But that was the thing about Ash. Even her frowns drove me nuts. They always had. I was just sober enough now to recognize the tug on my heartstrings.
Time both passed too fast and too slow. I tried paying attention to the movie, and I caught a funny part, but the problem with that was everyone else in the theater thought it was funny too—even Ash. When she laughed, she actually set her arm down on the armrest, her hand finding mine, fingers splaying across my hand evenly, like my hand was hers to hold.
And then, of course, Ash realized what was happening, and she threw me a dirty look as she yanked her hand away and rested it on her lap, as if I was the one who’d grabbed her hand. As if my soft skin had set her mind wandering.
Hah. The fucking opposite.
Ash, as it turned out, was one of those people who had to stay until the credits were over, just to make sure she didn’t miss any after-credits scenes. I told her we could always look it up and see if waiting was pointless or not, but she had none of it. As the music played and the credits rolled on the big, black screen before us, the lights were slow to come back on overhead. People shuffled out, grabbing their popcorn and their half-eaten snacks and throwing them out after heading down the stairs.
Needless to say, there wasn’t anything after the movie.
As Ash and I finally got up—my whole body felt stiff, like I’d been sitting still for too long—Ash stretched before she led me out of the theater. I dumped the rest of what we hadn’t eaten in the trash, the black can nearly full. She pulled me to the side, quick to release her hold on my jacket as she angled her head up at me.
“What did you think of the movie?” she asked, seemingly way too innocent for the thoughts I knew ran through that head, not to mention what I knew she got up to with her boyfriends.
“To be honest, I didn’t really see much of it.”
“I know. You were too busy watching me instead.”
“Couldn’t help it. I was waiting for my next handjob—” I spoke the last word a bit too loudly, causing a family walking by us to glare. The teenage son laughed, though. “I thought you’d get the hint.” A smirk spread on my face; it was impossible to be around her and not want to smile. She…she just brought it out of me, I guessed.
“With our history, I think taking it slow is the best option,” Ash spoke, flipping her hair to her right shoulder.
Slow. The opposite of what I wanted, but I knew it wasn’t up to me. It was up to her, to her boyfriends…assuming none of them were at the root of that bag of presents I’d gotten earlier. If I found out one of them was trying to sabotage me, they’d have hell to pay—and I’d make sure Ash knew about it.
Right now, I didn’t want to bring it up. This date, even though there wasn’t nearly enough physical contact between us, was going good. I didn’t want to fuck it up by mentioning my suspicions.
She’d probably only say something logical, anyway, like why I thought it was one of them. Why it couldn’t be anyone else. Why I was so adamant it was one of the guys she loved.
Come on. Ash didn’t have a great track record with guys. When you brought up exes, hers took the cake. I might have a lot under my belt, but a stalker-slash-serial killer was not one of them. Although, I supposed, an attempted murderer was one, thanks to Brooklyn, among other things.
“Maybe,” Ash spoke, pausing as I felt something warm grab my hand, “we can hold hands. No more, though, got it?”
“Holding hands,” I spoke, my stomach doing a strange flip when I felt her fingers curling around mine, “what are we in, fifth grade?” She tossed me an annoyed look, instantly trying to take back her hand, but I had ahold of it now, and my grip was strong. She wasn’t going to get away from me now. “I guess I can deal.”
Would rather have her hand somewhere else—would rather have my hand somewhere else—but like I said, I’d deal. Slow and steady would win this race. I wasn’t going to give up just because Ash wanted to crawl to the finish line.
And once we reached that finish line? We’d keep running the race. There would be no quitting.
Maybe it was middle school-ish, but I held her hand all the way to the car. I even opened her door for her. The night sky was strangely clear for a February night, not a cloud in sight. The moon hung overhead, stars sparkling with their eternal, simple beauty. Even as I held open the car door for her, I didn’t let go of her hand. In fact, I could do nothing but stare at her.
She was beautiful.
