by Nicole Dykes
“I called him.” I look up at him, pleading with him not to say or do anything. I’m thankful he never saw my split lip.
“I’m sorry about Pam. We’re going to get her the best care possible.”
Carter doesn’t look at him with gratitude, but gives him a curt nod and a grunt before looking back at me. “No update?”
“I’ll let you guys talk for a moment and go ask Victor for the name of the specialist.”
I’m assuming Victor is Dr. Cavanaugh. I thank Aiden before he takes off down the hall and Carter and I take a seat. “It’s bad. COPD. I knew something was wrong.”
“You didn’t do this, Shaw.”
“Didn’t I?” I look up into his beautiful eyes. “We all knew she wasn’t doing well, but ignored it.”
“Like we had a choice.”
That’s true. Even an earlier diagnosis with people like us would more than likely lead to the same outcome.
“What did he mean by we will get her the best specialists?”
I stiffen. “He’s offered to pay for her care.” I hold up one hand trying to silence him before he says anything negative. “I told him no at first, but I can’t let her die, Carter.”
“What does he want in return?” His gaze has darkened, and he looks noticeably worried.
“Nothing. It’s like you said about college, he just seems to care about me.”
He grimaces but doesn’t say anything mean to his credit. “This is a lot.”
I nod my head saying, “I’ll do anything to keep her alive.”
He hugs me to his body. “I know. That’s what scares me.”
It scares me too.
I hate that there’s nothing I can do for Pam or for Shaw. Not really. Her douchebag boyfriend comes back with a doctor who introduces himself as being in charge of Pam’s care. He leads back to a hospital room, where Pam is alone lying in bed.
Of course, the fucker got her a suite.
She’s attached to all kinds of wires and has tubes in her nose to help her breathe. She looks miserable, but when she sees Shaw, she holds her arms out wide for her. “Shaw.” She’s definitely struggling to speak.
Shaw walks over to her and hugs her carefully. “Mom, I was so afraid.”
“I’m…” She takes another breath. “So sorry.”
Shaw stands up straight, but still grasps her mom’s hand. “I’m so happy you’re okay. I wasn’t sure if you were going to wake up.”
Pam is one of the strongest women I’ve ever met and she only continues to prove that theory when she looks up at Shaw, offering a sweet smile. “I’m. Okay.”
“We’re going to get you the best care possible.” Aiden says with his shoulders straight, his presence behind Shaw being known.
Controlling motherfucker.
Pam seems tired, but she caught what he said. She knows we can’t get her good care. She doesn’t fight it, even though I can tell she wants to. “Shaw, have you eaten anything?”
Shaw shakes her head defiantly answering, “I’m fine.”
Shaw looks worn and tired. She won’t be any help right now, so I swallow my pride and turn to Aiden, “Maybe you should take her somewhere to eat.” My eyes move right to Shaw knowing that she’s going to argue. “I won’t leave your mom’s side until you get back. I promise.”
“Please, Shaw,” her mom croaks and Shaw’s attention is on Pam only as she squeezes her hand.
“I’m fine. I can go grab a snack or something.”
Aiden puts his hands on Shaw’s shoulders, his voice commanding, but I think he’s trying to make it sound sweet. “Let’s go to a restaurant where you can get a decent meal. Then I’ll bring you back.”
She looks back at me for confirmation. “I’ll stay right here.”
She nods, gives her mom another hug and then follows Aiden out of the room looking completely defeated. I take the seat next to Pam and she takes my hand. “Carter…”
“You don’t have to talk, Pam.” I can hear the ragged breaths that make me cringe every time. It guts me.
“Take care of her. Please.”
I look up at her unable to disguise my fear. “Don’t say goodbye, okay? Aiden is a douche, but he’s…” I fight the tight ball of jealousy and rage that’s formed in my throat. “He’s going to get you the best care.”
Her cold, small hand squeezes mine. “Even the best care won’t allow me to be around for as long as I’d like.” Every word has effort in it, but I want to hear what she’s thinking.
