His shades were up, and he’d been in his room. sitting on his bed, he was wearing his earbuds and staring down at his phone. He looked like he’d just come from a run, so he was shirtless and sweaty, and all I could think about was how I wanted to run my tongue over the ridges of his stomach.
The tears fell as I covertly watched him, but when he glanced up toward my window (he always looked up... like he knew I was watching him), I’d gasped and fallen against my wall, letting the sobs overtake me as I dropped my head to my knees and cried. God, I missed him. I was desperate for him and wished he could hold me while I was puking, or rub my back while I was in pain, but I couldn’t do that to him. Wouldn’t do that to him. More than anything, though, I missed talking to him. I no longer had that other part of me, and it just felt so, so wrong.
I shook off my sadness and shampooed my hair, my hands pulling away with massive clumps of my hair. I knew this was coming—had been warned—but as more and more of my locks peeled away from my scalp, I felt like I might die. “Mom!” I screamed. “Mommy!”
The bathroom door slammed against the wall. “Lily, what’s wrong?” Dad bellowed, and I heard Rex bark. The dog hadn’t left my side since I’d been diagnosed. Mom was convinced he had detected my cancer even before we did. She was probably right.
“I need Mom,” I rasped.
“I’m here, honey,” Mom said. “It’s okay, Alex. I’ve got her.”
“Fuck!” he snapped.
“Lil, I’m here, baby girl. What do you need?” Mom asked.
“All... My hair... It’s...” I couldn’t finish. The sobbing overtook me, and I lowered myself into the bathtub, wrapping my arms around my knees.
She pulled the curtain back a little, and I felt her hand on my head. I looked up at her, and she smiled gently. “You still want to do what we talked about?”
I nodded.
“Okay, I’ll grab the scissors so you can at least finish your shower, and then I’ll get the clippers ready.”
I nodded again, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Lil?”
I looked up at her. “Hmm?”
“This is all temporary, and none of it changes how beautiful you are inside and out. You’ll grow your hair back. I promise.”
“I know that in here”—I tapped my head—“But I really feel like I’m going to be sick.”
“I know, honey.”
“I’m sure that makes me vain or something.”
Mom sighed. “Sweetheart, you’ve got cancer. You get to feel however the fuck you want to feel... and no, it’s not vain. Losing one’s hair is disconcerting. It’s why Rogaine was invented.”
I blinked back tears. “This is probably true.”
She gripped my chin gently. “Beautiful Lily. Nothing takes that away from you, sweet girl.”
“Thanks, Mama,” I whispered.
“I’ll be right back.”
She closed the curtain but returned with a pair of scissors, so I could cut off as much of my hair as possible (there was a lot of it), so it didn’t clog the drain. She then put it all in a baggy and waited while I finished my shower.
I threw on a robe and then sat in front of the vanity in her bathroom. I ran my hands over my short hair and shook my head. “I feel naked.”
“You know, this can wait,” Mom said.
“No. I want to do it.”
Dad walked in. “How about you let your old man handle the clippers.”
I met my dad’s eyes in the mirror and didn’t miss the sheen of tears. “Are you sure, Daddy?”
“Yeah, baby girl. Been doin’ your brothers’ hair for a while now. Think I got a handle on this.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
Mom kissed him gently then handed him the clippers and stepped back. As strange as this sounds, having the clippers slide over my scalp felt weirdly liberating. Once it was done, my eyes looked huge, which would take a little getting used to, but other than that, I didn’t look like a freak, so that made me feel a little less devastated as I ran my hands over my head. “This is so weird. I look like a fifty’s alien.”
“You look beautiful,” Mom said. “Kind of like Sinéad O’Connor back in the day.”
“I don’t know who that is.”
Mom sighed. “I know, I’m old. I’ll play you one of her songs sometime.”
“Sounds good.” I slid my arms around Dad’s waist and squeezed. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“All good, baby girl,” he said gruffly. “You go get dressed, and I’ll clean up the mess.”
