"He was?" She smiled, thinking of the little boy.
"But he was so sick… you should have seen him as a child. It runs in the family, honestly. Laird Donal was a sickly child, too. It was Audrina's influence that kept him going, you know? Having her medical expertise … well, it's changed a lot around here."
"I wonder if it changed history?" Helena said thoughtfully, thinking of her sister's wild theories about science fiction and time travel. "I mean… Audrina's knowledge by all rights shouldn't be known in these times. What if her being here … changed something? Changed the future?"
"Changed it for the better, I'd warrant," Brendan said firmly.
All she could do was shrug. She didn't understand time travel well enough in theory to explain what she meant.
"If only my sister was here." She sighed. "She knows so much ridiculous stuff… she'd be able to keep Jamie entertained for hours and hours."
"This is Bec, yes?"
She smiled, touched that Brendan had remembered the details of her family that she'd told him. "Yeah, that's her. She's a couple of years younger than me. She's amazing with kids. I never have any idea what I'm doing."
"What do you mean? You were wonderful with Jamie." He was looking at her, clearly nonplussed by her insecurity, and she couldn't help smiling with relief.
"Really? I felt — awkward."
"You don't give yourself enough credit," Brendan said firmly, taking the final mouthful of his soup then pushing his bowl away. "Now, I'm going to take some food up for the lad. You're welcome to join me, if you like, but he'll probably be asleep for most of the afternoon. You'll have nobody to spend time with but me."
She could feel herself blushing and fought it as best she could, affecting a casual disposition as she got to her feet. "I'll help you get the food up to him. And why don't I keep you company while you wait for him to wake up?"
"I'd never say no to the pleasure of your company," Brendan said with an oddly charming little bow that made her heart skip a beat.
Grinning to herself, she followed him toward the stairs, letting herself revel a little in how good it felt to be with him, to be working together toward a common good — even if it was something as simple as fetching lunch for a sickly child.
Jamie was awake when they got up the stairs and looked miserable when they headed into the room to bring him his lunch. Helena was glad she'd ducked into the kitchens to check if there was any dessert she could bring him — Mary had managed to find a pastry that had been left over from the night before, and Jamie's face lit up when he saw it.
"Only when you've finished your lunch," Brendan said firmly. "And only if you promise to rest for the next few days, alright?"
"I promise," Jamie said miserably. "Can I read?"
"You know it hurts your eyes when you're unwell like this."
Jamie heaved another sigh, and Helena could see his eyes filling up with tears. She felt a surprising burst of sympathy welling up in her chest. The poor kid… boys his age should be running and playing, not lying in bed because they got over-excited about rocks. She took a seat by his bedside, wanting to make him feel better, impressed by how brave he was trying to be despite his miserable situation.
"Tell you what. If you agree to rest like Brendan says, I'll read books to you. How about that? Will that be okay?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder at Brendan.
The man shrugged and nodded.
Jamie's face brightened a little. "Truly? We could read — " He shifted in bed, and Brendan made a warning sound — he subsided. "There's a book of old fairytales in the library," he said breathlessly. "Brenan brought it back from London on his last trip — remember?"
"I know the one," Brendan said with a grin. "You want me to run and fetch it?"
"Yes please!"
"Make sure he stays put," Brendan warned Helena, a smile playing about his eyes. "If he moves an inch, you report to me, alright?"
Then Brendan was gone. Helena helped Jamie finish his lunch — including the pastry, which he ate with great enthusiasm — then settled him more comfortably into the bed, organizing the pillows around his head to make him more comfortable. "This must suck," she said softly — drawing a confused expression from him.
"This must what?"
"This must suck. This must — huh, I guess you guys don't have that expression. This must be pretty bad," she explained, lamely.
But Jamie's eyes were bright again. "Is that what they say in the future, when things are bad? That they suck?"
"Yeah," she said, fighting a grin. "We'd say… oh, my friend can't come over today. That sucks."
"I have to stay in bed for a whole three days," Jamie said experimentally. "This sucks." He giggled, a reassuring sound. "That's great!"
