by Amanda Perry
“I-i-it’s o-o-okay,” I assure her, not wanting Jaxon upset with her. “I wasn’t a-a-allowed. I could o-o-only go to school and the g-g-grocery store. My m-m-mother and s-s-step-fa—” I stumble, not able to finish the word. I clear my throat and try again. “They d-d-didn’t allow m-m-me to go p-p-places or anything l-l-like that. I w-w-was supposed to stay in the house unless t-t-they said o-o-otherwise.”
Cassie frowns deeply. “What about hanging out with friends?”
I bite my lip, wondering briefly if she doesn’t notice the two men at our table fuming silently. “I w-w-wasn’t allowed to h-h-have friends. N-n-no one w-w-wanted to t-t-talk to me a-a-anyway. I d-d-don’t talk r-r-right.”
Silence stretches across the table. Did I say something wrong? Peering around, Jaxon and Caleb wear mirroring expressions of pure anger. Their eyes narrow into slits, their hands balled into fists on the table, and their mouths form hard lines. Cassie’s eyes widen, and her brow rises. Her mouth opens, but no words come out. My focus stays on the two angry guys, though, worried they’re mad at me.
Jaxon confirms my fear when he hits the table and roars, “Son of a bitch!”
My flight instincts kick in, and my mind screams at me to run away before he hurts me. I deserve to be hurt for saying something stupid and upsetting him. I shoot a glance at Cassie, and she scrunches her brow at me in confusion. After studying me for a second, her expression quickly morphs into panic. I heed her warning that Jaxon’s about to blow up.
My feet move before I even form a plan. Racing by the entrance to the restaurant kitchen, I vaguely register the waiters shouting about a burst pipe. Hopefully the chaos of whatever happened in the kitchen will distract Jaxon from chasing after me, or at the very least slow him down. I bolt from the restaurant and down the street.
Cassie yells for me to wait, but I can’t stop.
With the sun setting, the light blues and whites of the day morph into darker blues and grays. Lots of people walk the streets, so it’s easier to blend in. Even when the three of them shout my name from far behind me, I race as fast as my feet will carry me, dodging parents with large strollers and shoppers loaded down with bags. A few of the passersby yell and curse at me for narrowly missing them, but I can’t bring myself to care.
Jaxon’s shouts for me to stop continue to reach me, but the further I go, the more people there are. The crowd makes it easy for me to slow my run and blend in more. With a glance behind me I breathe deep at the realization I’ve really lost Jaxon.
Finding an alley, I duck into it and hide behind a dumpster in case he catches up to me or passes by the area.
Keeping as still as possible, I wait a long while before leaving my safe hiding spot.
My chest aches from the breath I couldn’t take until I knew for sure I wasn’t caught, but there’s little relief granted once I release the deep, shuddering breath. This time, I was able to get away, but if I find my way back to the house, Jaxon and possibly Caleb are going to be furious at me for running. A small whimper escapes at the thought. Why couldn’t life be different here? They all seemed great until now. Why did I mess everything up? I’m such an idiot.
With the street now darkened, I trek in the direction I remember the house being.
Since I left the purse Cassie picked out earlier in the restaurant, which holds the cards my dad gave me in it, I’m unable to pay for a cab. I don’t own a phone, not that they would come even if I called. The drive here was a straight shot down a main road, making getting back relatively simple.
It was about an hour drive, so in theory, the walk is doable.
Not long into my hike, the skies open, and rain falls in sheets. Not the light kind of rain you can ignore, but the tropical storm type that soaks everything instantly. My pace slows considerably because of the drop in temperature and lack of visibility in the rain. Freezing and tired, my legs ache from the this walk as well as what we did earlier in the day.
Somehow, I’m able to make it another few hours before my legs give out. The rain hasn’t let up, and I’m soaked to the bone. I massage my aching legs and wonder what awaits me when I make my way back. My entire body shakes, partly from the cold and partly from the fear of what’s waiting.