This was my cue to leave, so I did, knowing Mom would probably need to talk Dad down off a ledge or two before they left their room.
I walked into my room and closed the door, grabbing a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt and pulling them on. I couldn’t stop myself from looking toward my window, stalling when I found Maverick standing at his staring at me.
Shit! I forgot to close the blinds.
His face showed shock, then anger, then confusion. Then he was gone. He’d shut off his light as he stormed out of his bedroom.
I let out a sigh of relief and gathered up my dirty clothes to dump in the laundry room... that was when all hell broke loose.
“Lily!” Maverick yelled, then I heard the low growl of my dad’s voice. “No, goddammit! Where is she?” Maverick continued.
“Maverick!” Dad bellowed. “Get the fuck back down here.”
My door slammed open, and all of a sudden, Maverick was there, standing in my doorway. Breathing hard, his face contorted in rage then concern as his hands fisted at his sides. I dropped the clothes I was holding and grabbed one of the posts of my bed to keep myself from falling over.
“What’s wrong with you?” he demanded.
“I swear to fucking Christ, Maverick Quinn, you get the hell out of here,” Dad demanded.
Maverick seethed. “I am not going anywhere, Hawk, until I get some answers.”
“Dad, it’s okay,” I said.
“Lily,” Maverick said, his voice low and demanding.
“Let’s let them talk,” Mom said, always the voice of reason.
“You’re an adult now, Mav. Legally, I can beat the shit out of you,” Dad ground out.
“But it can wait until they talk,” Mom said, pulling my door closed without a backward glance.
Maverick crossed his arms, and I licked my lips. He was bigger. God, he looked good. Sweats slung low on his hips, a tight T-shirt, and bare feet—indicating he still respected my mom enough to remove his shoes at the front door.
“You on drugs?” he demanded.
“No, Maverick, I’m not on drugs,” I said with a sigh. “In what universe would I ever be a druggy?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” he seethed, “the one where you start seein’ some other guy and dump my ass.”
“Maverick,” I breathed out, my heart breaking.
“Where’s your hair?”
“Some of it’s down the drain, some of it’s in a baggy Mom put it in, some of it’s in the garbage.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “You have cancer.”
I nodded. “I have cancer.”
“Fuck,” he rasped then bellowed, “Fuck!” He ran his hands through his hair. “That’s why you...?”
“Yes.”
“Brad?”
I grimaced. “Very, very gay.”
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He stared at me for about two seconds before he closed the distance between us and gently pulled me into his arms. “I am so unbelievably pissed at you right now.”
“I know.” I slid my hands into his hair and held on tight.
“Goddammit! I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out. I should have known you’d never fuckin’ want anyone else.”
“I’m so sorry, Mav.” I bit back tears. “I didn’t want you to give up anything for me.”
He met my eyes and frowned. “Which is the most selfish thing anyone could do to another person, Lil.”
“But—”
“No!
Dammit, Lily. You seriously think I’d have been okay with going through college and finding out that you’d gone through all this shit by yourself? What if you die? What if I miss out on time with you? I want it all, even if it’s limited.”
“I—”
“If the situation was reversed, how would you feel?”
It took a second, but I melted against him, realizing that in my effort to be selfless, I really had been unbelievably selfish. “Ohmigod.” I burst into tears. “I’m so sorry, Möosh.”
“Okay, baby doll. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll talk to my parents, and we’ll figure out a game plan, but let’s just enjoy Christmas and spend every second together, okay?”
I nodded, but now that the floodgates were open, I couldn’t seem to stop crying. Maverick lifted me into his arms, and we stretched out on my bed so he could hold me closer.
“Please tell me you didn’t hook up with some cheerleader slut,” I sobbed into his chest.
“I didn’t hook up with some cheerleader slut,” he whispered.
“Did you hook up with some other kind of slut?”
