by Kadie Scott
“Did you change your mind?” he asked softly.
Beth bit her lip, and that told him everything. Discontent slashed through him all over again.
“Did anything change?” she asked.
Only he wasn’t sure what could have changed. Dylan still needed them. Autry still wanted to marry her. What else did she want from him?
When he didn’t answer, Beth glanced away, and for a second, Autry thought disappointment darkened her pretty eyes, but that had to be wishful thinking or his own eyes playing tricks on him. Before he could ask, she looked back, determination not disappointment gazed back at him.
“I talked to Cindy with DFPS, and she let me know that I wasn’t the only one interested in adopting Dylan. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who else might be looking into that, especially when I saw y’all come in here.”
His brain slowed down as her words penetrated and Autry frowned. “I thought you weren’t interested in that.”
“I’m not interested in marrying without love, I didn’t say anything about not helping Dylan or not wanting to adopt him.”
Autry stared at the woman in front of him for a long moment as he thought through their conversation last night, and she was right she’d only rejected his marriage offer. The kick in the gut that gave him was not unexpected, definitely not wanted, and a distraction he couldn’t afford.
“So you’re here to what… adopt Dylan yourself?”
Beth glanced from Autry behind him to his family who were watching this conversation in silence. “I think we should all sit down and figure out what we think is the best single course of action and then work together on that, rather than working at cross purposes.”
Autry didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Because the words were all a jumble in his head, along with urges he shouldn’t be listening to. Like wrapping her up in his arms and kissing her until she agreed that his original idea was the best idea.
“I’m adopting Dylan,” came out of his mouth instead. “I’d appreciate any support you can give.”
“Don’t you think I have a better shot at it?” she asked quietly.
Everything inside Autry froze, like she’d jabbed him with a cattle prod. He was used to the town having low expectations, and even his family, though in a more loving way, but Beth… He thought she saw through the player image to the man he was. He thought she trusted him.
Damn had he been wrong on every fucking count.
“I think Beth has a point,” his dad interjected.
Autry slowly turned his head to find a combination of confused frowns and eager smiles staring back at him.
He turned back to Beth. “I’m adopting Dylan. You do whatever you think is best.” On that note, he turned and walked away from her for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. Only this one hurt even worse.
Chapter Fourteen
Beth walked into a room that reminded her of high school classrooms—thin brown carpeting, uncomfortable metal chairs situated in a semicircle facing a larger desk with a podium off to the left, whiteboards on the walls, and the general musty scent of government buildings constructed in the 1960s. Only this was the meeting room at the DFPS in Kerrville, and she was here for the last class after a month of classes, some with Autry and some without.
They’d had thirty-five-plus hours of what the state called PRIDE classes, to provide a base of information about caring for the children and the welfare system, covering topics such as child attachment, loss and grief, discipline and behavior intervention, effects of abuse and neglect, and working with the child welfare system, as well as training and certification in other areas including infant and child CPR and first aid, which was this class.
They hardly spoke to each other when they were together, but Lordy, how she missed that man when they weren’t. Stupid to wish he might show up when all his presence did was put nervous knots in her stomach.
One other couple was already seated, and the woman she assumed was presenting the information, since she stood behind the desk, walked forward to shake her hand. After grabbing a handbook and some other pamphlets, Beth took a seat furthest from the door. She did her best to ignore whatever fluttery creatures had taken up residence in her stomach and were having a party in there. So stupid to be nervous. Not for the right reasons, either.
You’re here for Dylan. She mentally reminded herself for the bazillionth time.
Not that it helped any more than it had the other bazillion times. With each new face that walked in the door, her heart picked up speed then slammed on the brakes when it wasn’t the face she was waiting for.
Until it was.
Her heart locked up in her throat at the sight of him, but then dropped to her feet as he scanned the room and saw the only empty chair remaining was beside her. His expression said it all. He’d probably rather be sitting next to Dan Fogelman about now.
Being alone with Autry for the various classes and certifications they were gonna be taking together over the next month had been keeping her up at nights, the evidence written across her face in dark circles and haggard lines. Hiding a deep breath, she finally turned to face the man she’d had to walk away from. Only she couldn’t get very far, could she? “Hi.”
Hi? Witty repartee had clearly abandoned her in this, her greatest moment of need.
“Hi.” Autry smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, didn’t make them crinkle, or spark with the fun he usually shared with her.
She wanted to bury herself in his arms and breathe in the spicy aftershave, and then tease a real smile from him. But she couldn’t. A dull ache took up residence in the region of her heart. She already missed him, which was completely ridiculous. How could she miss someone she’d never truly had?
Wow. He really does hate me for saying no.
With a sigh, she settled in to listen and participate.
“Are you my two singles?”
Beth yanked her focus from the man at her side to the instructor now standing in front of them. She exchanged a quick glance with Autry.
“I guess we are,” Autry drawled.
“Great. I’m pairing you up for this class.”
Beth closed her eyes and breathed. Terrific.
