by Bay, Louise
“How’s the bossman?” Joey asked.
“Oh, you know,” Donna said. “Working too hard, as usual. What was his order, Harper?”
“Pastrami on rye. Extra pickle.” Nothing like passive-aggressive revenge.
Joey raised his eyebrows. “Extra pickle?” Jesus, of course Joey knew Max’s preferences.
“Okay.” I winced. “No pickle.”
Donna elbowed me. “And I’ll have a turkey salad on sourdough,” she said, then turned to me. “Let’s eat in and we can talk.”
“Make that two,” I said to Joey.
The deli had a few tables, all with mismatched chairs. Most customers took their orders to go, but today I was grateful for a few extra minutes out of the office. I followed Donna as she led us to one of the back tables.
“Extra pickle?” she asked, grinning.
“I know.” I sighed. “That was childish. I’m sorry. I just wish he wasn’t such a . . . ”
“Tell me what happened.”
I gave her the rundown on our meeting—his irritation that I hadn’t spoken to his contact at the WTO, the lecture about typos, his lack of appreciation for any of my hard work.
“Tell Max the Yankees deserved all they got this weekend,” Joey said as he placed our order in front of us, sliding two cans of soda onto the melamine surface, even though we’d not ordered any drinks. Did Joey talk baseball with Max? Had they even met?
“I’ll tell him,” Donna said, smiling, “but he might move his business elsewhere if I do. You know how touchy he is when the Mets do well.”
“He’s going to have to get used to it this season. And I’m not worried about losing him. He’s been coming here for over a decade.”
Over a decade?
“You know what he’d say to that?” Donna asked, unwrapping the waxed-paper parcel in front of her.
“Yeah, yeah, never take your customers for granted.” Joey headed back behind the counter. “You know what always shuts him up?” he asked over his shoulder.
Donna laughed. “When you tell him to come back after his business has lasted three generations and is still going?”
Joey pointed at Donna. “You got it.”
“So Max has been coming here a long time, huh?” I asked as Joey turned back to the counter to tend to the line of people that had built up since we’d arrived.
“Since I’ve been working for him. And that’s nearly seven years.”
“A creature of habit. I get that.” There wasn’t much spontaneous about Max from what I’d seen.
Donna cocked her head. “More a huge sense of loyalty. As this area built up and lunch places opened up on every corner, Joey’s business took a bit of a hit. Max has never gone anywhere else. He’s even brought clients here.”
Donna’s description jarred with the cold egomaniac I encountered in the office. I bit into my sandwich.
“He can be challenging and demanding and a pain in the ass, but that’s a big part of what’s made him successful.”
I wanted to be successful but still a decent human being. Was I naïve to think that was possible on Wall Street?
Donna pressed the top layer of bread down onto the turkey with her fingertips, pushing the layers together. “He’s not as bad as you think he is. I mean, if he’d said your report was good to go, what would you have learned?” She picked up her sandwich. “You can’t expect to get it all right your first time. And the stuff about the typos—was he wrong?” She took a bite, and waited for me to answer.
“No.” I bit the inside of my lip. “But you have to admit, his delivery sucks.” I pulled out a piece of my turkey from under the sourdough and put it in my mouth. I’d worked so hard; I’d expected some kind of recognition for that.
“Sometimes. Until you’ve proved yourself. But once you have, he’ll back you completely. He gave me this job knowing I was a single mother, and he’s made sure I’ve never missed a game, event, or PTA meeting.” She cracked open a can of soda. “When my daughter got chicken pox just after I started working here, I came into the office anyway. I’ve never seen him so mad. When he spotted me, he marched me out of the building and sent me home. I mean, my mom was looking after her, she was fine, but he insisted I stay home until she was back in school.”
I swallowed. That didn’t sound like the Max I knew.
“He’s a really good guy. He’s just focused and driven. And he takes his responsibility to his employees seriously—especially if they have potential.”
“I don’t see him taking his responsibility to not be a condescending asshole very seriously.”
Donna chuckled. “You’re there to learn, to get better. And he’s going to teach you, but just saying you did a good job isn’t going to help you.”
I grabbed a napkin from the old-fashioned dispenser at the edge of the table and wiped the corner of my mouth. How had today helped me other than wrecking my confidence completely?
“If you had known how today’s meeting would play out, what would you have done differently?” Donna asked.
I shrugged. I’d done good work, but he’d refused to acknowledge it.
“Come on. You can’t tell me you’d do things exactly the same.”
“Okay, no. I would have printed out the sources and brought them into the meeting.”
Donna nodded. “Good. What else?” She took another bite of her sandwich.
“I would have probably tried Max’s contact at the WTO a few more times—maybe emailed him. I could have tried harder to pin him down. And I could have sent the whole thing to proofreading.” We had an overnight service, but because I’d worked late on it, I’d missed the deadline to send it. I should have made sure it was ready in time.
I glanced up from picking apart my sandwich. “I’m not saying I didn’t learn anything. I just thought he’d be nicer. I’ve wanted to work with him a long time. I just didn’t imagine I’d fantasize about punching him in the face quite so often.”
