by I. A. Dice
“Good. Try not to kill the idiot when he arrives.”
I promise nothing.
***
Later in the evening, the group of us stood close to the stage at a small concert venue. I held Nadia close, a beer in one hand, the other draped across her collarbones.
She swayed from left to right, tugging from the bottle, singing along. I finally got the chance to hear her sing a few days after Christmas. She was unpacking her clothes in the bedroom, listening to her playlist when Waves by Dean Lewis came on. I was in the en-suite shaving when she opened her mouth and started singing as if she were alone. Her voice wasn’t powerful, but she sang on key, and there was something about the way she hit the lower notes that made my hair stand on end.
Amelia, Jane and Sarah stood further down, closer to the stage, and the guys stood next to us, paying little attention to the concert.
“I need to pee,” Nadia said in my ear. “I’ll be right back.”
“Toilets are at the back,” I pointed her in the right direction.
Scorpio stopped beside me when Nadia disappeared in the crowd. “How’s paradise?” he asked. “You two are so bloody cute together I might vomit.”
I smirked, shaking my head. “Cute? That’s what you’re going for? I’ll give you one chance to take it back.”
“Not me, mate. Jane must’ve said it like ten times tonight. Seriously, stop this shit right now. You’re making my girl jealous, and I’m not going back to holding hands every living moment of the day.”
The band went on to play Inevitable—Nadia’s favourite. We spent the last week listening to their debut album, and it was a shame that Nick and I hadn’t found them before our rivals signed them. Lemon would’ve had more success at C&G.
A few telephone calls revealed they were bound by a three-year contract, and unless they could pay their way out of it, there was no way we could sign them. Still, the excitement in Nadia’s eyes when I gave her the tickets was worth letting the rival label cash in on us.
I looked toward the bar and caught a glimpse of Nadia’s silhouette in-between other people, walking backward as if moving away from a vicious dog, her eyes darting left and right.
It wasn’t until she disappeared behind a group of teens, that someone else came into my line of sight: a figure I knew all too well, a person I loathed with passion. Someone I fantasised about killing fifty different ways for months. I knew he was coming, but I hadn’t anticipated that he would find us here.
Seeing Adrian so close to the most valuable thing in my life turned my stomach, stopped my heart and froze the blood in my veins.
The room slowed down. Music faded away. The bottle of Corona slipped out of my hand, taking an extraordinary long time to hit the ground. Static was all I heard. People disappeared, yet I felt as if someone gripped my throat and my heart and squeezed them tight.
There was no time for questions. No time to wonder how he found us. It didn’t matter. He was less than six feet away from my girl.
The bottle shattered on the wooden floor, bringing me back to reality. The sounds came back, as if someone abruptly turned up the volume. I balled my fists. There were no longer any inhibitions left in me. Revenge fuelled the fire that raged inside my very being.
The urge to send the son-of-a-bitch to a hospital was crushing. Primal, intense, boisterous.
My head filled with images of Adrian in a wheelchair, unable to move his hands and unable to hurt Nadia ever again. Things I wanted to do to him were even scaring me, but I was ready to serve him justice.
I was ready to play God.
Scorpio still stood beside me, happily unaware of the chaos ruling my mind. I gripped his arm, and he looked up, his eyebrow raised in question. We had been friends for years, and it only took him a split second to assess my mood. Surprise gave way to determination. He was focused and waiting for whatever was to come out of my mouth.
“Grab Nadia. Adrian’s here.”
His eyes grew wider, but he didn’t dare ask questions. The look on my face must have told him more than I wanted to show. He slammed his beer to Ethan’s chest, scanning the crowd.
Like an uncoiled spring, I lunged forward. I pushed through the crowd, knocking people out of my way. Scorpio caught up to me seconds later and veered off to the right. I breathed a sigh of relief when he wrapped Nadia in a tight embrace. He pulled her back, away from Adrian and away from whatever was to come.
