by Katt Rose
“Always watch out for the bear.”
“I’m scared. I want to go home.”
“I know you are. Em? Keep your eyes open, tread lightly but pay attention to everything.”
I shook my head and tightened my grip on the chain. “I don’t understand what’s happening.”
“You’re remembering.”
“Maybe I don’t want to remember.”
“Watch for the bear.”
“This doesn’t make any sense, what do y-“
A cold blast of air assaulted my face. I forced my eyes upwards and found myself staring into a large brown eye. The black, wet nose trembled and it’s lip curled back revealing a row of sharp teeth. The thick paw came at me before I could even scream.
I awoke in a cold sweat. I reached for Chase but the bed was empty. I glanced at the clock and knew he would be starting his shift. I tossed the covers off and started a steaming hot shower. As I stepped into the near scalding water, I felt unnerved. Something had shifted, something was coming but I had no idea what.
I scoured the internet for hours, reviewing Aaron’s accident and the photos taken at the scene. Nothing triggered any new memories, nothing set off warning bells. I closed my laptop in frustration and slipped on my riding boots. A trip to the barn was needed to clear the cobwebs. As I made my way to the car, a white envelope sat underneath a wiper blade. My heart faltered as I reached for the paper. I slid into the drivers seat and stared at it. “Are you kidding me right now?” I muttered angrily. I slipped my thumb under the crease and tore it open.
There is no need to go backwards. Don’t go looking into the past. You won’t like what you find.
I scanned the script angrily and tossed it into the backseat. “Fuck you. Whoever you are.”
I turned the key and began the drive to my sanctuary. I pulled into an empty spot and stepped into the well lit barn. The horses dozed contently in their stalls and gazed at me curiously. I was almost at Ace’s stall when a voice stopped me.
“Good morning, Emmy.”
I let out a silent groan and turned to face the voice. “Good morning, Reverend. What brings you here?”
“I’m looking for Miranda. Have you seen her?’”
“Nope.”
The Reverend nodded and fiddled with his glasses. “That’s too bad. I need to speak with her but she’s not answering her cell.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m sure she’s busy.”
“I suppose so.” The Reverend studied me for a moment. “How is your mom doing?”
“She’s doing alright. She has good days and bad days. Like all of us.” I felt the need to emphasize the last part.
“She hasn’t been to church in awhile.”
“My mom was never really the religious type. I wouldn’t take it personally.”
“I just worry she might be letting regret get to her. I hope she comes by soon.”
My back went up and my jaw tensed. Stay away from her. “Reverend, I want to make this clear to you. She is not some brain to pick apart and mess with. She’s vulnerable in her current state and I’m not sure that I feel comfortable with your private ‘chats’.”
The Reverend’s eyebrows shot up and he held his hands out as if offering a truce. “Emmy, I do not intend to cause ill harm to your mother. I only aim to help and offer her the comfort of God.”
“Reverend, if you and God are so close, tell him he’s being a bit of an asshole will ya?” With that, I turned on my heel and headed for my horse. I saddled Ace up in record time and we were soon on the trails. The muffled sound of Ace’s sure hooves didn’t hold the relaxation I hoped for. Ace sensed my tension and he pranced unsurely. I was nervous in the trails as I constantly scanned the woods for a black bear that haunted my dream.
I leaned forward and stroked Ace’s neck soothingly. “I’m sorry bud. I’m just not myself today. C’mon, let’s head for the road.”
Soon enough we were out of the trails and ambling down the quiet, open back roads. I settled into Ace’s rhythmic walk and felt a bit of the weight dissipate. My serenity was momentarily disturbed as Ace stumbled beneath me. I pulled back on his reins, signalling him to stop. I dismounted and after a quick glance I found the problem. Snow had bunched up in one of his hooves, causing him to walk on an unsteady snowball. I reached for the hoof pick in my back pocket and cleaned out the mess.