He chuckled. “No. I’m in love with you, Lily. I don’t do random hook-ups, and I wasn’t looking to date someone who wasn’t you, so I just focused on alienating myself from everyone I came in contact with and killing anyone who got in my way on the field. It’s been a stellar couple of months,” he rasped.
“I’m sorry,” I said and cuddled closer.
“Good. You should be,” he deadpanned.
I smacked his stomach, but then I got sidetracked because it was such a nice stomach. I slid my hand under his T-shirt and sighed. “I’ve missed this.”
“Lil, your dad already wants to kill me. Please don’t send me out there with a hard-on.”
I grinned, slipping my hand under the waistband of his sweats. “I think it’s a little too late for that.”
He groaned and covered my mouth with his, kissing me until we were both breathing heavy. He was the one who broke the connection and pulled me back onto his chest. “We have to wait.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“What kind of cancer do you have?”
“Acute lymphocytic leukemia.” I slid my arm around his waist and squeezed. “The first round of chemo was in the hospital, and now, I go in a couple of times a week. Today was the first day I started losing my hair.”
He lifted my chin and stroked my cheek. “You’re beautiful, Lily.”
“Are you just saying that?”
“No. It’s a fact.” He kissed me gently. “I love you, baby... so, so much.”
“I love you, too. I’m so sorry I lied to you.” More sobbing ensued, and Maverick pulled me close again. A knock came at my door, and I sighed. “We’d better get downstairs.”
Maverick nodded, and we climbed off the bed, and I opened the door. Mom stood in the hallway, and she visibly relaxed when Maverick slid his arm around my waist.
“You worked things out,” she observed.
I nodded.
“Well, your dads are going at it downstairs, so Cass and I’d appreciate it if you’d come and show them both you’re okay.”
I rolled my eyes as I took Maverick’s hand and followed Mom downstairs.
“You don’t keep shit like that from your brothers,” Ace snapped.
“You do when your daughter asks you to,” Dad countered.
“Lily,” Cassidy breathed out, and all eyes were on me.
“Hi.” I gave a little wave, leaning heavily against Maverick who was at my back. “I’m really sorry I’ve caused so much grief.”
Cassidy rushed toward me and gently pulled me into a hug. “No grief, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.”
She stroked my cheek. “You look beautiful.”
I blushed. “Thanks.”
Maverick’s hand was back around my waist, and I leaned against him again.
“You good?” Ace asked.
I nodded. “I asked Dad not to tell anyone. I’m sorry, Ace. I...” I glanced up at Mav. “I was trying to keep Maverick from making any rash decisions, but I don’t think I kept the secret very well.”
Ace glanced at Maverick then at me. “It’s all good, Lily. You just get better.”
“That’s the plan,” I said, suddenly really tired.
Maverick must have picked up on that because I was in his arms and being carried to the sofa before I’d said a word.
“Honey, are you okay?” Mom asked.
I nodded. “Just a little tired.”
“We should probably get going,” Cassidy said. “Ready, Mav?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Maverick said.
“Is it okay if he stays?” I asked as I looked up at Dad.
He shook his head. “No.”
I frowned. “You’re really going to deny the girl with cancer the one thing that will make her happy?”
“Ohmigod,” Mom said with a groan.
“Lily,” Maverick said, a little in shock.
“Please, Daddy?”
“Goddammit,” he snapped and jabbed a finger at me. “You stay where I can rip his dick off if I need to.”
“Really, Hawk?” Mom admonished.
“No offense, Cass,” Dad added.
“Ah, some taken there, handsome,” she retorted. “I’d like my son’s penis to stay attached to his body, if you don’t mind.”
“Would you people please stop talkin’ about my kid’s dick?” Ace ordered, and then turned on Cassidy. “And you quit callin’ that ugly asshole ‘handsome.’”
I dissolved into giggles, burying my face into Maverick’s chest as he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close.
