Some people would call me obsessed. Some would call me whipped. I didn’t care. I knew without a doubt I loved this girl with all of my heart, and I would never not love her. Even if she left me, I’d always love her.
After a short hike, we arrived at the famous Beacon Lake. Its waters were clear, its beach made mostly of small rocks and sand that had been brought in. A few docks sat around the lake’s circumference, though the lake really took up all your eyes could see. I had no idea how big it was across, or how many cabins had access to it. Under the moonlight and the stars, it seemed like no one else was out. The world was almost too quiet, too peaceful and calm.
Or maybe that was just me, after everything that happened. You didn’t get over what happened so easily.
“I can’t wait to see it during the daytime,” Ash spoke, taking a step towards the water. The four of us stood, huddled together, and she tossed a look over her shoulder at us. “Who’s up for some skinny dipping?” A grin sat on her lips, the air a bit chilly but nowhere as cool as it had been two months ago.
Will and I only looked at each other, neither one of us jumping to join in. The air was cool, though it wasn’t exactly uncomfortable. The water had to be a few degrees cooler than the air, which was too cold for me, I thought.
“Skinny dipping?” Sawyer echoed, letting out an incredulous chuckle, paired with his usual smirk. “No, thanks. I don’t want my dick bitten off by a turtle, or a snake, or whatever the fuck else is in that water—” It was as Sawyer was going on about getting his cock nibbled at when Travis stepped forward and took off his shirt, revealing his tattooed, lean torso. “Is everyone around here a kiss ass but me?”
Travis was busy taking off his shoes, and then his pants, and Ash turned to grin at him. She untied her shoes first, peeled off her socks and threw them at the offending Sawyer. Her fingers toyed with the button on her jeans. “Don’t lie, Sawyer. We all know you’d love to kiss this ass.” And then she pulled down her pants, her panties, and flashed us her ass.
A rumble left Sawyer’s chest. “She’s not wrong,” he admitted in a whisper, watching as she tore off her shirt and her bra. Together, she and Travis walked into the lake, laughing about how cold it was.
Will gently touched my elbow, causing me to look at him. “I’m going to head back to the cabin. Might try to get an early night. I’m tired.” He gave me a smile before leaving, and Sawyer and I watched him go, though soon enough both of our attention was back on the two in the water.
No longer a quiet, silent night. Ash was too busy throwing herself at Travis in the water and telling him to warm her up. Which, by the look of his tattooed arms wrapping around her back, I assumed he would.
I was content not talking, but Sawyer apparently wasn’t. He took Will’s place beside me, leaning to whisper, “Travis told me what you guys did over winter break. Not that I’m hoping for anything to change, but…I went last week.”
“And?”
“I’m clean,” he told me, shoving his hands in his pant pockets. “I was always good about using protection. No bastard Salvatore babies running around.” His jaw set, something unreadable flashing behind his green gaze. “I think if I ever would’ve told my father I got a girl pregnant, he would’ve killed me.”
I’d met James Salvatore on many occasions, every time I went over to their house to hang out with Sawyer. Most recently, the times I saw him were not good occasions, and it was during those horrible occasions that I saw, for the first time, just how broken the Salvatores were. Sabrina was manic. Angela hid her emotions behind the guise of shopping, always coming home with the newest thing. James was a drinker, and after Sabrina died, he drank a lot more.
He…he wasn’t a nice drunk, so I could only imagine the things he’d told Sawyer, what he did.
Sawyer never really talked about it much, but after Sabrina, he and I hadn’t exactly been friends.
“He’ll kill me when I tell him I don’t want anything to do with his company,” Sawyer muttered, clearly unhappy.
“You’ve already decided, then?” I asked, tearing my gaze away from Ash and Travis in the water—who were currently in each other’s arms, chest-deep, making out—and watching the man who used to be my best friend.
“I never wanted anything to do with it, but until now, I never had any reason to tell him no.”
Ash. I knew he meant Ash.
