by Alice Layne
“Not right now, Tommy,” I said without looking in his direction.
“What’s wrong, bro?” he asked.
I started undressing. I didn’t really care if the guys saw me, but it didn’t feel the same when I looked at them when they were vulnerable. They didn’t know the real reason I wasn’t chasing chicks like they did and I’d rather not tell anyone just yet. I didn’t care if people knew I wasn’t into women, but when I had to shower with the team pretty often, that could make things odd.
“Coach said my grades are too shit to keep playing. I’ve got two weeks to figure something out,” I muttered.
Tommy slammed one of his thick hands against a locker, “What the fuck do you mean? Has that mother fucker lost his mind? You’re a fucking legend on the field and he’s just going to let the college bend you over and rail you like that?”
I didn’t bother looking up at his outburst. “Rules are rules.”
“Rules are bullshit,” Tommy rumbled. He let out a deep breath and then snapped his fingers. “I know a bitch that’ll write shit for you. She does a damn good job, fifty bucks a paper.”
“Tommy, don’t call chicks bitches. As much as you compliment them when they’re around, you might as well at least pretend you give a fuck about their feelings when they’re not trying to ride your cock,” I shot.
He chuckled, “It doesn’t matter man. You want me to talk to her for you or not?”
“It does matter. I don’t have the money to pay someone for some shit like that. Besides, how long could I keep that up, Tommy? This shit wasn’t that hard these past three years. I was making it just fine on my own, I just don’t understand some of this new shit. All I’ve got to do is skip a few parties and hit the books like I hit the weights. It’ll all work out, man,” I said.
I opened my locker and grabbed my towel and change of clothes, “Put some damn clothes on before I get out. Nobody in here wants to see how proud you are of your body.”
From around the corner, I heard a quiet, “Amen,” from another teammate. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I walked away. I really didn’t want to keep talking about what was going on, but I knew that it would be pretty much all that anyone talked about at the party. Still, I said I’d go and I wasn’t about to break my word. My broke ass couldn’t offer much to anyone, but when I said I’d do something, I followed through.
A little while later, I got in Tommy’s truck and we headed over to Wendall’s house where the party was. It didn’t take long for word to get out about my position on the team and the conversations got old fast. About three beers into the night, I excused myself and headed to the back porch to get some fresh air and a break from all the people.
As soon as I shut the back door behind me, a soft voice mumbled, “Did you want to be alone out here? I can go back in.”
It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the sudden darkness. Near the edge of the porch, a thin guy leaned against the railing. My eyes immediately drifted down his back to look at his tight ass in his skinny jeans. I wasn’t proud to admit that I knew that ass, but at least I knew I wasn’t going to have to talk about football anymore…
“It’s fine, Levi. Mind if I join you?” I asked.
He looked back at me and his eyes widened for a split second. “N-No, it’s fine, Hunter.”
I walked over to him and hopped up to sit on the railing. “Never expected to see you at one of these parties, man. What’s up?”
“Ashley talked me into it. It’s not really my scene. Much less so when she runs off with a guy I don’t even know and leaves me to fend for myself,” he said.
That didn’t tell me much. “Ashley who? Jones, Davis, Boyd, Brown, Parker?”
“Harrison,” he answered without looking up at me.
I didn’t want to sound like an ass to the poor guy, so I kept my initial thoughts to myself. He should have known her reputation, though. She didn’t come to a party like this for the drinks. That Ashley knew what she wanted and she got it. I could respect that about her, even if most people wanted to paint her as some kind of slut.
“So why not just leave?” I asked.
He finally looked at me and stood up straight, “I’m probably the only person here not drinking. She might abandon me for a little while, but I don’t want to leave and find out that she got into a wreck or something horrible happened if she stayed the night.”
As much as I wanted to believe my friends wouldn’t do something along the lines of what he was saying, I couldn’t deny that they made some pretty shitty choices. It wasn’t like I could say anything. I couldn’t even tear myself away from this party to study.
“You’re a good dude, Levi.”
His soft blue eyes darted to mine before he immediately looked away again. “You don’t even really know me,” he mumbled.
“I know you’re in three of my classes. You don’t talk much, but I get the feeling that you have plenty to say,” I said.
He let out a soft sigh and turned around and put the heels of his hands on the railing. I could feel how tense he was, but he didn’t seem to want to walk away either. A part of me wished he would ask why I cared about if I shared a class with him or not. The dude was sexy. It wasn’t often I could call a guy sexy. Handsome, good looking, attractive, ripped, those kinds of guys were out there in droves. But Levi was different, the dude would have been perfect for modeling if he owned his image a little more. Then again, if he did know how insanely cute he was, he’d probably turn into one of the million douchebags with their nose turned up at everyone else.
“I wanted to ask what’s going on with your grades. I wasn’t going to, but you brought up school,” he said quietly.
I chuckled and got off the railing and moved in front of him so I could look him in the eye again. My dad drilled me hard about making eye contact when you were talking to someone. When you looked someone in the eye, it was so much easier to understand the intent behind their words. If they broke that eye contact, they couldn’t convey the same conviction about what they said. Maybe that didn’t apply to everyone, but it was a good enough rule of thumb for me.
