"That was her sweet sixteen picture," Aunt Sara explained. "Taken almost a year ago now. Laura and Cary's birthday is next month, you know."
Cary would be seventeen. "Is Cary a senior?"
"Yes. Laura would have been the class valedictorian and have made the speech on graduation day. Everyone says so."
I looked more closely at the girl in the photograph. Aunt Sara was right. Laura had been very pretty. She had Cary's eyes and they had similar noses and mouths, with the exact same shade of dark brown hair. Laura's features were smaller, feminine, dainty. She looked about my height and weight, but not as full as I in the bosom. Staring at the photograph, I understood why Uncle Jacob told Aunt Sara the angels were jealous, however. Laura had a glow in her face, a soft, spiritual quality that made her look as if any moment she might sprout angel wings and fly away.
"She was very pretty," I said.
"Yes."
"And who is this?" I picked up a wallet-size photograph of a brown-haired boy that was wedged in the frame of Laura's sweet sixteen photograph. He was handsome.
"That was Robert Royce," Aunt Sara said. She sighed yet again. "He was taken along with Laura that terrible day."
"Oh. How horrible!"
"How horrible," Aunt Sara parroted. She gazed around the room. "I haven't touched anything in here except to dust and clean. It's just as it was the day she died. Please try to keep everything where it is, Melody dear. Put everything back exactly where you found it. But as I said, use whatever you want.
"I suppose you could use a little rest after traveling so long and so far. Dinner is in an hour. Jacob likes us all to look nice come the evening meal. I left this drawer for you to put your own things in," she said showing me the third drawer in the dresser, "and you can find enough space in the closet for what you have brought, I'm sure."
"Mommy said she was going to have my other things sent," I said.
"Until she does, use these things," Aunt Sara said gesturing at everything. "Tomorrow morning," she continued, "I will take you to the school to get you enrolled. It's not far. You can walk home with Cary and May every day, just as Laura did."
Aunt Sara turned, paused in the doorway, and then marched back to the closet.
"I might suggest something for you to wear to dinner." She sifted through Laura's garments. "Now this, yes, this would be perfect." She held out a blue dress with a white collar and white cuffs on the threequarter sleeves.
"It looks as if it might be tight here," I said holding my hands on my ribs.
"Oh no, it won't be. This material gives a bit, but even if it is, I'll let it out for you. I'm a talented seamstress," she added with a laugh. "I used to adjust all of Laura's clothes. I made her this dress." She pulled a pink taffeta off its hanger to show me. "She wore this to a school dance."
"It's nice."
"Perhaps you'll wear it to a school dance, too." She gazed at it a moment before returning it to the closet. She hung it between the exact same two dresses, right where it had hung before she retrieved it to show me.
She lay the blue dress on the bed and stepped back.
"What size is your foot?"
I told her. She looked disappointed.
"Laura had smaller feet. It's a shame for you not to be able to use any of her shoes."
"Maybe May will get to wear them," l suggested.
"Yes," she whispered, looking heartbroken. "Anyway," she said, "I'm sure the dress will fit. Welcome to our home, dear."
Before leaving, she again paused in the doorway.
"It's so wonderful knowing all these things will be used and loved again. It's almost as if. . . as if Laura sent you to us." She smiled at me and left.
A chill passed through my breast. I felt like an intruder in this bedroom. It was still Laura's room. My small suitcases were stacked beside each other against the wall and my fiddle in its case was resting on top of them. There was so little of me here, so much of Laura.
I unpacked, putting my own stuffed cat next to the one already on the bed. They looked as if they'd come from the same litter. I put my teddy bear above them on the pillow, too. Then I hung up what clothes I had brought and used the drawer Aunt Sara had cleared for me.
When I was finished, I went to the window and stared out at the ocean and the beach. Cary and Uncle Jacob walked back from the dock. Cary still had his shirt off and had tossed it over his shoulder. His shoulder gleamed in the sunlight as he plodded along with his head down. Uncle Jacob appeared to be lecturing him about something.