Sawyer shook his head gently, saying, “He’d never let me be with her, you know. Any woman I bring into our family has to come from something. A self-starter, old money, it doesn’t matter. I always assumed they would find me someone, pretty much force me to marry them, to carry on the family legacy. But now…”
“But now you don’t want to.”
He gave me a long, hard look. “Can you blame me?”
It was a long while before I whispered, “No.”
Sawyer was silent for the longest time, brooding, pensive. He was no longer the Sawyer who did things without thinking. This new Sawyer did things only after thinking too much. “When it happens, it’s going to be explosive.”
“Well, when it does,” I spoke, pausing to glance to Ash, who, still in Travis’s arms, now waved at both of us, calling for us to come in the water, “we’ll be here.” Comforting Sawyer was in no way my responsibility, and yet there I was, saying we’d be there for him when we couldn’t be there for each other when Sabrina died.
That was a horrible time. We both did bad things.
We had to move on, for our sake. For Ash’s sake.
Later that night, when everyone was winding down, taking showers, and getting ready for bed, Ash pulled me onto the back porch, sliding the glass door shut, separating us from everyone else still inside. Her hair was wet from her recent shower—as was Will’s in the house, since they’d taken it together—and she leaned on the deck railing, running a hand through it before looking at me.
“You okay?” she asked, giving me the tiniest of smiles. A bit of moonlight streamed through the canopy, but most of the light came from the cabin behind us.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I immediately spoke, standing beside her. Less than two inches were between us, and I fought my instincts to close it, to pull her to my chest and hold her close. “Why?”
Ash shook her head.
I could tell something was on her mind, though. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” she told me. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Obviously it’s something, otherwise you wouldn’t have brought it up.” When she still said nothing, I whispered, “Ash…” I set a hand on her lower back, and she leaned into me, breathing me in.
“I love you, Declan, flaws and all,” she said. “And I know that, sometimes, it’s better to keep the truth to yourself, for the ones you love.”
A sinking feeling began to grow in my lower gut, my heart dropping. “What…” I couldn’t even get the question out, not as Ash disentangled herself from me, stared up at me with those stormy grey eyes, and said what she said next.
“When Ray had me, he told me some things, and all this time I wondered whether what he said was true,” she went on, drawing a hand down along my arm, my muscles tense under her palm. “But now I know it doesn’t matter. What does matter is what’s here and now. Not the past.”
She knew.
Of course she knew. Why did I expect anything different? Why did I assume I could sweep that entire night under the rug? My memory was hazy, but that was just because of the blood loss.
I’d thought she was pulling away from me. I’d thought she was choosing someone else over me, and I…well, you knew what they said. It wasn’t when people were at their lowest that they tried to hurt themselves. It was when things started to look up, when people realized their life could get better—or it could get worse again.
I’d been depressed ever since Sabrina’s death, and I’d thought a lot about it, but never before did I pull the trigger. Not until Ash came into my life, showed me what I could have, what I could be. N
ot until I freaked out, spiraling out of control.
“I love you, and no one will take me from you,” she stated, trying to reassure me, assuage my fears.
“How?” I didn’t need to explain my question; she knew what I meant.
“I brought your attack up to Ray, and he said he never touched you. He said he attacked Will because Will made a move on me too fast.”
“All this time…why didn’t you ever say anything?” Man, I felt like an idiot. A world-class idiot. Someone needed to get me a flashing neon sign that said it, and I’d carry it with me wherever I went.
“Honestly, I didn’t know how to. I cared for you, Declan, but I was so…angry, and confused. I thought you were just as manipulating as Travis, as Sawyer, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want anything to do with that, but it was impossible not to fall in love with you.”
My heart scarcely beat in my chest. I had no idea what to say, what I should tell her, how I could make this better. I didn’t want her thinking that I would go and do it again. I didn’t want her believing that I would nearly kill myself just to keep her close…
Even if, maybe, in a tiny way, that had been the case.
