by Lyra Winters
What worries you?
I glanced back toward the mother bear I’d healed earlier with her three cubs. She was a model of patience with her cubs as they played, tumbling over her as if she were their playground.
I’d sought her out this morning to place a protection ward around her home, which was how I ended up in front of the cave that worked its way into the mountain next to the river with her and her cubs.
“Nothing too important, Mama Bear.” I hopped off the rock, plopping down in the grass next to her.
Call me Nita.
“Nita, that’s a beautiful name. You can call me Harlow.”
She gave me a satisfied look, almost like a smile. If you need to talk, I can listen.
I let out a small sigh. “You know the wolf that attacked you?”
She nodded, and guilt clouded over me as I remembered he’d tried to kill her and her sweet cubs.
“Well, he’s a werewolf.” I dug my index finger into the dirt and carved out a line. “And apparently my soulmate. We’re bonded together by magic, a matebond.”
I am ignorant to the ways of magic. However, I understand soulmates are important to humans. I assume it is the same for you from the burden you carry on your shoulders. When you healed me, you were more carefree than you are now. Her words were full of wisdom as one of her cubs snuck over and snuggled on my lap.
“You are observant.” I moved my hand through the cub's fluffy fur. “I had long accepted that I would be alone. I never had feelings for anyone past a crush when I lived with my coven. But with Xavier, it’s like my heart beats for him. I’m hyper-aware of every little thing he does when he’s around me.”
That sounds lovely. So, what is the problem?
“He had a mate before me, but she died.”
He had a soulmate before you?
“So he says.” My eyes began to burn as I blinked the tears back. “But I don’t understand how that’s possible. The way I feel about him is so raw, and I can’t think about him feeling like that for someone other than me. It breaks my heart.”
A low growl carried over from across the river, and my head snapped up as I wrapped my arms around the cub in my lap. I gasped as I saw Xavier standing in his wolf form.
I hadn’t taken the time to appreciate the beauty of his wolf before, but it was otherworldly. His fur was a mocha brown, shiny and thick. His massive paws sunk into the earth with a heaviness as his human caramel-brown eyes pierced into mine. He was gorgeous in a lethal kind of way, and it made him that much more attractive.
“Xav,” his name tumbled from my lips.
He shifted into human form, and I had a hard time averting my gaze as he stepped into the river until the water covered him waist-down.
“I’ve been looking for you, little witch.” He smirked, but something sad lingered behind in his eyes.
“You found me.”
So this is the wolf.
I nodded, my face heating up. I’d forgotten she was here.
I used my hand to gesture toward the bears. “Meet Nita and her cubs. I think you owe them an apology.”
His face dropped. “Oh, shit. You’re the bear from before.”
Nita stood on her hind legs and let out a warning growl. Her cub scurried off me and hid behind his mother with his siblings. I do not like him.
I climbed to my feet. “I understand.” I stood between them and narrowed my eyes at Xavier.
“I’m sorry,” he grumbled.
I do not accept. She lowered onto her front feet. He is not genuine.
“He’s not really a bad guy.” I cupped my elbow. “I promise.”
He’s a predator. She began walking toward her cave with her cubs in tow. I will give you privacy with your wolf.
“I’m sorry, Nita. He won’t ever lay a hand on you or your cubs. I’ll make sure of it.”
Thank you, Harlow.
And with that, she and her cubs disappeared into the darkness of the cave.
I spun around and jerked a finger toward him. “You couldn’t have been more sincere?”
He stepped forward, and the water rippled around him. “She’s a bear. She’s my food source, Harlow. It’s called the fucking food chain.”
“You outrank me on that too. Does that mean you’d eat me too?”
A wicked grin took over his features. “Baby, I’ll eat you whenever you want me to.”
My mouth dropped. “Xavier!”
His eyes softened. “You’re my mate, Harlow. I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“I’m serious. She is off-limits and so are her cubs.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I won’t hurt her or her cubs if it’ll make you happy. But, I will eat other animals. It’s how I survive in my wolf form.”
“Okay,” I said. “I can deal with that. But Nita is my friend.”
All that could be heard between us were the sounds of the water and nearby animals moving through the brush.
“I overheard your conversation with her.” He paused. “Do you doubt my feelings for you?”
My body tensed at the threatening nature of his voice. “It’s not that, I just… It’s the unknown. You said you had a mate before me that died. It doesn’t make sense. Did you feel for her the same way you do for me?” His eyes blazed so hot I flinched.
“Olivia.” His voice cracked. “Her name was Olivia.”
Hearing her name was equivalent to scorching lava being poured over me, and my heart burst in my chest. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was like or what color hair she had.
“She was my first mate, but she isn’t you.”
I couldn’t bite my tongue. “Would you be with me if she were still alive?”
He raked a hand through his hair and looked as if he was struggling against something. “Fuck, Harlow. I don’t know. I don’t know if I would’ve come into this forest if she was still alive. The whole reason I came in this forest was because I was running for days to clear my fucking head and strategize how to kill that motherfucker Lockhart to avenge her death. If she hadn’t died…”
“You wouldn’t have met me,” I finished.
