Suddenly, on the screen, I see him looking at her with a comfortable happiness. They are at some sort of family gathering, and something stirs in my brain.
Chapter 6
Promises woven in You
~Logan~
She is retreating, mentally separating from us before the big move, and it hurts. Affected by the miserable moods, our twins are restless and agitated. Trembling lips and unhappy cries fill our home, as Cassandra had started weaning them off the breast, to get them used to the new routine. The gloomy atmosphere is not the only problem. Lately, she is very silent and distant, and when I embrace her, she starts to shake with tension.
I see Lucas and Cassandra coming in from their morning walk.
Leon becomes frustrated as the breast area on Cassandra’s top becomes patchy with discharged milk, reacting to our son’s needs. Liane joins her brother’s bawling and starts to wail as well.
“Come here, Leon, let Mummy have a shower. Try your new porridge. What do you think?” He halts to listen, even if his lip continues to tremble.
“Go have a shower, relax. I could use your help feeding the twins.” I look at Cassandra, trying to be as supportive as possible.
“I’ll be right back.”
As she disappears around the corner, Lucas places his hand on my shoulder in comfort. Before she returns, I decide to have a conversation about the move to California.
A short while later, with wet hair and cheeks still red from exercising outside, she returns, looking sweet and angelic. It is hard to breathe, seeing how beautiful she is. Instead of wrapping her in my arms, I say, “I want to talk with you about the trip and sort out a few details. Do you mind talking to me about it later?”
Cassandra looks up. “Of course not, when do you want to talk?” Her vulnerable eyes watch me with apprehension, then fill with tears, making them appear like crystals.
“How about after we feed them? We could go upstairs and talk.”
Once the twins have been fed, we grab our cups of tea and head upstairs to her bedroom to have some privacy.
“I am not seeking to take them away from you. Nevertheless, we will have to meet with a lawyer to legalize it.”
She nods, lost in thought, stroking her chest over what I’m sure is her aching heart.
“You need to take care of them, Logan. They are your main priority, all right? And you should know that when I get better, I will be coming for them.” I smile at her fierce possessiveness, wondering if our daughter will be just like her.
Nodding, I catch her eyes with mine, needing for her to understand she is not the only one feeling possessive.
“I don’t doubt you, Night. You are the most fierce and loving person I’ve ever seen. Our children are lucky to have you as a mother.” I’m hoping that she will return to me soon.
“I also want to discuss our deal.” Noticing her obvious discomfort in mentioning it, I continue, “We agreed to one year of living apart, to give you a chance to process your issues. What we didn’t discuss is what happens during this year and after.”
She raises her eyebrows in surprise. It is time to hear my demands, baby.
“I will leave with the children, only if you meet my requirements. I won’t accept no for an answer.” This time, I raise my eyebrows in a dare, waiting for her objections. Too astounded to speak, she waits silently. “I want you to accept my financial help for this whole year.”
“No. Don’t even think that I will sign up for this.” She jumps to her feet in anger. As she rounds on me, she places her hands on the armrest, caging me in. The avenging angel has fire in her eyes, ready to burn me if I push too far.
I am too dangerous to her independent streak. Well, too bad for you, my love. I will not bend this time.
“Second, I will be paying for your ongoing therapy and other expenses.” She opens her mouth to say something, but then gets a calculating look that tells me she will bite me the minute she sees an opening.
For now, she is looking for the right moment to seize the opportunity. Cassandra's angry and offended.
“Third. Not negotiable. The twins and I will be visiting every month, and staying for at least five days with you.” I wait.
“Logan…” Frustrated, she spins around. Placing her hands on the window, she tries to control her emotions.
“During this visit, you will sleep with me in bed.” I pause. “You and the twins need to reconnect. You are important to me, Cassandra.”
~Cassandra~
“Fourth. You won’t be going back to work at least for six months,” he informs me, with the persistence that never failed to make me mad.
“You are a fool to think that I will sign up for any of this, Logan. A job could give me the confidence to recover faster. And your ways of trying to control me with the financial aid worked only because of the twins. I won’t be a kept woman. I have more respect than that.” My out-of-control breaths make it hard for me to talk, so I try to calm myself before continuing.
“Besides, this separation is to protect them from my unstable mental state, is it not? Why the constant teasing with the things we can’t have? It will kill me to keep splitting up, over and over again. I will have to go through this withdrawal process often. Logan, it will take too much energy to settle down my mind.”
I let out a frustrated sound. After a long pause, he delivers the final blow.
“Five. You won’t have any sexual relationship with any other man but me.”
I find Logan standing behind me, and I twist around to face him. Without any sympathy, I hit him across the cheek, raging that he thinks I’ll bend that easily.
“Who do you think you are? You don’t get to control my life. How did you think this conversation will go, Logan? Will you threaten me next? Will you take my chance to get my children back if you find a man in my bed? I refuse to become your puppet. What happened to the one year you promised me? You’re supposed to not push for commitment!” I yell.
Terrified to lose my kids, I whimper in fear. This can’t be happening. I trusted this man’s intentions. I agreed to let him take charge of our financial situation when he convinced me he needed to be able to provide for his kids. He couldn’t tolerate the thought of them living the “humble” life.