Donna laughed. “That, Harper, is what having a boss means.”
Okay, I could accept that Max was nice to Donna, and Joey, by the looks of things. But he wasn’t nice to me. Which only made everything worse. What had I ever done to him? Was I being singled out for special treatment? Yes, my report could be improved, but despite what Donna said, I hadn’t deserved the reaction I got. He could have thrown me a bone.
Now that my expectations of working with Max were well and truly shattered, I had to concentrate on getting what I could from the experience and moving on. I’d go through my report and make it perfect. I’d take everything I could from working for King & Associates, make a ton of contacts, and then after two years I’d be well placed to set up on my own, or go and work directly for a bank.
* * *
How I’d talked my best friend, Grace, into moving me into my new apartment, I had no idea. Growing up on Park Avenue, she wasn’t raised for manual labor.
“What’s in here, a dead body?” she asked, a sheen of sweat on her forehead catching the light in the elevator.
“Yeah, my last best friend.” I tipped my head toward the old pine blanket box at our feet and the last thing in the truck. “There’s room for another.” I laughed.
“There’d better be wine in the refrigerator.” Grace fanned her face. “I’m not used to being this physical with my clothes on.”
“You see, then you should be grateful. I’m expanding your horizons,” I replied with a grin. “Showing you how us ordinary gals live.”
I’d been staying with Grace since I got to New York from Berkeley almost three months ago. She’d been fantastically understanding when my mother shipped all my things to her apartment in Brooklyn, but now that I was making her help me move everything into my new place, her patience was running out. “And I’m too poor for a refrigerator. And wine.” The rent on my studio was horrific. But it was in Manhattan and that was all I cared about. I wasn’t about to be a New Yorker who lived in Brooklyn. I wanted to milk this experience for everything it was
worth, so I’d sacrificed space for location—a small Victorian building on the corner of Rivington and Clinton in Lower Manhattan. The buildings on either side were covered with graffiti, but this place had been recently refurbished and I’d been assured it was full of young professionals, being so close to Wall Street. Professional what? Hitmen?
“It’s going to be . . . cozy,” Grace said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to ask about the one bedroom across the hall from me?”
My apartment at Berkeley had been at least twice the size of my new place. Grace’s place in Brooklyn was a palace in comparison, but I was okay with small. “I’m sure. It’s all part of the New York experience, isn’t it?”
“So are roaches, but you don’t have to seek them out. The idea is to avoid them.” Grace was the person who tried to make everyone else’s lives a little bit better, and that was one of the reasons I loved her.
“Yeah, but I want to be in the center of things. Besides, there’s a gym in the basement, so I’m saving money there. And on the commute. I can walk to work from here. Hell, I can practically see the office from my bedroom window.”
“I thought you hated work. Wouldn’t it be better to be further away?” she asked as the elevator pinged open at my floor.
I reached for the bottom of the wooden box. “I don’t hate work. I hate my boss.”
“The hot one?” Grace asked.
“Can you pick up your end?” I asked. I didn’t want to be reminded about my boss’s score on the hot-o-meter. I stuck out my leg to try to stop the closing elevator doors. “Crap. Have you got it?” We lurched forward, turning left toward my apartment door.
“We need a man for this shit,” Grace said as I struggled with my keys.
“We need men for sex and foot rubs,” I replied. “We can carry our own furniture.”
“In the future, you can carry your furniture. I’ll find a man.”
I opened the door and we slid the box into the living space. “Just leave it here until I decide whether or not it should go at the end of the bed.”
“Where’s that wine you promised me?” Grace pushed past me and collapsed on my small two-seater couch.
Despite my protestations, the only things my refrigerator did contain were two bottles of wine and a slab of parmesan cheese.
“What were you saying about your hot boss? I thought you’d changed religion to the Church of King while you were at Berkeley. What’s changed?”
I handed Grace a glass of wine, sat down, and kicked off my sneakers. I didn’t want to think about Max or the way he made me feel so inadequate, so out of place and uncomfortable. “I think I need to update my work wardrobe.” The more I thought about what I’d worn for my meeting with Max, the more I realized I must stick out like a sore thumb against all the Max Mara and Prada of Wall Street.
“You look fine. You’re always super polished. Are you trying to impress your hot boss?”
I rolled my eyes. “That would be impossible. He’s the most arrogant man you’ll ever meet. Nothing’s ever good enough.”
My conversation with Donna at lunch yesterday had temporarily dampened my fury at Max, but it was back in full swing today. He might be the best at what he did and look so hot you’d get a tan if you stood too close, but that didn’t excuse his assholyness. But I wasn’t about to let him beat me. I hated him. Determined to show him he had me wrong, I’d brought home the Bangladesh report to work on over the weekend. A lot of the comments he’d made indicated he knew much more about the textile industry in Bangladesh than I did, even after my research. Had this whole project just been a test? Whether it was or not, I was going to spend the rest of the weekend making my work the best thing he’d ever seen.
“Nothing’s ever good enough?” Grace asked. “Sounds familiar.”
“I might be a bit of a perfectionist, but I’ve got nothing on this guy. Believe me. I worked my heart out on a piece of work he gave me, and then he just ripped it to shreds. He had nothing good to say about it at all.”
