“Not in a few weeks,” I reply softly and feel the stab to my heart. God, I miss him so much it hurts.
“I see.” She frowns and links her hands, resting them in her lap. “May I ask why?”
I clear my throat and frown. Geez, how much do I tell his mom? “Honestly, it feels like a betrayal to him to talk about our relationship with you without him here.”
She smiles widely and reaches across the table to lay her hand on my arm. “I like you, Nic. It’s only because I like you that I’m here. I spoke with Matt the morning that you had your fight.”
My eyes widen in surprise.
“That startles you,” she guesses correctly.
“Matt’s not really the kind of person to seek someone out to talk to,” I reply honestly.
“He didn’t seek me out. He ran into me at the hospital.”
“Oh, how is Natalie?” I ask, genuinely concerned. Another difficult part of losing Matt was losing the fragile friendships that I’d just started to form with his family.
“She’s very well, thank you.” Gail shifts in her seat and considers her next words carefully. “Nic, Matt confided in me about your medical troubles.”
Well, she just keeps shocking the hell out of me.
“I’m actually quite healthy,” I reply.
“He said that, too, but he said that the main reason you believe you can’t pursue your relationship with him is because you may not be able to give him children.”
Tears prick my eyes as I stare down at the tabletop. I can only nod in response.
“And that you think that Matt should have a large family.”
“I’ve seen him with the kids, with his pregnant sisters, Mrs. Montgomery. He’d be an excellent father, and he should have that.”
“I agree, but Nic, why do you feel that you can’t eventually have that with him? Aside from the fact that your relationship is new, and marriage and children are still in the distant future, why do you not think that you could be the woman to eventually share those things with him? You’re obviously very much in love with each other.”
“Because I can’t have children, ma’am. Sure, I may be able to get pregnant through the miracles of modern medicine, but the PCOS is so bad that I’ve been advised that I shouldn’t have children.”
“And why is it necessary for the children you may have to be biologically yours?”
I sit in stunned silence and stare at the older woman, then crease my brow in confusion. “Isn’t that usually how it works? Matt should have his own biological children.”
Gail’s eyes flare in irritation, and she crosses her arms over her chest, and I have a bad feeling that I’ve just pissed off the mama bear.
Shit.
“Because you’re new to our fold, let me explain something to you about our family, Nic. The saying ‘blood is thicker than water’ is bullshit. My Natalie first came into our family when she was in college with Jules. They became fast best friends, and Nat came home with Jules during holidays and such. And when her parents died, leaving her orphaned, we are the ones who stood by her, helped her through that difficult time, and continue to love her. Natalie is as much my daughter as Jules is, but she isn’t my biological daughter.” Gail smiles softly.
“Caleb,” she continues, “just adopted Maddie and Josie and couldn’t love them more than the baby he’s conceived with Brynna. Those girls are his. In every way, Nic.”
I remember the girls with Caleb when I was invited to dinner and smile as I nod in agreement.
“Another example is Meg and Leo. They both came from some of the most difficult of circumstances, but found each other and have claimed each other as brother and sister since Meg was a preteen. But they don’t share parents, Nic. They just love each other so much that they made a family together.
“The Williams family, all of my sons and daughters-in-law, have become as much my family as those I gave birth to.”
God, I’m such a moron. All this time, I thought it would be important to Matt to have children of his own, but it never occurred to me that he would welcome children who might come to us through other means.
“And Dominic,” Gail continues, much to my surprise. “Did Matt tell you that story?”
“Just that Dominic is his half brother.”
“I’m surprised he worded it that way,” Gail murmurs. “My husband and I had a rough time of it right after Caleb was born. We split for a few months, and during that time, Steven slept with a woman while on a business trip, resulting in Dominic.”
My mouth drops as I stare at her, shocked.
“We didn’t know about the baby until early this year when Dominic hired a private investigator to find his biological father. It shocked Steven, but between you and me, it turned my world upside down. Nic”—she leans in and lays her hands on the table—“my husband had a child with another woman. I knew about the sex more than thirty years ago, right after it happened, but now there was a man in front of me, claiming to be my husband’s son. His mother died last year, and he was curious. What was I supposed to do? Throw him away and pretend he never existed?”
“What did you do?” I ask, enthralled.
“I welcomed that man into our family. I’d forgiven Steven a lifetime ago, and Dom is his child. He’s come to fit in very well with our family, and my other children love him, too.”
“You are an extraordinary family, ma’am. Families like yours don’t happen every day.”
“Oh, darling, we are not perfect, that’s for sure. But my point is, whether it’s through blood or pure love, family is family. I dare you to tell me that the twins, Olivia and the new baby about to come aren’t my grandchildren.”
“Of course they are,” I reply immediately.
“And any children that you and Matt are blessed with, whether they come from your womb or through adoption, or even surrogacy, would be loved just the same, Nic. That’s what a family is.”
The tears are flowing freely now.
Gail scoots her chair around to mine and rubs my back soothingly.
“I’m so ridiculous,” I choke out.
“You love him, sweet girl. You thought you were doing what was right for him.”