When I arrive at the house, they’re going to be furious with me for getting away. But they’re going to be even more agitated I took such a long time to come back. If I’m lucky, they’ll get my punishment over with quickly and send me to my room. I refuse to think of what will happen if I’m unlucky. To distract myself from thoughts of punishments, I search the clouds in the sky for some type of break in the rain.
With a startle I realize the rain stopped pelting down on me.
Glancing around, I expect to see the storm passing, but instead I find the rain continuing around me. For some strange reason it’s simply not raining down in the one spot where I dropped down.
After a long while, a minuscule bit of strength rests within my resolve. The strange pattern of the rain works in my favor for the moment, so unfolding myself from the curled position I’d taken up to try staying warm, I push myself to standing. I take the last several miles at a snail’s pace, mostly because my legs won’t cooperate with me.
As soon as the house comes into view the rain begins to hit my body again, the odd reprieve from the wetness gone.
When I finally make it to the house, it’s the middle of the night, and my legs are numb. The lights downstairs are on, which means someone’s waiting up for me. They probably spent all this time sitting around, deciding the perfect way to make me pay for my stupidity.
Pausing at the front door, I take a few deep breaths and decide to bite the bullet, ringing the doorbell because I don’t have a key.
The collection of running footsteps racing for the door has me taking a step back, not knowing what’s going to happen. The door is thrown open, and my dad with Leanne next to him stand there wide eyed. Cassie, Caleb, and Jaxon huddle behind them, but my focus remains on my father. His chest heaves with short breaths, his eyes widen on me, and his hands, loose by his sides, shake visibly.
My mind races with reasons why he would appear so scared. Maybe someone got hurt or something bad happened while I was gone.
I peer around at everyone, and they’re all wearing matching expressions of fear and worry. Their expressions have my mind going to the possible punishments I’m about to receive. Before my mind comes up with anything, Dad yanks me into his arms, lifting me off my feet to hug me tightly. He must not realize I’m drenched.
“Thank God!” he cries. “Oh, Riley, we almost called the police. We drove around town for hours looking for you. We were terrified! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He sets me down and scans me from head to toe.
I simply stand there, shaking and confused. What in the world is happening?
“Mark, let’s get her dry. She’s soaked,” Leanne insists with a sniffle. Tears stain her cheeks. Once my dad steps out of the way, she hugs me. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
Leanne and Cassie take me upstairs and find me some pajamas.
“Take a warm shower. It’ll make you feel better,” Leanne softly orders.
I do as I’m told, all the while wondering what they’re planning as punishment. After I’m done showering, I’m beyond tired. Just the thought of taking the stairs makes me want to cry. Not wanting to give them any more reason to hate me, I suck it up and stumble downstairs, nearly falling a few times on the way. Everyone sits on the living room sofa when I creep in. No one notices me at first, allowing me to catch part of their conversation.
“Dad, I’m really fucking sorry,” Jaxon murmurs pitifully, his voice broken. It sounds like he’s trying not to cry.
Cassie sits next to him, rubbing his back.
“Son, it isn’t your fault. She doesn’t understand that you weren’t mad at her. She isn’t used to people caring about her and taking care of her. We just need to be patient.” Dad lets out a long breath and sits back. “Maybe we should sit her dow
n and talk to her. Explain what she can expect from us.”
I don’t want to get caught eavesdropping, and I’m not sure I want to know what they’re talking about. Instead of waiting where I am, I shuffle farther into the room and make myself known. Leanne spots me first and hops up. She takes my hand and leads me to the couch, starting out at a normal walking pace. My legs refuse to work correctly, giving out after two steps.
Caleb lurches forward, catches me around the waist, and pulls me into the seat next to him and Leanne. I can’t even look at Caleb as I murmur a thank you because I’m terrified he hates me like everyone else must.
“Riley, we need to talk.” My head lifts to see Jaxon staring right at me, and my whole body turns to stone.
This is what I’ve been dreading. This is where he lets me know what my idiocy has earned me.
“P-p-please,” I whimper. “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry. I d-d-didn’t m-m-mean to r-r-run. I’ll n-n-n-n-never do i-i-it again. I-I-I’m s-s-so s-s-sorry.” My body shakes harder, my voice cracking with fear. My only hope is that begging means he’ll go easy on me. “I-I-I’ll do w-w-whatever you w-w-want. P-p-please, j-j-just don’t h-h-hurt me.”
