by Nicole Dykes
“I know that, but it’s also charity.”
“Pride will get you nowhere.” He shoots back at me, frustration in his tone.
It goes right through me, thinking back to Dane and what he said about pride and college. He wanted me to go too.
“It’s very kind of you.” I pull one of my hands from his only to drag it over his smooth cheek, freshly shaven. “But I can’t accept such a generous gift.”
“I want to take care of you, Shaw. You can’t work in that diner forever.”
He says the word ‘diner’ with disgust that makes me wince. “I want to pay my own way.”
“Or,” he places his hand on the back of my neck tilting my head back so I’m looking into his eyes, “you can take the easier route for once. I’m offering you an education. A way to better yourself.”
I swallow tightly, the motion harder with my neck stretched tightly like this. “I’ll think about it.”
He releases me and then brushes his lips over mine. “I get what I want, remember?”
I nod my head slowly, feeling the intensity coming off him in waves. “Yes.”
“And I want you. With an education and all of the potential you possess.”
“It’s a large gift.”
We haven’t even slept together yet.
The thought runs through my head, but I don’t say it. Everyone has their price. Not that I don’t want to sleep with him anyway. I’ve tried to move it in that direction, but he’s been the holdout so far.
But if I take this gift, would I owe him?
Of course, I would.
“You’re a beautiful girl, Shaw. Don’t overthink things. You were blessed with your own valuable commodity.”
Did he just say my beauty has a price tag?
Dane said that long ago. That we all have to pay in our own ways.
“Thank you for doing this. I’ll let you know soon.”
He kisses my lips again, but not pushing me to go any further. He doesn’t even slide his hands over my body.
“It’s bought and paid for, Shaw. You start in August, don’t fight this.”
It is paid for. I have the receipt.
So why isn’t he trying to collect payment?
I’ve been staring at Shaw’s front door for way too long. I’ve never felt like so much of a stranger, but that’s what I’m becoming.
I have no idea how to fix it.
I have business to attend to tonight, but right now I need her. I need to know she’s okay.
It’s August for Christ’s sake and I haven’t seen her since June.
I’ve barely even texted her.
But she has been busy with super-douche. I’ve been trying to let her be happy even if that guy makes my skin crawl.
She hasn’t said anything to make me pull her away from him. Everything is all “Aiden took me to this place” and “You have to see Aiden’s house.”
Yeah fucking right.
That’ll happen.
I finally sack up and knock on the door. Not long later, Shaw answers with her arms crossed. “Carter, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I don’t even have any bruises today. Not yet anyway.
“What are you doing here?”
“Wanna go to the gym?” Please say yes. Take pity on me.
And she does. Because she’s Shaw, her ice cold frown thaws and she smiles. “Fine. Let me change.”
This time I stay out on the porch and she bounces out in a sports bra and those tiny shorts. “I wasn’t sure you would be here.”
She laughs lightly and floaty as she locks the house. “I have been spending a lot of time at Aiden’s.”
Aiden. I hate his name. And his fancy fucking car. And his suits.
I grit my teeth and try not to show my thoughts on my face. “Yeah. I know. You still working at the diner?”
She looks at me weirdly answering, “Yeah. Why?”
I climb behind the wheel and she climbs into the passenger seat before I answer, “I..uh…stopped by yesterday and you weren’t there.”
I stopped by twice, but I don’t tell her that. She looks almost sheepish. “Oh.” She looks down at her feet, it’s an old habit of hers. “I went textbook shopping with Aiden.”
I start to drive toward the gym and I’m caught off guard by that. “Textbooks?”
I can only glance at her as I drive, but she looks guilty. Full of shame. “Yeah… he um…” Her voice is strained and something feels really off. “He paid for a semester of college.”
What the fuck? What an asshole.
And by that I mean it feels like it will take me forever to be able to do that for her and fuck me, that’s great. For her.
I swallow every nasty thought and instinct to be a dick. “That’s awesome, Shaw. When do you start?”
“You don’t think it’s weird?”
That a rich motherfucker is throwing his money around for the chick he’s banging? No.
I pull into the gym parking lot and turn off the car. “That he wants to help out the girl he’s dating?” She’s chewing on her lip, her eyes impossibly wide. “No.”
She lets out a puff of air and stops gnawing on her lip. “We haven’t been together long.”
Together.
That word slices through me. They’re together. He’s spoiling her. I should be happy about that.
“So? He likes you. That’s a good thing, Shaw.” Can we please be done talking about this?
She’s back to assaulting her bottom lip and I almost groan, knowing we aren’t done talking about this.
This is what friends do, asshole.
“What, Shaw? You can talk to me.”
She looks away and I see a tinge of pink in her cheeks. “We haven’t even had sex yet, Carter.”
Oh. Well, hell. I really, really don’t want to talk about this.
“You haven’t?”
She shakes her head, her eyes meeting mine again. “No. He hasn’t even tried.”
I have no idea what that’s about. I mean… I didn’t fuck her for a long time because she’s my best friend and I didn’t want things to get weird. But this guy? He asked her out on a date. He did things the right way from the beginning.
