dartania
Silent Moon
Fairy Godmother Mysteries
Wrath of the Tooth Fairy
The Memory Thief Series
Steamy Steampunk mysteries
The Memory Thief
The Geari Wife
Clockwork Memories
The Lost Memories of Meriwether Klark
Silkpunk and Steam
The Memory Keeper
NOT-SO-COZY MYSTERIES
IN THE womby’s school for wayward witches SERIES listed in order
Tardy Bells and Witches’ Spells
Hex-Ed
Witches Gone Wicked
A Handful of Hexes
Hexes and Exes
Reading, Writing and Necromancy
Budget Cuts for the Dark Arts and Crafts
My Crazy Hex-Boyfriend
Spell It Out for Me
Hex Crimes
Of Curse You Will
Cackles and Cauldrons
Hex and the City
Wedding Bells and Midnight Spells
Hex Appeal
Safe Hex
The Joy of Hex
Hedgewitchin’ in the Kitchen
The Trouble with Hedge witches SERIES
The Witch of Nightmares
A Cauldron Full of Curses
A Pocket Full of Poison
The Witch’s Familiar
SON OF A SUCCUBUS SERIES
A Familiar Magic
Curse of the Witching Hour
Magical Maladies for Beginners
The Physics of Souls
Incubus Charms
A Vial Full of Magic
A Devil of a Time
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A Court of Muses
A Court of Faerie
A Court of Nightmares
A Court of Ravens
A Court of Witchkin
A Court of Magic
A Court of Shadows and Lies
The vega bloodmire
cozy witch mystery series
Ghoulish Charms
The Hex Files With Felix Thatch
Paranormal Mystery series
Talented and Goblin
No Way in Spell
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Ponytopia
“The sky mother has brought us a new arrival!” Princess Stardrop squealed, flicking me with her tail and attempting to corral me to the meadow with the other ponies. “You’ll miss the birthing ceremony if you don’t hurry.”
I ignored the pegacorn leader and galloped toward the fallen log, jumped over, and slowed to a trot before turning around to do it again. All around me, the forest was filled with brilliantly hued flowers: neon patches of peanut brittle daffodils, candied orchids, and fluorescent lollipop trees. I nearly blended into my overly cheerful surroundings with my barf-orange complexion.
How I longed for a land of earth tone hills and non-fluorescent ponies, a land where a horse wasn’t judged by the color of her mane—or the snarkiness of her attitude—but by the speed of her legs and the skills of her jumping. If only such a kingdom existed. If it did, I was certain I belonged in that land.
“Come on, Dreambeam, we need everyone there today,” Princess Dim-drop said, fluttering her unnaturally pink wings. They matched her equally unnatural magenta body. “You don’t want to anger the sky mother, do you? You don’t want our new sister to think you’re rude.”
“Tell you what, if a handsome stallion gets crapped out of the sky this time, you let me know. Otherwise,” I cantered toward the log again, my silver mane flowing behind me. “I’ll keep practicing in case they realize they made a mistake sending me here.” Whoever they had been.
“Only those who were good ponies in their last life come here to the Gardens of Ponydom. You must have done something wonderful to deserve coming here in your afterlife.”
Or something horrible. A chocolate covered bunny hopped across the path, leaving a trail of malt balls behind. Eew. I kicked them out of the way. Sometimes I suspected I was trapped in a bad dream.
“If this is heaven, then why can’t I remember anything that happened to me before coming here? And why aren’t there any male ponies? And why is everyone so goddamn annoying? We should be munching hay and running and stuff, you know, acting like horses.”
“If you can’t remember your past, then why would you think we behave unusually?” Her nostrils flared but the same smile remained painted on her face. Was it my imagination or did the gold horn on her head begin to glow?
She was right. I couldn’t remember my life before coming here. Maybe a pink pony princess with wings and a horn was natural, and I was the black sheep in this herd.
She batted her eyelashes. “Are you sure you won’t join the rest of us for the birthing ceremony?” Her horn glowed more brightly than ever, drawing my attention from the constipated look on her face.
I rolled my eyes. “It doesn’t look like much of a birth is going to happen today.” I lifted my chin, indicating the azure sky spotted with tufts of clouds. The supposed Sky Mother only dropped ponies out of stormy skies.
A spark of anger flashed in Princess Stardrop’s eyes, but it was quickly replaced by a downtrodden one. She sighed. “You may be right, Dreambeam. Perhaps my powers of prophecy have led me astray and I am mistaken. Alas, how shall I bear the humiliation if it is so?”
That would be a sight to see. “Well, I suppose I could take a break for a couple minutes,” I said.
I trotted after her as she flew ahead. By the time I made it to the meadow, the fluffy, white clouds in the azure sky had converged together. Some of the pudgy pegasuses fluttered off the ground in excitement before plopping into patches of bushes. One nearly crashed down on me, out of breath. The lethargic lifestyle and diet of candied flowers and caramel apples took their toll on my peers. I had long ago given up trying to convert them to sugar-free diets and activities that included something other than singing songs and braiding each other’s hair all day.