“You kind of need to let my hand go,” Ash remarked, turning to face me, her small hand nestled in mine. “Unless you want to stay out here all night.”
My free hand squeezed the car door. “I wouldn’t mind that.”
“Yeah, I bet you wouldn’t.”
I had no idea what she meant by that, and judging from the look on her face, she didn’t either. It wasn’t that late, and yet where I was parked, there were hardly any other cars. We were practically alone in the night air, our breath puffs of white between us. The hand holding onto the car loosened, and I let the car door close on its own, moving Ash’s back against the cool metal of my vehicle.
“I bet you wouldn’t, either,” I whispered, releasing her hand only to place both of mine on my car beside her body, thereby blocking her escape. Not that I thought she’d run, but with Ash, you never knew.
She was a wild one, an unpredictable one. She’d kept me on my toes when I was doing nothing but falling over myself and trying to drown out the silence of my failure to my sister. Ash had found me at my lowest point, seen me at my ugliest, and yet here she was, ready for more, willing to take on everything I was, everything I could be.
“I said we were going to take things slowly,” Ash whispered, defiant, and yet she still tilted her head up to mine, parted those full lips in a tempting, seductive way.
Did she know what she did to me? Did she know how easily my body reacted to hers? Just imagining those lips roaming along my body got my blood pumping, and her hands…I knew exactly what her hands felt like, and I needed to feel them again.
“We are,” I said, lowering my voice as I moved my face beside hers, whispering directly into her ear, “If we weren’t taking things slow, I would’ve already fucked you, you know. I’ve never seen someone look so sexy while eating chicken nuggets.”
Ash purred out a laugh, and she leaned back against my car, inviting me to pin her against it harder, which I promptly did. “You looked pretty sexy yourself, downing that Big Mac,” she whispered, her hands finding my sides, beneath my jacket, curling into my shirt’s lower hem.
“It’s been a little while since I’ve had to,” I admitted, no longer talking about the food. “I was worried I wouldn’t be good at it.”
“Don’t worry so much. Some skills you don’t forget.”
Being so close to her, feeling her small body curving between mine and the car, it was near impossible to fight the arousal growing inside me, to tell my dick no. My dick couldn’t help it. He wanted to get lucky, especially when it came to Ash. Only when it came to Ash. No other girls for my mini-me anymore.
So, yeah, my erection was pressing against her, but Miss Take It Slow didn’t seem to mind too much.
“I really want to kiss you,” I muttered, brows creasing as our noses grazed. Never had I said those words before. Never had I meant them. Before, I’d thrown myself around, to any and all who would have me, and they were eager to get with me. Here, now…the urge was undeniably strong to kiss her and show her just how far removed everyone else was in my brain.
The only one in it was her.
“I suppose,” Ash paused, her eyelids fluttering shut, her breath hot on my face, “I’ll let you.”
Well, that was as much of an invitation I’d get from her as anything, I knew, so I didn’t waste it. Didn’t linger on it a second longer than I had to. I didn’t take a step back and think about all of the possible ways this could go wrong—and it could. This, what we were, what we were pretending to be, friends, could explode in one
fiery ball of passion and never be seen or heard from again.
All it took was a small tilt of my face. Just one tiny movement and it was over. Our mouths connected, our lips meeting, and then…fucking fireworks. Tasting her on my tongue was like coming home; she was where I wanted to be, who I needed to be with. Feeling her lips molding against mine, feeling her heart beating in unison with mine, there was no other feeling like it in the world.
I needed her. I needed her so much more than words could ever say, and I made sure to tell her through the kiss. The fire between us was electric, searing and sizzling, and it was impossible to ignore the heat rising in my gut, speeding up my heart, the aching in my cock that nagged me: get her alone. Make her yours. Fuck her brains out until she can’t walk straight.
I would if I could, but, like Ash said, it was probably best if we took this slow.
The kiss, though, was anything but slow. It was all spark, all heat and greedy hunger. We breathed in each other’s air, feeling each other’s groans in our cores. I gave her everything in that kiss, and then some. That kiss told her what my words never could: I loved her. I loved her so much more than I ever thought possible.
