“I can’t wait to taste you properly,” Robin said.
My eyes widened. “You can’t say that!”
“Why ever not? I want you. All of you and I want you to know it.”
“For a man of few words you suddenly have a lot of them,” I said.
He smiled up at me. “I’ve been alone a long time, Will. I like being with you. I need to tell you so I remember it as well.”
I wanted to explain to him that so far he hadn’t been the model of consistency but I heard a hunting horn to the north-west of our position and the baying of dogs. We all held still and waited. It took a while but as the shadows on the tall grass were at their shortest, Marion rode her bay mare into the clearing. She wore a cloak of green and a dress of russet brown. With her blonde hair trailing over her shoulders she looked like a faerie queen riding through myth and legend.
I heard Robin catch his breath, I also noticed Tuck’s entire body grow tight. We’d agreed to wait until she’d dismounted and sat at the well for a while before letting her know we were here, to make certain she hadn’t been followed, but Tuck was already swinging out of his tree. I cursed and dropped to the ground, Robin landing beside me. I watched the direction Marion had come from because neither Robin nor Tuck were paying any attention.
“Marion,” Tuck called.
She turned towards us and smiled at my brother, then her gaze swept over Robin and she scowled. I sighed. It was going to be a testing afternoon. “Thomas,” she said, taking my brother’s hands in hers. He raised her fingers to his lips and kissed her hands.
“You’re cold,” he said. I crossed my arms, a bemused smile on my face as he removed his cloak and wrapped it around her, tucking her hands away.
“Dearest Thomas,” she said. She was the only person who called him Thomas, except for our mother while she lived.
Tuck stepped to her side as her brother approached. “Marion. I am sorry for our rude introduction yesterday and I’m sorry for being gone for so long –”
Marion didn’t pause for a moment. “Robert Loxley, you are to return with me and take your place as the rightful heir of Huntingdon. You will then annul my marriage and –”
“Marion, I can’t,” Robin cut her off.
“You must,” she shouted at him.
I tried to intervene. “He really can’t, Marion.”
“Why? Because it doesn’t suit either of you to play with the grownups? You still want to be running around the Holy Land making a name for yourself?”
Robin hissed and stepped back. I reached for his arm before he bolted on us. “Marion, you need to listen, not overreact,” I said.
“I have been listening, listening to my Bastard Husband talk about how much more he needs to bleed from Nottingham and Huntingdon, so he can impress his fucking king,” she snarled at me. “And I’ll not have my wastrel, lying, deceitful brother slacking off his duty –”
“Desist, woman,” Robin snapped. “I am not Robert Loxley, I am Robin, the outlaw, the banished, the dead. I cannot receive communion, I cannot receive justice, I cannot own land or title in this place. I have nothing to offer you, Marion except my brawn and brain, for whatever that’s worth.”
I watched Tuck’s eyes widen in shock.
“Why? What on Earth have you done, Robert?” Marion asked, quiet and aghast at the horror of excommunication.
Robin glanced at me. I felt helpless. None of this was my doing, it wasn’t my story.
“Oh, my God, you’re sleeping with Will,” Marion said in the silence. Tuck’s eyes shot to mine and I felt my skin burn.
“Um…” I managed.
“I’m right aren’t I? You’re sleeping with my brother? My fucking brother! You fucking, fucking...” I could see the word on her lips and willed her not to say it, willed it not to be her default in anger. “You fucking sodomite.”
Robin turned away, turned as if to run for the hills. I stepped in front of him and placed both my hands on his chest. “Don’t, please, for my sake and hers, don’t run. She’s angry, tell her everything and trust her to understand. I trust her. She’s scared, Robin. So very scared and confused.”
“Why do they all hate so much?” The pain in his eyes floored me.
Gathering what little courage I could find I said, “I don’t know, but I don’t, I don’t hate – not you, not me, not us. We are on the cusp of something beautiful, don’t let her anger steal it, so much has been taken from you in the past. Please, Robin, just explain.”