It wasn't long before Brendan was back with them, a handful of books tucked under his arm. Jamie looked up, a smile on his tired face, and Brendan smiled back, looking pleasantly surprised to see the boy looking in good spirits.
"Bad news, I'm afraid, young man," Brendan said heavily. "It seems someone else has borrowed the book you wanted. I got these ones instead, but you'll have to wait for the other one."
"Oh," Jamie said. He glanced sideways at Helena, a sly grin on his face, then added: "Well, that sucks."
The blank look on Brendan's face was too much. Helena collapsed into a fit of giggles, and the harder she tried not to laugh, the harder it became to control herself. Jamie was fighting not to laugh, too, clearly trying to keep a straight face — but she heard him crack under the pressure, collapsing into his own laughing fit. And now Brendan, too, was grinning, though he looked utterly at a loss as to what was happening. The three of them laughed for mad things for what felt like hours until they finally grew tired and the laughter finally faded. Helena was gasping for breath, wiping her eyes with her fingertips, and Jamie had settled back into his bed, looking tired even as he grinned.
"Helena's teaching me future language," he explained brightly, causing another gale of laughter from Helena and Brendan.
He had a wonderful laugh, she thought dizzily, gazing at him as he got his chuckles under control. She wanted to hear more of it… see more of it… feel more of it, if she was honest. What she really wanted was for him to sweep her into his arms and kiss her. But she'd settle for his laugh… at least for now.
"Future language. My word." Brendan shook his head, still chuckling, and put the books he'd brought on Jamie's bedside table. "I think you'd better get some rest before the three of us go completely mad."
"You're right," Jamie said distantly, clearly half asleep already. "Wouldn't be good if we all went mad. That would… that would really…"
"Don't," Helena warned him.
He gave her a toothy grin. "It would really suck."
"Jamie!"
"I'm going to sleep!" the boy said with a grin, burying himself under the covers.
Helena sat by his side until his breathing settled, then rose to her feet and padded out into the study, where Brendan was sitting by himself, still chuckling under his breath.
"Can't believe you thought you were bad with children." He chuckled, fixing her with an admiring look that made her heart feel like it was about to beat right out of her chest. "I don't think I've ever seen him laugh like that."
"I just taught him some modern slang, that's all." She shrugged.
He looked fascinated. "People really go around saying that things — suck? As in — what a baby lamb does to its mother?"
"They do." She grinned. But what he'd said reminded her of something, and her smile faded a little.
"What's the matter?"
"Just thinking about whatever's stealing away those baby lambs," she said, her eyes downcast. "I really hope it's a bear or a wolf or something. The thing I saw… it was awful. Like some kind of monster. It'd be horrible if it was real. I'd honestly prefer it if I were going crazy and seeing things."
"Well, we'll find out in a few days, won't we?" Brendan said firmly. "Once Jamie's well
again, I'll ride out and check in with the men who are keeping an eye on the flocks for all the shepherds. See if they've got any insight." He smiled softly, reaching out unexpectedly and taking hold of her hand.
She could tell it was a bold move from the look in his eyes, felt her heart beating hard — was this about to turn into something more than a friendly chat? She didn't mind — she could feel her whole body buzzing with her desire for him, calling out to him, and for a moment she couldn't even bring herself to worry about what she knew about him, his lost wife, the confusion he clearly felt about her and Brigid…
"Brendan, I —"
"Brigid, listen —"
They spoke at the same time… and when she figured out what he'd said, her heart sank into the bottom of her chest and felt like it kept sinking, right down past her stomach to her toes. He was staring back at her, clearly well aware of what he'd said too, the anguish in his eyes unmistakable. But what was she supposed to say?
"I didn't mean —"
"I know," she said numbly, taking her hand out of his and getting to her feet. "I know you didn't mean to. Listen, I'm going to head down to the courtyard, okay? I said I'd meet Marianne for a riding lesson, so."
"Helena," he said, trying to stop her — but she shook her head, already on her way out of the room.