His canines and snout extended, anger radiating from him and into me as he turned shifted into his wolf. He landed on the other side of the river. Don’t say shit like that. I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened had she not been killed because that would mean I wouldn’t be here with you. And that makes me a piece of fucking shit mate to her.
I slid my foot back as I recoiled from the intensity of his anger and pain. He took one last look my way before disappearing off into the woods.
Watching his retreating wolf form sent jagged spikes through my chest as I collapsed in a heap on the soil below. It was as if the spikes scraped against my insides every time I breathed until blood dripped from the shattered pieces of my beating heart. I glanced down, half-expecting to see red-colored syrup seeping from my chest but instead, tears dripped onto my hands.
I hadn’t cried since the day I lost my family and was banished, but him walking away from me felt equally as painful.
TWELVE
Xavier
I was a fucking moron. How could I not have realized she’d had her own thoughts about Liv? If the roles were reversed, I’d sure as hell have felt second-best. But Harlow wasn’t second-best. When it came down to it, I felt more for Harlow than I ever did for Liv, and that was fucked up.
After I’d run off from her, I hunted for a couple of hours before feasting on a couple of deer and ran for a while to burn off the anger her questions caused me.
It wasn’t fair to her. I knew that. I couldn’t expect her not to be jealous. I was her mate just as much as she was mine. She had every right to know about my past with Olivia, and it was damn well time I’d told her. I’d been living with her for almost a month now.
I shifted back into my human form and slipped the sweats on before entering our little home. A home I’d hoped I was still welcome in.
Harlow sat on the small
wooden table with her legs crossed as she sipped from a steaming white mug. Her eyes lifted to mine as she brought the mug away from her lips. “Welcome back.”
I approached with caution. She had every right to be pissed at me with how I acted like a fucking child. “I owe you an apology.”
“Yes.” She took a sip. “You do.”
I pulled the chair out and sat down, propping my elbows on the table next to where she sat and rested my head in my hands. “Where do I start?”
“Start from when you met Olivia.”
Liv’s name coming from Harlow’s mouth did something to my heart, and I hated it. I hated how defeated she sounded.
“She was skinny, almost malnourished when I met her. Her collarbones stuck out in a point, and her sternum was visible through her pale skin. She had blonde hair that hung to her shoulders and dull green eyes. She was broken.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “She was sitting in my Alpha’s office, scared shitless. She had come onto our territory saying she wanted to join our pack. But she said she was a rogue who couldn't remember anything.”
“She didn’t remember?”
Thinking back, it sounded like bullshit. But, she was my mate and I believed her solely because of that. I shook my head. “She lied at first but came clean to me after about a week. She was Alpha Lockhart’s sister and sent to befriend Sophia, our Alpha and my childhood friend, and kill her.”
“She lied to you?” Harlow’s shoulders trembled. “How was that possible? I can’t even keep things from you. You said the matebond was like a truth serum.”
“I never thought about that before.” I clicked my tongue.
She was right, and it was. Olivia should’ve never been able to keep that from me for so long. Maybe it was because of the trauma she went through at the hands of her brother. I wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t like I could’ve asked her about it.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about her. I don’t want to bring up painful memories. It was selfish of me.”
My hand darted out and gripped her thigh. “No.” I swallowed hard. “You deserve to know this. We need to talk about it.”
Her hand settled over mine, and she nodded.
“I told Sophia and Blaine, her mate, everything. I was their Beta, and I felt responsible for her treachery. But Soph was too easy on her because she was my mate. She demoted her to Omega for two weeks.”
“What’s an Omega?”
“They are the lowest-ranked wolf. They cook, clean, and take care of the packhouse. They eat last and have to report to the Alpha every day to report what they did and if their punishment was effective.”
“So, like a slave?”
I nodded. “Anyway, after the two weeks were up, it went semi-back-to-normal. Everyone was suspicious of Olivia. I know Soph tried to like her, but she never did.”
“It’s not my place to ask, but I have to know.” She squeezed her eyes shut, and I felt responsible for her pain. “You said you never marked her or completed the soul-bond. But… did you have sex with her?”
Bile rose and burned my throat. Repulsion slithered through me along with surprise by my own reaction. The thought of even kissing Liv, my first fucking mate, repulsed me. It didn’t make any sense to me.
“Oh shoot. I’m sorry.” She pulled her hand off mine and covered her face as the scent of salty tears pierced the air. “I knew I shouldn’t have asked. Of course you did. She was your mate.”
“No.” My grip on her tightened as I fought the urge to vomit. “I didn’t have sex with her. I did kiss her and hold her, but I never slept with her.”
She wiped the tears from under her eyes and sniffed. “You didn’t?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you. I couldn’t even if I wanted to, which I would never want to.”
“Why not?”
That’s a great fucking question. I was a horny sonofabitch. Everyone in the pack knew it. But what was weird as fuck was that while I had a strong desire to protect Liv and care for her, I don’t think I was ever attracted to her. I never want to have sex with her, and her not wanting my mark or to soul-bond didn’t really matter to me.
