The Royals Series

by Bay, Louise

  The campus was big, but it wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that we’d run into each other, and I didn’t want her to be caught off guard. I had to let her know as soon as possible.

  And of course, I wanted to hear her voice.

  I wanted things to be different between us.

  Would she see that me being here was proof I was capable of creating a future with her? She was the only thing that had ever been important to me other than my work, and her leaving had wounded me deeply. It had changed me forever.

  I pulled out my phone. I’d call her. Warn her I was here.

  My heartbeat thrummed in my ears as I dialed.

  “Alex?” She sounded confused, as though she couldn’t begin to think why I’d be on the other end of the line. I clenched my teeth at the idea that I had no place in her life anymore.

  “Yes. It’s me. It’s good to hear your voice.”

  I sighed at the sound of her breathing on the other end of the line.

  “Are you okay?” she asked. Her voice was sad, as if I were torturing her, and I hated it.

  “I just wanted to let you know that I’ve taken a teaching post at Columbia law school. It’s only for a few months. And I was wondering while I was here whether you’d agree to meet with me. I would really like a chance to apologize face-to-face.”

  “You’re teaching?” she asked.

  I wanted to tell her all about it, but I didn’t know if I should say any more. “Yes. Someone’s taken sick.”

  “And so you’ve left your job? You’re not a barrister anymore?”

  I took a seat on the steps in front of Butler Library. “I’ve not abandoned the bar. I’m just taking a sabbatical. I need time to reassess my priorities. A chance to redeem myself. I miss you.”

  “I had to protect my heart, Alexander.”

  “I know, and you were right to do so. I’d never provided any indication that I could give you more than snatched moments here and there.”

  “But I shouldn’t have run away and I’m sorry for that. I should have found the courage to tell you I wasn’t coming back,” she said and paused.

  “I don’t blame you for running. I understand.”

  “And now you’re in New York,” she said.

  I sighed. “I am. I was burnt out. Exhausted. I’d lost something important to me and it affected me in a way . . .” She didn’t need to hear about my pain. I’d caused her enough. “I spoke to Lance, and he suggested I take this teaching post to reassess things.”

  “It seems like a big coincidence that it’s at Columbia.”

  “Lance is friends with the president of the university.”

  “I didn’t know that,” she said, her voice quietening as if she were thinking while speaking.

  “A happy coincidence, I hope.” I paused, hoping she would agree with me. At least she didn’t hang up. “I was wondering if you’d meet me. I’d like us to talk and if possible work through what happened in London. I realize I was an idiot, and I want to make it up to you.”

  She sighed. “I don’t have a lot of time. I’m just trying to focus on the program and get settled.”

  I closed my eyes, trying to block out the pain of her rejection. But I was here for three months, and I wasn’t about to give up without a fight. “Maybe later in the semester then, when you have a little more time.”

  “Maybe,” she replied.

  I swallowed. “I miss you.”

  There was a pause before she spoke as if she were carefully considering her response. “I should go. I hope you enjoy the teaching thing.”

  It sounded so final, as though she had no intention of seeing me again while I was here.

  “Okay, it’s been good to hear your voice. And I’m free anytime when you feel ready to talk.”

  “Goodbye, Alexander.”

  I couldn’t say goodbye. I wouldn’t.

  I waited for her to hang up and then put the phone back into my jacket pocket. Today was just opening arguments. My fight for Violet hadn’t even begun.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Violet

  The call from Alexander was the last thing I’d been expecting. Knightley wasn’t a man to chase after a woman.

  But here he was. In New York.

  I couldn’t help but be flattered as well as surprised.

  The reason I’d left London, left him, was because I didn’t think he was capable of being anything other than a man who thought only about his work. It never would have occurred to me that he might come to New York, albeit for three months. It seemed so out of character.

  Because it didn’t seem to make sense, I decided that I had to see it myself. After an annoying amount of time on the law school website, I’d managed to uncover Knightley’s teaching schedule.

  I was a little older than most of the students filing into the lecture hall, but no one said anything as I took a seat at the back of the class, tucked away in the shadows.

  Knightley stepped to the front in his beautifully cut, handmade suit as if he might have been on his way into chambers. The titter of the female students echoed through the hall. I bet there had been few more handsome lecturers in Columbia’s history.

  He addressed the room in a loud, confident manner and seemed to know the material despite being only a couple of weeks into the job. He was just so hopelessly clever. So annoyingly charming.

  I barely focused on what he was saying—seeing him brought everything whooshing back. I’d been testing myself, seeing if my feelings for him had passed. I’d hoped I’d be cured, but no. I loved this man. Still.

  Since his call a little over two weeks ago, I’d done nothing but think about what him being in the US meant—could mean—for him, for me, for us.

  He’d made no attempt to contact me in the days since his last call. I’d know because I hadn’t been more than a foot away from my phone at any point. Just in case.

  I couldn’t get over how a man so devoted to his career had so easily put that on pause. Rightly or wrongly, it made me wonder if I’d done the right thing by leaving. Should I have told him what I needed? Should I have told him I loved him? Given us more time?