“I’m falling behind. I’ll figure that shit out soon, I just wasn’t aware that it was as big of a problem as it was. What about you? Why are you so afraid of talking to anyone while you’re there?” I asked.
He held eye contact with me and muttered, “Because I don’t think people would want to hear what I have to say.”
“Test me.”
Levi sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I think you’re talking to me because you pity me. I think that if people see you talking to me that they’ll think you’re some kind of hero for treating the nerd like a real person. I think that everyone is so hung up on what everyone else thinks that they refuse to be themselves and just blend into the crowd.” The smile that had been lingering on my lips disappeared entirely at his words. He exhaled sharply through his nose and mumbled, “Told you.”
“For a dude as smart as you are, what you said was pretty stupid,” I said.
He rolled his eyes, “Oh really? Please, tell me that I’m just being contrary about how ridiculous people are.”
“I don’t care about that part. People will do almost anything to make sure that they’re part of some kind of tribe. I’m no different. I want to surround myself with people that I enjoy hanging out with, but that doesn’t mean I care about what people think of me,” I said and put a hand on his shoulder. Levi’s eyes widened and his eyes glanced down at my hand as I continued, “You’re a cool dude, Levi. Maybe I’m just making assumptions, but I think you’d be a guy I could chill with.”
Levi pulled away from me and shifted a step to the left. “I don’t do crowds. I’m not going to the gym with you. I don’t play shooter games. I don’t like football. I don’t like a lot of things that I’m sure you love.”
“What do you like, then?”
He shrugged. “I mean, I guess I’m a nerd through and through. Fantasy roleplaying games are some of my
favorites, but I can really get into a good sci-fi game as well. Books are amazing, both fiction and non-fiction. There is so much out there that we just don’t know about, but a single night in a library can mean the difference between understanding the current theories about how time travel could be possible and being completely ignorant of the subject.”
“Time travel is probably possible. If you think about it, there would be rules in place if people in the future were to time travel. Even if they did do it, they couldn’t tell us because we wouldn’t be ready as a society to take that kind of step,” I said. Levi’s jaw went slack for a moment and I smiled warmly before turning to walk away, “What? I can’t be interested in something you’re into?”
Just as I was about to walk back inside he called out, “If you ever wanted to talk about that kind of thing, I guess we could try hanging out.”
I was glad that my back was to him. If he saw the dumb ass grin on my face, the game would be up. Of course, he wouldn’t want to hang out with other people. If he thought I’d pass up the chance to get to talk to him truly one-on-one, he was horribly wrong. “I’ll catch you at school to see when we’re free to do that, dude.”
Chapter Three
It was the strangest thing in the world to wake up and feel truly excited to go to class. Hunter was probably just fucking with me, but I couldn’t help but hope that he was even remotely into the same types of things I was. And holy shit, if he put his hand on my shoulder again, I’d lose my mind. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that he was actually interested in me in any kind of romantic way, but damn it sure felt like he was last night.
I could say that I was being hopeful. Another way to say it would be that I was setting myself up for disappointment. He made a single statement about time travel. For all I knew, that was something in a movie that came out recently that he saw. I hoped it wasn’t.
For the first time in months, I actually paid attention to which clothes I pulled out of my closet for school. Instead of a typical t-shirt, I put on a thin black button-up with long sleeves to go along with my navy blue skinny jeans. It was a very conservative way of dressing up, but I didn’t want to run into him and look like I was a mess.
A little later, I pulled into Ashley’s driveway and she hurried out the door with her makeup bag in hand. She got in and immediately pulled down the passenger visor to use the mirror and got her foundation out of the bag. Before she even started putting on her makeup, she grumbled, “You ever have sex so bad that you wish you were on top just so you could at least blame yourself for not getting off?”
“Uh, no.”
She glanced over at me with the most serious expression I’d ever seen her make, “Neither had I before last night. Seriously, Tommy is the worst guy to fuck that I’ve done so far.”
“Like, the football player?” I asked as I started driving to campus.
“No, the baker,” she said sarcastically. “Who else would I be talking about? I’m working my way through the football team. Don’t worry, I’ll avoid Hunter.”
I wasn’t easy to embarrass, but there was no denying the warm blush spreading from my cheeks to my neck. “It’s whatever, if you two both want to do each other, I shouldn’t be the reason you don’t let him.”
“Ooh, girl, did something happen last night?” she asked.
“I’m not a girl—”
“Bitch, it’s an expression!”
“That you never used before I told you I was gay. Coincidence? I think not. Anyway, that’s not the point. Nothing happened, he just talked to me and we might hang out,” I said.
She traded out her foundation for blush and snickered. “That sounds like something happened. Wait, is Hunter gay? Holy fuck, that would totally explain why none of my friends have fucked him yet.”
“He’s not gay!”
“Did he tell you he was or wasn’t?” she asked.
“No, but I would probably be able to guess if he was,” I muttered.