Which was all the opposite with Harlow. I wanted her in every fucking way I could have her.
“I don’t have an answer for that. But to be frank, I never wanted her the way I want you. I never had the primal urge to claim her the way I do with you.”
Her cheeks turned a deep shade of red. “That makes me feel better.”
I smirked, but these feelings didn’t make any sense. How did I not notice the nature of Liv and I’s relationship sooner? It was like I had a fucking blindfold over my eyes.
How did she lie to me? And for so long?
Why didn’t she want me to mark her or soul-bond with me? I knew she had trauma, but the matebond was supposed to heal that when she was with me. And why did I not give a fuck about it or ask questions? There were a lot of things within our matebond that shouldn’t have been possible.
The bond I have with Harlow is so much stronger, so much better.
“So what happened next?”
“We had some issues with rogues, and I went on a mission to deal with it. On my way back, I heard Soph’s mindlink. Everyone was frantic to find Olivia, and I knew they had met with her brother that day. It was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just knew she was in trouble.”
Her hand found mine again and she gave it a squeeze.
“I ran as fast as I fucking could. I pushed past Sophia and Blaine outside our room and fear overtook me first, but then, seeing that damn warrior holding her with a knife to her neck sent me into a blind rage. She knew she was going to die.”
She gasped. “You witnessed it?”
“He slid that knife across her neck so deep she was dead before she hit the ground. There was so much blood. I snapped. I shifted, and I slaughtered that fucking monster.” I let out a dark chuckle. “I guess that makes me a monster too, huh?”
She sat the cup down and grabbed my face in her hands. “No. You’re not a monster. You did what you had to. You avenged her.”
I flinched. “I didn’t avenge her. Not yet. That’s why I’m after Lockhart. He ordered the hit on her. He needs to pay.”
She ran her thumbs over my cheeks. “Okay. I’ll help you.”
“You’ll help?” My heart clogged my throat. How could she want to help me avenge Olivia? Wouldn’t that hurt her?
“Don’t get me wrong. Thinking of you with her shatters me.” A stray tear escaped, trickling down her cheek. “But I also know she was important to you and that you have to do this. I’m going to help you get the closure you need.”
She was a fucking enigma with a heart too big. I couldn’t let her help me. Not only was it something I had to do alone, but I couldn’t let her hurt herself in the process.
“I can’t let you do that.” I grabbed her hands and pulled them down against my chest. “I care about you too much to let you do that.”
The corners of her mouth quirked up. “That’s cute.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s cute that you think you can tell me what to do.” She bent down, her breath mingling with mine. “I’m helping, and that’s final.”
She was enthralling as fuck, but there was no way in hell she would get wrapped up in this. I wasn’t about to let her put herself in danger because of my hang-ups. “You can’t get involved in my mess. I can’t let you get hurt because of me.”
“Who says I’ll get hurt?”
“Who says you won’t?” I pulled her off the table and into my lap, her legs straddling me.
“When do you plan on going after Lockhart?” she asked.
“I can’t let you come with me.”
“The one thing I’m afraid of is abandonment.” Her eyes went blank as if she were being transported back in time. “I’ve been alone for so long, Xav. I can’t handle you leaving me too.”
Pressure built in my chest from forg
etting to breathe, and I sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m not going to leave you.”
“What do you expect to happen when you go after Lockhart if I’m not with you?”
Shit. She had a point. I’d have to leave her, even if I planned on coming back.
“Do you know why I came to the forest after my banishment and not the ocean or the desert?” She was silent for a moment. “John Muir said, ‘And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.’ And I lost my mind. I never expected to find my soul, but then I met you.” She blinked before her gaze burned mine.
That was some of the most romantic shit I’d ever fucking heard, and it made my heart beat out of my chest, shattering my rib cage. “Fuck, Harlow. Do you know how much you mean to me?”
She shook her head. “But you can show me.”
I slid my hands up into her hair and pulled her against me as my mouth plundered hers until she gasped little moans that shot bolts of ecstasy down to my groin. Our tongues tangled as her hand twisted in my hair.
My dick throbbed as our desire for each other pulsated through the matebond. Her hands slipped to my chest, and she pushed gently up, breaking the kiss.
“I’m ready to go a little bit further, but not all the way.”
Those words were music to my fucking ears. “You got it.”
She squealed as I grabbed her ass and stood up with her wrapped around me like a spider monkey. I stepped toward the bed and tossed her on it, dropping down on top of her. “Let me know if I do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
“I trust you, Xav.”
The nickname was an aphrodisiac coming from her swollen lips. I smirked. “I’m going to make you feel things you’ve never felt before.”
“I guarantee it,” she breathed.
My lips were back on hers with every intent to pleasure her. Shadows danced along the walls as I trailed kisses down her neck and stomach toward her core.
We locked eyes for a brief moment as I gained permission before tugging her panties off. My hands caressed her slim hips as I admired her pretty little pussy.