“I love him so much it hurts to breathe.”
Tears fill Gail’s own eyes as she nods. “Only a woman in love would be so stupid. I’m sure it didn’t help being around the pregnant girls and the kids.”
I shrug and then nod, chuckling through my tears. “I feel so silly because I really like Nat, Jules and Brynna, and I’m happy for them all. I would never begrudge them the children they’re having.”
“Well, you’re not a monster, Nic. But it’s a hard thing to see their men hold their bellies.”
“I…” I begin and then just sigh, hanging my head in my hands. “Yes. It’s hard.”
“It’s easier when you have people around you who love you and understand.”
“I don’t want anyone’s pity. I have so much to be thankful for, and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.”
“There’s a big difference between support and pity, Nicole, and you know it.”
I bite my lip and nod reluctantly. “I made a mess.”
“You can clean it up.”
“You think?” I ask hopefully. “Matt and I haven’t been seeing each other long, so to bring up kids now was relationship suicide.”
Gail laughs and pats my shoulder. “It might have been early, yes, but I don’t think Matt’s thoughts were far from yours. One thing you have to understand about my Matthew: Honesty is paramount to him. Maybe it’s the cop in him, but he will respect you going to him and being honest. Then you two can take it from there.”
“Why did you choose today to come see me?” I ask, curious.
“Because Matt is a grouchy ass, and after two weeks, I figured you needed a nudge.”
I giggle and nod. “I have some thinking to do, but I’ll go talk to him soon.”
“Good. Now, about those cupcakes.”
“Here, let me box some up for you.”
***
“Thank you, dear. Good luck.”
Gail nods and walks down the block, carrying her box of cupcakes.
I take a deep breath and lock the door, then set about cleaning up for the day, letting my mind wander.
She’s right. I don’t have to give birth to children for them to be mine. Why hadn’t I ever thought of it before?
And then I remember.
Because my whole life, it was drilled into me by my parents and doctors: You’ll never have children.
But maybe, just maybe, someday, I might.
I grin and jump when my phone vibrates in my pocket.
“Hello?”
“Hey, gorgeous.”
“Ben!” I grin and climb the stairs to my apartment, happy to hear from my old friend. “How are you?”
“I’m great. I’m in Seattle for the week. Have dinner with me tonight.” His voice is warm and familiar, and I realize I’ve missed him like crazy.
“I would love that. What time?”
“I can head your way now.”
“I’ll be ready.”
Ben was my boyfriend in my early twenties when I still lived back home. I was overweight and not taking care of myself, and the handsome personal trainer had loved me anyway, and helped me get healthy.
Not because he didn’t like me the way I was, but because he wanted me to be healthy and whole, and I’d loved him for that.
Ben was my first love.
And now he’s one of my best friends.
I fix my hair and makeup and change into a lacy pink tank top with a flowy white skirt and sandals, and when I pull the door open for him, he scoops me into his arms and turns a circle in my living room.
“You look wonderful!” I exclaim and kiss his cheek as he sets me back on my feet.
“You look…hungry.” He laughs. “And beautiful, as always.”
“I am hungry. Feed me, please.”
“My pleasure. Mexican?”
“Mmm…yes.” We jog down my steps and walk up the block to one of our favorite Mexican places in Seattle. “What are you in town for?”
“A job interview.”
“You’re moving here?” I ask excitedly.
“Hoping to, yes. I’m never going to do more with my career back home. We both know that.”
“You should have warned me that you were coming.” I smack his arm playfully as the hostess seats us in a booth against the wall. Someone else drops off chips, salsa and water, and I greedily dig in.
“You haven’t lost your appetite,” he observes drily.
“Never,” I agree and grin. “Seriously, why didn’t you give me a heads-up?”
“I thought I’d surprise you.” His hazel eyes are happy as he smiles at me. “How have you been?”
“Meh,” I reply and shrug, feeling much better now that I’ve had the encouraging talk with Gail and am now having dinner with my dear friend.
“Explain the meh.”
“Oh, it’s a long, drama-filled story.”
“The best kind.” Ben winks and pops a chip in his mouth.
I tilt my head and watch him. He’s not just handsome, although with his muscles for days, light hazel eyes and square jaw, he’s certainly one hot number. Ben is a beautiful man, inside and out.
“You’re a good person, Benjamin.”
“Uh, don’t say that, Nic. That only leads to ‘but,’ and we broke up a long time ago.”
I toss my head back and laugh hard, then throw a chip at him. “Don’t be a douche. I was paying you a compliment.”
“I see that you’ve kept up with your workouts. You look great.” He tilts his head, watching me closely. “But I know you, and you have circles under your eyes, so spill it.”
I sigh and lean my chin in my hand. “I’m an idiot.”
“Agreed.”
“You’re a jerk.”
“Typically, yes.”
I laugh again and shake my head. “Stop it. You are not. There is a guy.”
“Do I want to know this?” His handsome face cringes. “I mean, I know we’re just good friends, but I don’t think you’re supposed to know who your ex-girlfriend is sleeping with. It’s weird.”
