She stepped back. “You don’t need to say it with such spite.”
“I’m not saying it with spite. I’m trying to get my point across. Which is that you should’ve trusted me. I shepherded nobles around for a day. I could’ve bent the ear of any one of them, if you’d only mentioned it to me.”
“You’d hate doing what I do.” She laughed. “You’ve told me that.”
Kunal looked mulish. “Perhaps, but you shouldn’t have hid it from me. I’m not going to take orders and not ask questions. How many men have you gathered?”
“I can’t say,” Esha said. “And I’m not ordering you around, Kunal. What is this really about?”
“It’s about what I’m saying,” he said. Despite his words, Esha had a feeling this wasn’t about Kunal not knowing how many weapons or troops they had amassed in support. He was expecting her to treat him differently, which wasn’t fair. He couldn’t have it both ways.
“And what about you? Arpiya mentioned you let someone into the palace last week, someone she didn’t recognize. And you directly disobeyed us during the archery tournament. You were reckless.”
“We weren’t supposed to have secrets between us,” he hissed. “Yet I found you climbing out of a second-story window. You want to talk about being reckless? Have you told your prince about that?”
Esha bunched her fingers into a fist by her side. “I don’t appreciate the way you said ‘your prince.’”
“He is, isn’t he?”
“He’s my friend—”
Kunal made a disbelieving noise.
Esha strode forward and poked him in the chest. He grabbed on to her wrist and pulled her close, feeling her anger like waves of heat off her.
“You have yet to even say how you feel about me. You don’t get to—”
“I haven’t said how I feel?” Kunal’s voice dropped to a dangerously low whisper. “Why would I be here, trying to argue with you for your trust—”
“Why did you even join us? You don’t want to be a Blade, but that’s what we are,” she said, her voice becoming tight.
Kunal growled in frustration. How could she not see how much he wanted, cared for her? She couldn’t—or wouldn’t—see that, yet she gave Harun passes.
“Well, maybe joining was a mistake.”
Esha looked as if she had been slapped. A moment of silence stretched between them.
“If that’s how you really feel—”
Kunal let out a frustrated sigh, reaching for her. “No. It’s not that simple.”
“It is, Kunal.”
“No, it’s not.”
She turned to leave and he went after her, grabbing her wrist.
“Esha, don’t leave. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
She stopped at his words, turning back to him. Her face was a mask of hurt and anger and frustration.
“You don’t get to say that,” she said.
“I meant that this hasn’t turned out the way I had thought—”
“What, that you’re having to take orders from me? A woman?”
Kunal did a double take. That was the last thing he meant.
“No.”
He hadn’t meant that the mistake was in following her, not for a minute. But rather that he wanted to be in that inner circle and part of him worried he never would be. Especially after seeing her and Harun together, plotting out the rescue of Harun’s long-lost sister.
Where did Kunal fit in that story?
He wanted to be the hero, but he felt lost in this world of politics and alliances. He felt like a soldier of old, clinging to his duty to protect, his desire to change the world.
“I wouldn’t ever think something so stupid. You are the smartest, fiercest— How could you think—” Kunal unleashed a sigh of frustration and pulled her into a kiss.
She kissed him back, channeling her anger into the kiss, shoving him against the wall. He pulled her closer to him, so close he felt her breath on his eyelashes as he kissed her neck. They broke apart minutes later, both their breaths coming in rough. Esha pulled back to look him in the eye, her voice heavy.
“This hasn’t turned out the way any of us thought. It was supposed to be much simpler. We were supposed to have time.” Her voice became insistent even in its softness. “That’s all. I’ve been spending every moment with the nobles trying to find alliances. But I’m not in a position to tell you everything. Ultimately, that’s Harun and King Mahir’s decision. You have to trust us—trust me.”
Kunal leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. That was the problem, wasn’t it? He trusted her, but he didn’t know if he trusted the Blades. Or the Scales. Or the prince. Or Dharmdev. And he was sick of sitting back, taking orders, and being the good soldier. He wanted to make his own choices.
“I trust you, Esha. But don’t keep things from me again,” he said. “I want to help and be of use. How can I do that if I don’t know what we’re up against?”
“As if you don’t have secrets, soldier?” It was clear from her expression that she was teasing, but Kunal froze. He had become a hypocrite.
He had reams of secrets now, ones that might have been used directly against the Scales. He was the scum on the bottom of a sandal and he’d never forgive himself for lying to her about Laksh.
But the alternative was worse, wasn’t it?
If Laksh told anyone he knew the identity of the Viper, Esha would be in danger. She was still wanted for the general’s murder. For a moment, he wanted to reveal everything to her, unburden himself.
But he was carrying the burden so she could remain safe.
If anything happened to her . . .
“I do have secrets,” he said, his voice turning serious. “I never told you I’m not a huge fan of mangoes.”
Esha gasped. “Liar. You ate two of them when I wasn’t looking in the jungle.”
He grinned, pulling her close to nuzzle into her hair, whispering into her ear, “You caught me.”
With a heavy sigh she pulled away and held him at arm’s length.
