Threaten to litigate
This is the nuclear option. Sue them (or threaten to sue them) for anti-competitive practices. Most of the legal regimes in the world’s developed countries do not look kindly on monopolies or restraints of trade, and the prospect of litigating might make the chance to squeeze a bit more out of you seem less appealing. If nothing else, it sends a strong signal that you’re up against the wall, and even a powerful monopoly would rather have your business than lose it.
In short, no one holds all the cards—there are too many cards! Your seemingly powerful negotiating counterpart has problems and weaknesses of his own, and you may have currencies and leverage you are not aware of. If you don’t see a way to deal with your monopoly, it doesn’t mean there isn’t one—it just means you haven’t found it yet.
* Readers familiar with negotiation terminology may recognize my Plan B as the BATNA, or “Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement,” developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their landmark book, Getting to Yes (1981). With all due respect to Professor Fisher, who was my first negotiation teacher, I dislike the term BATNA for two reasons:
First, the term is unwieldy. I often have students in my negotiation classes who have had previous negotiation training and have a vague recollection of the term. Most of them cannot recall what the letters stand for, let alone the meaning. Plan B is pretty intuitive, everyone gets it.
Second, the term is misleading. Suppose I am negotiating with you to buy your car. If we can’t agree, what is my best alternative? I wouldn’t steal the car from you, though that is clearly an alternative to a negotiated agreement. I would most likely negotiate an agreement to buy a similar car from someone else, which doesn’t sound like much of an alternative, it’s almost the same thing! (I understand, “alternative” has a specific meaning here, but if people can’t remember the acronym they probably won’t remember the special meaning either.) If you’re a purist, feel free to think that the “B” in Plan B stands for BATNA.
* Based on Paranikas, Whiteford, Tevelson, and Belz, “How to Negotiate with Powerful Suppliers,” Harvard Business Review, July–August 2015.
CHAPTER 5
COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
“Be soft on the people, hard on the problem.”
— Roger Fisher and William Ury
THE IMPORTANCE OF MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS
There was a time not long ago when business was a jungle. Negotiating was very competitive, a win-lose affair. Businessmen ate each other for lunch. The strong survived, and a killer instinct was prized. That was the norm.
In the old days, railroads swallowed one another whole. Today, airlines form alliances, share codes, and recognize one another’s frequent flyer miles. McDonald’s sells Coca-Cola in its stores and gives away Disney toys. Computer makers pack their wares with the products of other companies—Intel, Microsoft, and so on. These are not casual flings, they are more akin to marriages. Both parties are in it for the long term.
It isn’t just the business world that has become more interdependent. Countries are finding more and more reasons to collaborate. A continent that has historically been plagued with wars has now joined the European Union. A rising China, formerly mistrusted by the West, is welcomed into the world community.
Times have changed. Sure, there are still plenty of tough guys out there who still follow the laws of the jungle, but their days are numbered. There may also be one-off negotiations where you just want a quick win and don’t particularly care how your counterpart fares. No one is holding a gun to his head, and he can choose whether to make a deal or not. However, these occasions are now the exception rather than the rule.
An interdependent world requires collaboration. It demands win-win outcomes. Relationships are important, and at the heart of any relationship is communication.
THE WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY
First impressions are formed quickly and set the tone for the relationship that follows. We usually form an impression of someone within four seconds or four minutes of our first contact, depending on which expert you consult. In any event, it is more likely a matter of seconds than minutes. People make a judgment about you based on your appearance, your voice, and elements of non-verbal communication such as your posture and gaze. They will form an impression of you when they first speak with you on the phone or read your first e-mail to them.
Unfair, isn’t it? You may not be at your best at your first contact. Your e-mail may have one or two typos. But you will still be judged on this limited and possibly misleading information. The good and the bad all go into the mix, and shape the perceptions that others form of you. While it may not be fair, you can do your best to use it to your advantage rather than let it hurt you. This window of opportunity is narrow, so make the most of it.
How can you increase the odds that others will form favorable impressions of you? How can you convey the image you wish to communicate, before you even say “Hello”? How can you project a positive image with someone you have never met? Here are my suggestions:
• First of all, you need to decide on the image you wish to project. What qualities should a first-rate negotiator possess? No doubt confidence, competence, preparedness, and professionalism rank high on that list. Strive to project these qualities.
• Make a grand entrance. Walk tall, with confidence and purpose, like you own the place. You want people to see that you are comfortable in your surroundings. Do not meander aimlessly or look around like you’re confused or nervous.
• Look like a winner. Your appearance is critical. Dress better than the average person in your position. Make sure you are well-groomed. Have a nice pen, and keep your documents in an elegant bag or portfolio. This shows you are organized and attentive to detail.
