“Logan…” I utter, but he turns and walks away from me.
My sisters envelop me in their embrace, attempting to calm me down as all the pent-up emotions rip through me when he leaves. I don’t remember how I got to the couch. I am lost in my head, recalling his hurtful expression that is slowly killing me.
“Sweetheart, look at me.” Logan’s father decides to take things into his own hands. “The chamomile tea might help to calm you down. Logan also needs time to process everything.”
I look up, trying not to offend the man, and take the cup from him with shaking hands. It helps to stop the tears, but it doesn’t get rid of the sadness etched inside me.
Afterward, numb and cold, I watch the spot in front of me, as though even the smallest wind could tear me apart if I move. The loneliness is oppressive.
Leif parks himself next to me. “Why did you never mention that you love him?” I look at him, trying to guess what he means. “It’s not only the kids you care about. It’s also him. The thought of separation is tearing you to pieces.”
I merely nod my head. Everything is so dull, and I try to remember why I’m doing this to us.
“He worked hard for this relationship. It’s time for me to do the same. He deserves to have it all, Leif. I have to get ahold of my life to have a chance to offer him something in return. To be with him is not hard—it’s comforting and amazing. I want to be able to love him the way he deserves, not just take and use him.”
“For what it’s worth, I agree with you, firecracker. Just know that you have us, whether you want to or not. Besides, Logan will resist this separation. Prepare yourself, because he wins every contest. You are probably the only person in the whole world resisting him. He is definitely learning to endure the failure of his ways, and learning to lose to get what he wants.”
His hand brushes my hair away from my face. Teasing Leif is gone, and in his place sits a man who gives me advice.
When Logan returns, we will make this deal final. Hopefully, we will be able to retain our friendship, and he won’t become bitter, trying to keep our children from me.
Chapter 4
Tangled threads
~Logan~
At a bar in London, I pour drink after drink, trying to ease the pain. The dark green and grey interior, with dark wood furniture and vintage lighting, reflect my mood. My eyes latch on the silently playing TV that I don’t really see. Instead, I’m thinking about her. Why is she trying to escape instead of turning to me for help?
I thought she was broken, I thought she was hurt and wounded. Now, I ask myself if she is the most resilient person I’ve ever encountered. Those intense feelings don’t affect her the same way as me. I am filled with her voice, eyes, and taste, with no chance to escape.
What I am going to do?
The bar’s so packed I can barely hear my thoughts over their chatter and laughter. I watch the couple across the bar get it on, as if they’re the only people on earth. When did this happen to me? I don’t find enjoyment in one-night stands any longer, or seeking the warmth of a random woman.
She stormed into my life and changed it. I jumped at the chance to make this work, throwing everything at it. But there is a slippery slope, with twists and turns, yet no foundation for trust.
I thought, during that night of passion, we both surrendered our hearts. I’ve tried to show her I am capable of withstanding her pain, hoping she’ll finally allow me to take care of them all. Why is it not enough? I have to face the truth she doesn’t love me the way I do her. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be running from me, right?
I tilt my face towards the woman who sits next to me in her black, low-cut dress, giving me a look. Fuck it.
I go to make my move, but find myself hesitating. For whatever reason, I can’t bring myself to fall into the arms of another woman. I just can’t do that to Cassandra, no matter how infuriating she can be.
In the next breath, I see my father in my face.
“Excuse me,” he addresses the woman, without looking away from me. “Would you mind moving one seat over? I have to talk with my son. Thank you.”
“Go away, Dad, I don’t need to listen to you.” I feel quite betrayed by my family. “Why did you come here, didn’t you get what you wanted?” I throw back another shot of whiskey as I order one for my father.
“Do you really think that I want for you to get hurt and be unhappy, son? I came here to help, not to make it worse. Do you know she was ready to go to a lawyer to draw legal documents, relinquishing custody of the twins to you? I came here to tell her that she doesn’t need them.”