“I won’t hold back anything else from you. It’s my natural instinct as the leader of the Blades, you have to understand. Presenting disparate pieces of information to the team can be confusing. I like to come in with a plan. Otherwise, I put the burden of leadership on all of them.”
“I understand that.” And he truly did. It was easy for him to forget all that she did, that she had done, at this age. Leading a team of rebels, ones who would lay down their lives for her—that was no easy feat. “I saw the burden of leadership at the Fort.”
“You were fine with not knowing everything before. What changed in the last few weeks?”
Kunal felt himself stiffen. He hadn’t wanted it, but his time with Laksh had opened his eyes up, for good and for bad.
“Nothing. You don’t like that I’m starting to get opinions of my own,” he said drily, masking the roil of emotions in his belly.
“No, I quite like this new fiery side of you,” she said, pulling his face down to hers.
Kunal sighed. “Esha, you can’t solve everything with a kiss.”
“No?”
Her eyes twinkled, and the corners of his own mouth turned up, unable to resist her charm.
Kunal’s smile masked his thoughts, the certainty with which he felt that there was now a crack in their relationship. Lies and mistrust and suspicion. Esha believed it could be mended with a kiss.
He hoped she was right.
Chapter 32
This time when Laksh found him, Kunal didn’t even bother to act surprised.
Kunal was on patrol in the bankers’ quarter near the citadel, near the squat buildings and tall homes that bordered the merchants’ quarter, lively at all times of night and day. It was there that Laksh showed up, appearing from the shadows of an alleyway.
“Hello, Laksh,” Kunal said. He didn’t bother to look up and continued polishing his spear. He was taking a moment of rest to sand off a small nick he had found on the unders
ide.
“Still as fastidious as ever,” Laksh said in greeting. “You put everyone to shame at the Fort. The weapons master never gave us full marks after looking at yours.”
“Perhaps you didn’t deserve them.”
“We probably didn’t. But come on, it didn’t help the ‘perfect Kunal’ image.”
Was that why he was here now? To make him feel bad for a previous life? If this was all a way to take Kunal down a few pegs, Laksh needn’t have bothered.
“No need for that stare of yours. I was just . . . reminiscing. I’m allowed to do that, aren’t I?” There was something honest in Laksh’s defensiveness, enough to make Kunal look up at his old friend and put aside his spear.
“I’m not the one ordering you around.”
“Is that how you see this? I view it more as a partnership, so to speak,” Laksh said. “How was the musical competition?”
“Delightful. I enjoyed the milk sweets, thought the saffron rice was quite delicious as well.” Kunal couldn’t help the slight smile on his face as Laksh frowned.
“I’m glad to hear it. There wasn’t anything else interesting?”
“They did have a new dish, made with fermented goat’s milk. Perhaps to honor the Yavar. It was an interesting choice.”
“Indeed.” Laksh’s lips pursed. “And your digestion wasn’t impacted at all by the announcement that the princess Reha is alive and marrying our dear general Panak?”
Kunal hid a grin, feeling a thrill at having been the one to force Laksh into speaking plainly. It was a small victory, but enough for Kunal.
“It would have been if I believed it to truly be her,” he said, taking a gamble to gauge Laksh’s reaction.
“Do you have proof it’s not?”
“If I did, would I be here?”
They stared at each other for a moment.
“I’m sure it’s not her,” Kunal said finally.
“I’m not surprised,” Laksh said. “That Vardaan would do this.”
Kunal had expected a bit more of a reaction, but it was always hard to tell with Laksh. He may have already heard the rumors. Half the city was speaking the same words.
Laksh leaned forward. “And if she’s still out there, we still have a chance for the land. Don’t we?”
Kunal shrugged. He was willing to tease out the Reha information to see what else Laksh knew, but he’d not betray the Blades’ plans.
Especially when they both knew the truth.
But Laksh’s first words had been about the people, the land. And it brought back all the frustration and helplessness of talking to Esha and the team earlier. He still believed they’d do better working together, the Blades and the Scales. But both sides were too keen on their own plans, whether it be rescuing Reha or whatever was up Laksh’s sleeve.
“You know the answer to that. But I will say this. The land and our people are the most important, always. So, if you know of anything—” Kunal cut himself off before he could say anything else, wary of edging into betrayal.
Laksh tried to hide the momentary satisfaction on his face, but Kunal caught it, tucked it away for analysis later.
“I’m pleased you were able to get the report. Did you read it?”
“No,” Kunal said, though he wondered why he hadn’t. He tugged it out of his waist sash and handed it to Laksh. “I want no part in your schemes.”
“Bit late for that. Are you ready to win the chariot race—the Mela? This will decide it all, won’t it?”
“For you, you mean?” Kunal said.
“For you as well, Kunal,” Laksh replied. “It’s a simple thing, isn’t it? You use your already formidable skills as a soldier and mix in a bit of that supernatural power you have. It should be easy for you,” Laksh said.
“It’s not the difficulty I’m concerned with. Why do you want me to win?”
“I already told you,” Laksh said.
And he had, but something told Kunal there was more to it. The king’s boon, the report, sneaking into the palace. What did it all mean? And what had he inadvertently done?