*
Autry pumped at the small rubberized child they were practicing CPR on, counting as he went, as the instructor had demonstrated. Twenty-one seemed like a lot, especially on such a small body. If he had to do this to a real live child, he’d break the kid, probably. Autry hoped like hell that day would never come.
Beth watched from beside him, already having taken a turn.
“Good job,” she encouraged. Such a teacher thing to say. Such a Beth thing to say.
Autry grunted his version of thanks. What he wanted to do was joke with her about how their instructor’s mustache was a throwback to the civil war and had to get in the way of mouth-to-mouth. The other option was to kiss the daylights out of the woman, but that would only lead to begging her to reconsider. A position Autry had never, not once, found himself in.
To say he didn’t like it would be the understatement of the millennium.
It didn’t help that tonight she was wearing a floaty white dress with a skirt that she kept tugging at as they worked on the floor. What she didn’t know was that the skirt was fine. The neckline however, had been plenty revealing as she bent over their practice child to administer CPR.
A month straight of these classes, and he was no closer to understanding Beth’s rejection of his proposal than he had been the first time he asked. Her insistence on adopting Dylan, instead of letting Autry, stuck in his craw even more.
He hadn’t gotten over either situation. Instead he’d become obsessed with it, spiraling.
Drowning had to feel like this, like he couldn’t breathe, as though a permanent weight had been placed upon his chest. It was silly, but in the short period of time they’d been spending with each other, Beth had become important to him. More than important, if he was honest
. This distance that had cropped up between them felt like losing his best friend.
He’d managed to keep everything professional between them. No more flirting. No more stolen moments of pleasure. No more laughing together. No more inviting her out on his continued meetings with Dylan.
Dylan in the meantime had pulled back into the shell he’d been hiding in when Autry first met him. They’d explained to him what they were doing, but that they couldn’t guarantee the state would award care or custody to any of them. Autry just hoped that when the outcome was positive—and he had to believe that the outcome would be positive—the real Dylan would reemerge. The kid they’d had a glimpse of only a month ago.
“Okay, everyone. That’s it for tonight,” their instructor called out, mustache twitching like it was alive.
Beside him, Beth ducked her head, and Autry just knew she was hiding a secret grin about the mustache. Ha! So, she’d noticed, too.
“Take the materials I handed out with you and make sure to study them. Only one more class this Thursday, and then we’re done.”
They gathered their things and headed outside into the rare perfect spring day in Texas. Together. Damn, he wanted the together time to be more than walking to their trucks. Autry scowled at himself.
Beth paused on the sidewalk and turned to face him. “Thursday is the world party in class. Are you planning to come?”
Did she want him to come?
“Yeah. I already let Dylan know I’d be there.” His lips hitched in a half smile which seemed like all he was capable of lately. “I’m in charge of the decorations.”
Beth’s eyebrows went up, and he caught the amusement in her gaze even if she didn’t smile. She only seemed to have smiles for other people these days, and forget any sightings of those dimples. “That should be interesting,” she said.
“Don’t worry. Mom helped me pick them out.”
“Phew.” She pretended to wipe her brow, a hint of his Beth suddenly showing up to the conversation.
Autry shifted on his feet. “Well… See you around.”
He took off for his truck before he could do what he wanted to do and kiss the woman.
“See you.” Her small voice floated to him on the breeze.
Did she sound as alone as he felt? Autry refused to turn around to find out. He hopped into his truck and revved the engine, then looked up just in time to see Beth drive by, her bumper sticker only bringing up memories of other kisses, and something inside him caved.
They couldn’t keep going like this. No matter who was awarded custody of Dylan, they’d have to share him. They both loved the kid. Did it still sting that Beth had no faith in his ability to become a parent? Hell, yes, it did. But this wall of silence between them was way worse.
He had to do something.
Decision made, Autry put his truck in gear and followed the woman who’d turned his life upside down out of the parking lot.
Only she didn’t aim toward La Colina. Instead she headed into downtown Kerrville. Where was she going?
*
“This one is cute.” Lexi pointed to a twin bed with a headboard that also doubled as shelves or maybe a bookcase.
Beth tipped her head, considering it. “Does it come in a double? I feel like we need something bigger than a twin.”
Her sisters had agreed to have someone else mind the store and come shopping for bedroom furniture for Dylan with her. Kerrville, being a larger town, had a bigger selection, so she’d met them here after CPR.
Talk about being horribly self-conscious both having Autry watch her practice, and, in turn watching him. She’d had a fantastic view of cowboy-lean muscles and a backside that just wouldn’t quit. So stupid to let herself still be turned on by a man who mostly answered her with grunts or single words.
She’d hoped for a brief, sparkling moment on the sidewalk that maybe they’d had a bit of a breakthrough, but…
Silence greeted her comment, and she half turned to see what her sisters were doing, only to go stalk still at the sight of Autry standing behind her. Juliet and Lexi waved at her over his shoulder, then disappeared. Not that Beth paid them all that much attention, the man in front of her holding her in thrall. What was he doing here?