“There’s nothing to understand,” she snapped.
I looked over Robin’s bowed shoulders. “If you were a man I’d have punched your lights out by now. How dare you cast judgement on me? God is the only one who can do that and I very much doubt he cares who I’m fucking, I expect he just wants me to be happy so I can spread a bit of that happiness about this desolate world.”
“I fell in love with a Muslim man in the Holy Land.” Robin spoke to the ground between our booted feet, clutching my wrists so he could remain upright. “That love was discovered and he was murdered. I was imprisoned and escaped. Enough men have returned to Europe and England to know that the son of Lord Huntingdon is a villain of the lowest kind. I died out there, Marion. All that’s left is Robin. Your Robin. Robert Loxley is gone to dust in the heat and blood of the desert.”
I watched Marion’s face. Her gaze shifted from blazing rage to pity. “It was just as well Isabella died when she did so she wouldn’t be tainted by your shame.”
“Marion,” I gasped.
She waved her hand at me. “Don’t pretend like it doesn’t burn you, Will. I know your desire for men makes you feel shame, I’m your oldest friend, I see how it taints you.” She paused and drew in a calming breath. “Though I am sorry for my words, neither of you deserved that.”
I watched her lean into Tuck’s embrace. It was so easy for them, even though she was married for the moment. Men like me had existed in peace for many years but King John’s England was not as forgiving as his father’s had been or even that of Richard’s, but tough times brought out the worst in people and we suffered just as the Jews and the gypsies did. If peace came to the land, so would prosperity, and hate for those of us who were ‘other’ might fade away again.
“Marion, talk to your brother, hear his story and perhaps you’ll understand,” I said. “He can help us, just not in the way you were hoping.”
“You’re not married to a pig,” she snapped.
“No, I just lived with one for fifteen years,” I barked back.
The colour drained from her face. She didn’t know the details but she’d seen the bruises as I’d grown up with her and heard the tears when I’d been too scared to go home though I never told her why.
She looked at her brother’s back and nodded.
“Robin?” I asked.
His eyes flickered to mine. “What’s the point? She’s made her judgement.”
I rubbed his wrists with my thumbs. “Listen to her, Robin. Please.” He gripped the leather bracers I wore. He nodded once and released my arms, straightening.
“Leave us,” Marion said.
I glanced at Tuck, he shrugged and we stepped back towards the trees, leaving the others alone but within our sightline. Marion sat on the wall of the old Saxon well and Robin sat beside her. She took his hand in hers and patted it, his shoulders started to shake and I looked away while his heart broke.
“She needs to learn when to hold her tongue and actually listen,” I muttered.
“She needs a man to protect her, rather than sell her,” Tuck said.
I arched an eyebrow at him but his gaze was fixed on Marion and he didn’t notice me. “You love her?” I asked.
“You love him?” His stormy blue eyes shot back to mine.
“You going to give me another lecture?” I felt myself tense, ready for a fight.
Tuck sighed. “After yesterday? I don’t think so. When I saw those monks… When I felt that fear again for the first time in years
and I realised all that stood between me, insanity and endless earthbound torment, was you.”
“Tuck…”
“I’ve passed judgement on you and Robin and I’ve condemned something I don’t understand just because I can. I’m sorry, Will. I know you’ll never be happy with a woman. I’ve always known, I wish it were different for you but it won’t be and the more I push the more you’ll reject everything I believe in so maybe I need to be less judgemental because that is something which is caused by my past and that past has nothing to do with what I see in your eyes when you look at Robin or he at you. Forgive me, brother.”
Not the perfect understanding I’d hoped for but it was a start. “Already forgiven, Tuck.” I hugged him close and we waited side by side while Robin and Marion sorted their past and future out.
13
MY BROTHER’S COMPASSION SURPRISED me. The intense loathing he had for my sexual preferences was born from his experiences, which had nothing to do with the love of equals. I’d always known it and I hoped that one day I’d prove to him the difference. I hadn’t expected it to happen quite so easily, but perhaps my brother’s big heart had recovered enough after years of gentle love from those people who surrounded us to accept me. Or perhaps it was Robin’s tender care of him the previous day.