Adrian stopped. Recognition crossed his face and he turned my way. I jumped forward, grabbed him by the fraternity hoodie, and steered out the first punch. People gasped around us, stepping away to make room.
“Outside,” I seethed, getting in Adrian’s face. “Now.”
He pressed his hand to the sore spot on his jaw. His black eyes lacked surprise when he bobbed his head, turning around. I watched his step, my senses agile, my mind focused on causing as much pain to the guy in front of me as I could physically manage.
And I could derail a fucking train right about now.
The ten seconds it took us to reach the emergency exit was the longest in my life. It took all I had not to batter him then and there. Letting a few hundred people watch wasn’t a good idea.
“So, you’re Thomas,” Adrian said the moment we burst through the metal doors. “Nadia told…”
Her name rolled down his tongue, and my anger reached the hot-white level of fury. I steered out another punch. My fist connected with his nose, jaw, and the side of his head. I gripped his hoodie, and slammed his tall, muscular frame against the wall.
Another blast. His head bounced against the bricks.
I was nowhere near Adrian’s level. If he wanted to, he could knock me out with one punch, but he was passive. He let me do whatever I pleased; his body was limp, though both fists were clenched as if it cost him a lot of restrain not to let his instincts take over.
I banged his head against the wall again. And again. And again.
He slid onto the dirty ground, his nose bleeding; eye swollen.
“You thought I’d let you anywhere near Nadia?!”
I gripped his hoodie and lifted him half a foot off the ground. My hand fell back then shot forth, connecting with his face at full speed.
No self-control. No brakes. No rational thoughts.
My imagination ran wild, creating endless scenes of Adrian hurting my girl. I heard her pleas; I saw her eyes filled with tears, the blood on her lips and bruises covering her petite body.
Adrian woke the monster: the one I kept buried deep inside since the moment I stepped out of the army.
Pain was absent even though my knuckles were bleeding. Mercy was absent even though Adrian whimpered, coughing up blood.
I cheered inside when I knocked out three of his teeth. He didn’t try to stop me, but it didn’t mean I took pity on him. There was no room for compassion among fury, worry and the need to hurt him as much as he hurt Nadia. I wasn’t thinking straight, sending blow after blow to his already massacred face.
I couldn’t stop or slow down. My chest heaved with the effort and my muscles burned, but Nadia’s bruised face lingered at the back of my mind turning the rage into a panicked, hysterical hell.
The punches kept coming. His head bounced off the concrete every time, the sound echoing in the dark, empty alley. Blood gushed from his nose and mouth. There was so much of it that the metallic taste lingered in the air. I failed to notice when he lost consciousness. I lost count of how many teeth he was missing, how many cuts marked his face and how many bones cracked under my knuckles.
It wasn’t enough.
Adrenaline pumped in my veins, but the genuine, overwhelming pleasure I got from hurting him vanished when two pairs of hands yanked me back. Nick and Scorpio pinned me to the wall. The looks on their pale faces a mixture of fear and sympathy. I pushed them away, effortlessly, as if they were two mannequins, my eyes on Adrian.
Maybe he wasn’t unconscious. Maybe I killed him.
I fucking hoped I killed him.<
br />
I was panting and shaking, my muscles strained and weak, but the images of Nadia covering her face, rocking back and forth forced my feet to move, to check if Adrian was breathing, or if I had to keep going.
I took one step before Nadia stepped in front of me.
Doe-like eyes and parted lips. The smell of her perfume; the look of utter helplessness. Small, trembling palms on my chest.
“Stop,” she uttered. “Please, stop. You’ll kill him.”
Dread passed through me like an injection of icy water. I cupped her face, smearing blood on her cheek, the crimson a striking contrast to the ashen tint of her skin.
“Are you ok?” I asked, my voice hoarse, throat dry. “Did he touch you? Did he say anything?”
She shook her head, knotting her fingers on my neck to drag me down. Her lips pressed against mine for a short, reassuring kiss.
