DRAMATIS PERSONAE
MEN
PLUTUS, the God of Riches.
CHREMYLUS and BLEPSIDEMUS — Two old Yeomen in decayed circumstances
DICÆUS; a just and honest Man.
SYCOPHANTES, a Sycophant, or common Informer.
NEANISCUS, a young Gallant.
MERCURY.
PRIEST OF JUPITER.
CARIO, a Slave belonging to CHREMYLUS.
CHORUS of Yeomen.
WOMEN.
The Wife of CHREMYLUS.
An Old Woman.
SCENE — Athens.
PLUTUS
Scene, the street in Athens before the house of Chremylus. Cario and Chremylus following PLUTUS.
CARIO. O Jupiter, and all ye Gods! what a vexatious thing it is to be the slave of a mad master! for, be the servant’s advice never so excellent, if his master takes it into his head not to follow it, the poor domestic is by necessity forced to partake all the bad consequences. Fortune permits not the natural lord to have any power over his own person; but transfers it all to the purchaser. But the god, Apollo, whose oracles the Pythian priestess on her golden tripod makes known to us, deserves my censure, for ‘tis assured he is a physician and a cunning diviner; and yet my master is leaving his temple infected with mere madness and insists on following a blind man. Is this not opposed to all good sense? ‘Tis for us, who see clearly, to guide those who don’t; whereas he clings to the trail of a blind fellow and compels me to do the same without answering my questions with ever a word. (To Chremylus.) Aye, master, unless you tell me why we are following this unknown fellow, I will not be silent, but I will worry and torment you, for you cannot beat me because of my sacred chaplet of laurel.
CHREMYLUS. No, but if you worry me I will take off your chaplet, and then you will only get a sounder thrashing.
CARIO. That’s an old song! I am going to leave you no peace till you have told me who this man is; and if I ask it, ‘tis entirely because of my interest in you.
CHREMYLUS. Well, be it so. I will reveal it to you as being the most faithful and the most rascally of all my servants. I honoured the gods and did what was right, and yet I was none the less poor and unfortunate.
CARIO. I know it but too well.
CHREMYLUS. Other amassed wealth — the sacrilegious, the demagogues, the informers, indeed every sort of rascal.
CARIO. I believe you.
CHREMYLUS. Therefore I came to consult the oracle of the god, not on my own account, for my unfortunate life is nearing its end, but for my only son; I wanted to ask Apollo, if it was necessary for him to become a thorough knave and renounce his virtuous principles, since that seemed to me to be the only way to succeed in life.
CARIO. And with what responding tones did the sacred tripod resound?
CHREMYLUS. You shall know. The god ordered me in plain terms to follow the first man I should meet upon leaving the temple and to persuade him to accompany me home.
CARIO. And who was the first one you met?
CHREMYLUS. This blind man.
CARIO. And you are stupid enough not to understand the meaning of such an answer? Why, the god was advising you thereby, and that in the clearest possible way, to bring up your son according to the fashion of your country.
CHREMYLUS. What makes you think that?
CARIO. Is it not evident to the blind, that nowadays to do nothing that is right is the best way to get on?
CHREMYLUS. No, that is not the meaning of the oracle; there must be another, that is nobler. If this blind man would tell us who he is and why and with what object he has led us here, we should no doubt understand what our oracle really does mean.
CARIO (to Plutus). Come, tell us at once who you are, or I give effect to my threat. (He menaces him.) And quick too, be quick, I say.
PLUTUS. I’ll thrash you.
CARIO (to Chremylus). Ha! is it thus he tells us his name?
CHREMYLUS. ‘Tis to you and not to me that he replies thus; your mode of questioning him was ill-advised. (To Plutus.) Come, friend, if you care to oblige an honest man, answer me.
PLUTUS. I’ll knock you down.
CARIO. Ah! what a pleasant fellow and what a delightful prophecy the god has given you!
CHREMYLUS. By Demeter, you’ll have no reason to laugh presently.
CARIO. If you don’t speak, you wretch, I will surely do you an ill turn.
PLUTUS. Friends, take yourselves off and leave me.
CHREMYLUS. That we very certainly shan’t.
CARIO. This, master, is the best thing to do. I’ll undertake to secure him the most frightful death; I will lead him to the verge of a precipice and then leave him there, so that he’ll break his neck when he pitches over.
CHREMYLUS. Well then, I leave him to you, and do the thing quickly.
PLUTUS. Oh, no! Have mercy!