“Well, cheers, Pops! You did a great fucking job! My woman’s probably packing my things. She’ll send me on my merry way to California, with two kids who will grow to hate me for taking away their chance to know their mother.”
“So, now you sit here and feel sorry for yourself? Where the fuck is my brother, the one who runs the biggest company in the world?” I hear my brother’s gritty voice chastising me, so I turn around.
“Lucas! Fuck! You’re here!” I give him a proper brotherly “welcome back” hug. “Why did nobody tell me that you were coming to visit?”
He shrugs, giving me his broad smile, genuinely happy to see me. “Leif called me, so I thought this time, I could come for support. After all, I wasn’t here for the twins’ birth.”
Lucas has the same features as me, but his eyes are grey with green flecks, making him look formidable. His short military cut and his U.S. Marines tattoo makes him look like a bandit in dark clothes rather than a hero serving his country. I don’t see him a lot as he often leaves for missions.
“Come, sit, let’s have a drink.” I sit back and tell them the story of this cluster fuck.
“So, the woman you love decides to tear her heart out of her chest, and you stamp on it because you want to play the savior in shining armor?” Lucas asks, amused at my drunken babbling.
“What?”
“She lost two kids. It must have been hard and frightening to come to this decision, Logan. She couldn’t stand to be around her parents because she was afraid to lose them if they challenged her ability to be a mother. To make this decision is not for the weak-minded.”
“What should I do, brother?” My head swims as I watch him.
“Make her keep a promise that will bring her back to you instead of pushing her away. Make her remember that you are not going to give up and you believe in her resolve and ability to overcome this pain. Tell her that you and the kids will be waiting.” He grips my shoulder and tries to reason with my drunken head.
“I want this woman tangled in threads, so my stubborn Angel won’t escape me.” I grin at my cunning plan.
I will conquer her tomorrow. Right now, I need a bed to rest my drunk ass. As if realizing it, my brother and dad grab me from the barstool and take me to the hotel, where they put me on the bed and Dad takes my shoes off.
I will capture this mouse, and I will make her mine.
Dad kisses my forehead before he leaves as Lucas sits in bed next to me, chuckling at something. I fall into the darkness, and I see her beneath me, coming apart and screaming that she loves me. I let myself dream about her in my arms, with happily-ever-after’s, as we both find the way back home.
From far away, I hear the phone ringing. The ringtone is annoying me and my pounding head. I open my eyes and the dark room spins as Lucas answers.
“Hello?” He listens for a while until he hits me on the arm, trying to get me out of bed. “Roger. I’ll get Logan downstairs in five.” He turns to me, a concerned look on his face. “Cassandra ran out of the house in the middle of the night. Leif can’t find her.”
Before he finishes, I am on my feet, almost doubled over from pain, the fear nearly crippling me. We run to the lobby to find the concierge telling us that Dad is already waiting in the car.
“Go, go, go, Dad! Give me the phone.” I snatch it up and dial Leif. “What the fuck happened!” I roar.
“I heard someone in the kids’ room, so I went to help. When she turned around, I swear, brother, she didn’t recognize me. She passed me without any word and walked downstairs. On the porch, she screamed, so I tried to calm her down. I think she was sleepwalking or something. Then she fought me off and ran, looking for someone.”
“Did you check the lake? Go around and see if she’s there!”
“I am already on it, brother. She isn’t here. Cassandra! Logan, she wasn’t responsive when I found her in the room. Cassandra hit my shoulder in a daze, but didn’t even acknowledge me. Hurry up!”
I hear another call come in, and I look at my dad, gesturing for the phone. “Hello.”
“Logan, Cassandra is missing, she ran off!”
“You stayed? Where are the kids?”
“They are at home, sleeping. We have monitors, hoping that they will sleep through this. Where are you?”
I realize I’m speaking to Raine, who shouts out to Aisha, asking if she found her sister.
“Aisha didn’t see her either.” Panicking, she starts to cry as I hear her run around, calling for my angel.