“Perhaps she’ll be a pegasus, like us,” giggled Thunder-shine, a blue and purple pony. She stomped over a bed of pastel daisies with clunky hooves attached to chunky ankles. Though I was by no means slender, my legs were athletic and muscled from my regime of exercise.
“Or she might be like us,” said Rainbow Jubilee, a unicorn with a rainbow mane and mouthful of decaying teeth.
They clustered in groups of unicorns or pegasuses. A few of them cast disgusted glances my way when I entered the clearing, but most of them didn’t deign to look at me. And why would they? I wasn’t one of them. I didn’t have a golden horn that some poacher would have wet dreams over chopping off. I didn’t have a set of miniscule wings that d
efied gravity to lift me in the sky. What I had was a killer set of legs for running and a knack for seeing through horse shit. I didn’t need those other brainwashed ponies I told myself.
I stood alone, ignoring that aching loneliness in my chest. I hoofed at the clover and imagined I was running through the forest while I waited for Princess Dim-drop’s vision of the birthing to prove false. It had been a while since I’d come to one of these ceremonies, but from the darkening clouds overhead, I recognized there was going to be a new arrival, just as our leader had predicted.
Disappointed, I backed away, hoping to return to the forest unnoticed. I didn’t get far before the clouds grew grayer, crashing and clashing against each other like waves. I shivered as warmth wicked away from my body. The sky looked as though it were boiling. Lightning flickered, but instead of the loud boom of thunder, a low, ethereal wail sounded from the sky. Closer down than I would have liked, the center of the clouds swirled together and blackened into the eye of the storm. Hoof-on-chalkboard screeches of pain and torment echoed from above, chilling me to my core. A small blue hoof tentatively tore through apex of the storm before retracting.
The voices of the other horses rose in a song, the eerie monotone making me shudder.
“Join us in the Garden of Ponydom
Come sing with us in Pony Valhalla
The magic of friendship will be yours
When you become one with our eternity.”
My head spun and knees nearly buckled from fatigue. Had these birthing ceremonies always been so cult-like? I couldn’t recall. My head swam and it took all the strength I had not to join into the chorus. I tore my gaze from the neon blue head forcing itself through the tear in the sky. The other ponies stood rigid and still, eyes locked on the sight above. They’d formed a circle. I, too, had backed up, though I didn’t remember doing so.
A translucent shimmer of light drifted up from the ring of ponies and drew toward Princess Dim-drop’s glowing gold horn. She had that constipated look on her face again, her nose scrunched up, her eyes glowing. I never realized how freaky she looked in these ceremonies, but then, it had been a while since I’d last come.
Her glowing eyes met mine and narrowed. The horn atop her head radiated magic.
The sound of a neighing pony above caught my attention. The blue pony fell out of the void in the sky and dropped through the gray clouds, momentarily disappearing from sight. Sunlight peeked through the gloom of the storm and brightened the meadow with golden rays. Gray clouds parted and melted into white fluffy ones. The cerulean of the sky returned.
Slowly, drifting downward on a cloud as fluffy as cotton candy, lay the exhausted new pony. Her electric pink hair stuck to her sweaty blue face. I craned my neck. I didn’t see a horn. Nor did I see a set of wings. Was she just a normal pony, like me?
Princess Dim-drop rose in the air, flapped forward and landed by the new pony’s side. Her pink flamingo-like wing stretched out protectively over the new arrival.
The unicorns and pegasuses surged forward, their knees shaking and faces as fatigued as I felt. They crowded around, eager to see what clan she would belong to. I could no longer see the newcomer in the swarm of fluorescent bodies. This would have been the ideal moment to sneak off and return to practice, but I hesitated.
Around me the crowd was a buzz with speculations, their voices slightly less energetic than before.
“Is she a unicorn?” one voice whispered.
“No, a pegasus. Please be a pegasus.”
“Maybe she’ll be a pegacorn like the princess,” said a pegasus nearby.
“I just hope she isn’t like you-know-who.”
That comment struck a chord in my heart, but I ignored it.
Voices hushed as Princess Dim-drop rose on her hind legs and raised a hoof to silence the crowd. “Our new sister is . . . a . . . .” Her eyes locked on mine, a malicious gleam within them. “She’s a pegasus!”
As she removed her wing, the pony rose into the air, the gossamer wings on her back flapping her upward. She glanced over her shoulders nervously, confusion painting her visage. She didn’t look like she knew how to use those wings.
The crowd of ponies cheered. I shook my head. I would have sworn that Pegasus had been a normal pony, just like me. But surely Princess Dim-drop didn’t have the power to assign us castes, did she?
“I name thee Giggles Rainbowdrop,” Princess Dim-drop said.
Wow, I didn’t think any name could get more barf-tastic. The crowd of ponies cheered.