“How do you know I’m sleeping with him?”
“Are you?”
“Yeah.”
“Now I know.”
“Jealous?” I ask with a raised brow.
He sits back and actually thinks about it, surprising me. I expected a witty comeback, but instead he just answers honestly.
“Not jealous in the way I would have been five years ago, but worried because you mean a lot to me and I don’t want to have to kill him for hurting you.”
“I hurt him, Ben.” I sigh and push my fingers through my short hair.
“I like the haircut, by the way.”
“Oh, thanks. It was time for a change.” I take another bite of chip. “Anyway, I fell hard and fast for him. He’s a great guy. A cop.” I tell him all about Matt and his family, how we met, everything. And it feels good because I haven’t been able to tell anyone everything about my relationship with Matt, and I know that Ben won’t judge me.
“So, aside from the kinky sex, which sounds like a lot of fun to me, but makes me very uncomfortable in relation to you”—he cringes again—“he sounds like a solid guy.”
“He is.”
“So what’s the issue?”
“I broke up with him.”
“Why?”
I bite my lip and stare at the half-eaten basket of chips.
“Nicole…” Ben lowers his head to catch my gaze. “Why?”
“I thought he deserved better than me,” I whisper. “With my medical stuff and everything.”
Ben’s brow creases in surprise. “Nic, I’ve been around the block a time or two, and I’m telling you right now, there are few better than you.”
My jaw drops in surprise. “If you propose right now, I’m going to throw this margarita in your face.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “My girlfriend might have an issue with that.”
“Girlfriend!” I squeak. “You haven’t told me about a girlfriend! Is she here or in Wyoming?”
“She’s in Wyoming, but if I get the job here, I’m hoping she’ll move out here with me.”
“Who is she? Do I know her?”
“We’ll get to her later.” He waves it aside and reaches across the table to take my hand in his large one. “Do you love him?”
“Yeah. But to be honest, his family, although they’re great, they are damn intimidating. Half of them are celebrities, Ben. There’s money, and they’re all beautiful and just…I read about these kinds of people.”
“Are they assholes?”
“No.” I shake my head emphatically. “They’re really nice. I mean, they’re protective of each other, and there were some curious looks and questions, but they were great about making me feel welcome.”
“Good.” He nods. “Not all families are like yours.”
“My family isn’t that bad,” I reply softly. “They just don’t pay much attention to each other.”
“So being around a family that does pay attention is new.” Ben chuckles and shakes his head. “I always wondered why you weren’t one of those girls who calls or texts all the time, always in my way. For a while, I thought you just weren’t interested.”
“No, I guess it’s just not in my nature to have to always be in someone’s back pocket.” I smile and squeeze his hand. “You know I was interested.”
“Yeah, and then you decided to go to culinary school and break my heart.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“We got over it,” Ben replies with a shrug. “So you know you’re going to have to apologize to the guy for being a dumb-ass.”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “There will most likely be groveling involved.”
“Nah, don’t stoop to grov
eling, babe.” He winks and takes a sip of water. “So what are you going to do about it?”
“I’m going to talk to him. Probably tomorrow.”
Ben nods and then looks up at someone who’s approached the table.
I glance up, expecting to see the waiter, but instead, my eyes collide with a very angry blue gaze.
“Matt.” Holy shit. I pull my hand out of Ben’s, but Matt’s gaze follows my hand, not missing it.
Not missing a thing, I’m sure.
“Nicole,” he returns, coldly but softly. “I’d like to have a word with you privately, please.” He glances down at Ben, who grins and offers his right hand to shake.
“Hi, I’m Ben.”
He doesn’t clarify exactly who he is, which exasperates me and seems to amuse the hell out of Ben.
“I’m Matt.” He shakes Ben’s hand, out of manners hammered home by Gail more than anything, I’m sure, and pins me in his hard stare.
“Now.”
Chapter Nineteen
Matt leads me behind him, through the restaurant and down a short hallway to the restrooms. He opens the men’s room door and when he sees that no one is inside, he pulls me in with him and flips the deadbolt.
“Matt…”
“Two weeks.” He cages me in, my back against the door and his hands planted on either side of my head. “We haven’t spoken in two weeks, and now you’re out with some new guy?”
“It’s not what it looks like…”
“What it looks like”—he lowers his face closer to mine. His eyes are feral, angrier than I’ve ever seen them, and he’s panting—“is the love of my life allowing another man to hold her hand over dinner and flirt with her. What the fucking hell, Nic?”
“He’s just a friend,” I insist and glare at him, but my stomach quivers at the feel of him so close to me. “He’s a very good friend.”
He growls and plants his mouth on mine, not gently, not carefully, but with hunger and lust, as though he’s been without water for days and I’m a mirage in the desert. He cups my face in his hands and plunders my mouth, his tongue seeking my own. He bites my lower lip and then plunders again as his hands glide down my sides to my hips and thighs, where he gathers the soft material in his fists, yanking it up around my waist before ripping my panties in two, throwing them over his shoulder.
Come Away With Me Page 45