CHREMYLUS. Will you speak then?
PLUTUS. But if you learn who I am, I know well that you will ill-use me and will not let me go again.
CHREMYLUS. I call the gods to witness that you have naught to fear if you will only speak.
PLUTUS. Well then, first unhand me.
CHREMYLUS. There! we set you free.
PLUTUS. Listen then, since I must reveal what I had intended to keep a secret. I am Plutus.
CHREMYLUS. Oh! you wretched rascal! You Plutus all the while, and you never said so!
CARIO. You, Plutus, and in this piteous guise!
CHREMYLUS. Oh, Phoebus Apollo! oh, ye gods of heaven and hell! Oh, Zeus! is it really and truly as you say?
PLUTUS. Aye.
CHREMYLUS. Plutus’ very own self?
PLUTUS. His own very self and none other.
CHREMYLUS. But tell me, whence come you to be so squalid?
PLUTUS. I have just left Patrocles’ house, who has not had a bath since his birth.
CHREMYLUS. But your infirmity; how did that happen? Tell me.
PLUTUS. Zeus inflicted it on me, because of his jealousy of mankind. When I was young, I threatened him that I would only go to the just, the wise, the men of ordered life; to prevent my distinguishing these, he struck me with blindness! so much does he envy the good!
CHREMYLUS. And yet, ‘tis only the upright and just who honour him.
PLUTUS. Quite true.
CHREMYLUS. Therefore, if ever you recovered your sight, you would shun the wicked?
PLUTUS. Undoubtedly.
CHREMYLUS. You would visit the good?
PLUTUS. Assuredly. It is a very long time since I saw them.
CHREMYLUS. That’s not astonishing. I, who see clearly, don’t see a single one.
PLUTUS. Now let me leave you, for I have told you everything.
CHREMYLUS. No, certainly not! we shall fasten ourselves on to you faster than ever.
PLUTUS. Did I not tell you, you were going to plague me?
CHREMYLUS. Oh! I adjure you, believe what I say and don’t leave me; for you will seek in vain for a more honest man than myself.
CARIO. There is only one man more worthy; and that is I.
PLUTUS. All talk like this, but as soon as they secure my favours and grow rich, their wickedness knows no bounds.
CHREMYLUS. And yet all men are not wicked.
PLUTUS. All. There’s no exception.
CARIO. You shall pay for that opinion.
CHREMYLUS. Listen to what happiness there is in store for you, if you but stay with us. I have hope; aye, I have good hope with the god’s help to deliver you from that blindness, in fact to restore your sight.
PLUTUS. Oh! do nothing of the kind, for I don’t wish to recover it.
CHREMYLUS. What’s that you say?
CARIO. This fellow hugs his own misery.
PLUTUS. If you were mad enough to cure me, and Zeus heard of it, he would overwhelm me with his anger.
CHREMYLUS. And is he not doing this now by leaving you to grope your wandering way?
PLUTUS. I don’t know; but I’m horribly afraid of him.
CHREMYLUS. Indeed? Ah! you are the biggest poltroon of all the gods! Why, Zeus with his throne and his lightnings would not be worth an obolus if you recovered your sight, were it but for a few instants.
PLUTUS. Impious man, don’t talk like that.
CHREMYLUS. Fear nothing! I will prove to you that you are far more powerful and mightier than he.
PLUTUS. I mightier than he?
CHREMYLUS. Aye, by heaven! For instance, what is the origin of the power that Zeus wields over the other gods?
CARIO. ‘Tis money; he has so much of it.
CHREMYLUS. And who gives it to him?
CARIO (pointing to Plutus). This fellow.
CHREMYLUS. If sacrifices are offered to him, is not Plutus their cause?
CARIO. Undoubtedly, for ‘tis wealth that all demand and clamour most loudly for.
CHREMYLUS. Thus ‘tis Plutus who is the fount of all the honours rendered to Zeus, whose worship he can wither up at the root, if it so please him.
PLUTUS. And how so?
CHREMYLUS. Not an ox, nor a cake, nor indeed anything at all could be offered, if you did not wish it.
PLUTUS. Why?
CHREMYLUS. Why? but what means are there to buy anything if you are not there to give the money? Hence if Zeus should cause you any trouble, you will destroy his power without other help.
PLUTUS. So ‘tis because of me that sacrifices are offered to him?
CHREMYLUS. Most assuredly. Whatever is dazzling, beautiful or charming in the eyes of mankind, comes from you. Does not everything depend on wealth?