It was a little too late to get her name right.
Chapter 13
In the end, it was a full three days before Jamie got clearance to be up and about again from the strictest medical team in Scotland… the team of Brendan and Audrina. Helena headed back up to keep the boy company after she'd had a chance to cool off after the awkward confrontation with Brendan. He seemed determined not to mention it, and she was happy to go along with that plan… the two of them sat and chatted with Jamie all afternoon, keeping him calm but engaged in quiet conversation until he got tired again around nightfall and nodded off. Then Brendan followed her down to dinner, an expression on his face that told her he wanted to talk about it.
"Listen, I know I look just like your wife," she said flatly, feeling her frustration and dismay at what had happened rising. Had she really kidded herself that he was starting to like her for her? No — he thought he was playing house with his dead wife. "And I'm sorry, Brendan, I'm truly sorry for your loss, and how hard this must be for you. I know that all the other women wound up — you know, married to the men who … whatever." She ground her teeth, not liking how inarticulate she was sounding. "But I'm not her, Brendan. I'm never going to be her. All that stuff you said about her being back… I'm sorry, but it's just not true. I'm my own person, with my own memories and my own life. I can never be her, and the quicker you realize that, the better we're going to get on. Okay?"
"I understand," he said softly, after a long pause in which he gazed at her, his mind clearly working hard to take in what she'd just said. "I just… you have to understand, Helena." He stressed her name gently, making her grind her teeth again. It wasn't that hard to remember her name… was it? Was she really asking that much of this man? Why were men so good at just limbo-ing under the lowest bar set for them? "I just… I miss her so much. I miss her every day, every night. I think about her constantly. And you… you're just like her. It's no wonder I slipped up."
"I'm not just like her," she said through gritted teeth. "Get your shit together, Brendan, I'm a completely different woman. I'm from Los Angeles, for God's sake, five hundred years in your future. I couldn't be any more different from your wife if I tried. And if you really can't see past the fact that I happen to look like her…"
"Exactly like her," he corrected her, and she could see she'd struck a nerve. Well, good. She struck harder, driven by anger.
"Exactly like her, sure. But if you can't tell the difference between two completely different women with the same face after spending years of your life with one, well — I don't know how attentive a husband you were, but —"
"How dare you," he said abruptly, his face cold. There. She'd gotten through to him, finally. "How dare you suggest I didn't know my wife —"
"I'm not suggesting a damn thing. You're suggesting it, by mixing me up with her. So cut it out, or we can't be friends. End of." She folded her arms, meeting his gaze squarely. The anger in her was enough to drive her on through the uncomfortable silence that followed. She sure as hell wasn't backing down right now. Maybe he'd decide he never wanted to see her again — well, that was just fine with her. It was a wrench, sure… she'd really liked this guy. But there was no hope of any kind of relationship while he was still laboring under the false impression that she was just a replacement for his wife, a kind of cosmic clone that had been sent along. She was a new woman.
And he could either figure that out… or lose her too.
"Fine," he said finally, his voice cold. Then he rose to his feet and stalked away, the anger clear in every one of his movements. She watched him go, her jaw tight, fighting the urge to run after him. It was pretty obvious what he was doing. She'd called out his shitty behavior — she'd been right about all of it, of course — and to hide his discomfort, he was resorting to anger. It was a great tactic — she'd seen it plenty of times, usually from the men she worked with when she caught one of their mistakes. Wasn't that sad? Hundreds of years later, and men still fundamentally hadn't changed. It was exhausting.
Still, as much as she knew she was in the right, she couldn't help feeling a pang of regret as she sat and ate her dinner alone. After her meal, she headed back toward Brendan's quarters, but she ran into Audrina on the way, who was helping a sleepy Jamie walk back to their own quarters. Well, that was good, Helena thought with a pang of sadness. Part of her had wanted the excuse to see Brendan again. Well, he could just stew by himself for a while. She had more important things to do — like helping Audrina care for her son.