We didn’t watch Marion and Robin talking but I did keep an ear to the forest. Marion’s absence would be noticed sooner or later and we’d need to leave in a hurry.
The sun tipped from midday and I began to worry. A hunting horn blared, much closer this time. “Robin, we need to leave.”
Tuck touched my arm. “I want to speak to Marion.”
“Fine, Robin and I are dangerous to her if we’re seen here, you’ll be alright but I’d sooner they didn’t see you in her company so pay attention and get into the shadows before they arrive.” He wore his monk’s habit, its loose form softer on his back.
“I’m not a complete fool, Will,” he said.
I grunted and watched brother and sister rise from the edge of the old well. Their hands were clasped together and I watched them embrace. Tuck swapped places with Robin at my side.
“Everything good?” I asked.
He continued to watch her with Tuck. “Better than I could have hoped. She’s something of a fire starter.”
“You have no idea,” I muttered, having been on the end of Marion’s temper more than once.
The horn blared again and the dogs were closing in on our position, their baying filling the woodland. “Tuck, don’t be long,” I shouted, grabbing Robin’s arm and pulling him into the forest, towards our horses. We needed to leave the area to make certain we weren’t swept up in High Sheriff Marc’s antics. I had no wish to explain why two armed men were speaking with his wife.
We retreated to the horses and mounted up. I glanced at Robin, who had been quiet, and the pensive expression didn’t bode well for my immediate future. I wished I knew which bit of Marion’s life and thoughts had put that expression on his face – his intimate time with me, or her insistence we stop Philip Marc.
The forest around us fell silent, even as the baying of the dogs and the crashing of horses through the woodland, came closer. I checked to see if Tuck was nearby but he hadn’t appeared and I knew he could vanish into the woods more easily than mist. We moved the horses off and I tried to relax. Leaving my brother in the clearing was good for him, but shitty for me. As much as I craved a time when I felt Tuck was independent of me, I worried constantly and yesterday had proved it would be a long time before I could trust him to remain alone even in our forest home.
I decided to change my focus and that meant staring at Robin’s back. We were forced to ride in single file and I had an uninterrupted view of his broad shoulders and glimpses of his hip and arse when the wind caught his cloak and shifted it away. His dark river sand hair caught the stray pale light coming through the almost naked trees and looked almost more wheat coloured than red-gold. It hung just below the line of his shoulders in a curling tangle and I knew from experience it wasn’t quite as soft as it appeared. Even the thought of being able to touch it again had my body clamouring for satisfaction and I shifted in discomfort on the horse.
Robin turned. “You alright?”
I managed to drag my mind from the gutter and smiled. “Fine.”
The path opened up and he stopped his horse until we were side by side. “She has a vision.”
“Marion? Not a literal vision, I take it?”
His mouth quirked up in a small grin. “No, she’s not the mouthpiece of God even if that’s how your brother looks at her.” I glanced at him, concerned for Tuck but Robin didn’t seem angry. “She wants Marc stopped. She wants him replaced and she wants the king to return power to the smaller communities, so they can govern themselves.”
“She’s mentioned it once or twice,” I said.
“She can’t have it.”
I sighed. “No, I think she knows that but we can get rid of Marc if we make him appear weak, a fool and tyrant of stupidity.”
“It’ll be difficult and dangerous. It has to go beyond taking back the taxes he makes people pay.”
We slumped into silence. I wondered how much more chaos we’d have to spread before reaching the smallest of Marion’s goals, getting rid of Philip Marc. The man was a despot and a tyrant, cruel, greedy, and far too close to the king for anyone’s comfort, so shaking him out of his tree wouldn’t be simple or easy. Detaching him from Marion might be easier, but he’d wanted her from the moment he’d seen her when he’d visited her father. That kind of lust doesn’t die and his desire to possess her was absolute.