“I’m okay,” she uttered, pressing her forehead to mine. “Please stop. It doesn’t matter how much you hurt him. He can’t undo what he did. Broken bones will heal in no time.”
Her proximity calmed down my racing mind, banishing the madness, clearing my head. I inhaled a deep breath.
She was right, but Adrian deserved a glimpse into the hell he put Nadia through.
“I know,” I drew her closer to get some semblance of normality. “You shouldn’t be here. I don’t want him to look at you.”
I glanced over my shoulder to Scorpio. He fished his keys out of the pocket, ready to take Nadia back home, away from Adrian and away from whatever was to happen next.
The fucker had more chances than any abusive guy deserved, and he blew each one. Nadia was too weak and too selfless to put a cap on her own suffering. It was my job to draw the line she couldn’t draw herself.
This was it. Today was the end of Adrian’s involvement with Nadia. Either he would give up and walk away, or I would make sure he would be sentenced to jail, his sins tattooed on his back for the inmates to see.
He wouldn’t come out of there alive.
Nadia opened her mouth to protest, but one look into my eyes changed her mind. I knew she wanted to check if Adrian was mentally stable, but more than that, she wanted to show me he was truly just a ghost from the past, that he wasn’t more important than me.
“I trust you.” She pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “And I love you.”
She walked around me, careful not to glance at Adrian. Scorpio draped his hand over her shoulders, leading her back inside the building. My muscles relaxed just a touch when she was out of view, nowhere near the scumbag that still laid on the ground, unconscious.
“It didn’t take him long to get here,” Nick said, grasping a fistful of his hair. “Did he say anything? I mean… How the fuck did he know where we were tonight?”
Good question, although it was irrelevant. He was here, in London, and he almost cornered Nadia. It was a close call, a near miss that was never supposed to happen.
“Call Ty,” I said. “And maybe an ambulance.”
Movement behind my back threw me right back into combat mode. Adrian opened one eye, coughing and gasping for air while trying to pull himself up enough to sit. All I thought about was punching his face to keep him on the ground. I didn’t move, though, watching as he sat on the curb. He spat blood on the ground and cracked his neck while I cracked my knuckles, ready to land another series of precise punches if he would take as much as half a step forward.
Adrian wiped his face with the sleeve of his jacket and his one working eye looked to me.
“You should’ve killed me, man.”
It wasn’t a threat. It sounded like a plea; like a cry for help. Murder lost the appeal. I wasn’t going to do him any fucking favours, even if it meant watching him die.
“That would mean twenty-five years behind bars, and you’re not worth it. But you get accustomed to that idea.”
“You want to turn me in?” He scoffed, wiping blood off his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Have you thought it through? You think Nadia will handle the pressure of giving detailed statements?”
Nick jumped forward, hitting Adrian’s face twice, but it did little damage. Adrian remained in place, sitting on the curb, his knees bent, arms resting on the ground for support.
Nick’s sudden outburst was overdue, but his courage took me aback.
“I fucking trusted you,” he seethed. “I thought you’d put a ring on her! How can you live with yourself?!”
“I can’t,” Adrian said in a brittle voice. “There’s no living with that.”
Nick stepped back his fists clenched at his sides.
“I love her more than life, Nick. I’d give up everything to turn back time and never start using… One night. One mistake.” He roughed his hair. “I lost her that night, but I didn’t want to accept it.”
Blood thickened in my veins again. It was a fucking torture to stand five feet away from the guy and hold my rage on a leash.
“If you loved her, you wouldn’t be here. You’d do whatever it takes to stay away,” I hissed, glaring into the one eye he held open.
“I came to apologise and say goodbye. Where is she?” He cringed, trying to stand. “I need to talk to her.”
Nick scoffed. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re delusional if you think either of us is letting you see her.”