So she did — for two days solid. It felt oddly good, to get her mind off Brendan, who occasionally came to visit but avoided eye contact with her and in general treated her like a stranger. If Audrina noticed the energy between them, she didn't say anything — she was more interested in dealing with her son, in making sure he was well tended. Her husband Colin spent a lot of time with their son, too, talking and laughing. And Jamie seemed to appreciate Helena's presence. He was always asking her to teach him new words from the future — she was running out of slang fairly quickly, she started teaching him the names of technological gadgets that wouldn't exist for hundreds of years. Pretty soon, he was talking confidently about laptops and disc drives, USB sticks and airplanes, refrigerators and four-wheel drives. It was a weird little experiment, and one that Audrina found particularly amusing.
"He won't learn any of the anatomical terms for the muscles and bones because can't see them through the skin," she remarked with amused vexation to Helena one day. "But he's delighted to learn all about how a computer hard drive works, even though he'll never see one in his lifetime."
"That we know of." Helena shrugged. "He's pretty clever. Maybe he'll build one. He's already planning to build a car, isn't he?"
"Over my dead body," Audrina said firmly. "I already suspect I've done enough damage to the timeline by simply sharing my medical knowledge, saving lives that mightn't have otherwise been saved. I'm not letting my son build a computer in the fifteenth century."
"You're no fun," Jamie murmured as he drifted off toward another nap. "Don't be such a downer, Mom."
"Can't believe you taught him to call me 'Mom'," Audrina said, rolling her eyes. "He's said 'Mam' or 'Mother' since he was old enough to talk, and overnight you've completely corrupted him."
"Sorry." Helena smiled, trying to hide her laughter. "I honestly didn't mean to."
"It's fine," she said with a grin. "I'm just glad to see him smiling. It's been hard on him, the poor kid, dealing with all this."
"It must be. Brendan was telling me he wanted to be a knight?"
"Oh, yes. He was heartbroken when it became clear he wasn't going to be able to fight alongside the other boy
s. But he'll make a wonderful doctor… or something like one, anyway." Audrina stroked her sleeping son's hair from his face, smiling softly down at him. "We don't really have a word for what he'll be… but I'm going to teach him everything I can, and so is Brendan. He'll be something special, that's for sure."
"He's a great kid," Helena said softly. "And that's coming from me. I don't usually like kids. But he's great."
"Do you think you'll have some of your own someday?" Audrina asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.
Unbidden, the thought of Brendan rose to her mind… and she dismissed it, annoyed for herself for even thinking of him. No way was she having a kid with a man who couldn't even get her name right.
"Have to meet a guy who wants me first," she said, her tone sounding a lot more self-pitying than she'd wanted it to.
Audrina sighed. "I thought something might have happened," she said softly. "The way Brendan's acting around you… it's like you're a snake waiting to strike. What did he do?" She snorted at Helena's quizzical look. "Obviously it's his fault. You wouldn't have done anything wrong."
She grinned at the vote of confidence. "I like how much faith you have in me. It was his fault, in fact. He called me Brigid."
Audrina sighed, rubbing her face. "Ah. I thought he might be falling into that little trap. By all accounts, you're a lot like her in personality as well as in appearance."
"How?"
"Introverted, bookish." Audrina shrugged. "Clever. You know. Things that intimidate men."
She sighed. "I don't mean to be introverted. I just — I've always been better with rocks than people, that's all."
Audrina chuckled softly. "Well. Did he at least apologize?"
"He did," Helena said reluctantly. "But he also told me all about how much he misses Brigid, and how desperately he wants her back, and how much like her I am… I don't know. I like him, you know? Actually, I really like him. But I'd be stupid if I let myself fall for someone who thinks I'm … well, someone I'm not. I'm sure Brigid was great, and everything. She's my great-great-great whatever grandmother, I like her a whole lot. But I'm not her, and I never will be, and if he thinks I'm going to try just to make him happy he's a damn fool."
Highlander Hunted: A Scottish Time Travel Romance (Highlander In Time Book 8) Page 10