“Well, have you?”
Please say no.
She shakes her head. “I mean… we’ve done things.”
I groan, “Shaw… I can’t talk like this with you.”
She drops her gaze again, but then lifts her head. “We’re friends. We talk about sex. We always have.”
I sigh, “Okay.” She’s right, but that was before. I know she needs me though. “Maybe he just takes it slow.”
“But he paid for college for me.”
I study her and then lift her chin higher with my hand. “So? What? You think you owe him?”
She doesn’t have to say yes. I know she thinks that. Goddammit, Shaw.
“You don’t owe him or anyone shit. No one. If he wanted to pay for your college then great. Your company alone is worth a fucking Doctorate even without sex.”
She smiles at that and the damn expression lights my whole body on fire because fuck if it isn’t the most beautiful smile. “You’re ridiculous.”
“I’m serious.”
And I’m sure he wants to fuck her.
“I just don’t get it.”
Don’t groan or moan out loud right now because you don’t want to talk about this. You can do this for Shaw. “Get what?”
She looks almost shy again. “He’s…” She clears her throat. “He’s hard when we make out. I can feel that.”
“Fuck me, Shaw.”
She giggles at that. “I know, but we talk about this so man up.”
“Okay, so he’s not gay. He does want to fuck you.”
“Then why won’t he?”
She’s desperate for dick that’s not mine and I have to sit here and act like I’m totally fine with that. This did not turn into a great day. “I have no idea. You’re dating him, Shaw. Woman up and fucking talk to him
about it.”
That makes her laugh again when honestly I expected her to punch me for being an asshole. “You’re right.” She pushes her door open. “Let’s do this. I have to be at work in three hours.”
I follow her and we end up in the ring, going over moves over and over again. I need to know she can handle herself. I have to know that she will be safe no matter what.
When we’re both spent and panting we sit on the ground leaning against the ropes. “I have to tell you something.”
I need to come clean. I can’t take it anymore.
“You’re fighting.”
I look at her, I’m sure my own eyes are wide at how matter of fact she just said that like she’s known all along. “You know?”
“I mean, the bruised knuckles and black eyes were my first clue. I know you and Dane used to do that for money occasionally. I’m assuming it’s become more frequent now?”
I lower my head. “Yeah. A lot.”
Like they fucking own me.
“And who is your employer?” She says it in a feisty, angry tone dripping with bitterness that says she already knows that too.
“Shaw…”
She stands up. “Really? The same men that killed Dane? You’re working for them? Like all the time now? They own your ass too?”
I stand up slowly, taking a deep breath. “I don’t think they killed Dane.”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes at me. “Oh please. You don’t think they killed him all of the sudden? Why? Because they sign your paychecks?”
“They pay cash.” Nothing. Just a cold hard stare from her as she folds her arms with tears in her eyes.
This is why I haven’t been around much. This is why she hasn’t really fought me on it.
Because we both knew this truth. And neither of us wanted to face it.
“I’m working for the same men that Dane was, but I’m not doing any of the other shit. I’m just a fighter for their bets. That’s it. I fight. I get paid and I’ll get paid a large sum if I finish out the full two years I signed on for.”
Her eyes lift to mine. “Two years?”
I can’t stand the look of disgust in her eyes. “Yes.”
“You are working for the men that killed Dane for two fucking years?”
I close my eyes, hating her outburst but letting myself feel it deeply. I want the punishment. I should feel every second of her pain. “They didn’t kill him.”
“Fuck you, Carter.” She starts to leave, but I grab her wrist holding her here with me.
“Shaw, listen to me.” I release her and feel a small bit of relief when she stays. “I went there to find out what the fuck happened. I had done a couple fights for them before, but they weren’t going to trust me right away. I knew that. So I signed on. I work with a guy named Will who was in charge of Dane. I’m getting to know him.”
And he didn’t kill Dane. I can feel it in my bones.
“Good for you. Welcome to the dark side.”
“I was fucking born there, Shaw.” I growl between clenched teeth, but she doesn’t back down. Good girl. “He knew who I was right away. Remembered me. Knew how close I was with Dane and knew I needed answers. But, Shaw… I’m telling you he was upset too. He misses Dane too. I think they were close.”
I don’t tell her that I suspect they were closer than close. Because I don’t know that for certain yet.
She looks almost distraught as she sinks back down to the ground. “If you’re wrong?”
I kneel next to her. “Then I’ll kill them myself. Or die trying. But I don’t think it was them. Why would they?”
“Why wouldn’t they?” She has so many unshed tears in her eyes making them glossy. “That’s what they do. They kill.”
“Dane made them money. A lot of it. Why would they kill him? It doesn’t make any sense, Shaw. He was good at what he did.”
Which makes a lot more sense why it was their enemy that took Dane out. A simple rival mob hit.
She shakes her head from side to side, tearing off her gloves and wrapping her arms around her stomach like it hurts. And I know it does.
“I knew this. I knew all of it, but hearing it….”
