by Piper Rayne
I’m surprised it’s taken her this long to threaten me. Phoenix does nothing half-assed.
“Fine. If I fuck up again, you get the first punch.”
“With brass knuckles,” she says.
“Sure, brass knuckles and all.”
She shakes her head and steadies her gaze on me. “Stop trying to make this a joke.”
I raise both hands. “I’m not joking. I’m serious. If I fuck this up, you’re welcome to beat me to a bloody pulp, okay?” I step forward, lowering my voice. “But, Phoenix, I’ll warn you now, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to win my family back. So you can try to interfere and be the annoying bee in your sister’s ear, but a love like ours doesn’t disappear after one fuck-up. Even a giant one like mine. I guarantee she still loves me. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when I let her leave me, but I am now. And things are going to be very different. You can either accept that or not. I’m trying to prove myself to you all but there are only two people I really care about making amends to, and one of them is lying in the hospital and the other one is wondering who the hell her daddy is. So you can take yer threats and shove them up yer arse.” I step back and stuff my hands in my pockets.
To my surprise, Phoenix says nothing, but her seething eyes speak volumes. I’m not backing down though. From what I can tell, it’ll be her and Kingston standing as a united front, trying to keep me from Sedona. If I stand firm and make them see how important this is to me, maybe they’ll eventually back off.
The sliding doors of the hospital open, Maverick standing there. “Dad said we have to go. The plane is ready.”
Phoenix exhales, staring long and hard at me. “I have to go to LA for a meeting with my record label.” She pokes me in the chest. “I’m stopping on the way back to buy a pair of brass knuckles, so don’t fuck it up.” She twirls around and stomps away from me. “Coming, sweetie,” she say in a sweet-as-pie voice.
Maverick groans. “Phoenix, you can’t call me that anymore.”
She rests her arm over her stepson’s shoulders. “Sorry, I forgot. Dude a better option?”
Maverick groans again and Phoenix laughs as if she can change her mood with the flick of a switch. But then she glances over her shoulder to give me a death stare.
I turn around and head to the hospital gift shop, happy to finally be alone with Sedona for as long as she’ll allow me.
Turns out there’s a lot of sleeping after you have a baby, plus she’s on pain pills, so I’m not sure she even knows I’m in the chair next to her.
As I watch deliveries of flowers and balloons being taken to other rooms, Sedona’s room remains bare except for the snacks and magazines I gave her. I suppose that’s normal since she’s not going home with a baby.
I flick through the television to find anything other than some raunchy talk show about who’s the daddy or a court show where two people can’t be civilized enough to handle their affairs off-air and choose instead to bring their grievances in front of a judge for all the world to see.
Holly stands in the doorway, appearing alarmed to find me. I drop my feet from the chair I slid in front of me to stretch out.
“I didn’t think you’d be here. I thought everyone left.” She hovers at the door.
“They did. I stayed.”
A small smile creases her lips. “I just wanted to check on her. We’re in a room down the hall with Harper. We should be released tomorrow though. She’s perfectly healthy.” She steps into the room hesitantly as if there’s a live wire at her feet.
“Sedona’s pretty out of it. The nurse just gave her a dose of pain pills and she’s been asleep ever since.”
Resting her back on the wall, Holly crosses her ankles. “Yeah, I slept almost an entire day afterward. Lucky for me, I had Austin to help with Easton.”
I nod, understanding her sly way of ridiculing the fact that I wasn’t here to help Sedona. “I can’t take back what happened.”
She holds up her hand. “I know. I didn’t mean like that.”
I raise my eyebrows.
“Okay, maybe a little, but it sounded much worse out loud than it did in my head. Listen.” She breaks the distance. “You know this family. You’ve known them longer than me.”
Yeah, for some reason, Holly is still more Principal Radcliffe in my mind than someone who will hopefully be my sister-in-law one day.
“They’re tight, and the mistake you made was huge. You’re up against a lot, but I also think she still loves you.”