Jaxon reels back, gaping at me before his body stills. Cassie and Leanne start to cry. Why are they upset? Did begging make things worse? Should I have kept my mouth shut?
My dad stands and takes a step toward me.
Realizing he didn’t like my pleading, I cower into the couch and he immediately stops in his tracks. To my left, Caleb shifts and suddenly pulls me onto his lap and wraps me up in his arms. As soon as my mind catches up to what happened, I stiffen. My head swirls with thoughts of what he plans to do. A lump forms in my throat, preventing me from taking deep breaths, and my lungs burn with a lack of oxygen. Waves of dizziness push my vision out of focus and a loud ringing fills my ears.
I feel Caleb lean down to my ear, and when he speaks, his voice comes out low and soothing, not at all what I expected. It gives me a shiver, but not the kind I’m used to, not from fear. “Baby, no one is going to hurt you. I promise, not one person in this room wants to hurt you in any way. We all care about you so much, and it kills us to think of the terrible things you’ve gone through. You may not have told us anything, but we aren’t blind. We know shit was terrible for you. You look like you’re about to jump out of your skin waiting for something bad to happen to you. But please, believe me when I say I will never let anything like that happen to you again. None of us will.”
I pull back and stare into his eyes.
It’s always been effortless for me to spot liars. Caleb’s eyes hold nothing but warmth and truth. Right now, I trust his words and believe he will try to protect me. I’m not getting punished tonight. Tears of relief rush down my cheeks.
He puts his hand on my head gently and pulls it to rest on his chest. I hold onto him like he’s my lifeline, and at this moment, he kind of is. He whispers to me, telling me, “It’s okay. You’re safe.” He says it over and over while he holds me, his hand slowly brushing over my arm to give me comfort.
Right now, I never want to move away from this spot, from this feeling of safety.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The front door slams as he leaves after their nightly argument. My mother’s footsteps race down the hall to my room as I curl up in the corner, making myself small.
She pushes my door open. It bangs loudly against the wall, forming another dent. “This is your fault!” She screams, sticking her finger in my face. “If I would have just done the smart thing and gotten rid of you before you were born, he and I would be happy! I hate you! You’re a worthless little shit, and I wish I never had you.”
This is nothing I haven’t heard before on more than one occasion, but it still hurts. Isn’t a mommy supposed to love their child? That’s how the moms in movies and books act. They hug each other and show affection. I wish I could have a hug. I asked for one once, and I got slapped. Mommy told me I was too ugly and stupid to hug.
I stare hard at the ground, wishing I was alone again.
She grabs me by the hair and drags me to the attic door, surprising me. I want to scream out, “No! Not the attic! It’s dark and scary up there!”
Instead, I stay silent. They don’t like it when I talk.
“Tomorrow marks eight years since you ruined my life, and you get to spend from now until midnight tomorrow in here, alone. This is my gift to everyone else on your birthday. No one wants you around, and I don’t want to be reminded of my biggest mistake in life. Now get in there.”
She roughly throws me in and slams the door shut, thrusting me into blackness.
With a quiet gasp, I awake and bolt straight up in bed, a thud against the wall beside my closet shaking me further. My eyes dart around, expecting to be in the dark attic. It only takes me a second to realize I’m in my room, in California. I sit for a few moments, trying to slow my breath and gain my bearings.
A quick inspection reveals the decorative box Leanne had on the dresser was the source of the thud I heard, which is odd because it had been in the middle of the dresser. The wall it hit is clear across the room. While I’m trying to calm my racing heart, the memories of the day before rush back, and I completely forget about the box on the ground.
How did I end up here, in my bed? I remember crying on Caleb, which is really embarrassing. I remember there wasn’t a punishment for my stupidity yet. Did someone carry me up to my bed? How strange.
Checking the clock, it’s already nine in the morning. Worried about what everyone thinks of me sleeping this late, I slide out of bed to head to my closet to find an outfit for today. I may have gotten home in the early hours of the morning, but that doesn’t mean I’m allowed to rest.