Suddenly, as if he knew my eyes were upon him, Cary gazed up at the window and for a strange moment, it was as if Laura herself were gazing up at me through his emerald eyes.
I jumped when I heard someone behind me. May stood in the doorway.
"Hi," I said and waved. She came into the room with a book. She plopped on the bed and opened the book, pointing to a page. I sat and gazed at her math text. "You want help?" I asked. I pointed to the page and to myself and then to her. She nodded, signing what I assumed meant, "Yes, please help me."
"This is just figuring percentages," I muttered. "It's easy."
She stared at me. I kept forgetting she couldn't hear a single word. What would it be like, I wondered, to live in the world and never hear a bird sing or music, never know the comforting sound of a loved one's voice. It seemed unfair, especially for a little girl as nice as May.
"Okay," I said nodding. I gestured at the desk and she followed. I sat with her standing beside me and began to do the problems, struggling to explain what I was doing. Despite my difficulty to
communicate, she appeared to understand my guidance, carefully reading my lips. When she did a problem, she quickly followed my lead. She was clearly a bright girl.
We did another problem and again she picked up my suggestions quickly.
"What's going on?" I heard and turned to see Cary in the doorway.
"I was just helping May with her math homework."
"I help her with her math," he said. "She can't hear you. It makes it too difficult for her," he said.
"She's doing just fine with me."
He signed something to May and she looked upset. He signed again and she shook her head.
"If she doesn't do well, it will be your fault," Cary snapped and walked away.
"He's not very friendly," I muttered.
May didn't see my lips move, but she was apparently not bothered by Cary's attitude. She smiled at me and went to my suitcases, inquisitively tapping on the fiddle case. She looked at me curiously.
"It's a fiddle," I said. I opened the case and took out the bow. Her eyes widened with surprise. How horrible, it occurred to me: she won't be able to hear me play.
But she urged me to do so anyway. I smiled and shook my head, but she seemed to plead with those big eyes.
"But how can you. . .?" I was confused.
She nodded at my fiddle.
I shrugged, picked up the bow, and played.
May stepped closer. I ran the bow over the strings and played a jaunty mountain ditty. Slowly: she raised her hand and put her fingers on the fiddle. She closed her eyes.
She's feeling the vibrations, I realized, and sure enough, her head moved slightly up and down with the undulations in the rhythms. I laughed happily and continued.
Suddenly, Cary was at my door again, buttoning a clean white shirt. "What are you doing with her now?" he demanded.
I stopped, lowering the fiddle. May opened her eyes with disappointment and then turned to see what I was looking at.
"She wanted to know what this was and then she wanted me to play it for her."
"That's a pretty sick joke," he said.
"She was listening through her fingers," I began to explain, but he shook his head and walked away again. I fumed.
"Your brother," I told May, "is a . . a monster." I exaggerated my eyes and twisted my mouth when I minted to the doorway. She looked at me, shocked for a moment, then when she realized what I meant she laugh
ed.
May's sweet laughter calmed my temper.
"I better get ready for dinner," I told her and pointed to Laura's dress. I pantomimed bringing food to my mouth. She nodded and scooped up her math book and papers to go off and get dressed herself.
I put my fiddle away, thinking about Daddy, recalling him, Papa George, and Mama Arlene sitting on their patio and listening to me practice. How I missed them all!
Aunt Sara had made it sound as if dressing for dinner was very important in this house. I went to the bathroom and washed up, then returned to my room's vanity mirror to fix my hair. I wanted to clear away all of Laura's things and make room for my own, but I remembered Aunt Sara asking me not to move anything. I found small places for my own stuff and crowded everything in together.
Laura's blue dress was snug, especially around my bosom. I had to leave the top two buttons undone, but it was somehow important to Aunt Sara that I wear it.
Maybe it was because I was wearing this clinging dress, but when I gazed at myself in the mirror, I had a new sense of myself, a feeling that I had reached a level of femininity. Despite the way Mommy always talked about herself, I felt guilty being proud of my looks, my figure. In church the preacher called it a sin of pride.