“You know, I would have said the same thing about you if someone asked me. Actually, I’m pretty sure I’ve had that conversation before. Levi, if he’s gay you should totally jump on that and tell me how it goes for you,” she said.
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not, but the thought was a nice one. Even if he wasn’t completely straight, I wouldn’t be able to fuck him and let that be the end of it. I didn’t have my virginity because I wasn’t horny. It remained intact because I didn’t want to throw myself at guys until one of them finally showed me how good sex could feel. I wanted it to matter. I wanted my first time to be something more than a quickie in a bathroom or a shameful night of regrets.
I didn’t know how to respond to Ashley, so I just stayed quiet. She didn’t say anything else and I was grateful for that, but there was a tension between us I’d never felt before. I didn’t want to hide the fact that I wished I could have Hunter. Sure, she knew I thought he was attractive, but there was a big difference between Ashley and myself. Sex was important to us for completely different reasons. She wanted to feel good physically, but I wanted to feel cherished. As impossible as it probably was for me to have my cake and eat it too, I could hold onto the hope that I’d find my someone special. It just couldn’t be Hunter. Could it?
The question lingered on my mind throughout the morning. In the first class we shared together, Hunter wasn’t there. In the second, he still hadn’t shown. By lunch, I’d practically given up on Hunter finding me. In the third class we shared together, I knew he wasn’t going to come. He literally skipped school to avoid me. My heart was nothing but a tattered mess of hurt feelings and disappointment. Logically, I should have known better than to think that he’d even remember talking to me. But that didn’t make it hurt any less that he’d blown me off. If there was even the slightest chance that what Ashley said was true about Hunter possibly being interested in me, I couldn’t pretend that I wouldn’t have enjoyed that.
Hopes and dreams were reserved for kids, though. I wasn’t a kid anymore. Even if Hunter did want to be friendly with me, that didn’t mean that he was in it for something romantic or even sexual. Fuck, with him, I could see myself letting my need for a relationship fall to the side. I shouldn’t have given up on my own standards just because he was hot as the sun, but it was Hunter George…
As I trudged through the parking lot to my car with my laptop clutched to my chest, I heard a familiar voice call out, “Levi!”
I looked up and saw Hunter leaned against my car. My heart thumped against my chest and I picked up my pace, “I thought you said you’d talk to me at school.”
He frowned and put a hand behind his head, “Yeah, well my dad didn’t take the news about me being benched well.”
As I got closer to him, I noticed a light brown bruise just under his eye. Without thinking, I reached toward him and put my hand on his cheek to tilt his head down towards me. If his dad was hitting him, I didn’t care how big and tough Hunter might have looked, that wasn’t something I would let slide. “Oh my god, what happened?”
“We put on the gloves and boxed. Trust me, it’s not what you think it is at all. My dad isn’t the kind to teach lessons with his words. When we’ve got a difference of opinions, we duke it out. It might not be normal for people, but I don’t really need it to be normal. It’s like therapy for us,” he said and put his hand on my wrist and pulled my hand away from his face. “That doesn’t mean it isn’t sore, though.”
I felt about an inch tall as I looked down at my feet, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I hate to drop this on you, but I don’t have a car. Would you mind if I asked for a ride home while we chat? It’s a five-mile walk that I really don’t want to make twice,” he said.
“Wait, you walked five miles to come see me?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I did. Can’t have you thinking that I’m just talking to you out of pity, can I?”
“You really could. But you’re not letting me think that. Under all that m
uscle of yours, there might just be a decent guy in there,” I said teasingly.
His smile melted my heart. “If all you’re seeing is the muscle, at least the time in the gym is paying off.”
For the second time today, my cheeks burned with embarrassment. Even if it was unintentional, I ended up flirted with him. The sad part was that I couldn’t tell if he was flirting back or not. “I’ll give you a ride home,” I choked out.
I unlocked my car and we got in. With all of the cars pulling out around me, I didn’t even bother cranking my car. I hated dealing with school traffic. Instead, I fiddled around with my aux cord and asked, “If you’re not doing well in school, why did your dad keep you home to fight?”
“He thought that it would help prove how serious things were. Levi, I don’t want this to make you pity me, but football is my shot, man. I’m from the wrong side of the tracks, I don’t know if you knew that or not, but I don’t want to always live my life hitching rides from people and constantly being hungry. My folks do the best they can, but things have always been tight,” he said quietly.
I glanced over at him and for once, I didn’t see him as my fantasy incarnate. I saw him as a man just trying to change his situation using the means he had. “Are you hungry now?” I asked.
He shrugged, “I hate when people pay for my food. Call it pride or whatever, but I’m not going to be your problem.”
“Do you have to be home right now?” I asked.
“Not really, I was going to study, but I can do that later,” he said.
I smiled and finally started my car, “I live nearby, I’ll throw something together for us and we can talk about what’s holding you back in class. Would that offend your pride?”
Hunter put a hand on his stomach and chuckled, “Look, man, I’m not saying no to something to eat right now, but I really don’t want this shit to turn into something it isn’t.”