“Good as gold,” I clucked. I swung myself into the saddle and settled into my seat. Ace’s head shot up and his ears flicked back and forth. I glanced at my surroundings and saw nothing out of the ordinary. I held my breath to listen and made out a very faint muffle. I paid close attention to my horse for signs of danger. He didn’t seem frightened, just curious. Up ahead, before the road curved a horse and rider heading our way. I gave Ace a light nudge with my heel to urge him forward.
“What are the chances?” I murmured to myself.
Miranda Brooks rode toward me. I held up my hand in a feeble wave. She did not return the gesture. As she got closer, I could see that her eyes were red and slightly swollen as if she’d been crying.
“Hi Miranda. Nice day for a ride, huh?”
She glared at me and pulled her horse to a stop. “What do you want?”
“Nothing. Your dad was looking for you at the barn.”
Her eyes grew large. “What did he want?”
“I’m not sure. He didn’t say, just that he was looking for you.”
I studied Miranda as she got lost in thought. “Miranda, are you okay?”
My voice broke her out of her trance. She met my gaze, and her eyes hardened. “Why are you back here?”
Her question threw me off. “It’s none of your business, to be honest. Why does it matter, anyways?”
Miranda sighed. “It doesn’t. I just don’t know why you would come back to a place that holds nothing but such bad memories.” Her lips twisted into a smirk. “Well, I guess not all is bad here.”
I gathered my reins. “I’m not in the mood to argue with you. Have a good ride.”
I clucked Ace into a walk until Miranda’s voice stopped me. “I would never have come back, not after what you saw. I don’t know how you keep going to be honest.”
I turned in the saddle to face her. “I don’t know either.”
She nodded solemnly. “You have a scar, right? From that night?”
Her words sent a tingle down my forearm. Right on cue it began to throb and pulse as though it were alive. “I do.”
Miranda bit her lip. “We all have our scars. Not everyone wears them as a physical reminder.”
I nodded slowly. “I suppose that’s true.”
Miranda tilted an eyebrow up. “Do you like to read?”
“I do. You?”
She shook her head vehemently. “No. I can’t stand stories.” With that, Miranda urged her horse into a fast walk, heading in the opposite direction as me. I watched until she disappeared into the distance.
I sent Ace on the path to the barn and replayed the brief conversation. The sadness in Miranda’s eyes and the jumbled words we shared held meaning. I just had to find the connecting dots.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“I’m telling you, Chase it was weird.”
Chase smiled tiredly and wrapped his arms around me. “At least she didn’t bite your head off.”
I leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed my arms. “I suppose.” I studied Chase and frowned slightly. “What’s wrong?”
Chase sighed and sat heavily into a chair. “The boss called. One of the senior guys at work is going to be off work for awhile. Since I’m next in the rank, I’m the guy to take over.”
“Oh no. He’s got the night shifts right?” I strode over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You haven’t done nights in years.”
He yawned. “I’ll be alright. It won’t be fun but I can do it.”
I kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll swing by around dinner and bring you some food.”
“I�
�d appreciate that. Please bring coffee…strong coffee.” Chase glanced out the window. “More snow is coming in tonight. I’ll help you bring in firewood before I try to sneak in a quick nap.”
“Okay, thanks.” I straightened up and we put on our gear. Chase handed me a head lamp and I secured it against my forehead. We stepped out into the dusk and marched through the snow toward the woodshed. I glanced around nervously as my last encounter involved hiding from a bear.
“The bear has been back.”
Chase’s voice snapped me into reality. “What?” I followed his finger as he pointed to tracks. “Shouldn’t they be hibernating?”
Chase looked around and shrugged. He flicked on the light to the shed and began filling the bin. “They should but sometimes they get disturbed. I want you to be careful when you go outside alone. Take the bear spray with you.”
I nodded eagerly and helped fill the bin. “I will.”
We both carried our full bins and stacked the wood neatly on the covered porch next to the front door. I held out my arms and Chase began to stack wood in my arm cradle until I could hold no more. I followed him into the warmth of the home and to the fireplace. He opened the door and stoked the fire. I brushed off wood debris from my coat and watched as the flames licked the dry wood, engulfing them rapidly.