“I’m not an idiot, Laksh. I know there’s something you’re not telling me. It doesn’t make sense.”
“There’s nothing else,” Laksh said. No evasion or mocking tone. But his fingers twitched, rubbing together under his uttariya. His tell during cards.
Kunal realized Laksh was nervous that he might still say no. Hadn’t Esha once told him that he always had a choice? So then why was he still listening to others blindly? He still took orders like a soldier.
For once, the thought unsettled him. He wanted to be a man of honor and action.
Finally, Kunal nodded, and Laksh relaxed a bit.
“Fine. I’ll see the competition through till the end, and then? We’ll be done.”
Laksh raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Do this for me, finish this out and get me the king’s boon, and then yes. We’ll be done.”
Laksh held out his hand and Kunal grabbed it, but he held him there.
“I’ll do it. But I have a request,” Kunal said, holding Laksh’s hand in limbo.
“And what’s that?”
“Take me to your next Scales meeting,” Kunal said.
Laksh smiled, broad and wide.
There was a brief break in the crush of people, and Kunal darted across the gap, slipping his way through the crowds and taking a shortcut to the stadium locker room before the start of the chariot race. He got there as the first conch blew, sweaty and frustrated.
He looked both ways before sneaking into the corridor that led to the outer hallway, where the audience sat. A glance up told him the pathway to the upper boxes of the arena were guarded—he noted who was on patrol.
Kunal found Esha a few minutes later, seated in a side box that was out of use. The outer window was covered, but they could still hear the shouts and cheers of the audience outside, readying themselves for the last, and most violent, competition of the Mela.
She was peeking around the window covering, searching for something.
Kunal cleared his throat.
Esha sat up instantly and then relaxed.
“Hello,” Kunal said in greeting, closing the curtains behind him.
“Hi.”
She could already notice it, the tenor of their greeting this morning, as if something were different between them. Strained since their last conversation.
“Did you sleep well?”
“It could’ve been better,” she said.
Kunal’s mouth curved downward. “And I’m the cause.”
“Yes,” she said. Esha felt herself freeze up as soon as she admitted it, her Viper mask returning. “Though I would’ve slept better if you were there.”
Kunal raised an eyebrow. “You’re doing it again. Didn’t I say you can’t solve everything with a kiss?”
“I haven’t kissed you.”
“It’s the same thing.”
Esha huffed. “It most surely isn’t. If you think a bit of flirting is the same as a good kiss, I’m not sure I can help you. By the way, was I your first kiss?”
“Esha.”
“If not, tell me her name, and I’ll find her. No killing, I promise.”
“Esha.”
“What?” she said.
She felt everything careering toward a disaster she couldn’t control, and as the Viper, that meant she typically used her whips, but here? Now? She didn’t know what to say to Kunal.
“Stop. You don’t need to pretend,” he said, sighing. “We fought. It’s all right. You don’t have to act like it didn’t happen.”
There were still unspoken words that needed to be said. It was clear from Kunal’s face that he had slept as poorly, if not worse, than her.
“I’m not,” she said. He gave her a disbelieving look. “Fine, Kunal. What do you want me to say? I’m still angry and hurt over what you said. I’m not good at forgiveness, like you. There. I’m horrible and selfish. Are you happy now?”
Her breath heav
ed as she finished. Would he turn away?
“No,” he said. “I didn’t come here to make things worse between us.”
There was silence between the two of them.
“You look very official,” she said first.
“It’s the armor.”
“I’ve seen you in armor before, soldier.”
She stood up, approaching him slowly. Kunal didn’t move, treating her like a jungle cat he didn’t want to spook. Esha came up to him and ran a finger down his armor, her expression inscrutable.
He was about to say something, apologize, but Esha jumped up on her tiptoes and brushed a kiss against his lips. He kissed her back, letting his hands curl into her hair. At least this was familiar.
“How are you feeling about today?” Esha asked.
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. He couldn’t tell her about Laksh, that he suspected something was going to happen but he didn’t know what or when.
“It’s nerves. But everything is set for today, for the race and the Victor’s Ball. You have nothing to worry about.”
But that was the thing. He did. She just didn’t know. And he couldn’t stop worrying, because this wasn’t simply a mission to him. This was what he risked his entire future for—this was the future of his land. He couldn’t leave that up to chance.
“I do have something to tell you, a request for today’s event. Don’t win the race,” she said, something urgent in her eyes. “That’s why I asked you to come here before the event.”
“And why’s that?” Kunal asked, thinking of Laksh’s order. And here he was, receiving another one.
Esha paused, biting her lip. “You asked for the truth, didn’t you? We’re building a potential alliance, and for that to be successful, I need you to step back. Let House Pramukh’s man win.” Esha held up a hand before Kunal could say anything. “Do not sabotage the others. All you need to do is finish alive,” she said. “Which, given the past nature of these races, might be harder than you think.”
Kunal chuckled. “I’ve been watching chariot races since I was a child. You forget I’m trained for this.”
“You are? I thought only the charioteers were.”
“Senap training covers all four branches. And I had a particular interest in it, so I’d sneak out to watch the charioteers practice.”
The Archer at Dawn Page 27