I inch forward as though she’s about to let me in on a secret.
“And I would never argue with the heart. It wins every time. It’s not always right, but it’s too powerful for the mind to convince otherwise. The heart takes all rational thoughts and beliefs and throws them in a dumpster. All I ask of you is to make sure, because the woman in that bed just gave me the best gift anyone ever could.” A tear trickles down her cheek and she swipes it, shaking her head as if she still can’t believe how lucky she is. “I mean, I can never pay her back but… I don’t want to be a boulder in the way of her getting what she wants. I think there’s enough of those people lined up between you two.” She fixes her gaze on Sedona’s sleeping form. “She’s special and deserves to be treated as such.”
“I know.”
She smiles. “I’m really proud of you for going to rehab and getting your life in order.”
I chuckle. Always the principal. I remember when she had every senior visit her during the first year she was a principal so she could ask about our life plans and help us chart a course. From the way she’s talking to me, she must remember what I told her. God knows I’ve never forgotten. Soccer and Sedona are still my goal, even if the soccer part is going to be different than I imagined. “Thanks.”
“I’m serious, Jamison. It’s something to be proud of. A lot of people lose the battle.”
“I’m not sure my fight will ever be over.”
She nods. “Probably not, but I think you’re moving in the right direction.”
We look at Sedona peacefully sleeping. What I wouldn’t do to slide into that bed and hold her. “I think so too.”
She gives my shoulder a squeeze and leaves the room. I lean back in my chair, dozing for I don’t know how long until I try to change position and the arm on the chair forbids movement, so I sit up, stretching my neck and back.
Sedona’s staring at me with her untouched dinner tray in front of her.
I sit up straight, blinking my eyes to fully awake. “What time is it?”
“Six,” she says. “Why are you here?”
“I wasn’t gonna leave you alone.”
“I’m not. Holly and Austin are here.”
“Down the hall.”
She stares at me for a moment, probably wondering how I’d know that.
“I brought you some magazines and your favorite snacks.”
She glances at them on the windowsill. “Thanks. I’m fully capable of staying here by myself.”
“I know yer capable, but that doesn’t mean you should. I got a deck of cards. Want to play Rummy?” I grab them from the table where I was playing Solitaire earlier.
“Jamison,” she sighs.
“Come on, I’m not asking for much. Just for you to let me help you through this. I’ll be your slave. What do you want? Me to feed you? A sponge bath? It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”
She laughs, then grips her stomach. “Don’t make me laugh.”
But it’s such a beautiful sound. “I’m here as a friend, I promise.”
She looks at me skeptically. “No, you’re not, but I need a distraction from not having Palmer, so fine. But we’re playing Hearts, not Rummy.”
“Deal.”
During my ankle surgeries and recovery, we mastered every card game two people could play. She was there for me during my time in a hospital bed and I’ll be here for her. I liked it a lot better when it was me in that bed though.
“And hand me the Doritos. I
cannot eat this food.”
I snag the chocolate pudding while she pushes away her tray.
“Oh, good catch. I’ll have that.” She smiles and grabs the pudding out of my hands.
It’s amazing how it seems like nothing has changed except for the huge reality that we share a daughter now. All my dreams are there, just out of my reach. I don’t hold them all in my hand just yet though. Yet being the keyword.
Twelve
Sedona
I foolishly allowed Jamison to stay the night at the hospital. And now he’s on one side of me with the nurse on the other, helping me to stand. The doctor is insisting that I get up and walk by the end of the day.
“Just a few steps and then we’ll get you in the wheelchair. You and Jamison can work on it little by little.”
“How are you on a first-name basis with him?” I ask the nurse, who beams at Jamison.
“He had a delivery of donuts brought to us this morning.”
Another member of the Jamison Ferguson fan club. Wonderful.
“You work fast,” I mumble in his direction.