“Just hang in there, Pam. You’re a fighter. You passed that on to Shaw.”
She smiles but looks toward the door as a tear slides down her ashen cheek before looking back at me. “I did. She’s strong.” She takes a deep breath. “But she cares so deeply. She wants…” Another labored breath. “Love. And to take care of me. She’s loyal, Carter.”
“I know she is. You raised one kickass chick.”
She smiles, but she also looks concerned. “I did, but I’m afraid for her. When I…”
I shake my head interrupting her. “That’s a long way away.”
She tilts her head to the side, her hand still covering mine. “It’s not. She’s going to do everything she can to keep me here, but, Carter, when I leave…” Deep breath. “I need to know that you’re going to be there.”
“I’m always here.” Even when I’m a horrible bastard and pushing her away, I’m with her somehow. I try not to let my voice sound too bitter. “But she’s probably back with Aiden now.”
Pam’s lips form a thin line and then she breathes a few deep breaths. “He may be what she needs right now, while she waits for you.” My eyes widen, but she doesn’t flinch. “It was always supposed to be you two.”
I shake my head, trying to laugh it off. “You sound like Dane.”
She smiles at the mention of his name. I think he was always her favorite. It’s okay, because I think he was all of our favorites. “He was right. But I don’t think it’s time yet.”
“Because I’m an immature fucker?” I laugh. “An immature, broke fucker?”
She doesn’t laugh, but she doesn’t scold me for language. “You’re strong, Carter. So strong that it’s hard to break through that exterior wall you’ve built.”
“Well damn, Pam.”
She laughs now, but it makes her cough. She recovers with a smile. “You’re still hurting over Dane and I don’t think you’re ready to be with Shaw, but you will be. Someday. Still, with her or not…” She pauses and then meets my eyes intensely. “Be there for her.”
“I’ll always be there for her, but you can’t leave us now. We both need you.”
She closes her eyes and I think she’s fallen asleep, but then she opens them. “Promise me.”
“I promise. I’ll do the best I can to take care of her and watch out for her. But I think she likes that douche.”
She smiles at that, but before she can say anything else, Shaw rushes back in. No way that was more than thirty minutes and I don’t see Aiden behind her.
“Where’s the suit?”
She looks minimally annoyed, but then takes the chair on the other side of Pam, grabbing her hand. “He dropped me off. I talked him into a drive thru.”
“You could have taken longer, Shaw.”
She shakes her head at her mom and then Pam’s eyes close with a smile on her face. Shaw watches her looking so terrified I have to say something. “She’s strong.”
Her eyes lift to mine. “You didn’t see her collapse today.”
I should have been there. I had picked up a construction job across town, that I’m probably fired from now but I don’t care. “I’m sorry.” I swallow my disgust. “Are you really going to let him pay for all this?”
“What else am I supposed to do?” She’s watching Pam who is definitely asleep now. “I can’t lose her. I won’t let her down.”
“And the price?”
Her eyes meet mine, steely and eerily cold, so not Shaw. “I don’t care about the pri
ce.”
And I know she doesn’t. She’ll endure anything for someone she loves.
And that fact is absolutely terrifying.
They let my mom come home a couple of days ago and Aiden hired a nurse to come over and check on her a couple of times a day. It hasn’t stopped the fear in my heart.
I don’t want to lose the best woman I know. The woman that took care of me my entire life. The doctor told her she won’t be able to work anymore and of course the stubborn woman wanted to argue, but her body won’t allow it.
So it’s all on me now and I have no idea how I’m going to do it.
I stare at the past due notices on my coffee table and put my hands in the hoodie Carter bought for me. Thankfully it’s not cold outside yet, but all too soon it will be. How am I going to keep the heat on?
The doorbell rings and I’m instantly afraid it’s a bill collector or Tony coming to evict us, but I force myself to climb up from the couch and walk to the peephole. I sag in relief when I see it’s Aiden.