I put them on hold and raise my father’s cell to my ear. “Leif, where is she?”
“Logan, what if she’s in the lake, what if she…”
Vast fear rocks my soul, evaporating the alcohol I consumed. I am mad with worry.
“Dad, go faster, please! Do you hear me? Faster, Dad!” I turn my attention back to my brother. “Leif, you need to look, she must be there somewhere! Check the woods around the lake.” The lump in my throat makes it hard to talk.
Before I can go into panic mode, Lucas grabs me and turns me around to face him. “Don’t. We’ll arrive soon and go look for her. You understand me, brother? She’s fine, we just need to find where she is.” His voice, so convincing and calm, subdues my panic, and logic takes over.
Lucas grabs the phone and speaks to Leif, trying to direct the search, and I bring the other phone to my ear again. “Raine, are you there?” I hear her sobbing. “Try to check the woods for any sign of her, as she might have walked away from the lake. Take the opposite way as Leif. Tell Aisha that you need to remain calm. We will be there in five.” I hang up on her, my heart pounding as I willed my body into action.
We arrive shortly and before Dad stops the car, I jump out and run into the house. I pass through the kitchen, headed straight for the lake. I pray she is ok. I dial Leif as I see Lucas and my dad going in the opposite direction.
“Logan, I found her. She’s in a trance, still unresponsive.”
“Where do I go?”
“Go past the lake and then turn in the direction of the road leading to the horse farm. I’m heading up with my flashlight to try to show you where we are.”
“Don’t hang up! I’m on my way!” After a pause, I ask, “How is she?”
“She is lying down on the ground in a protective ball near the tree. You need to see to understand, her eyes are dilated. Do you see the light, we are further down the wooded area.”
“No, damn it!”
“Let me come to you.”
“No! Stay! Don’t leave her.” My heart beats in my throat, afraid she might slip away while he’s gone, and we find her dead somewhere.
“Ok, man. Calm down. I can carry her.”
“Be careful.” A few minutes later, after what seems like hours, I catch a glimpse of him. Cassandra is in his arms. I run to grab her from him, and I clutch her to my chest, my lips pressing against her temple, just to feel her pulse.
“Call Lucas, tell him that we found her.”
Before we reach the door, everyone circles us to check on her.
“Cassandra, can you hear me?” I try to bring her back. From upstairs, we hear the twins crying. Aisha and my dad go to settle them down while my brothers and Raine stay behind to help me.
“Let’s bring her inside, she’s freezing,” Leif suggests.
Lucas grabs her into his arms and takes her inside, depositing her gently on the couch. Raine brings a cover to warm her up, speaking in a gentle voice, trying to coax her back. I am shaking with adrenaline and fear as Leif leads me inside.
“Brother”—Lucas’ concerned gaze meets mine—“tell me again about her trauma.”
“Why? What kind of difference does it make?” Leif’s annoyed voice answers, but his concern is directed at the woman he was torturing for kicks.
I hear Aisha call out from upstairs. “Raine? Could you come and help? We need you!”
As Raine disappears, we notice Cassandra has started to shake. I draw her close to me, rubbing her body that appears stiff with tension.
“Logan, was she in that car accident?”
I shake my head, telling him, “No she was informed by police a few hours later. She was at home.”
“Strange.”
I tense up, but Lucas distracts me. “Hey, she’s coming around.”
There is a numb expression painted on her features. The muscles relax, and she falls asleep.
“The twins can’t wait to eat, Logan!” Raine shouts from the stairs.
“Shit! Let’s bring her to the room.” I can manage to let them breastfeed with help from her sisters.
Both twins attack their momma, gulping if they are starving kittens. While Raine and Aisha help to hold their positions, my brothers and father remain in the room, in case they’re needed. I’ll kill them later, if I see so much as one wrong look. Right now, I can’t leave her.