“Now that the birthing ceremony is over for our new sister, let’s all hold hooves and sing,” Princess Dim-drop said in her sickly-sweet voice.
“Excuse me,” I said, tossing back my silver mane. “Have you been sniffing rainbows again? How are we supposed to hold hooves? We’re horses for crying out loud.”
“Stop being such a grumpy butt,” Sunshadow the purple unicorn said, flicking me with her lavender tail.
“Um, how are we going to hold hooves?” one of the pea-brained pegasuses asked. The crowd quietly murmured as they realized the ridiculousness of the idea.
Princess Dim-drop glared daggers at me, her smile growing wider. “Tis no matter, my lovelies. Let us sing about friendship.”
“Uh, excuse me while I barf in the bushes,” I said, pushing my way out of the crowd.
* * *
I stretched my neck to reach the carrot hanging from the lowest branch of the carrot tree. I don’t know why there were carrots growing from the tree instead of being buried in the ground where I was certain they belonged, but this was the kind of weird-ass shit I had to put up with on a daily basis.
“Yay! Dreambeam, just who we wanted to see,” Sunshine Twinkles said, fluttering over and jostling the tree. The carrot I’d been trying to reach fell into a pile of malt balls left behind by the chocolate bunnies. Her winged friend, Monarch Marmalade flapped her delicate butterfly wings next to her.
“Joy. What do you want?” I asked.
“Yay! We want to invite you on a quest with us. Yay!” Sunshine did a summersault in the air. I’m pretty sure it defied physics for a pony so fat to be able to do that.
Two unicorns, one yellow and one green, trotted up to me giggling. Great. Lemondrop and Appletini, the two most annoying ponies ever crapped out of the sky.
“A quest, a quest, a quest!” They sang so high their voices shrilled in my ears.
I lifted one of my back legs, aiming it in their direction. “Knock off the singing or someone is getting a hoof to her jaw.”
They snickered and waved me off dismissively with their hooves.
“So, are you going to come with us?” Monarch Marmalade asked.
“What is the quest for?” I nudged her aside and circled around the tree for a lower carrot.
Sunshine landed beside me, wheezing for breath between words. “Yay! We get to find Princess Stardrop’s magical ring that she accidentally left at the Edge of the World. Yay!”
What a ditz. I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for the invite, but I’ll pass.”
The carrot on the ground was only half trampled and covered in malt ball droppings. I flicked my tail at the ponies, getting them to step back.
“Pretty please, Dreambeam,” Monarch Marmalade said, landing beside her friend and rising up into the air again.
“Look, I’m not Princess Di—Stardrop’s little minion who’s going to fetch her stupid ring just because she lost it. And you don’t need to be her slaves either. Think about it. What is she going to do with a ring? She doesn’t even have a finger to put it on.” I crunched into the carrot. Ugh, it tasted like the chocolate that coated it. Couldn’t I even get a decent apple, root vegetable or bag of oats around here?
The unicorns exchanged nervous glances. Lemondrop sobered. “The princess has her horn for the ring. Besides, she needs it in case the Evil Cupcake King returns and she has to summon the powers of rainbows to smite him down.”
I r
olled my eyes. I was pretty certain trampling him with her hooves would have been more effective. And her stupid rainbow power had sent those apple oat bran muffins with him. After all the sugar rotting our teeth with candy apples and sugar plums, something whole grain would have been a nice alternative.
“And we aren’t anyone’s slaves. We’re getting paid to go on this—” Appletini started but abruptly stopped when Monarch Marmalade hoofed her in the head, an easy task considering she was flying right above her.
I raised an eyebrow. “What is she paying you?”
The other ponies exchanged nervous glances.
I stomped the malt-ball covered ground. “Well?”
Lemondrop toed a lollipop sapling, not meeting my eyes. “She said she would grant all our wishes and make our dreams come true. But she can only do it if she has the ring so her powers will be returned.”
I snorted in disgust. “Whatever.”
“Come on,” Monarch Marmalade landed on the ground, sighing dejectedly and lowering her head as she turned away. “Princess Stardrop said we shouldn’t bother asking Dreambeam to come with us.”
“Whoa there, Nelly! What did you say? Princess Dim—err—Stardrop said I wouldn’t come with you?” My nostrils flared. That spiteful, maggot-tongued nag. What else did she say about me? “Fine. You know what? I’ll go on the stupid quest.”
The ponies pranced about in delight.
“Yay! Dreambeam is our hero! Yay! Let’s make up a song to honor her.” Sunshine wheezed in between words.
I put my hoof down right there. “Oh, no. If I’m going with you four, there is going to be no stupid songs. Got that?”
“Aye, aye, Captain Dreambeam.”
“Oh, how about poetry?” Appletini asked.
Lemondrop offered, “Limericks?”
“Let’s make up a dance.”
I was already regretting my decision. This was why I preferred solitude. If there was one thing I’d learned in this fluorescent prison, it was that friendship was tragic.
* * *
