by Alice Layne
I didn’t know what to tell her. How much of what happened was even my place to talk about? Hunter wasn’t openly gay. Fuck, neither was I for that matter, and Ashley loved to gossip. “I didn’t sleep well. I had a bad dream. That’s all.”
“You don’t even sound like yourself, dude. Come on, you know you can talk to me. Did someone say something to you at the party or something? Did I piss you off because I ran off with Tommy? Levi, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything,” she said.
“This isn’t something you can help me with. This is something I’ve got to do on my own and that’s all there is to it. I fucked something up and I need to fix it,” I muttered.
She let out a frustrated groan before asking, “How could you even fuck something up? You don’t go anywhere or do anything, Levi. Did you turn in the wrong paper or something?”
“Fuck me, you’re annoying as hell sometimes!”
“I’m only annoying you because you’re hiding something and I don’t want to let you suffer in silence!” she yelled back.
She wasn’t wrong. Ashley might not be the friend I wanted at times, but she was the friend I needed.
“I need to trust that you won’t say anything about what I’m going to say,” I mumbled.
“I won’t say a word to anyone,” she promised.
“After school, Hunter came over to my house and we were going to eat dinner and hang out. It was supposed to be pretty simple, but things kept getting more awkward. Skipping over some of the small details, I came out to him and he came out to me. Then I accused him of just trying to mess with me and he kissed me and then left. Basically, I fucked up something that could have been amazing,” I muttered.
For once, Ashley didn’t immediately respond. After a few moments, she asked, “Did he seem mad at you?”
“I don’t think he was mad. I think he was disappointed,” I answered.
“That probably feels worse than if he was just mad. I’m sorry, Levi. Is there something I can do to help?” she asked.
“I don’t know. All I know is that I want to apologize to him. I’m an idiot for even thinking of trying this, but I packed a lunch for both of us and I was going to try to get it to him and ask if he’d be willing to talk again,” I mumbled. He really did seem to want to try my cooking last night, but I fucked that up. I couldn’t even say if it was any good, after what happened, I couldn’t bring myself to eat.
“Food is the best way to get to a man’s heart. Levi, I think that you should just tell him what you told me. You’re not looking for a fling, you want a relationship.”
“Yeah, but what good does that do me if we’re only together behind closed doors? I’m not out and neither is he. I don’t want to ruin our social lives just because I want to actually date him?” I asked as I parked my car.
Ashley put a hand on my shoulder, “Levi, maybe you need to stop giving a fuck about what everyone else thinks. Do you think I don’t hear how often people call me a slut? Everyone wants to insult me for spreading my legs, but they do it, too. People have sex and it’s fine until someone owns that they’re proud of it. Someone is always going to find a way to make you feel like shit for doing the things you enjoy in life. If you were a painter, someone would try to say that you didn’t have the first clue about what you were doing. If you were a chef, they’d bitch about something be overcooked even if it was perfect. Levi, people are fucking stupid. But this is your last year in college. How many of these fuck nuggets are you going to see every day after this? How many do you need to impress? Is being up to their standards worth possibly missing out on what could be a positive relationship for you?”
“Coming out isn’t that easy, Ashley. And even worse, what if Hunter isn’t even interested in me anymore? What if I ran him off—”
“Shut up and talk to him. I’m not saying you need to come out to everyone yet, but if you two want to see where things might go, you have to at least take a step in the right direction,” she said and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “He usually goes to the bleachers for lunch.” I glanced at her curiously and she rolled her eyes, “Some of my friends go over there to smoke, I haven’t been trying to get in his pants.”
“I was just wondering how you knew, I wasn’t implying things,” I said.
Ashley smiled and opened the car door, “Thanks for the ride, Levi. If you don’t talk to Hunter today, I’m never talking to you again.”
“Are you going to need a ride this afternoon?” I asked.
She laughed and shook her head, “No, I’m going to ride Mr. Thompson all the way home.”
“Oh my god, you’re fucking the psychology professor?”
“Think of it like a really intensive therapy session,” she purred as she got out of my car.
On that awkward note, I grabbed my laptop and headed to my first class. It was nearly impossible to focus on the lecture, but I did my very best. Things got really uncomfortable for me in my second class. Hunter didn’t skip school twice. He didn’t make a big deal out of seeing me, he just nodded in my direction. At least he wasn’t ignoring me. I nodded back and smiled weakly, but he sat down and took out a notebook and distracted himself with it.
At the end of that class, I was tempted to ask him if he was upset with me, but I chickened out. I couldn’t bring myself to ask something like that when we would only have a minute or two at most to talk. The conversation I wanted to have with him couldn’t be had in a hurry. Even if it could be, I didn’t want to put myself on an even high ledge by trying to apologize in such a short amount of time.
Maybe I wouldn’t even be able to talk to him at all today. Or tomorrow. Or ever. I fucked things up last night and for once, no amount of studying would help me solve this problem.