“It’s okay, Declan. You don’t have to worry. I just…I wanted you to know that I knew, and I’m not upset about it anymore. I’m not going to leave you, so if you’re carrying guilt over it…” Ash stepped closer to me, laying a hand on the side of my face, tilting my head towards hers. “Don’t.”
I let out a shaky breath. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Mmm. I don’t think any of you do, but then again, you know I’m not a sparkling angel myself. Most days I don’t think I deserve any of you.”
Yes, Ash made mistakes. Ash’s mistakes were just as bloody as mine, if not more. Everyone in this cabin was a herald of mistakes, and yet we were all here, trying to be better, trying to make it work.
And, by God, it would. We would be happy together. No more mistakes.
Chapter Twenty-Two – Sawyer
The first full day we were at Beacon Hills, of course, it was rainy. We were stuck inside the cabin, most of the day. Luckily, there was a television in the main living room, along with some old board games shoved into the closets in the bedrooms. We played Monopoly, and I got a firsthand look at just how ruthless Ash could be.
I mean, I’d figured she was the competitive sort, but when it came to games, she went all out. Flirted to get Will and Declan to give her some of their properties, stacked all she could with houses and hotels—and demanded we each fork over the cash when we landed on them. She was a monster.
A beautiful, blonde and pink haired monster.
It was after one particularly long and gruesome game when Travis got up to get something from the kitchen. We’d had to run to the nearby grocery store for some food for the week. Will and Declan were talking about something on the couch, while I sat on the floor, Ash beside me in the recliner, her legs tucked under her ass.
Cleanup duty for this game, apparently, was on me.
I gathered the money—though most of the fake cash was near Ash, since she’d won, yet again—and was content to clean up in silence. The TV was on, extra background noise, so I focused on that instead of whatever Declan and Will were talking about. Will still looked at me like he didn’t trust me, but he’d been playing nice.
If I had to guess, I’d say it was Will who left me the present. These past few weeks, there’d been nothing else, and I wondered if that was that. No more trying to sabotage me. Or, perhaps, he was just waiting until he had the perfect opportunity to push me off a cliff, so to speak.
At this point, I wasn’t even certain it was Will, though. It could be Travis, could be Declan. But, somehow, something in my gut told me it wasn’t one of my old friends.
I didn’t trust Will, probably because I knew he didn’t like me.
Ash slid off her chair, falling to her knees beside me. She helped gather the metal tokens we each used, putting them into the box on the ground between us. “Declan told me what you said yesterday,” she whispered, glancing at me with knowing eyes.
I met her stare. Shit. I’d told Declan a lot yesterday. What exactly did he tell her?
“You think you’re going to get lucky here, don’t you?” She spoke her question seriously, and yet a grin began to grow.
“Well, I did bring a copy of the results, and I even got them notarized—”
Ash gently hit my shoulder. “You didn’t.”
“Get them notarized? No, but I did bring them, in case…you know. You don’t trust me.” Fuck. Why’d I have to go and say it like that? Like some sniveling wimp who was so unsure of himself he didn’t know which way was up and which way was down?
There was a lot of history between us. Many, countless reasons why Ash wouldn’t trust me. It wasn’t so far-fetched that she’d want to see the results for herself. For all she knew, I could be lying. This whole thing could be one giant lie to get back at her for making me feel like a fool.
It wasn’t, but I knew the thought had probably crossed her mind.
Ash was quiet for a while, her eyes studying me. How I sat, my face…my mouth. Her eyes lingered there the longest, which gave me certain ideas I probably shouldn’t have. Mostly because Ash wanted to take it slow—a smart move, considering everything.
“I also brought condoms, in case you don’t care either way,” I broke the silence between us, talking a bit too loudly and earning myself a questioning stare from the brothers on the couch. “Bareback or not, it’s totally up to you.”
“You always were prepared,” she spoke.
“Yeah, and you guys took advantage of that while staying at my house—don’t think I didn’t notice.”