  Clearly, there was so much more to the man at the front of the hall than I’d ever known. But I yearned to learn it all. Watching him, it felt as if he was not just my past but perhaps part of my future.

  When the lecture was over, a host of students lined up to ask questions. There was no lack of admiration for this man even without me in the room.

  My feelings hadn’t changed, I was sure of that. And now I’d seen the evidence that he had changed his whole life, I was ready to talk. Ready to hear what he had to say.

  Alexander

  The teaching assistants were good at helping me fend off questions at the end of lectures, but that still left me with a string of students out the door, which after thirty minutes since the end of my lectures, I was only just finished with. I enjoyed their enthusiasm and clever questions. They had time to think, discuss, and debate—I’d forgotten how thrilling and stimulating being a student could be. I’d felt like them once, back when it hadn’t become a job, when it hadn’t taken over my life. Occasionally, the questions got a little personal. I was surprised at how confident some of the women were in asking me about my relationship status, but I managed to be suitably vague without encouraging them or lying.

  When the final student had left, the teaching assistants and I picked up the leftover handouts and headed out. Ready to lock up my office, I was looking forward to my second full weekend in New York. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I had nothing specific to do.

  “Is this your first time in New York City?” Gideon, one of the teaching assistants, asked.

  “I came once as a student, but that was a long time ago. I’ve never worked anywhere but London.”

  “I would love to work in England. And France,” he replied. “Perhaps in Asia. I see myself as some kind of nomadic law professor eventually.”

  I hoped
he’d fulfill his dream. It seemed so much more sophisticated than mine had been at his age. I’d just wanted to get a tenancy and start earning some money. I never thought beyond that—I’d simply walked the path my father had walked. Looking back, it seemed so pedestrian.

  “We’re all going for a drink, if you’d like to join us,” he said as we came out of the double doors and into the main corridor.

  “I—”

  I stopped dead in my tracks. Violet stood directly opposite, leaning on the wall looking straight at me. My heart began to pound. Christ, she was beautiful. Had she been waiting for me? Was she here to talk?

  Whatever she wanted, I didn’t want to hear it in front of my TA. I turned to Gideon, and he held out his hand to take the papers I was carrying. “I’m sorry; I can’t make this evening. Another time. Enjoy your weekend,” I said.

  He nodded and went on his way, the chatter of the TAs mellowing the further away they got.

  I turned back to Violet. She smiled, but it wasn’t her breezy office smile. This was intimate, knowing. “Hi, Professor Knightley.”

  “Violet King, fancy meeting you here.” It was so good to see her, to reanimate the memories I constantly replayed in my mind. It comforted me to see she was still the same, to know her curves would still fit against my body in the perfect way they always had.

  She tilted her head. “I had to come and see if it were true. Had the Alexander Knightley really decided to come Stateside to teach?”

  God, I’d missed her teasing—she never let me take myself too seriously. “Well, here I am.”

  “You were very impressive in there.” She lifted her chin in the direction of the lecture hall.

  Had she been in my lecture? “I’m not sure what you expected.” I wanted to reach out and touch her, to pull her close and never let her go.

  “I suppose you were who I thought you’d be.”

  I smiled. “I’m very glad that your expectations weren’t completely dashed.”

  “Not completely.” She held my gaze as if she wanted to say more. “Anyway,” she said, pushing off the wall and standing straight. “I heard you were new on campus. I thought you might need a tour, an orientation of sorts.”

  I narrowed my eyes. Was she trying to be my friend? Did she want to talk? I didn’t care as long as she was here. “I was just thinking that an orientation was just what I needed.”

  Silently, we started toward the exit.

  When we got to the doors, I held one open as she walked through and out into the frigid, fresh air and toward the quad. I followed, and as we started down the stone steps she began to speak. “Before I left London, on that Saturday night when you came back late—”

  “You will never know how sorry I am. If I had just set an alarm—”

  “I know. But I need to say I’m sorry to have left like I did. I was trying to act like it was no big deal.”

  I exhaled, conflicted because as much as I missed her, I knew that she’d been right to leave. I was desperately sorry I’d let her down, but her leaving me had been exactly what I needed. “You did the right thing,” I said.

  We stopped at the bottom of the steps, and I watched as she looked out over the quad, avoiding my stare.

  “You didn’t want me to stay?” she asked.

  I took a deep breath, keeping my hands in my pockets to stop myself from reaching out. “I have learned a great deal since you came into my life. First and foremost that you deserve to have a wonderful life with someone who worships and adores you. I also learned that I didn’t know how to do that, not properly at least.” I sighed. “I don’t think you made the wrong decision by leaving, Violet. I wouldn’t have been the man you needed me to be. The man you deserved. Not then.”

  “And now?” She lowered her gaze to the floor and balled her hands into fists.

  “I want things to be different. I’m trying. I want to prove that I’m more than a barrister.”