• Make the first move. Don’t wait for the other person to make the call; pick up the phone. Introduce yourself or greet her first. People respect those who take the initiative.
• Use a firm and friendly handshake. Make sure your hand is dry, and use a firm grip. Smile warmly and make eye contact. Radiate warmth, sincerity, and enthusiasm. Let the other person know you are happy to see him.
• Use a confident voice. You don’t want to sound loud and arrogant, nor do you want to speak too softly. Speak in a measured, deliberate, and self-assured tone. Avoid fillers and erratic pauses that suggest uncertainty or hesitation. Do not end sentences with an upward inflection that sounds like a question. Use a slower pace as this sounds more authoritative than a faster one. Be calm and in control.
• Have an opening line ready. Know what you want to say, then say it clearly and confidently. Do not fumble over your words—it makes you sound unsure of yourself and your ideas seem half-baked.
• Be professional. Keep your promises, arrive for appointments on time, and follow up on tasks. Treat others with courtesy and respect, whether they are the CEO, the receptionist, or the janitor. Be honest and maintain your integrity.
THE HALO EFFECT
First impressions are necessarily based on limited and imperfect information. Because we want to know more, we tend to generalize and stereotype a person’s characteristics based on whatever information we have available. We extrapolate the person’s positive qualities and extend them to other areas of their personality. For example, if our counterpart is confident, articulate, and well dressed, we might assume he is also trustworthy, knowledgeable, and professional, even though we have no sound basis for doing so! This is how con men cheat their victims! This tendency to generalize favorable qualities is called the “halo effect.” The halo effect is a shortcut we often take along the way to getting to know someone.
Studies have shown that teachers often assume that more attractive students are also more intelligent, and evaluate them accordingly. Those with more appealing names also receive preferential treatment. Businessmen who look like a million bucks get more upgrades on airlines and at hotels than their casually dressed colleagues. It may not be fair but
it happens all the time, so make the most of it! If you increase the number of favorable qualities you project, you will also increase the probability that others will form a more positive impression of you.
The opposite is also true. Psychologists call this the “reverse-halo” or “horn effect” (as in the devil’s horns). If we see some negative qualities in a person—such as a sloppy appearance, papers in disarray, and lack of familiarity with the details—we might assume she is also lacking in other areas. Maybe she is, or maybe she just lacks the level of polish, confidence, and social skills you expect. Or maybe she’s just having a bad day.
To minimize the dangers of the halo effect or the horn effect, take your time in getting to know your counterpart, test your assumptions, and seek additional information. Hone your intuition. Keep your own halo bright and shiny, but be cautious in reading your counterpart.
You cannot control the impressions others will have of you, but you can influence them. Do what you can with the factors that are easiest to control, such as your clothing, grooming, accessories, behavior, voice, and other non-verbal communication. Project confidence, competence, preparedness, and professionalism. Let these bright spots create a shiny halo that lets others see you in the best light. Leverage your best qualities to enhance the way people perceive you in other areas as well.
What if the person you are dealing with does not have a positive first impression of you?
Can you salvage the situation? Yes, but it may be an uphill climb. Begin by addressing the problem directly. Apologize if warranted, and explain if you think it will help. Take responsibility. Everyone makes mistakes or has an off day, and most people are willing to let you make amends if you appear sincere. Work hard to win back their trust and confidence.
COMMUNICATE CLEARLY
Use simple language to reduce the risk of misunderstandings. Do not try to impress with big words when common, everyday words will do. Do not use slang, abbreviations, or jargon that your counterpart may not understand. When in doubt, decide in favor of simplicity. Ask to make sure, but be careful not to ask in a condescending tone.
Speak clearly and enunciate well. If you speak quickly, slow your pace down to match your counterpart’s. If you have reason to believe your counterpart might not understand your accent or pronunciation, ask him to let you know if he is unsure about anything you may say. Many people feel awkward asking someone they don’t understand to repeat what they said, or to speak more slowly, or to spell a word. Be proactive about avoiding miscommunications.
Be familiar with the jargon of your industry as well as your counterpart’s industry. You may not understand corporatese or legalese or computerese. If you do not understand a term or expression, ask for clarification. Never pretend you understand something when you don’t. You may just end up agreeing to something you don’t want!
Even when not using jargon, do not assume you understand what your counterpart is saying. Paraphrase his statements and ask questions to clarify meaning.
SHOW RESPECT
Treat your counterpart with respect. Listen to her without interruption. Do not use an arrogant or condescending tone when speaking to her. Thank her for her time and input, and recognize any contributions that she makes.