But as I ran my hands over my bosom and down the sides of my body to my hips, turning and inspecting myself, I thought that I just might look pretty. Perhaps I, too, would turn men's heads the way Mommy did. Was it sinful to think like this?
A loud rapping on the door shattered my moment of introspection, making me feel as if I had been caught doing something naughty.
"It's time to come down," Cary growled. "My father doesn't like us to be late."
"I'm coming." I fixed a loose strand of hair. I opened the door. Cary and May stood outside in the hallway, waiting.
I saw his look of surprise. The mask of sternness and fury shattered. He looked handsome with his hair brushed back. He wore a tie and a nice pair of slacks.
"That's one of Laura's dresses," he whispered.
Panicky butterflies were on the wing again, battering my brain with doubts, buffeting my heart with indecision. Perhaps I shouldn't have put on her dress. Maybe I was violating another unwritten code in this confusing house.
"Your mother picked it out for me to wear to dinner," I replied.
The answer satisfied him and his face softened. May took my hand. Cary glanced at her and then pivoted and strutted to the stairway, leading us down. May signed to me and I imagined she said, "You look very nice."
Uncle Jacob was seated at the table. His hair was wet and brushed back, parted in the middle. He was cleanly shaven and wearing a white shirt, a tie, and slacks. Cary glanced at me before sitting. May followed. I hesitated.
"I'll see if Aunt Sara needs help," I said. Uncle Jacob nodded and I went into the kitchen. "Can I help you bring the food to the table, Aunt Sara?"
She turned from the stove.
"Of course, dear. That's what Laura always did." She nodded at the bowls of vegetables and the potatoes, the bread and the cranberry sauce.
I started to bring out the food. Uncle Jacob had his Bible open and was silently reading. Cary and May sat ramrod straight, waiting, but Cary's eyes lifted to follow my movements around the table. The last thing I brought in was a pitcher of ice water. I poured some in everyone's glass and then sat as Aunt Sara brought out the roast chicken. She smiled at me and took her seat.
"Let us give thanks," Uncle Jacob said. Everyone lowered his head. "Lord, we thank you for the food we are about to enjoy."
I thought that was it when everyone looked up, but Uncle Jacob handed Cary the Bible.
"It's your turn, son."
Cary shot a look at me and then gazed at the pages Uncle Jacob had opened for him.
"What man of you having a hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness and go after that which is lost, until he find it?" Cary read in a voice so hard and deep, I had to look twice to be sure he was reading.
He continued. "And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
"And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbors, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost."
"Good." Uncle Jacob took the Bible. He nodded to Aunt Sara and she rose to serve the vegetables, beginning with Uncle Jacob.
As he cut the roast chicken, he finally looked at me. "I see that you're settled in," he began. "Your aunt will give you a list of your daily chores. Everyone pulls his weight here. This ain't a Cape Cod rooming house." He paused to see if I was listening closely.
"I did most of the chores in our house in West Virginia," I said firmly.
"You lived in a trailer, I understand," he said, putting the chicken on May's plate.
"There was still lots to do, cleaning, washing, cooking."
"I bet there was." He shook his head. "Haille was never one for doing home chores." He paused and turned to me. "What was that music I heard before?"
"I was playing my fiddle for May."
Uncle Jacob raised his eyebrows as if I had said the most astonishing thing. "Who taught you how to do that? Chester wasn't musical." He paused and then added, "Although Dad says his Pa was."
"Papa George taught me," I replied, quickly explaining who he and Mama Arlene were.
"So he was a coal miner, too?" He shook his head. "I don't know how anyone could shut himself inside a mountain for his daily bread," Uncle Jacob said. "Especially someone who was brought up on the ocean, breathing God's freshest, cleanest air. It's what we were meant to do. We weren't meant to live like moles."
"It wasn't something Daddy wanted to do," I replied.