He’s been so kind since the day in the hospital with my mother. Checking in on the phone and just letting me know he’s here. I smile when I open the door. “Hi. This is a surprise.”
He offers a kind smile, looking good in his three-piece suit as always. “I hope it’s okay. I just needed to make sure you’re alright and check in on your mother.”
I smile at that and wave him inside. “We’re doing okay.”
His eyes glide over the bills on my table when we walk into the living room and I stiffen. It’s too late to put them away now. He looks worried when he turns to face me. “Shaw, are you in trouble?”
I shake my head from side to side, trying to appear calm as I sit on the couch. The truth is, I’m in panic mode. I know what Tony will want from me in exchange for paying rent this month. “I’m fine. I just…” I look up at him. “I might need to quit school.”
He undoes the button on his suit jacket and takes the seat next to me. “Why would you do that, Shaw?”
I shake my head, looking at the bills and fighting the sadness I feel. I should have known it was all way too good to be true. “I need to work a lot. I have to pick up the hours that my mom was working.”
He takes my hand in his. “Shaw, please consider moving in with me. You and your mother of course. I’ll hire her a live-in nurse that will be there by her side when you can’t be. But you don’t have to keep working and you can be by her side often.”
I shake my head, hating that in the back of my mind it sounds amazing. “I can’t do that. I can’t ask that of you.”
He brushes the hair out of my face with his free hand. “You haven’t asked one thing of me. I want you to have all of these things, Shaw. I wouldn’t offer them if I didn’t.”
“But…” I bite my bottom lip. “We aren’t even technically together.”
He nods his head once, stiffly. “I hope you’ll give me another chance. But it doesn’t matter, I still want to help you. I want to see you safe and not struggling.”
I look into his eyes, trying to search for any sign of deception. I go over our fight in my head sometimes, over and over. Over time, it seems like the smallest fraction of our time together. What if it was just an unfortunate fluke? What if that’s passion? I wasn’t totally innocent in the whole thing.
“I don’t know, Aiden. That’s very kind, but I don’t know.”
He tilts my chin up with his hand, “You’ve had a difficult life, Shaw, through no fault of your own. Please, for once take the easy way. You deserve to have it easy. To have security.” He brushes his thumb over my cheek and I try not to think about how good he smells and safe his words are making me feel. “That’s what I’m offering you. Security. A roof over your head. Groceries in the fridge. Heat.” His eyes roam over the modest room and then back at me. “Luxury. I’ll take care of you, Shaw. For once in your life, let someone truly take care of you.”
“My mom did the best she could.” I can’t help feeling defensive, but he doesn’t argue with me.
“Of course she has. And she deserves this too, Shaw. Lord knows she’s never had anything handed to her.”
“We don’t do charity.” I pull back from his touch, the inner ‘hood girl coming out again and I’m reminded of our fight.
He doesn’t seem angry though, he only smiles at me kindly. “This wouldn’t be that. I care about you deeply, Shaw. I can easily provide for someone I care about.”
It all feels wrong, but I can’t deny what he’s saying sounds like a fantasy come true. Every romantic movie I’ve ever watched. The real life Pretty Woman.
Does that make me a whore?
I fold my arms over my stomach and take a deep breath. “We haven’t even slept together yet.”
He looks slightly taken aback, his spine straightening as he looks at me. “No.” It almost sounds like a question.
“You want me to move in with you. I’m sure that means that we will share a bed?” I don’t have time or the energy to sugarcoat anything. “Which means we’ll have sex.”
He doesn’t seem too pleased with my bluntness as he thinks it over. “I would like you in my bed, yes. But I won’t force the issue, if you aren’t comfortable with that.”
“You never tried before.” Not once. I always felt like I had to initiate everything. I want to know why.
He clears his throat and nods his head as if he’s decided to engage in this conversation. “Shaw, at thirty-four, I’ve never been in a relationship. I never wanted one. Everything was a convenience. If I wanted sex, I had sex and I moved on. You were different.” His eyes plead with me, “You are different.”