The burning question on my tongue lay in Robin’s desire to stay or run. Would he help us? Did he want more of what we’d shared that morning? Or would he abandon us all to our fates and vanish for good? At times he felt so warm and comforting, but something would happen and he’d draw back, close down, force distance, leaving me confused. I glanced at him and wondered what it would take to keep him beside me. There were still secrets in his heart I didn’t know about.
But why would he want to remain beside me?
I felt my shoulders slump. We’d confessed our sins, our painful pasts but that didn’t mean he wanted to stay. Why would he want a grown man who knew nothing of sex but hate and pain? Robin could have any number of companions, male or female, and I just happened to be here, a convenient, if needy, bed warmer and piece of entertainment. I needed to guard my heart, let him heal whatever he could if he wanted to share my body again, and remind myself not to become emotionally attached. Robin would vanish again, whether Marion wanted him to or not.
“That was a heartfelt sigh,” he said.
I jerked straight in the saddle. “Sorry, I forgot you were there.”
“Something you need to talk about?” he asked.
I peered at him and weighed my options. “No, I don’t think so.”
His eyes narrowed as he looked at me, the scar crinkling, making him devilish. “I don’t believe you, but alright.”
The pounding of hooves broke the rising tension between us and Tuck appeared at a canter. “We need to move,” he said, hauling his sweaty horse to a stop.
“What’s wrong?” Robin asked, alert for trouble.
Tuck’s jaw bounced with tension. “Marc didn’t believe Marion. He’s hunting for a lover. He’s convinced the dogs will find a trail. I wanted to help but… I feared I might just make things worse.”
The baying of the dogs increased behind us and we all turned to look at the trail. “Split up,” Robin said.
“What?” I asked.
“Split up, three different tracks will confuse the hounds. Double back through the area they’ve already hunted if you can, they’ll pick up their older trails, further confusing the dogs. Then find a river, ride downstream, any mud you kick up will settle faster, and meet back at the cave when you know you’re not being followed.”
“I’m not leaving Tuck,” I said.
&nb
sp; “I can look after myself,” he protested.
Robin and I just looked at him. “I can manage,” he said again. “I promise. This is for Marion, I won’t get it wrong and I won’t collapse in a heap.”
“Be back by nightfall,” I said. “And be bloody careful.”
He nodded and smiled.
“Same goes for you, Will,” Robin told me. “Be careful. I’ll need you back.”
“For what?” I asked, even as he turned his horse into the forest and onto a deer track.
“For whatever comes next,” he tossed over his shoulder.
I frowned in confusion. What the hell did that mean?
Cross now and out of sorts, knowing I’d worry about Robin and Tuck until we all reached the safety of the cave, I forced my horse into moving faster than she wanted and began a merry dance with the High Sheriff’s hunt.
It took the rest of the afternoon to make certain I wasn’t followed but when I returned to the cave, I saw both of the other horses munching happily among the trees. I ached all over. Somehow, I was the one the hounds had followed the most and it had taken a long time and some serious riding to lose them.
The moment I stopped the horse Robin appeared and I smiled in gratitude as he took my reins. “I’ve been worried sick,” he said.
“Tuck alright?” I asked.
“He’s fine, didn’t seem concerned about you, said you were more than able to evade the hunt.”
His concern touched me; to be honest I’d convinced myself he’d be gone again by the time I returned. To find him there warmed me in places I didn’t want him warming.
I slid off the horse and Robin’s arms were around me in moments. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled. “I’ve been so worried.”
My arms gripped his rough surcoat and I nuzzled his neck. “This is unexpected,” I murmured.
Robin pulled away enough to see into my face and his hand came up to cup my jaw in a now familiar gesture of ownership. His eyes were very blue, sharp and focused on me with such intensity my knees weakened. “You are mine, why is it a surprise I want to hold you when you’ve been in such danger without me to protect you?”
Men of Sherwood (A Rogue's Tale Book 1) Page 10