Ash was the only one in the world I would bend over backward to be with. She had me wrapped around her finger, even with her attitude. I was the moth, and she was the flame. Tables had turned on me, and I didn’t care. Not one bit.
We both panted when our lips parted, both of us out of breath. Both of us still hungry for more. I was pretty sure we’d both stand there all night, making out, if we could. It wasn’t the smartest idea though, with everything going on.
Her hands were still balled up on my sides, her eyelids slow to open. The way she stared at me made my body swell with pride. Like, for the first time ever, Ash wasn’t disgusted or disappointed in herself for wanting me. Like every single barrier that had been between us before was no more.
“I know we’re taking things slow,” I breathed out, unable to help myself, “but I need you to know…” What I wanted to say next caught in the back of my throat; this girl was turning me into a wuss. A lovesick wuss.
“Know what?” she asked.
“I love you.”
There. The words were out. Those three words that I swore I’d never say to anyone. The three words I never bothered to say because I knew my family would, in the end, make me do what they wanted. Set me up. Guide me to be who they wanted me to be.
But you know what? Fuck them. Fuck being a Salvatore. I’d use their money until I couldn’t any longer, and then I’d wash my hands of them. If I had to change my last name, so be it. I wasn’t going to leave Ash simply because I knew my parents would never approve of her. And they wouldn’t. She was a no one from a single-mother family. She had no recognizable last name. My family would absolutely hate her.
And, for a while there in the beginning, I hated her, too. I’d told her that she was nothing, not knowing at the time how much of a liar that made me.
Ash let out a ragged breath, letting go of my shirt to cup both sides of my face, stroking gently. “Sawyer, let me ask you something…do you even know what taking it slow means?”
I blinked, totally not expecting that.
“Because confessing your undying love for me on our first date—second if you count that one at the zoo—ain’t it.” Before I could respond, Ash’s lips curled into a smile, and she playfully pushed me off her. I was too stunned at what she’d said, allowing her to shove me off. She glanced down at my erection, though there was no way she could see it that well in the darkness. “You and slow never go in the same sentence.”
This was how she reacted to me telling her I loved her? I didn’t know whether to kiss her again or grow annoyed.
“That said, I’m glad you told me.” She went to reach for the car door, about to get in, but I quickly stopped her from pulling the door shut behind her. Ash wanted to scoot and vamoose after that, while I was dumbstruck.
“That’s all you have to say?” I questioned, glaring. This girl…oh, this girl. I did love her, but she drove me nuts.
“If you think I’m going to say the same…I guess you’re just going to have to wait.” Her eyes moved to the back part of my car, where I’d had her pinned mere moments ago. “Hot make-out session or not, I’m not throwing it all to the wind tonight. I owe it to myself to take things slow, and so do you.”
I stared at her, knowing, deep down, she was right. There was no point in rushing things, but still, felt like I had to make up for all of the time I’d missed while she was here, with her boyfriends, getting to know them and growing to need each and every one of them.
It wasn’t fair, but I supposed I should be used to the unfairness by now. I was a Salvatore. An unfair life was in my blood.
She sat in the passenger seat, leaning her head on the headrest as she stared up at me. “Don’t worry, Sawyer. I’m not going anywhere, and if I have a say in it, neither are you.” And then she smiled at me—really, truly smiled. Not the typical smug Ash smile, but a soft, gentle, caring smile that I felt in each bone in my body.
That wasn’t a smile you gave to someone you hated, under the moonlight, after making out like your life depended on it.
It was a smile a girl could only give to a man she loved.
Me.
Chapter Seventeen – Will
All this time…all this time I thought I knew her. I thought I knew Ashley Bonds as well as I knew myself. Granted, sometimes I lied, sometimes I hid the truth from other people, but it didn’t matter. I did what I did to keep those I loved safe.
Ash and Declan. I loved them both, in different ways of course.