CARIO. I myself was bought for a few coins; if I’m a slave, ‘tis only because I was not rich.
CHREMYLUS. And what of the Corinthian courtesans? If a poor man offers them proposals, they do not listen; but if it be a rich one, instantly they offer their buttocks for his pleasure.
CARIO. ‘Tis the same with the lads; they care not for love, to them money means everything.
CHREMYLUS. You speak of those who accept all comers; yet some of them are honest, and ‘tis not money they ask of their patrons.
CARIO. What then?
CHREMYLUS. A fine horse, a pack of hounds.
CARIO. Aye, they would blush to ask for money and cleverly disguise their shame.
CHREMYLUS. ‘Tis in you that every art, all human inventions, have had their origin; ‘tis through you that one man sits cutting leather in his shop.
CARIO. That another fashions iron or wood.
CHREMYLUS. That yet another chases the gold he has received from you.
CARIO. That one is a fuller.
CHREMYLUS. That t’other washes wool.
CARIO. That this one is a tanner.
CHREMYLUS. And that other sells onions.
CARIO. And if the adulterer, caught red-handed, is depilated, ‘tis on account of you.
PLUTUS. Oh! great gods! I knew naught of all this!
CARIO. Is it not he who lends the Great King all his pride?
CHREMYLUS. Is it not he who draws the citizens to the Assembly?
CARIO. And tell me, is it not you who equip the triremes?
CHREMYLUS. And who feed our mercenaries at Corinth?
CARIO. Are not you the cause of Pamphilus’ sufferings?
CHREMYLUS. And of the needle-seller’s with Pamphilus?
CARIO. Is it not because of you that Agyrrhius lets wind so loudly?
CHREMYLUS. And that Philepsius rolls off his fables?
CARIO. That troops are sent to succour the Egyptians?
CHREMYLUS. And that Laïs is kept by Philonides?
CARIO. That the tower of Timotheus …
CHREMYLUS. … (To Cario.) May it fall upon your head! (To Plutus.) In short, Plutus, ‘tis through you that everything is done; be it known to you that you are the sole cause both of good and evil.
CARIO. In war, ‘tis the flag under which you serve that victory favours.
PLUTUS. What! I can do so many things by myself and unaided?
CHREMYLUS. And many others besides; wherefore men are never tired of your gifts. They get weary of all else, — of love …
CARIO. Of bread.
CHREMYLUS. Of music.
CARIO. Of sweetmeats.
CHREMYLUS. Of honours.
CARIO. Of cakes.
CHREMYLUS. Of battles.
CARIO. Of figs.
CHREMYLUS. Of ambition.
CARIO. Of gruel.
CHREMYLUS. Of military advancement.
CARIO. Of lentils.
CHREMYLUS. But of you they never tire. Has a man got thirteen talents, he has all the greater ardour to possess sixteen; is that wish achieved, he will want forty or will complain that he knows not how to make the two ends meet.
PLUTUS. All this, methinks, is very true; there is but one point that makes me feel a bit uneasy.
CHREMYLUS. And that is?
PLUTUS. How could I use this power, which you say I have?
CHREMYLUS. Ah! they were quite right who said, there’s nothing more timorous than Plutus.
PLUTUS. No, no; it was a thief who calumniated me. Having broken into a house, he found everything locked up and could take nothing, so he dubbed my prudence fear.
CHREMYLUS. Don’t be disturbed; if you support me zealously, I’ll make you more sharp-sighted than Lynceus.
PLUTUS. And how should you be able to do that, you, who are but a mortal?
CHREMYLUS. I have great hope, after the answer Apollo gave me, shaking his sacred laurels the while.
PLUTUS. Is he in the plot then?
CHREMYLUS. Aye, truly.
PLUTUS. Take care what you say.
CHREMYLUS. Never fear, friend; for, be well assured, that if it has to cost me my life, I will carry out what I have in my head.
CARIO. And I will help you, if you permit it.
CHREMYLUS. We shall have many other helpers as well — all the worthy folk who are wanting for bread.
PLUTUS. Ah! ha! they’ll prove sorry helpers.
CHREMYLUS. No, not so, once they’ve grown rich. But you, Cario, run quick …
CARIO. Where?
CHREMYLUS. … to call my comrades, the other husbandmen, that each of them may come here to take his share of the gifts of Plutus.
Complete Fictional Works of Henry Fielding Page 350