After I take the few steps to the wheelchair, my lower abdomen feels as if it’s on fire. This is definitely harder than after I had Palmer.
“Good job, Sedona,” she says. “Now don’t go too fast with her, Jamison.” She laughs.
I want to put my finger in my throat and gag like a thirteen-year-old.
“Thanks, Katrina,” he says, and I swear he’s laying his Scottish accent on thick.
“Have her back by twelve for lunch and pain pills.”
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“It’s a surprise,” he says and wheels me slowly down the hallway.
We pass all the rooms with new moms inside. What a great place to work. Everyone’s so happy. Even the day I had Palmer was the happiest day of my life. I missed Jamison—this Jamison, who treats me like his most cherished possession—but I had my family.
He rolls us onto the elevator and stays at my back, saying nothing. He remains silent, but I hear his phone vibrate in his pocket. I haven’t had the nerve to ask him about the coaching jobs he’s applied for. I’m trying to keep our relationship on a course where we can be great parents to Palmer. A team. If he ends up coaching, he’ll have an off season. We’ll figure out the time apart.
He wheels me into the courtyard and the sun warms my face. I tilt my head back to soak up as much as I can get.
“Thank you,” I say.
He wraps a blanket over my legs and another one over my shoulders. “It’s colder than I thought.”
Rolling me up to a table, I spot another one farther down where a woman is crying. Other people surround her, trying to console her. While the baby floor is brimming with happiness, many other parts of this building aren’t as optimistic.
“Now, hold up, I’ll be right back,” Jamison says and walks back inside the hospital.
I take the opportunity to close my eyes and enjoy the sun on my face. It isn’t until I hear commotion from the table next to us that I open my eyes to find Jamison walking in with Palmer in his arms.
“Oh, how sweet,” one woman says.
How did he manage to get someone to drop off Palmer here?
Palmer squirms to get out of his hold, but Jamison holds her tight until he can place the diaper bag on the table and gently place her on my lap. Her arms go around my neck and tears free fall down my face now that she’s with me again.
Jamison sits in the chair across from us, smiling. I have to give him credit—the man still knows what I need more than I do.
Palmer leans back, and I reposition her legs not to dig into my incision. There’s a question in her eyes. Sad?
No, happy.
Her little eyebrows draw down. Cry.
Happy tears. I missed you.
She smiles and it’s like the sun warming my chest. It’s the best thing in the world.
Her fingers rise again. I slept at Uncle and Auntie.
Did you have fun?
Her smile says she did. Yes. She looks over her shoulder at Jamison and back at me. Friend?
Jamison looks away toward the building. A pang of guilt rises in me, and I shake my head. She looks at him again, as though she knows and understands what I’m about to tell her. But there’s no possible way she can.
Who?
I study Jamison. He glances our way again, and if I’m reading him right, he can’t bear for me to say he’s just a friend. He wants her to know. After last night, I know that the Jamison I fell in love with is still in there. I won’t allow myself to love him again, but my daughter can.
“I think it’s time. Are you ready?” I ask him.
Palmer puts her hand on my face and turns me to face her. She doesn’t like when she sees lips moving and no one signs.
He straightens. It’s cute the way he looks nervous and like he’s preparing himself for an important interview or something. And that’s how I know I’m making the right choice.
Not friend. Daddy.
Her eyes widen. Me?
I inhale a deep breath and my eyes are full to the brim with tears. It has to be the hormones. Yours. I point at her.
She doesn’t immediately smile like I thought she would. She throws herself at me. I wince a bit because of my incision but allow her arms to wrap so tight around my neck that I might suffocate. Then she scurries off my lap until her feet find the pavement.
Moving to the other chair, she climbs onto Jamison’s lap with his help. He positions her so I can see what she signs too. It’s a show of respect. Someone without a deaf family member probably wouldn’t have even thought of it.
My daddy?
Jamison nods and his jaw clenches. His Adam’s apple bobs with a deep swallow.