“So you don’t want to have sex with me?” It’s an insecure whisper and I hate it.
He smiles and shakes his head. “Of course I do, but I knew you were different from the day I met you. I didn’t want you just for your body. I wanted to take it slow. I respected you, Shaw.”
I quirk an eyebrow trying to decide if he’s for real. Do people really do that? Take it slow? Sex had never been that big of deal in my world. Everyone I grew up with was so casual about it. “Oh.” I say it still feeling uncertain.
He takes my hand in his. “But yes, if you’ll give me another chance, I want you in my bed and not just to sleep.”
An excited thrill that I can’t deny zings through my body. I’ve always been attracted to him. “Really?”
He smiles and his lips brush against mine. “You’re so damn cute.”
I smile against his mouth. “I don’t want to be a burden.”
His forehead touches mine. “You aren’t. Let me take care of you. Go to school. Live knowing that you will have a roof over your head and food in your stomach. And most importantly, your mother will be taken care of. You don’t have to worry anymore, Shaw.”
And goddammit that sounds too appealing to let it go.
The next day, my mom and I moved in with Aiden. Mom wasn’t thrilled, but at the end of the day she didn’t fight me on it. With her unable to work there was no way that we wouldn’t be evicted, not to mention all of our other bills.
I am keeping my job at the diner and I hope to pay some portion of the bills to Aiden even if I’m not sure that he will let me.
He’s been wonderful. Kind and considerate. He let my mother move into his two bedroom guest home behind his house and hired a full-time nurse to live there with her. I wanted to have her under the same roof, but I suppose maybe this is better.
I can literally walk out the back door and into her house at any time.
Carter wasn’t excited about the move either, and even offered to help with the bills. But I knew I couldn’t do that. He’s barely getting by and he’s helping Dane’s brothers out too. This was the only option.
And it’s okay. Truly okay. I’m enjoying college and for the first time in my life, I don’t have to worry about bills.
I’ve never had that. I remember fretting over the electric bill when I was seven. Setting up a lemonade stand out fron
t of our house to help my mother. Of course, I only made a few dollars, but it all went to keeping the lights on.
The lure of actually not having to stress about money was just too great. I had the breakfast shift at the diner today and Aiden handled the move entirely, allowing me to go to my classes on campus.
Reluctantly, I let him, and he let me use one of his cars. There is no bus stop near his home and there was no way I was going to call him to drive me around, and my mom’s car is on it’s last leg.
When I arrive to Aiden’s I walk in, smiling when I see Aiden is home. He took the day off to direct the movers and get my mom settled. He has dinner on the table and I walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You didn’t have to do all this.”
“It’s your first night in your new home. I wanted everything to be perfect, but I didn’t cook.”
I smile at that. “No?”
“No, but I can order food with the best of them.” He grins and I like his less serious, more playful side.
“It smells delicious.” I look out the large picture window of the dining room toward the guest house and then feel guilty when I look at Aiden.
He must sense my discomfort because he pulls a chair out for me and smiles. “I brought dinner to your mother and her nurse already.”
I feel relief and sink into the chair. “You did that?”
He takes a seat across from me. “I told you, I’ll take care of you both.”
I smile at that, fighting the uneasiness I feel because I never wanted anyone to take care of me. I can’t deny that I’m tired though. Tired of all the stress and fear.
“Thank you so much.”
“I’ll do anything for you, Shaw.”
In that moment, I think I could truly fall for him. It wasn’t that long ago that I thought Carter would be the only man I ever loved, but now I’m not so sure.
Carter is my best friend and always will be, but especially since Dane died, my hope of us ever truly being together has been dwindling.
Aiden genuinely seems to want me. Our one and only fight was about him being jealous of another man. Maybe that’s love.
After dinner, I visit my mother before taking a hot shower and washing the day off me. When I finish, I come out of the master bathroom dressed in a satin nightgown that Aiden bought along with quite a lot of other clothes filling the closet we share.