Chapter Six
From my spot in the bleachers, I felt like I could see everything the college had to offer. The main three buildings that classes were held in were just behind me. The field and another set of bleachers were just ahead of me, but those things weren’t what I was talking about. The crowds of people that scampered out of the buildings and into their cars in small groups were what the college really offered. These people were making connections that would last the rest of their lives. Maybe not all of them would stay in touch, but from up here, I could through the chain-link railing around the bleachers and see everything.
It was bitter-sweet. Those people had friends. True friends. I had the football team, but Coach said it better than anyone, I wasn’t in it for the team. The team treated me with respect because I was a good player, but none of them really cared about what happened outside of college. Sure, I got invited to the parties, but it was impossible for them to happen without someone letting me know. That was one perk of being treated like a local legend. But there was much more that sucked.
The assumptions people made about me were one of the biggest faults. People loved to imagine that I was some kind of stud that was knee-deep in women. I could have been, sure. But that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted someone that had a good head on their shoulders. I wanted someone that didn’t just want to tell me how good at a fucking sport I was. I wanted Levi.
My reputation made him hesitant. Or maybe it was how I acted. Who knew? I couldn’t say, that much was for sure.
I reached into the back pocket of my jeans and pulled out a small stack of practice tests that I asked my teachers for this morning. They were all more than willing to give them to me. Hell, one of them even offered to bump my grade up a little when I explained why I wanted the tests. That wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to turn into the man people assumed I’d be when they found out which part of town I came out of. I wanted to truly earn what I had in life.
As I unfolded one of the practice tests, I heard someone walking up the bleachers behind me. I folded up the rest of the tests and stuck them under my thigh. There were a few people I knew that frequented these bleachers as well, so I didn’t pay much attention to the noise until a finger tapped my shoulder a f
ew times, “Hunter?”
Levi sounded so afraid when he spoke my name and that sent a ripple of anguish through my core. Even if things did get tense between us, I never wanted to hear him talk to me like I was someone to be scared of.
“We don’t have to talk about yesterday if you don’t want to,” I said without looking up from my test. As much as I loved sitting in the bleachers, the wind whipping the piece of paper around wasn’t doing me any favors.
“I do want to talk about it, but if you’re too busy, that’s okay. I, uh… I brought some leftovers if you were hungry?”
“I’ve got to study at some point, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t wasting away.” I turned around to face the right way. Levi had two plastic containers with him, one of which had quite a lot more food than the other. If he was trying to make it seem like he packed two lunches just in case he was extra hungry, he failed.
He smiled down at me and mumbled, “First, I’m sorry for being such a dick yesterday. You didn’t deserve to be interrogated like that and I was out of line.”
“Dude, you’ve got nothing to apologize for. I handled that shit like a dumbass. Then I fucking kissed you like an idiot. Then I walked home and made it in around nine,” I said.
“D-Do you regret the kiss?” he asked as he handed me the larger of the two meals.
I couldn’t stop a quiet chuckle from rumbling out of my throat. “That’s about the only thing I don’t regret from last night.”
Levi sat down beside me and reached into his thin jacket and pulled out two forks that looked like they were from the school cafeteria. After he handed me one, he continued, “I talked to my friend this morning and she told me that I should just tell you what I want. I don’t know if it’s going to go over well, but I at least want to know if we’re on the same page.”
I nodded and pointed to the food with my fork, “Do you care if I eat while you talk? I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I’m seriously hungry.”
“Go ahead, if it isn’t good just tell me. It’s hard to fix a problem if no one tells you there is a problem,” he said. Before he could even get back to his original point, I tore off the lid of the container and dug into the food.
Levi smiled weakly and mumbled, “You can’t tell me how it tastes if you don’t even chew it. Anyway, the more serious side of things. I don’t want a fling, Hunter. I want a real relationship where you would proudly hold my hand in public, maybe even kiss me in public. I don’t want to have to pretend that there isn’t something going on between us if we did decide to pick up where we left off last night.”
He paused for a moment and looked down at his feet before mumbling, “I don’t want us to be in the closet if we decide to date.”
I was almost halfway done with his amazing food when he said that. As much as my stomach hated me for it, I put down my fork and reached to rub his back for a moment. “Whatever you put in this is delicious. The chicken is still juicy and tender, I love it. As far as the other stuff, dude, I’m down. Look, I’ve been single for years. I’ve done the one-night-stands before, they’re not my style. My folks already know I’m gay and even if the guys on the team don’t like it, it’s not like I’ll be playing anymore. That being said, I’ve got some things of my own that I’d like to talk about.”
He smiled and shuffled slightly closer to me, “Sorry if I’m too close, it’s chilly up here. I’m not going to let you quit the team. Hunter, if I’ve learned anything about you for a fact, it’s that you love playing football. You’re good at it. If you need a study buddy, I’m here for you. What else did you want to talk about?”
“If that’s the excuse you want to use to get closer, I’m fine with that too,” I said as I put my arm around his waist. Even as I did, I caught myself scanning my field of view to see if anyone was looking at us. Sure as the sun was out, a few people I knew were indeed looking our way. If they had a problem with us, fuck them. “The other stuff does dip into things that you usually don’t talk about before the first date. Are you sure you’re fine with that?”