Uncle Jacob grunted. "You make your bed and then you lie in it."
I was afraid to ask what he meant. We all started eating.
My uncle paused after a few moments and looked at me again. "This year, we're going to have our best cranberry crop. If you're still here in the fall, you can help harvest."
"Cranberry crop?"
"We got a bog just over the hill here." He nodded toward the north end. "Helps supplement what I make lobstering. That ain't what it was when my father had his fleet of boats working."
He nodded at Cary. "Cary can tell you all about the cranberry harvesting. We're not millionaires, but it's easier than clawing black rocks from the earth's gut," he muttered.
My eyes went to Cary. His eyes were on me. He shifted them quickly away and I looked at May. She smiled. The one bright spot at the table, I thought.
Then I looked at Aunt Sara. She hadn't yet eaten a bite of supper. She had been staring at me the whole time, smiling.
I helped Aunt Sara with the dinner dishes and silverware, then decided to take a walk. The entire time I was in the kitchen, Aunt Sara went on and on about Laura, describing how much of a help she had been and how good she was at making cranberry muffins and jams. Aunt Sara wanted me to learn how to do everything Laura had been able to do. I didn't mind, I suppose, but it was strange being constantly compared to my dead cousin. If I voiced any hesitation, however, Aunt Sara would stop whatever she was doing and smile at me.
"But you have to try, dear. Laura would want you to try." She said it with such certainty. It was as if she could still speak to her drowned daughter. It gave me the willies.
Leaving the kitchen, I felt drained, but I had more tension ahead of me. I had to walk through the living room to the front door. Uncle Jacob sat in the rocker reading a newspaper. He looked up sharply when I appeared.
"Dishes done?" he demanded.
"Yes, Uncle Jacob."
"Well, then take a seat there and we'll have our talk now." He folded his paper and nodded at the settee across from him.
"Our talk?" I slowly entered the room and sat. He put his newspaper on the sea chest table, tapped the ashes from his pipe into a seashell ashtray, and sat back in his rocker, gazing more at the ceiling than at me.
"W
hen Sara told me Haille wanted to bring you here to live a while, I was against it," he admitted frankly. "It didn't surprise me none to hear that she was trying to avoid her responsibilities. That was the only Haille I ever knew. But Sara had her heart set on this, and Sara has suffered far more than a decent, hardworking woman like her should. We can't question the burdens God gives us. We've just got to bear them and go on.
"Sara," he continued, fixing his cold, steely gaze at me, "thinks God sent you here to help fill the hole in our hearts we got from Laura's passing. You ain't never going to fill that hole. No one can fill that hole. But Sara's got a right to hope, a right to put her tears to bed. Can you understand that?"
"Yes," I said meekly. I held my breath.
"Good. I want you to promise never to disappoint Sara. You got off to a good start here helping out with dinner like you did without anyone having to tell you to do it. It's the way Laura would have behaved.
"Laura was a good girl. She read her Bible, said her prayers, did well in school, and never gave us none of the grief some of the young people today are giving their folks. I never caught her smoking . . . anything," he added. His eyes burned with warning. "And she never drank beer or whiskey outside of this house. If she went on a date, she was always home the proper time and did nothing about which we would be ashamed to hear."
I let out the breath I was holding. Surely, Laura wasn't a total saint, I thought. I dared not suggest it.
"This is a small town. Everyone knows everyone else's itches and scratches. What you do reflects on us and we'll hear about it, you can be sure of that."
"I didn't get in trouble back in West Virginia, and I won't get in trouble here. I won't be in Cape Cod very long," I promised confidently.
He grunted. "Good. hold you to that. Do your chores, do well in school and mind Sara, then we'll all be fine." He reached for his pipe and stuffed new tobacco into it.
"I didn't even know until today I was going to be staying here," I said.
His eyes widened. "That so?"
"Yes. I thought we were coming here only to visit."
He nodded, thoughtful. "Haille always had a lot of problems with the truth. It was like hot coals in her hands."
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