“Calm down, please. I don’t want you caged, or to make you my puppet.” His honest expression slays me. “I just want to have your promise that we are not done here. I have faith that we will be able to have a chance to become a real family. You are giving up hope. What happens when you’re left alone or struggle tomorrow, or maybe the day after? Will you give up entirely?”
“How can you say that? Of course I will be fighting!” I’m shaking, out of breath. Scared and hurt that he doubts me.
“Will you? There will be an ocean separating us. You will be alone, on your own. I respect your need to work and be self-reliant, but I need you to give me something in return.”
His steadfast gaze reaches my heart. “I need to bind you. This promise assures me that we are not done. Give all your time and energy to find a way back out of this mess instead worrying about finances.”
I stare at him, enraged and confused. Damn it, he wants to tie me into a deal where I have no options.
“Financial aid only means simply to take care of your needs. Is it too selfish to demand to be mine? I want to help. When you are dealing with the trauma and think that there is nothing for you out there, I want you to remember this, us, me.” He comes closer, trying to permanently mark my soul.
My back is pressed against the glass window, and it’s the only thing holding me up. My legs become heavy, and my heart constricts in my chest. I am terrified of the arduous journey ahead of me. I might fail.
The unknown bothers me more than anything. Amplified fears are playing with my heartbeat like a kid with drums. I am trying to push it away. I don’t want to fail.
Clutching my chest, I let silent tears flow down my cheeks. I’m exhausted. So, I lean into his chest for suppor
t. Logan scoops me up and brings me to bed.
“It doesn’t feel right to agree to your terms. I don’t know if I can do it. At least reconsider the third rule. A few months apart could mean a lot to me.”
“Let’s give you two months then.” His quiet voice rumbles in his chest as I listen to his heartbeat.
“Let’s renegotiate the last request…” I try one last time to save him from the impending doom, yet hoping he will never concede.
“No.” I expel a relieved breath while hiding my face in his chest. “What do you mean no?” I raise my head to look at him, needing to know.
“I won’t give you the freedom, no matter what. You are mine. Why deny it?” Logan tells me, his open green eyes pulling me into their safety.
“Just letting you know that you can’t stop me…” I warn him. As I watch, his lips flatten in displeasure.
“You are right. I can’t. But I will stop any man who’ll try.” I open my mouth, shocked at his arrogance that both thrills and infuriates me. “Think about it. You are not planning to date or sleep with anyone anyway.”
He pauses. I wait, cross with him, but I try to understand his reasoning.
“Make a final acknowledgment that you are mine, Cassandra. You can’t escape or deny this connection that binds us together. Admit that you belong to me.”
“Why go through all of this trouble if we are bound?”
Logan holds my chin, brushing the corner of my lips as his eyes fasten on mine. “You didn’t get the memo, I see. I am in love with you, Cassandra. I wish that one day we’ll be able to work this out. We deserve a chance, don’t you think?”
Finally, I shut up, not daring to admit I love him too.
“Besides, you need to tell me about those you’ve lost. Let me in.” I gape at him. “Don’t you worry, I will collect during our visits. Be ready, Night, to learn how to bend.”
I punch him in the ribs, making him laugh, dissolving the tension. It hurts to think about separation, and the idea that he might not feel the same one day.
“I don’t know if I will be able to do it, Logan.” I finally admit my fears about this decision to let go of them. “You’ll have to do it, even if I’ll plead for you not to.” Distress takes over and my breathing becomes impossible.
My legs tingle as numbness spreads, immobilizing me. My throat closes, and the air is unable to pass through my lungs. With rising panic, I grasp at Logan’s t-shirt, trying to save myself. My vision becomes spotted for a moment.
“Breathe…” I hear a calming voice that anchors me. I force the fear back to hiding, allowing Logan's voice to soothe and center me. As soon as I regain my faculties, he wraps me in his warm embrace, making me feel safe.
His.
“We will find a way out of this maze, Cassandra. I believe in you. One day, you will teach our children how to be as strong as you. Do you hear me, Night?”
I squeeze him, unable to speak. Hoping the dream of a happy future will become a reality one day, but I fear that I’ll fail them.
Bad intuition keeps building in my chest, stirring something dark and sinister within me. If I knew what you wanted, Sandra, I would give it to you. I have so little understanding what I did in the first place to fuck us up.
The knock on the door disturbs my quiet musing. The door opens, revealing Leif and Aisha with our distraught children. They place them in our hands, as we all six settle on the bed. I hold Liane, who watches me with expectant eyes, while her fingers suck mine in her mouth.
“You ok?” a solemn Leif asks.
I don’t have the heart to answer. Instead, I press my daughter to me and breathe in her sweet scent. Aisha sits behind me, embracing us both. I brush Leon’s head as he catches my finger to suckle. This is how our family spends the rest of the day. Like a horde huddled together.