You can also show respect by being polite and courteous. People like to hear “please” and “thank you.” Invite your counterpart to precede you through the door. If you are the host, offer your guest coffee, tea, or other refreshment. Try to anticipate her needs and be accommodating. If you are the guest, make an appreciative comment about your host or her office. You want to be seen as pleasant and likable in your counterpart’s eyes.
If your counterpart is from another country or culture, learn something about his values and customs. Ask questions that show a sincere interest and desire to learn about him as an individual. This shows you value him as a person and will help to put him at ease. As a result, communication will flow better, and intentions are less likely to be misinterpreted.
CREATE RAPPORT
Rapport means putting another person at ease and making a real connection. You must aim for this right from the beginning—it is a big part of laying the foundation. Be polite, friendly, and welcoming. Make small talk. Use the person’s name. Smile. Offer him a drink or do him a small favor. Set a friendly tone and establish a collaborative working dynamic.
The essence of rapport is similarity and harmony. When two people are truly in rapport, their tone, pace, rhythm, volume, and many elements of their body language will be similar. This will occur naturally, though you can encourage the process by consciously mirroring elements of your counterpart’s vocal quality and body language. Position yourself at his level—sit if he is sitting, and stand if he is standing. Use body language beyond the basic eye contact, smile, and handshake to create a feeling of similarity.
You can also emphasize similarity and encourage rapport by adopting similar vocabulary as the other party. If she tends to use certain expressions, use them yourself. She will notice, perhaps subconsciously, that there is something about you that she likes. People like people who are like themselves, so you want to be like the person you are with.
ASK QUESTIONS
Win-win negotiators ask a lot of questions. While asking questions is a good way to get the information that is critical for a win-win, this is not the only purpose served by asking questions. Asking questions helps you build rapport, gain thinking time, control the pace and direction of the discussion, clarify understanding, and persuade the other party. Of course, it is also a good way to gather information.
Asking questions will help you to achieve the following.
Build rapport
People generally engage in small talk when meeting someone new, or when encountering someone they haven’t seen in a while. They usually ask mundane questions or make simple statements that invite response, such as “How are you?”, “Nice weather we’ve been having.”, “Think it’ll rain?”, and “Did you see the game last night?”
These questions are not designed to elicit useful information. No one cares about the weather except farmers, and I can poke my head out the window and see if it looks like rain myself. We ask these trite questions just to acknowledge that another human being is present, to interact with him at a basic level, to put him (and ourselves) at ease.
A win-win negotiator will ask questions and make small talk to be friendly and to get his counterpart to warm up to him. He wants to be likable. He knows that other people are more likely to agree with him if they like him. Cold and aloof negotiators do not fare as well as warm and friendly ones.
Gain thinking time
Asking questions is a good way to buy time. While the other party is responding, you can ponder a difficult point. Try to do this during pauses in the conversation, as you don’t want to miss anything important while you are thinking. Use questions to slow down the pace of the negotiation and gather your wits.
Control the discussion
If you have ever observed a trial lawyer conducting a cross-examination, or an interrogator grilling a suspect, you know how questions can be used to control a conversation. You can ask questions to steer the conversation in the direction you want it to go, to follow your agenda. It’s better to be the one asking the questions than the one in the hot seat.
Clarify understanding
Win-win negotiators ask questions to test their assumptions and confirm their understanding. Ask a direct question if you are not absolutely sure about something, even if you think you are pretty sure about it. Better safe than sorry.
Persuade the other party
We negotiate to persuade another person to do what we want him to do. People often react defensively when confronted with a direct statement. For example:
“I’m going to need it delivered by Friday.”
“Sure, everybody wants it yesterday, we’re already stretched to the limit, you’ll just have to wait.”
Instead, use questions to suggest
the answer you want.
“Is there any way we could have it delivered by Friday?”
“Well, let’s see. If you can sign off on the copy by this afternoon we might be able to expedite it.”
Of course, there are no guarantees you will get the answer you want, but using questions skillfully is more persuasive than telling people what you want them to do.
Gather information
Open-ended questions are very general and encourage the other party to talk. They usually begin with what, why, or how. As such, they should be your focus, especially during the early stages of laying the foundation of the negotiation. Open-ended questions show concern about the other’s interests and a willingness to listen. They also help establish rapport.
There are many possible and unpredictable answers to open-ended questions. The answers may give you the information you were seeking, but they often contain additional, unanticipated, and potentially valuable information as well. They open up the field of inquiry, providing a wide variety of information for you to explore. Occasionally you will get some information that can be a game changer.
Closed or leading questions are very specific. They lead people to where you want them to go. The answers are often predictable, usually a simple yes or no. Closed questions are good for establishing facts, confirming understanding, gaining commitment, and summarizing. Thus, they are especially useful in the later stages of a negotiation.
WIN-WIN Page 9