Palmer hugs him. I gasp when his eyes close and tears drip down his cheeks.
She draws back. Sad?
He shakes his head with a small chuckle.
Tears?
Happy tears.
Then she hugs him again, and Jamison mouths thank you to me.
So much for baby steps.
Three days later, I’m finally released. Everyone was unavailable, so I’m left with Ethel and Grandma driving me back to my apartment. Palmer is with Harley, but no one expected her to pack all their kids into the car to pick me up.
I wait in my hospital room, my bags packed, eager to be with Palmer again. But I’m not prepared when Jamison steps into the doorway. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m your chauffeur.”
“I thought Grandma Dori and Ethel were coming?”
He grabs my bag and a nurse comes in with my discharge papers. “Yeah, Ethel is sick, so here I am. It’s not too much of a disappointment, is it?”
I shrug and focus on the nurse. She’s too busy smiling at Jamison. I know he’s good-looking. I had to fight women off all the time when we were together, but in my back pocket, I always had the security that he was mine. Now he’s not, and jealousy slaps me hard across the face.
He clears his throat and the nurse smiles, straightening the papers on her desk. As if she wasn’t just ogling him. The hospital is way too small for everyone to not know the situation here. I carried my brother and his wife’s baby, and Jamison is my baby daddy.
The nurse gives me all the instructions and my list of restrictions.
Jamison clarifies with her about the stairs. “Once a day?”
The nurse nods. “Once up and once down, that’s it.”
He nods as though he’s the one in charge. He won’t be near me except to get Palmer, and honestly, these are just guidelines. Things they have to tell women for insurance reasons. Surely, I’ll be fine. I mean, most women have to go home and care for a baby. I just have an eighteen-month-old sweet little girl who listens to her mother.
After we complete all the discharge paperwork, I get myself into the wheelchair and Jamison asks the dreaded question about sex.
“Six weeks, huh?” Jamison asks and gives me a
look of disbelief.
I’m sure we’re both thinking that if he had been around after Palmer, we couldn’t have waited that long. We’ve had sex through head colds, recovery from two ankle surgeries, and while I was pregnant—until he was drinking too much.
“Six weeks. You’ll have your doctor’s appointment at week two to check things out. I’m sure your doctor can tell you more than me.” The nurse hands me off to an orderly by the elevator. “Good luck, Sedona. Bye, Jamison.”
She’s off and we’re in the elevator with a new person. A man, thankfully. Someone who hopefully won’t eye Jamison as if he’s a prized bull.
I wait patiently as Jamison pulls his car around, but when it stops in the circle drive, I arch my eyebrows. He climbs out of the two-door Camaro and rounds the back of the car.
I allow him to help me to the car. “You rented this for Alaska?”
“I figure it’s spring. Don’t have to worry about the snow.”
He opens up the passenger door and I ease down into the seat, which isn’t easy when your stomach is stitched together.
After the orderly gives Jamison the rest of my stuff, he shoves it in the trunk. Neither of us had a car in New York, so I never gave much thought to his preference of car. But this is the most impractical thing he could have rented. I glance down as he shifts it into first gear. A stick shift? Seriously?
As we drive out of the hospital parking lot, I grow irritated. Maybe it’s that he’s sexy when he drives a stick and I don’t want to admit it to myself.
“You do know that Palmer will never ride in this?”
At a red light, he glances to me with confusion in his eyes.
“It’s too dangerous.” I glance behind me. “Your back seat isn’t big enough and—”
The smile that warmed his face when he pulled up outside the hospital turns into a guilty expression and he drags his eyes back to the road. “Yeah. I wasn’t thinking.”
The pang of guilt for delivering my message rudely shouldn’t bother me. What do I care if I offended him? Any father would know this car isn’t practical—not in Alaska and not for an eighteen-month-old girl. And he would’ve thought of it on his own if… I stop my train of thought. I can’t let the anger that’s yet to dissipate toward him take over.