The second my feet hit the ground, I regret jumping out of bed. My legs shake with every wobbly step I take, the muscles screaming for rest. While trying to steady myself, I stumble into my bed. It takes a lot longer than I’d like to put on a pair of jeans and a plain gray top.
I quickly take care of my morning routine in the bathroom, then head down the stairs. From the walking yesterday, my leg muscles burn with every little movement, but hopefully, once I stretch them out a bit I’ll be able to walk easier. Right now, the stairs are my biggest enemy. It shouldn’t take five minutes to get down a simple flight of stairs.
When I reach the kitchen, I find everyone at the table. Cassie notices me first, and her permanent grin widens.
“Riley!” She squeaks happily. “You’re up! How did you sleep? Do you feel better today?”
“Um… I-I-I… U-u-uh, yeah, I s-s-slept well.” I pause, shifting awkwardly. “I-I-I’m o-o-okay, today. Th-th-thanks.”
I rock back on my heels when no one says anything more. The move sends shooting pain through my leg muscles, and I grit my teeth against the hurt.
To distract myself, I find cereal and milk on the table with a clean bowl in my spot. This must be part of my punishment. Until now, my plate has had food on it when I come to the table, but this time it’s empty. It must mean I’m not allowed breakfast. A small price to pay for my actions.
I slowly make my way to the table and sit down, hoping that’s at least allowed.
“Do you want frosted flakes or raisin bran?” Leanne asks, holding up both cereal boxes.
It takes me a second to realize she’s staring at me, waiting for an answer. A quick search around the table shows no one objecting to Leanne offering me food.
Scratching nervously at my arm, I turn my attention back to Leanne. “E-e-either one?”
She hands me the frosted flakes with a smirk. Cassie beams when I take the box and pour a little bit into my empty bowl. I risk a glance at Jaxon to find tenderness in his eyes. A hand comes to rest gently my back, causing me to flinch at the surprise touch. My head jerks up in time to find Caleb standing up behind me. When we lock eyes he gives a small, reassuring nod. A light blush colors my cheeks when I remember sitting on his lap last night.
He gestures to my emp
ty cup. “Hey, babe, you want some juice with your breakfast?”
His easy use of the pet name throws me. Peering around the table, I assume no one else heard him, or if they did, they’re not going to acknowledge it. Maybe this is a normal thing for him. He did say it last night, although I assumed that was more in the moment than intentional. I turn back to Caleb who waits patiently for a response.
“Um… O-o-okay?” It comes out as more of a question than an answer, but he chuckles anyway and pours orange juice into my glass, then refills his own.
“Sis,” Jaxon speaks up after a few minutes of silence, his tone defeated. “I didn’t mean to scare you last night. I’m sorry for making you run like that.”
Unsure how to respond, I simply shift in my seat and wait for him to reprimand me for my actions. A long, silent stretch fills the room and Jaxon hangs his head and lets out a forlorn sigh.
“You don’t have to be afraid of us, kiddo,” dad promises, putting a hand on Jaxon’s shoulder. “Jaxon would never hurt you. Caleb was telling the truth last night. None of us would hurt you. We’d like to help you feel safe here, but we don’t really know why you ran. Can you tell us?”
As I look around the table, I check for signs of agitation or anger. Cassie joyfully bounces around in her seat while she shoves sugary cereal into her mouth. My dad keeps his hand rested on Jaxon’s shoulder, but his soft gaze remains trained on me. Caleb bounces his knee up and down quickly as he listens to the conversation take place. Leanne folds her hands gingerly in front of her, patiently allowing me time to gather my thoughts. Jaxon keeps his head down and rubs at his temples as if he has a headache.
None of them display threatening body language, which gives me the courage to answer my dad. “J-J-Jaxon was a-a-angry. We w-w-were talking about shopping and h-h-how I haven’t really gone b-b-before Leanne took m-m-me. I w-w-was s-s-stupid and shouldn’t h-h-have said a-a-anything. I didn’t m-m-mean to upset a-a-anyone.”