Part III
Revelations
Chapter 7
SECRETS OF THE LAKE
~Cassandra~
Something is wrong, I can feel it. The atmosphere is saturated with tension and strange agitation. Their odd looks and secret conversation make me suspicious. Whatever’s happening, the air is permeated with unease, and I’m more unsettled and restless than usual. This morning, I’m twitchy. The troubled energy people are exhibiting causes me to feel on edge.
We’re going to a group session at Dr. Laisa Neil’s therapy clinic. Why, I have no idea. They won’t tell me, but their whispers make me nervous, and my insides churn.
“Cassandra, wait!”
Lost in my thoughts, I walked to the lake without my knowledge. I stand, watching the water ripple and distort the image of the trees in the mirror of the lake. When I turn around, I am met with a concerned gaze. Logan scans my body, as though looking for any signs of injuries. I take in his height and incredible form standing near the old tree, those extraordinary green eyes sparkling.
“I haven’t encountered any demons, Logan. They have a day off,” I joke.
His nostrils flare as he begins to stalk towards me. The erratic heartbeat in my chest tries to sprint towards him, but I stay put. A moment later, his lips capture mine, coaxing me to give him the taste he craves.
Logan’s passionate kiss makes my knees weak and breathing becomes impossible. His palms brush and stroke my skin, and I forget where we both are. Frenzied need grips me.
“Hold on.” Logan picks me up, and my legs wrap around his torso as I press my pelvis into him. Nothing matters right now, except for the closeness of our bodies and skin.
Leif's voice startles us. “Hey guys, I don’t want to interrupt, but you should go before the little ones decide to wake up. They might show us who the scariest twin pair in the house is. Your sisters are waiting in the car. I was sent to find you two.”
Breathless, we press our foreheads together, and I close eyes to regain control of my emotions. Opening them again, I lock with the tortured ones shimmering with a demanding need. Logan chuckles and kisses my neck. I tremble as delicious shivers run down my spine.
“I will push you into the lake to cool down if you don’t get yourself under control in two minutes!” Logan’s annoying brother still stands and waits for us to finish.
“Go away, Leif, or you will be the one swimming in the lake.” The guttural groan warns his brother with retribution if he doesn’t scamper and leave us for a moment of privacy.
We hear his chuckles moving further away. Logan takes my lips again, this time in a sweet and unhurried kiss.
“Are you ready?”
I nod my head as we both walk hand in hand to his car to drive to the clinic. Dr. Neil insisted on this group appointment, and I still wonder why. The foreboding feeling continues to churn in my guts.
My stomach fills with a sick feeling. On the way to the city, I get lost in the scenery as I try to relax. Shortly, the humming sound of the car lures me to sleep. Sensing I must preserve my strength, I don’t fight it.
Later on, Logan brushes my cheek with his hand, rousing me from the mindless nap. “We’re here.”
My heart starts to beat anxiously in my chest the moment I hear him say that. It’s time to face the music. Logan takes my hand, and with a reassuring squeeze, leads me in.
“Ms. Knight, recently, I reevaluated all the things brought to my attention. I believe that we might have misdiagnosed you from the beginning. You see, your episodes hint that there is something you are not willing to remember or avoid coming across. At first, we thought that your personality change has been because you had been locked up in the psychiatric hospital.”
The therapist is apparently wasting no time today, and the hair on my nape raises.
“I think that you constructed this new self to avoid going through a traumatic event.” She stops, letting me take in her observations as my mind starts racing.
“Cassandra, I know this is going to be difficult, but I need you try to remember that day for me, in as much detail you can, all right?” I nod apprehensively as she continues. “Tell me how you found
out about their deaths again?”
I look at her, trying to understand the angle of her new technique. “As I told you, two policemen came to tell me. Shortly after, I passed out.” I crease my eyebrows, not understanding why we’re here again.
“You see, there is a problem with your recollections of that unfortunate day. With the help of your sisters, I came across the information that reveals the truth.” My apparent confusion is written on my face, and I feel lost for words.
“After I spoke with Raine, I realized the extent of your issues. Cassandra, you told me that you were at home all day, reading a book, right?” I nod, trying to understand where is she leading me. “Can you tell me what the book was about?”
Closing my eyes, I try to go back to that beautiful fall Saturday morning. I see the view from my window and hear my family noisily playing downstairs. I hold the book in my hands. It starts to blur as anxiety begins to creep up on me.
“It’s ok, Cassandra, just breathe and try to remember. You are safe here.”
“I don’t understand how this has anything to do with what is happening to me.” Although, I do remember reading a novel in the morning, but before I can tell her that, a dark feeling creeps over me.
“I will explain later, I promise, but we must now concentrate on the details of your story first,” she insists.
I take deep, controlled breaths, trying to relax my anxious heart. That day comes to me like the distorted view of the lake, and the memory takes me back.
That morning, I woke up with my whole life intact. I see my little munchkin, begging to take him to the park to play. The sob catches in my chest as I see him so clearly, happy, his eyes trying to coax me to go with him.
I recall Nate delightfully playing with Sam and little Ethan in the park later that day, laughing and screaming at the top of their lungs. Next, I see the image of me pushing both of them on the swings as they sing to me, and of course, their cheeky performance.
Entwined IN YOU (In You #2) Page 5