“Why are you letting it bother you? Shrug it off.”
Why wouldn’t I let it bother me? I wanted to be good at my job. I wanted Max to see I was good at my job.
“But I worked really hard on it and it was a good piece of work. He’s an asshole.”
“So? If he’s a total wanker then why does his opinion count for anything?” Grace had lived in the US since she was five, but she still retained some key Britishisms from her family. Her use of wanker was one of my favorites. Especially as it suited Max King perfectly.
“I’m not saying it matters. Just that I’m pissed about it.” Except that it did matter, however much I denied it.
“What did you expect? A man that rich and good looking is bound to have a downside.” She shrugged and took a sip of wine. “You can’t let it affect you so much. Your expectations of men are way too high. You’re going to spend your whole life disappointed.”
My cell began to ring. “Speaking of being disappointed.” I showed the screen to Grace. It was my father’s lawyer.
“Harper speaking,” I answered.
“Ms. Jayne. It’s Kenneth Bray.” Why was he calling me at the weekend?
“Yes, Mr. Bray. How can I help?” I rolled my eyes at Grace.
Apparently my father had set me up a trust fund. The letters I’d received about it were stuffed into the chest that we’d just lugged up from the truck. I hadn’t answered any of them. I didn’t want my father’s money. I started accepting his money in college. I figured he owed me that much but after a year, I took a job and stopped cashing his checks. I couldn’t accept money from a stranger, even if he was genetically related to me.
“I want to arrange for you to come into the office so I can talk you through the details of the money your father has set aside for you.”
“I appreciate your persistence, but I’m not interested in my father’s money.” All I’d ever wanted was a guy who showed up for birthdays and school plays or for anything as far as I was concerned. Grace was wrong; my expectations of men were at rock bottom. My father’s absence from my childhood had ensured that. I didn’t expect anything from men except disappointment.
Mr. Bray tried to convince me to meet with him and I resisted. In the end I told him I’d read the paperwork and get back to him.
I hung up and took a deep breath.
“Are you okay?” Grace asked.
I wiped the edge of my glass with my thumb. “Yeah,” I said. It was easier when I could pretend my father didn’t exist. When I heard from him, or even his lawyer, I felt like Sisyphus watching my boulder tumble back down the hill. It put me back at square one, and all the thoughts of how I should have had a different father, a different life, a different family that I normally managed to bury came rushing to the surface.
My father had gotten my mother pregnant and then refused to do the right thing and marry her. He’d abandoned us both. He’d sent us money—so we were financially taken care of. But what I’d really wanted was a father. Eventually all the broken promises built up into a mountain I couldn’t see over. The birthday parties where I watched the door, hoping he’d show up, took their toll. There were one too many Christmases where the only thing I asked Santa for was my dad. It was his absence from my life that had been the real problem because it felt as if there was always someone else that came first, somewhere else he’d rather be. It left me with the feeling that I wasn’t worth anyone’s time.
“You want to talk about it?” Grace asked.
I smiled. “Absolutely not. I wanna get a little drunk in my new apartment with my best friend. Maybe gossip and eat some ice cream.”
“That is our speciality,” Grace replied. “Can we talk about boys?”
“We can talk about boys but I’m warning you, if you try to set me up I’m kicking your ass back to Brooklyn.”
“But you haven’t even heard who it’s with yet.”
I laughed. She was so easy to read. “I’m not interested in dating. I’m f
ocusing on my career. That way I can’t be disappointed.” Max King’s words, results, not effort, get rewarded, rang in my ears. I would just have to do better, work harder. There wasn’t any time for dating or setups.
“You’re so cynical. Not every man is like your father.”
“I didn’t say they were. Don’t play amateur shrink on me. I just want to get established here in New York. Dating isn’t my priority. That’s all.” I took a sip of my wine and tucked my legs under me.
I would win Max King around if it killed me. I’d followed his career so carefully it’d felt as if I knew him. But I’d imagined myself as his protégée. I’d start working for him and he’d tell me he’d never met anyone so talented. I’d assumed within a few days we’d be able to finish each other’s sentences and we’d high five each other after meetings. And I admit it, I may have had a sex dream about him. Or two.
That had all been before I’d met him. I’d been an idiot.
“Sex,” I blurted. “That’s what men are good for. Maybe I’ll take a lover.”
“That’s all?” Grace asked.
I traced the rim of my glass with my finger. “What else do we need them for?”
“Friendship?”
“I have you,” I replied.
“Emotional support?”
“Again, that’s your job. You share it with ice cream, wine, and the occasional retail overspend.”
“And it’s a job the four of us take very seriously. But what about when you want babies?” Grace asked.
Kids were the last thing on my mind. My mother had changed careers from working in finance to becoming a teacher so she could spend more time with me. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to make such a sacrifice. “If and when I ever get around to thinking about that stuff, I’ll go to a sperm bank. Worked for my mother.”
“Your mom didn’t go to a sperm bank.”
I took a gulp from my glass. “Might as well have.” I didn’t have a father as far as I was concerned.