But now…now I was forced to see the truth. Ash was too blinded by Sawyer to realize just how bad he was for her.
And he was. Bad, I meant. Someone like Sawyer Salvatore was toxic through and through, and he’d only end up dragging her down. I thought she’d deny him on her own. I gave her time, told her to do what she wanted—but I thought she’d tell him to screw off, not make out with him in a parking lot after spending two hours with him in a dark room.
Watching a movie.
Yeah, I knew what that meant these days.
I couldn’t go in without risking them seeing me, but I was there. Watching from the background, doing everything I could to blend in. Hell, I’d even left Sawyer a present earlier, hoping he’d choose to fuck up and relapse, maybe go to this date high. I thought, surely if Ash saw him high again, she’d realize he was no good for her.
But watching them tonight, he wasn’t high, which meant he didn’t take the pills. Which meant, maybe, I’d underestimated him.
Was it possible Sawyer had gotten better? I knew addiction was a constant battle—not personally, but I’d read the stories. I’d seen the news. I knew how hard it was for someone to stay clean after spending so long living their life high and free.
No. There was no way Sawyer had gotten better. Maybe right now he was, but sooner or later he would crack. His perfect facade would crumble, and I would be there when it happened, watch it all fall away. I would be beside Ash as she realized how shitty of a person Sawyer was, and then she’d leave him in the dust.
I stood near the movie theater’s glass doors, the lights from the neon sign on the building’s front bright overhead, but I stuck to the shadows. My hands were shoved in my jacket pockets, a baseball cap on my head to hide my face. Nobody really looked at me twice. I didn’t radiate suspicion, I didn’t have one of those auras that put people on high alert. No, I blended in. That was my strength. It always had been.
My weakness? Besides Declan and Ash? Hmm. I’d probably have to go with my lies. My secrets. My mind. I knew, without a doubt, if Declan or Ash ever found out what I did, they’d disown me. Call the cops. They’d want nothing to do with me, and that hurt, because really, I did all of this for them, to make them happy.
Did they think I enjoyed doing what I did? Would they assume that I took pleasure in killing Corey, killing my own par
ents, and Sabrina? I did what I had to do. I did what I did to protect Declan, and I’d spent so long trying to stay under everyone’s radar after what happened to Sabrina, fearing what would happen if someone brought my name up, I made a mistake. I let the bullying go on too long.
Sawyer Salvatore turned Hillcrest against Declan. Things had gotten better since I’d transferred, since Sawyer lowered his guns, so to speak, but that didn’t necessarily mean all was forgiven or forgotten. I would make sure Sawyer knew that I hadn’t done either.
I would make him regret ever setting his eyes on Ash, make him realize that he’d made a huge mistake when he set the campus on my brother. Hell, maybe after Sawyer was out of the picture, I’d make everyone else at Hillcrest pay, too. I was not above making a list and checking people off it one by one.
Ash and Sawyer were in each other’s arms for a while. He had her pinned against the car. I was pretty far away, but I saw enough. It was enough that I had to turn away for a while, enough to make my blood boil in my veins and my heart beat with a loud, steady thumping. I didn’t like seeing her with him.
Really, I didn’t like seeing Ash with anyone other than Declan. Travis…
Oh, there was a lot Travis had to pay for, but right now my focus was Sawyer. After Sawyer, after I thinned this little herd of boyfriends by one, I’d go after him. I knew what Travis did. I knew he and Sabrina were fucking around behind my little brother’s back, just like she did with our father. Sabrina was a loose girl, and there was nothing inherently wrong with it, but when you were involved with my family, you had to devote your all to it. You had to give every ounce of yourself you could to loving Declan. Declan deserved the world. Why didn’t anyone else see that?
Travis had secrets, but I knew better than to toss a lit match over a trail of gasoline. First, I had to make sure it would go according to plan. And if you knew me, you knew I spent a lot of my time planning.
Liar: A Dark College Romance (Hillcrest University Book 6) Page 16