I did. I noticed probably too much. It wasn’t any of my business what they did in my house while I was suffering through withdrawals, nor what they did while I was away. If I said no sex in my house, I’d be the biggest hypocrite to walk this earth. Besides, at the time, Ash wasn’t mine.
Still, technically right now, she wasn’t mine. She wouldn’t truly be mine until I felt that tight pussy wrapped around my dick.
“You’re just jealous you weren’t in on the action,” Ash accused, totally right, of course. I was jealous. I was a whole different level of jealous. Like, never had I known jealousy before Ash came into my life, tempting me, teasing me, yelling at me and flipping me off.
“Is it wrong that I’m hoping to get in on the action now?” I asked, inching closer. I leaned over the monopoly box between us, and it was then that Travis returned, sipping something out of a black mug.
“Oh, fucking Jesus. Just go do it already,” Travis muttered, blue eyes darting between us. “I don’t know about the others, but I’m sick of the back and forth.”
On the couch, Declan’s cheeks grew pink, while Will’s expression didn’t change. Ash, on the other hand, huffed, “Don’t you tell me what to do, Trav.” She used my little nickname for him, earning a scowl from the tattooed one. Huffing, she grabbed my hand and got up, nearly knocking the Monopoly board off the coffee table.
I shot Travis a smirk as she dragged me past him, wordlessly thanking him.
This was it.
At least, that’s what I thought, until Ash pushed me into the nearest bedroom and started to close the door—with her on the outside.
I moved to catch the door, glaring at her.
“What?” she asked, so very innocent even though I knew there was not a single inch of innocent flesh left on her. “I’m locking you up. You’re too contentious a subject—”
“Contentious? Stop using words neither of us understand and get in here,” I told her, watching as her back straightened, her expression turning defiant. Before she could say anything else, I grabbed her by the arm, tugged her into the room, and closed the door using the force of her back as I pushed her against it.
Ash’s body was so small compared to mine. She had curves, but most of her body was straight, kind of like a curvy toothpick.
She fit perfectly against my hips, her chest heaving in shock against my abdomen, the height difference between us making us both crane our necks to look at each other.
“There,” I said, smirking. “This is much better, don’t you think?”
“I never said we were going to do anything,” she whispered, pressing her hands on my chest, though there was hardly any space between us. Ash tried to push me off, but both she and I knew she didn’t really want to get me off her.
“We could stay just like this, if you want.” The longer I had my hips digging into her, the longer I had her pinned to the door, the more I felt an aching in my balls, a tingling, heated feeling growing in my cock.
Speaking of cocks…mine grew harder by the second, and I was sure she felt it by now.
We could stay like this, but I really didn’t want to.
I ground my hips harder against her, adding, “Just like this.”
Ash sighed out a whimper, and her lips parted.
“Oh, come on. Don’t act like you haven’t been thinking about it. It’s all that’s been on my mind lately,” I whispered, my nose brushing against the top of her head. “Me, taking control. Me, taking you. I can make you forget everyone else, even if it’s only for right now.” I was confident in my skills, but when it came to Ash…well, let’s just say I was glad confidence was easy to fake sometimes.
I’d never been nervous before, never had a reason to be, but this—this could be the start of something new for me. Yeah, we’d been in a weird relationship these past few weeks, but this next step could cement her and I.
Us. Together. As is always should be.
“You’re lucky you somehow wormed your way into my heart while fucking up constantly,” Ash muttered, fisting the collar of my shirt as she stood on her tiptoes, bringing her mouth to mine.
I kissed her like the world didn’t exist. Like there was nothing else of importance to me—and there wasn’t. Ash was it, and I told her this through the kiss, devouring every little moan that escaped her throat, digging my hips into her harder. Hungry and hard, passion exploding. Once you went to Ash, you never went back. I wished I would’ve realized it sooner.
Liar: A Dark College Romance (Hillcrest University Book 6) Page 20