“I know. It makes it real.”
She looks me dead in the eyes. “You’re only fighting?”
I nod my head with strong conviction. “Yes. I’ll never do more than that and they know it. It’s why I’m not exactly rolling in the cash, but I’m surviving.”
“And if you get a concussion?”
“They have to keep up with me to do too much damage and you know I’m fast in the ring.”
Her lips turn up in the smallest smile, but I’ll take it. “I can’t lose you too.”
“You won’t. I’m here even when I’m not.”
“Okay. Two years? Then you’re out?”
“Yes.”
It feels like a lie, even though I mean it.
Even after finding out for sure Carter is working with people I despise, I’m in a good mood when I clock out of work. It felt wrong when he was hiding things from me, even if I knew what it was. I hate that he’s working for those people, but he promises it’s only for two years.
Two years and he has already been working with them for a bit. So it’s okay.
The talk before and after that was nice. It felt comfortable and as close to old times as we can get.
I bounce out to Aiden’s black Mercedes and climb inside feeling joyful until I see his face.
“What’s the matter?”
He puts the car in gear and drives away from the diner, his face twisted in an angry frown. “Where were you?”
I search my mind for what he could be talking about. “When?”
I can see he’s gripping the steering wheel tightly even though it’s dark out. “You know when.” His tone is sharp and I’ve never seen him like this. He’s usually so composed. “This afternoon. Before work. Where the fuck were you?” He barks and I try not to jump from his booming voice.
“Did we have plans?”
“No, but I thought I could surprise my girlfriend before work.” His voice is dripping with fury and disappointment. “But you weren’t there.”
“I was with Carter.”
His grip on the steering wheel tightens. “Carter.” He says his name with disdain.
“Yes. We went to the gym. I didn’t know you were stopping by.”
“Well, that would defeat the purpose of a surprise, wouldn’t it?” I swallow tightly, not liking his tone. My nerves on high alert. “I expected you to be at your house and you weren’t there. And now come to find out you were with your little friend.”
“My best friend.”
“A man.” He sneers.
I sit up a little straighter in the seat, my body on high alert. “A man who is my best friend. Who stopped by unexpectedly and wanted to hang out.”
He scoffs, turning onto his street. “Right. Hang out. And what exactly is that code for, Shaw?”
I stare at his profile, trying to search his face for any hint of a joke, but he isn’t kidding. “It isn’t code for anything. We spent time at the gym. We talked. That was it.”
He pulls into his garage and the tension taking over my body only intensifies. “Don’t lie to me. I will not be made to look like a fool.”
“I’m not lying.” He turns the car off, but I don’t make a move to climb out of the car. “I want to go home.”
He looks at me incredulously. “What?”
I stare at him straight on. “You heard me. I want to go home. You’re being an ass.”
“Way to continue being a hood girl.” My eyes widen with hurt and he just laughs at me, cruelly. “I don’t want you to see him. And I’m not taking you home.”
Is this really happening? He’s known I’m friends with Carter since the beginning. And now he has a problem? “You don’t get to decide that.”
“I’m the one paying the bills, I think I do.”
“Tuition is only one bill and you o
ffered. I never asked you for anything.” My hands are shaking with fury, but he pushes open his door, grabbing my purse and taking it with him when he goes inside his house.
That bastard.
I could push the button to get out of the garage, but he lives in a secluded place on the outskirts of the city. It would be hard to walk to any public transportation and the fucker has my phone.
I take a deep breath and force myself to go inside. When I get there, he’s removed his suit jacket and rolled up his crisp white sleeves, sitting in his living room chair with my purse next to him.
“I want my things and I want to go.”
“And I want to discuss this.”
We’ve never had a fight before in the months that we’ve been together. I’ve argued with Carter and Dane through the years. With my mother. But I’ve never had to navigate a relationship before. I know people fight, but still… I want away from him right now.
I cross my arms. “You cannot tell me who I can and can’t be around.”
He stands up, his black shoes clicking on the wood floor before he reaches me. “Have you slept with him?”
My throat instantly goes dry with his question. “What?”
“That’s not an answer.” His right eyebrow quirks up and god damn him for being so handsome. “Or is it?”
“How is that any of your business?”
His eyes drift over my body slowly and then back up to my face. “Because you’re mine. I deserve to know who you’ve been with.”
“You want to give me a rundown of your sexual history?”
His jaw ticks with frustration and I’m trying my best to stand tall in front of him even if I feel small and weak in this moment. “I don’t hang out with anyone I’ve slept with. If I did, I would expect you not to like it.”
I hate how that makes sense. He’s right. I wouldn’t want him spending time with anyone he has had sex with, but if they were friends, I would like to think I could get over it. I could trust him. “Anything that happened with Carter is in the past.”
He’s seething now, stepping closer to me, invading my safe space. “You’ve slept with him, haven’t you? And then you spent all day with him today when you’re supposed to be dating me? When I’ve bought you countless dinners? Paid for your education? Your books?”
I stop him. “I never asked for any of that.”