He glanced around the large warehouse-like furniture display room. “Shopping for Dylan?” he asked.
Beth nodded.
He nodded back, then didn’t say anything.
Nervousness tugged a reluctant smile from her. “Autry Hill at a loss for words? I should mark this date in my calendar.”
“Yeah.”
So still with the one-word answers? “What are you doing here?”
He grimaced. “I wanted to clear the air between us.”
Really? Thank the good Lord, because she wasn’t going to last much longer the way they were going.
“I know you don’t want me around,” he continued. “I mean with Dylan.”
Beth plopped her hands on her hips. “When did I ever say that?”
“You said no, and you’re trying to adopt Dylan.” A confused frown descended over his features, drawing thick eyebrows over his hazel eyes, more gold today thanks to the blue button-down he’d paired with jeans. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going through his mind.
“I said no to marrying without love,” she said. “But I’d like us to be friends. Especially for Dylan. No matter who gets custody, the other would be an important part of his life. We can’t do that if we are, at best, acquaintances, or at worst, polite strangers. Don’t you agree?”
She searched his face for any sign that he’d missed her as much as she’d missed him.
The frown lifted from his brow, but reluctantly, as if he’d forced a rusty gate open. “I can be friends.” Autry held out a hand to shake. “For Dylan.”
Beth bit the inside of her cheek against the sting of tears. It sounded like that was the best offer she was going to get. She stepped forward to take his hand, but her foot snagged on a flipped up piece of rug.
With an oomph, she stumbled forward, tried to recover, except her momentum took her straight into Autry. It happened so fast, he didn’t have a chance to brace himself, and the two of them tumbled over on top of the bed, thankfully. Only Beth smacked her forehead into his as she landed sprawled on top of him in the most unladylike way.
“Ow,” they both said in unison.
His hands went to her waist to lift her up, except he only succeeded in hitting a ticklish spot. Reflex kicked in and Beth squirmed, giggles and squeals spewing from her. Trying to get away from her thrashing knees, Autry rolled them to their sides, and moved his hands. Only he moved up as she slipped lower, and he ended up cupping her breast with one hand.
Their eyes met, both wide with shock. Could he feel her heart thundering away under his touch?
With a jerk, she moved, but he did at the same time, and they tangled up even more awkwardly, the skirt of her dress getting caught up underneath him.
“Let me just—” She reached to tug it out, only missed her aim and brushed up against his crotch. His hard crotch.
“Oh, my gosh,” she muttered, whipping her hand away.
Beth raised her head, with every intention of getting off him as quickly as possible, only to get snared by the suddenly intense light in his eyes, and all the breath whooshed from her lungs for a second time in as many seconds.
“Beth Cooper strikes again,” he murmured in a low, sex-filled voice, a small smile of amusement tugging at the corners of his lips.
“Yeah. Sorry about that.” Inside, her brain told her to get off, only her fickle body and heart had hijacked the controls, and she stayed there staring at him like a total fool. Dang, the man smelled good. What if she leaned forward and—
Autry swallowed, suddenly looking both like he wanted to kiss her and unsure of himself, even as his hands settled on her hips. Not pushing her away, but not quite holding her to him either. “Don’t look at me like that, unless you mean it, honey.”
Beth’s breath came out in increasingly frantic little pants. “What if I mean it?”
His hands clenched, lips went flat, and eyes shuttered in a way that hurt her to the bottom of her soul. “You don’t mean it, though. If you don’t want to marry me, there’s nothing to mean.”
Shock and frustration bubbled up inside her like a poison potion in a cauldron. He was the player. He was the one who didn’t settle down. All she’d said was she couldn’t marry without love. You’d think he’d respect that. Maybe even be grateful for it. Dammit.
“Besides…” He paused and ran a hand around the back of his neck. “I couldn’t marry someone who didn’t believe in me anyway.”
What the what?
He turned away like, his expression indicating he was done. But she wasn’t. She hopped forward and snagged his arm. “What do you mean I don’t believe in you?”
The man rolled his eyes. “You don’t think I can adopt Dylan on my own. Even with your lawyer friend and Mrs. Wright backing me up, you insist on putting your name in the hat.”
His arm clenched beneath her touch and Beth slowly lowered her hand to her side. “You think I’m doing that because I don’t think you’re worthy?”
He crossed his arms and said nothing, the answer plain as day in his eyes.
All the jumbled-up emotions from the last month finally boiled over, pouring out of her. “I did that for you, you big dummy,” she snapped.
Autry blinked. “For me?” His scowl returned, doubt darkening his eyes. “How the hell could this be for me?”
“Of course this is for you,” she practically shouted. She poked him in the chest with a single finger. “I also talked to Jason, and your reputation could be a problem. I’m sorry you’re not okay with that, but grow up and live with your own choices, Autry Hill.”
He went all quiet and still, but she wasn’t done. If she’d have been a teakettle, she’d be whistling about now with steam pouring out of her. People were starting to turn and whisper, but she didn’t care.