Chase stood and sighed. “I should head to bed for a bit.”
“Good idea.” I raised on my tip toes to give him a kiss. “Want me to wake you in an hour?”
He smiled. “Yes, please.”
“K. Off you go.”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, mom.”
I stuck out my tongue playfully then wandered into the kitchen. There was ample time to kill, so I gathered ingredients to set them in the slow cooker and plugged it in. I found myself passing the time curled up on the couch with a book before the alarm I set for myself began to chime. I turned it off and made my way toward the bedroom. I pressed myself lightly against Chase’s chest and shook him softly. “Wakey wakey.”
Chase moaned. “Already?””
“Unfortunately so.”
He groaned and tossed the covers off. He stood grudgingly and threw on his work clothes. I met him at the front door with a to go mug of coffee and sympathetic smile. “I’ll bring you food as soon as its ready.”
Chase leaned in and gave me a long kiss. “Thanks, babe. Have a good night and drive careful.”
“You too. Be safe.”
As the hours passed, the savoury aroma of the slow cooker flitted through the air. I gathered my things and packed a cooler with food and beverages to get Chase through the night. Before I left I decided to stoke the fire. I bundled up and opened the front door. The night was quiet but the hairs on the back of my neck rose. I flicked on the porch light and scanned the nearby landscape. Nothing was out of place but the feeling of unease stayed with me. I quickly piled my arms full of wood and filled the fire. I turned the damper on low to allow for a slow burn. I grabbed my cooler and locked the door behind me. I marched purposefully for my car and slid inside quickly. For good measure I locked the doors.
The car started unhappily in the cold. My headlights lit the night and illuminated the quickly falling snow. As I began the drive down the long treed drive, I thought I saw the glow of eyes. I pressed on the gas a little harder and was on the main roads in no time. I drove carefully and pulled in next to Chase’s truck. Working quickly, I gathered my things and ran for the warmth of the building. I stepped inside and stomped the snow off my boots.
“There she is.”
Chase rounded the corner toward me with a warm smile. I wiggled the cooler teasingly.”I got you reinforcements.”
“You’re an Angel.” He grabbed my hand and led me to an empty room. “Did you bring enough dinner for yourself?”
“You bet.”
Chase pulled out a chair and we ate dinner together. “What are you going to do for the rest of your evening?” He inquired.
“I’m going to pop in and visit mom while I’m out and about.”
“Good idea.”
“If the roads get too bad I’ll probably stay there for the night. I’ll call you to let you know.”
“Okay. Are they getting bad?”
“A little slick. My cars not made for this climate.”
Chase grinned slyly. “No its not. We need to trade that thing in. You’ll get a pretty penny for it.”
“Yeah that’s probably a good idea.” I stood and stretched my back. “I should let you get back to it. Have a good night, enjoy the goodies.”
Chase tapped on the cooler lightly. “Oh I will. Drive safe.”
“I will. You too. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” My feet weren’t quite ready to leave. I stopped and pressed myself into his chest. “It feels like we’ve stepped back in time and just started dating again.”
He shook his head. “It does. Can’t say I miss this night shift crap though.”
“I know. It’s just temporary, right?”
“So they tell me. Trust me, I’ll make sure this doesn’t become permanent.”
A chuckle escaped my lips. “I bet you will. I really should go though.”
Chase linked his fingers in mine. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
“Look at you courting me.”
“What can I say? I was raised right.”
“That you were.” I unlocked my car and slipped in. With a wave, Chase shut my door and I drove away. I weaved the familiar roads and pulled in front of my mom’s softly lit home. Aunt Sam’s car was already covered with snow. I killed the engine and ran for the porch. I stomped my feet on the front mat and rapped at the door.
The door opened and Aunt Sam’s cautious look fell as she saw me. “Emmy! Come in, come in. What brings you here?”
I pulled off my toque and unravelled my scarf. “Chase is on nights and I could use the company.”
Audrey rounded the corner. “Oh, the poor guy.”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello my darling girl.” She wrapped me in a tight embrace.