  She gazed up at me, a crease between her eyebrows as if she wasn’t sure she’d heard me.

  “I’m just trying to take each day at a time; to spend these weeks in New York proving to you that I can be a man who deserves a woman like you. I know I want to be that man. But I need practice. I just know that I’m not ready to let you go. I won’t ever be ready.”

  “That’s why you left London?” Her gaze dipped to where I had my hands pushed into my pockets.

  “I didn’t want to pursue a profession that required me to sacrifice everything else in my life. And . . .” I couldn’t hold back any longer. I reached out and trailed the back of my finger down her cheek, then lifted her chin so she was looking at me. “I came for you. To show you how I feel. I’ve never wanted a woman like I want you—I didn’t realize I was capable of these feelings.”

  The delicate blush that bloomed across her cheek was something I’d savor forever.

  “You leaving was a huge wake-up call for me. It almost broke me. I’ll never be the same again. But when you left, it forced me off the relentless road I’d been on. For the first time, I’m doing what I want to do rather than what I feel I should be doing.”

  “And now you’re here.”

  “I am, for you and for me. I want to prove to you how serious I am about you.”

  She put her finger on my lips, silencing me.

  “I left London because I knew that however much you wanted to do anything else, you were hardwired to put work first.”

  I nodded. She was completely right.

  “But now you’re here . . . I don’t know what to think anymore. I never imagined you’d leave chambers for a weekend, let alone three months. It makes me think that you’re right, that maybe something has shifted for you. Maybe there’s a chance . . .”

  My instinct was to push, to ask her to take me back, to try again to see if we worked. But I wanted her to want it as much as I did.

  Her gaze fluttered around the campus behind me as if she were searching for answers. “You’ve switched on this part of me that lay dormant for a long time—the bit that wants to look forward to the future. But whenever I picture what lies in front of me, I’m always standing next to you.”

  I had to close my eyes for fear that I was dreaming. Did this beautiful, accomplished woman want to take a chance on me?

  “I can’t guarantee anything,” I said. “Except that I will love you for the rest of my life.”

  I knew that if I focused on anything, I could make it work. If I made her the center of my world, everything else would fall into place.

  Her eyes were glassy with tears. She reached up and smoothed her fingers across my cheekbone. “How about we seize each day together for the rest of our lives?”

  * * *

  Did I expect to be lying in bed in my New York hotel room, watching as the love of my life slept peacefully beside me?

  Never.

  Had I hoped it might happen?

  Always.

  “Hey,” Violet said, her eyes closed and her voice croaky with too little sleep. She extended her arm, and I caught her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm.

  She smiled and stroked my face. “I love that you’re here with me.”

  “I love you, Violet King. You are the most important part of my life.”

  She pulled me over her, slipping her hands down my back, pressing her lips against mine.

  I braced my arms on either side of her and pulled back to look at her. “I’m the luckiest man on Earth. I swear I’m going to do everything I can to make you happy.”

  She pushed my hair away from my face. “I believe you. I believe in you.”

  My heart skipped. Whatever happened, I would always try to put us and our relationship first. “I believe in us. And I love you.” Now that the words were out, now that she knew, I couldn’t stop telling her, over and over.

  “I love you, too,” she said.

  “Still?”

  “Always,” she replied.

  I smiled and dipped my head, licking across her collarbone.
/>
  “But only because of the things you can do to my body—you get that, don’t you? I mean, if your dick was ever to fall off, that’d be it for me. I’d be outta here.” She grinned as she opened her legs and I settled between her thighs, my hard cock teasing her wetness.

  “I’m okay with being used,” I replied. I wasn’t sure if she was just teasing me or if she was trying to hold back a part of her heart that she wasn’t yet willing to relinquish—maybe she wasn’t ready to trust me entirely quite yet. But that was okay. I knew myself well enough to know I’d never give any reason for her to regret giving her delicate heart to me. I knew how to work hard to get where I wanted to be, and in Violet’s arms, between her thighs, sharing her world was the only place for me.

  I slid my lips against hers and braced myself for being inside her again without a condom. Last night we’d agreed nothing should be between us from now on. She was on the pill and the only woman I’d slept with since that first time in my office. She’d be the only woman I’d sleep with for the rest of my life.

  She tipped her head back and dug her nails into my shoulders as I slid into her. Fuck she felt good. Tight. Wet. Perfect.

  With Violet, I understood for the first time in my life how good sex could be. How it was so much better because of how I felt about her. A delicious gloss on a fundamental feeling, an intimacy I’d never shared with anyone before her.

  As I moved above her, slowly at first, my skin sang as she traced her toes down the back of my thighs, fluttered her fingers down my spine, and arched her back.

  Lazily, I rocked in and out of her, wanting to stay like this forever, in this blissful state of pre-orgasm fuzz—the place only Violet had ever brought me.

  “Alexander,” she half whispered, half groaned. “Alexander.”

  I savored every word, every moan, grunt, and gasp from her lips. I’d missed them all. I’d been without them too long.