“If you’re talking about sex, yeah, I’m fine with the conversation,” Levi said.
“I’m not a bottom. I know that there is so much more to being gay than who is top and bottom, but for the sake of being clear, I’m never going to lay on my back with my legs spread for you.”
Levi laughed. Not just a giggle, the little fucker gut-laughed. A smile played at the corners of my lips and I let my hand slide a little lower until I could grab his ass, “Something funny about that?”
“Mm, only that you think I’d want to be between your legs. Do you seriously think that’s what I want? The big bad Hunter George being my bottom?” Levi teased. His hand fell over mine and he pinned my hand against his ass, “I like a man that knows what he wants. What I don’t want is a man that won’t tell me what is on his mind. So long as you do that, I’ll be happy.”
“You’re not about to be happy, then,” I said.
He looked up at me with sad eyes, “Why not?”
I gave his ass another squeeze before pulling my hand away from him. He might have thought he could keep my hand there, but the guy was almost half my size and nowhere near as fit. “Because I wasn’t done eating and as nice as your ass is… priorities.”
Levi smiled and picked his food up off the bench, “So you’re saying that you’d rather have my cooking than me?”
“I’d rather have your cooking right now than my hand on your ass. I wouldn’t say no to putting the food off if we were doing something else instead,” I clarified.
“Like what?” he asked.
I picked up my fork and chuckled, “Dude, we haven’t even fooled around yet, I don’t it would be smart of me to talk about what I’d do with you.”
“Hunter, I’m a fucking virgin and I think I just landed my first boyfriend. Do you have any idea of how sick of watching porn I am? I’m tired of wishing I was the guy getting fucked on the screen. I’m not saying that you get the backstage access to my performance, but a little meet and greet isn’t out of the question,” he purred.
“How about this? You come back to my parent’s house tonight and have dinner with us. After that, you can help me study and we can have that meet and greet. I wouldn’t feel right about having sex with you with my parents around, so we both have some solid boundaries. That’s my offer, if not, I don’t think I’d be able to hold back at your place. You might be a virgin, but I’ve thought about you doing some pretty filthy things for too long. If you think I wouldn’t fuck you right here, right now, you’re wrong.”
Levi glanced around and mumbled, “People are looking at us.”
“I don’t give a fuck.”
Levi slid his hand into my lap and he nervously groped my cock, “If no one was around, I wouldn’t stop you from doing me.”
As quickly as his hand had come, it was gone. A soft groan fell from my lips and I aggressively stabbed a piece of chicken, “By the way, every fucking day you wear those damn skinny jeans and I see you in the halls, I’ve had to hide how hard you make me.”
“But I always wear skinny jeans,” he mumbled.
“Trust me. I know.”
“So you have been checking me out for a while?”
I looked at him and then back to my food, “Do you really think that kiss came out of nowhere last night?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “I just hope that there are more to come.”
“If you stick around long enough to help me with these stupid practice tests tonight, there’s plenty to come,” I rumbled.
“Wait, like, a kiss or something else?” he asked.
It was my turn to shrug my shoulders.
Chapter Seven
I looked in the mirror for the millionth time and ran my fingers through my hair. Hunter stepped behind me and put his hands on my shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze, “Dude, they’re not going to care how you look. I’ve got much more of a reason to care than they do, and I think you look great.
”
“It’s about making an impression on them,” I muttered.
He let his arms drape over my shoulders and he pulled me against him, “Chill. I already sent them a text, they’re excited to meet you.”
I took a deep breath and leaned my head back to rest against his broad chest, “You still haven’t given me your number.”
“I’ll put mine in your phone while you’re driving to my place. And don’t be a prick about how it looks, my folks aren’t clean freaks,” he said.
“I guess all there is to do now is to just get it over with,” I said.
He chuckled and kissed the top of my head, “Then let’s get the fuck out of here.”
I sighed as he let go of me and led the way to my car. Today was probably the strangest of my life. I managed to get into a relationship and I was already meeting his parents. Granted, it didn’t feel like as big of a step as I used to imagine it would be. Hunter wasn’t making it feel like a big deal and that helped me stay calm. It was so easy to agree with him and follow his lead. Of all the people I could be spending my night with, I was going to be with Hunter fucking George.
We didn’t chat too much on the way to his house, but I couldn’t help but steal glances at him. More often than not, I caught him looking at me as well. As strange as it was, I was going to meet my boyfriend’s parents. My mind wandered to what my parents would think of us. Mom probably wouldn’t mind, but I couldn’t say about my dad with any amount of certainty. I’d never been the most masculine, but it was the twenty-first century, people were allowed to break the social norms.
By the time we got to Hunter’s neighborhood, I could understand why people might think he wouldn’t have much potential. The majority of the houses I saw looked like they hadn’t been treated to basic maintenance in decades. Most of the people stared at us as we drove by, but when they recognized Hunter, they usually nodded or waved. I hated that I felt paranoid about being in this side of town, but if I was out on the streets at night, I would have been a prime candidate for being murdered.