Adrian pulled himself up and rested against the wall. “I don’t want her to remember me the way she saw me last time…”
“Drugged and battering her?” I asked. “It’s been a month since she came back, but she still wakes up gasping for air. You don’t deserve a chance to apologise. You don’t deserve a chance to right the wrongs and believe me—I’ll make sure you won’t move your hands for the rest of your life if you show your face around here again.”
“That won’t be long,” he scoffed. “You know what the worst part of all this is? She already forgave me. After everything I did, she still cared enough to make sure I agreed to get help.”
“Looks like it didn’t fucking work,” Nick seethed. “Leave, Adrian. Leave and don’t ever come back.”
He took a small envelope out of the back pocket of his jeans. “I didn’t think you’d let me talk to her, but I want you to give her this when you feel it’s time.” He waited until I took the envelope. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry. Take care of her, Thomas. She’s the best that happened to the both of us.”
He walked away, slowly, as if every step was a struggle. His words bounced from the walls of my psyche, summoning the images of when I wallowed in grief, plagued by blame after Adam’s death. I knew what Adrian meant by “I came to apologise and say goodbye”.
The envelope in my hand was his suicide note. He was prepared, as if this time he wasn’t trying to trick Nadia into taking him back. His mind was made, and the clock was ticking.
No matter his intentions or the reason behind the decision, Nadia would need months, years, maybe, to overcome the guilt.
“Adrian.”
He spun around, holding onto his side, his face twisted with pain.
“You don’t get to say goodbye.” I gave him the note back. “I won’t talk you out of this. All I care is that regardless of what you end up doing, you make sure Nadia won’t have a single reason to blame herself. You owe her that. She’s been through enough.”
Adrian glanced down at the envelope smeared with his own blood, a battle raging in his head. Fresh tears escaped his black eyes, and his body shuddered. He sucked in a harsh breath, straightened his back as much as pain allowed.
“Accidents happen,” he said, shoving the letter back in his pocket.
One foot in front of the other, he walked away toward the main road. A crowd of people leaving the concert venue engulfed him moments later.
Adrenaline levels in my system halved within seconds, physical pain of my bruised, bloodied wrists registered in my brain.
“That’s the last time we saw him.” I turned toward the emergency exit so I could wash up b
efore heading home.
Nick didn’t budge. He stared into the distance, his eyes unseeing as if he couldn’t process the facts fast enough.
“You just gave him permission to kill himself,” he said, his voice filled with disbelief, worry and relief all at once.
“Do you really think he needs permission?” I pulled the metal door open. “Even if he did, do you think I give a fuck? If he wants to die, then so be it, but he doesn’t get to make it look like a sacrifice for Nadia. It isn’t. He just can’t fucking handle what he did when he’s sober.”
No sane person would be able to live with the enormity of Adrian’s sins resting on their shoulders. I had a feeling that the first two or three times, Adrian used drugs for purely recreational reasons.
Later, he realised the high had two sides. It sparked violence, but also, for a short time it numbed guilt and blurred the memories of him hurting the girl he loved.
Drugs became his escape, the cause of his downfall and the temporary anaesthetic to his screaming mind.
CHAPTER 26
THOMAS
Shock
An unsettling thought squeezed my heart once I washed my bloodied hands in the restroom at the venue. Nadia was accustomed to violence, and although she never showed how much it affected her, the panic attacks, trembling hands, and nightmares were proof enough.
My blood ran cold when the image of her moving away from me, fear in her eyes flashed before my eyes. There was no guessing her reaction, no anticipating her moves, and I dreaded seeing fear in her eyes. We wouldn’t be able to move past that.
Nadia sat in the living room, a glass of wine in her hand when I arrived home. She was lost in thought and hadn’t noticed me come in, but Scorpio did. He looked up, question marks in his eyes.
“Thank you,” I told him.
Nadia’s head snapped to me, but she didn’t move.
“Anytime.” Scorpio rose to his feet. “Call me if you need me.”
He patted my shoulder on his way out, and the door closed behind him seconds later.
“What happened?” Nadia asked, her voice small. “Is he…”