Afterward, we leave Cassandra tucked under the covers, as Liane and Leon happily sleep in their cots. The family gathers downstairs to have a drink.
“Tomorrow, I will call the therapist, and I’ll see what she tells me about these episodes. We should get rest and deal with the fallout in the morning. Stay, there are enough rooms. Raine, could you please help everyone to settle down? I’ll stay with your sister.” She nods, and I go upstairs, scared to leave Cassandra alone.
While I undress, I watch her sleep, looking as innocent as a dark angel. I take a shower and find a few painkillers. Then I brush my teeth and go to join her in bed.
Around four in the morning, I pull her frail body to mine and instinctively, Cassandra curls into me. Her cold nose breathes in my scent, and her lips brush my skin. Perfect. Finally, I fall asleep, knowing she is safe in my arms and dreading the morning, terrified she will want to get away from us.
I don’t want to admit it, but what if she’s right? Perhaps she needs this space to heal. Must be very daunting to feel so out of control, just to wake up to the disturbing realization of what you did while in a trance.
“What I am going to do with you, my dark angel? Why can’t I keep you? How will I give you away?”
~Cassandra~
The bright sun rays shining through the window wake me up as they caress my face, trying to get attention. Slowly, I lift my eyelids to find two birds chirping on the windowsill outside, gossiping together. About me, I’m sure.
What are you to talking about, you two chitchats?
As I listen to their chirping, I notice that I’m sheltered by a warm, muscular chest. The owner still sleeps next to me with his arms wrapped around me. I feel safe and cocooned.
Taking account of my bearings, I find a leaf next to my bed and few sticks, as if somebody from outside walked in here and left bits and pieces behind. I hear Leon speaking with Liane in their baby voices, much like the two birds by the window. After I brush a chaste kiss on his lips, I slip away to check on them.
The kingdom of toys displayed on the shelves greets me. I walk towards their cots to find them smiling and waving their legs and arms, demanding my attention.
“Good morning, how did you sleep? Mummy missed you. How about we have a sip of warm milk and then try a new porridge for a change?” I pick up Liane as my girl gives me the happiest smile ever. I attach her to my breast, singing a lullaby to keep Leon calm.
“Good morning. May I come in?” Darren asks me, a little bit flustered.
“Sure.
Grab me that scarf so I can cover up.” He brings me the blueish scarf I use very rarely.
“May I pick him up?” I nod as he starts to talk with his grandkid who happily chats back.
“I am sorry that your stay is so stressful instead being more of a bonding experience.”
He comes closer as if to exchange kids, but he gives me a kiss on the forehead. “You are a wonderful mother, Cassandra. I believe you love my son more than you let him know. Your trauma is not your fault. We only can choose how we deal with it. I respect you for your determination and strength.” He finally gives me my son as I pass him Liane, who watches Grandpa with a trembling lip.
“Good morning.” Logan comes over to kiss his daughter, making her forget her scare. “Dad, she loves to listen to the stories by the window.” He comes close to me, lifting the scarf and discarding it next to my chair, then giving our boy a soft kiss. He turns to me.
“You’re ok?”
I’m about to answer but stop. There are dark circles under his eyes and worry lines on his face, while his lips are stiff with tension.
“What happened?” He averts his gaze, looking instead at his son. Since he’s not answering, it makes me worry. “Logan, tell me.”
He raises his green emeralds, unsure how to respond. “You ran off to the lake in the middle of the night. We couldn’t find you.”
I try to remember, but nothing comes back to me. “I don’t recall it.” Then I realize I left my kids on their own again. Leon gets very frustrated, probably feeling my anxiety and fear bouncing in my heart like a ball.
“Take him, I need some air.” I dash from the room to the garden, breathing deep and long, trying to control the panic.
“Five-Four-Three-Two-One.” I flop on the grass and put my head between my legs. “Five-Four-Three-Two-One,” I whimper, my breaths turning into gasps.
Entwined IN YOU (In You #2) Page 3