Aunt Sam interrupted. “Is anyone in the mood for tea?”
I nodded eagerly. “Yes, thanks.”
“Okay, I’ll get it started.”
“Thanks Aunt Sam.”
Audrey nodded for me to follow to the couch. She studied me closely. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. How are you?”
“As far as I know I’m good.” Audrey frowned slightly. “What’s up? I can tell you’re hiding something.”
I bit my lip. “Not necessarily. I’ve just been thinking about Aaron a lot and the letters. I also had a run in with the Reverend. He tells me you haven’t seen him for awhile.”
Audrey stiffened. “No, I have not. I was clear with Sam that I needed a break. I made her promise me, even when I have one of my lapses, that I do not want to go.”
“Why? I thought you enjoyed it. What changed?”
“I’m not sure. I feel like I’m talking too much about things I don’t want to discuss. It has made unwelcome feelings resurface. The lines are getting muddled between when I can remember and when I can’t. He’s wanted me to elaborate on a few things that apparently I said but as you know, I have no recollection of it at all.”
“Do you go in alone, or does Aunt Sam go with you?”
“It’s just me. Silly, I know.” Audrey patted my hand reassuringly. “He’s only trying to help but I need a break.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay, if you say so.”
Aunt Sam entered the room balancing a tray of hot mugs and snacks. She placed it on the table carefully and smiled. “There we go.”
I grabbed at a cookie eagerly and smiled. “Thank you. This looks good.”
“Enjoy.” Aunt Sam raised a mug to her lips and took a careful sip. Her eyes darted to the window and she frowned. “It’s really coming down out there. I don’t know that I want you driving in this.”
I turned to the window. “I had a feeling it was going to pick up. Do you mind
if I stay the night?”
Audrey smiled. “Ah, a girls night. I like it!”
Aunt Sam grinned. “I think that’s a good idea. Better safe than sorry. I can make up one of the bedrooms for you.”
A flutter of panic shot through my gut at the thought of being stuck in one of the rooms. I wasn’t ready. “Um, actually would you mind if I sleep on the couch?”
A knowing look crossed my aunt’s face. “Not at all.”
“I’m going to give Chase a call and let him know I’ll be here.” I stood quickly and stepped into the hall. I dialled his number and while I waited for his answer, my body gravitated toward Aaron’s closed door. I stood in front of it, almost mesmerized.
“Hey, babe. I take it you’re spending the night?”
His voice brought me back. I quickly stepped away from the door and cleared my throat. “Yeah, I don’t trust the roads. They should be cleared somewhat by the time you’re off.”
“Most likely.” He yawned loudly.
Sympathy filled my voice. “How are you making out?”
“The food helps. I’ll have a better sleep tomorrow it will help me get through tomorrow night with ease.” He sighed. “I should get back to it. Have a good night. Say hi to everyone for me.”
“I will. Have a good night. Be safe.”
The call ended and I plopped back onto the couch. We continued with light conversation until the yawns took over. We said our goodnights and I crawled under the covers wearily. The house was silent aside from the popping fire and the ticking of the clock. My chest felt tight as my surroundings sank in. Despite the warmness of the décor, this house didn’t feel like home anymore. While my mom sought comfort in this place, I felt the opposite. Memories of what used to be ran deep in every inch of this place, I found it almost suffocating.
I peeked over the comforter gingerly and almost expected to see Aaron leaning against a doorframe. Nothing remained but the blackness of the night. I closed my eyes and let the ticking of the clock lull me to sleep.
A loud thud outside sounded. I sprang off the couch, temporarily unsure of my surroundings. The motion light shone dimly through the closed curtain. I pulled back a corner and scanned outside. My heart stilled as a black bear rummaged through a knocked over garbage can. The animal must have sensed me for its head snapped upright. Its trained eyes found me. We stared at each other, motionless. The blackness of its coat shone in contrast with the white snow. I watched as the beast moved swiftly, shaking loose the collecting snow from its coat. Once it determined I was no threat, it lowered its nose back to the contents scattered about.