“Why don’t you guys come have a beer?” Mom suggested. “The little kids are happy downstairs, the big kids are happy here, so we’ll give them some space, huh?”
I smiled up at her, and she laid a blanket over me, kissing my forehead. “Love your giggle, sweet girl.”
“Thanks, Mama.”
I could tell Dad wasn’t really keen on leaving me, but Mom pushed him out of the room, and I snuggled closer to Maverick. “Please don’t give up Notre Dame.”
He rubbed my arm. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Promise me, Möosh.”
“Lil, we’ll talk about it later.”
“If you don’t go back, you’ll be giving up everything for no reason.”
He frowned down at me. “Do not turn this into a fight.”
I sat up so I could see him better. “I’m not turning this into a fight. I want you to—”
He kissed me. I knew it was just to get me to shut up, but whatever. It was effective. I settled myself on his lap so I could get closer and slid my hands into his hair. “You win this time, big man.”
Maverick grinned. “I win every time.”
I sighed, tucking my face into his neck and kissing him just below his jaw. “You smell good. Like you. I’ve missed this.”
“Me too, baby doll.”
I didn’t remember anything after that because apparently, I fell asleep.
Maverick
“I’M NOT GOING back.”
“Honey, you made a commitment,” Cassidy said. “You have to go back.”
My parents had reluctantly convinced me to go home with them after Lily had fallen asleep on my lap and didn’t appear to be waking up anytime soon. I’d carried her up to bed and tucked her in, kissing her gently before letting my mom drag me out of Lily’s room.
Payton took over with Lily but only after hugging me tightly. “For the record, I objected to her not telling you,” she whispered.
“I appreciate that, Payton. But from now on, no more secrets.”
She smiled. “I can do that, honey.”
“Thanks.”
I walked home with my parents, and now, we were sitting in the kitchen, an argument in full swing.
“Dad, back me up,” I begged.
Ace raised his
hands. “I think you should go back.”
“What? Why?” I snapped.
“Because you need to tell your coach face-to-face that you can’t play football for his team this year.”
Cassidy gasped. “Carter!”
“Babe, don’t. You can’t be surprised I’d take this tack. If I’d had any say in you not leavin’ me back in the day, you don’t think I would have taken it?”
My parents had known each other since they were in grade school, but in high school, a pretty significant misunderstanding led to them going their separate ways for over six years. Once they reconnected, Dad was determined not to let Mom get away again.
Dad squeezed my shoulder. “You want me to come with you, I will.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Cassidy groaned. “You’re going to lose your scholarship.”
“If I lose Lily in order to keep the scholarship, it’ll be worth nothing, Mom. But if I keep Lily and lose the scholarship, I’m willing to take that trade.” I reached over and took my mom’s hand. “She’s everything to me. Look at Uncle Aidan. He changed his whole major and went to vet school two years after he could have. If I put off college for a little while, it’s not the end of the world. Losing time with Lily, though, would be.”
Dad stepped behind Mom, laying his hands on her shoulders, and she looked up at him. “Why did we raise such a mature and grounded young man? Right now, I’d settle for a Mama’s boy.”
“Maverick?” Tillie called.
“Yeah?”
“Can you help me get to the next level, please?”
“Sure, sis, hang on a sec.” I rose to my feet, leaning down to kiss my mother’s cheek. “I love her, Mom. Just as much as Dad loves you. So I’m gonna go back, pack up my stuff, and move home until she’s cured.”
She sighed. “Okay, honey.”
“And Dad?”
“Yeah, bud?”
“I need you to shave my head.”
My mom groaned. “Not your hair, too.”
My dad smiled. “Yeah, bud, I’ll shave your head.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Mav?” Cassidy grabbed my arm. “If there was anyone on the planet worthy of you, it’s Lily. I’m so proud of you, honey.”
I saw the sheen of tears in her eyes and knew they weren’t tears for my hair. She loved Lily almost as much as I did. “Thanks, Mom.”
Road to Forever Page 3
