He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it, my dress suddenly felt too tight. ‘Very well, give me an hour, and I will be ready.’
He bent over, retrieved the fork, and started moving large lumps of straw as though they were nothing. I backed away scared that if I stayed, he would change his mind.
Exactly one hour later I was back with a basket full of food stolen from the kitchen. Two horses were saddled, waiting for us. Without saying a word, Aydin took the food and transferred it into his horse’s saddlebags. He then helped me onto Fern—my beautiful dapple gray mare. It was always awkward settling into the saddle since I’d decided at an early age, indecent or not, that I was riding astride. Wearing skirts made this difficult, but I’d always managed, despite my parents’ dismay that I’d not succumb to a side-saddle.
Aydin had chosen a large, black gelding that’d only just been broken, and I watched as he mounted the nervous animal. It sidestepped, flaring its nostrils and flattening its ears, but it didn’t take long for Aydin to settle it.
‘Ready?’ he asked, and I nodded. ‘The river as usual?’
‘Of course, just try not to fall too far behind,’ I replied, before turning Fern with a kick.
She leaped into a gallop, and instantly the wind whipped strands of hair against my cold cheeks. The countryside smeared into a green blur as I urged her on, but in no time a black streak shot past. I cried out in frustration, but there was no way I would catch him.
He reached the river well before I did. I saw him leap off his horse and grab the reins to stop it from bolting, even from this distance I could see his delighted grin.
I trotted the last hundred yards to give Fern a cool down. ‘Impressive horse,’ I commented, as he helped me down. I loved the feel of his hands on my waist as he eased me to the ground.
‘What about impressive riding?’ he asked, with an arched eyebrow.
I shrugged but did not reply; he looked a little crestfallen as he turned away. He took a rug from the pack on his horse and laid it by the water. I’d brought fresh bread, cold ham and a good helping of raspberries, and soon we sat together on the rug eating with our fingers. It was deliciously uncouth compared to the stiff meals I shared with my parents. The trickling water slipped over smooth rocks, and the soft whistles of unseen birds filled the crisp air. The sun poured warmth over our hands and faces, and we laughed more often than we didn’t. More than once I admired the sheen of his dark blond hair as he flicked it off his forehead, and it was hard not to notice the fullness of his lips as he spoke.
When lunch was finished, I leaped up leaving Aydin lounging on the shore. Slipping off my shoes, I hitched up my skirt and waded into the river. The cold water, surrounding my ankles, sent tingly waves of pleasure up my legs, and for a moment I wanted to dive in, so my whole body could enjoy the sensation.
I was so enthralled by my happiness that I didn’t notice Aydin watching with great amusement. When I finally spotted his smirk, I set my face in a most serious expression. ‘Exactly, what is so amusing?’ I asked haughtily.
He shook his head. ‘All these years at your Lady’s college and look at you, knees exposed like a commoner. You’ll never find a suitable husband if you don’t start acting like the lady you’re supposed to be.’
Contempt wrinkled my nose. ‘My dear Sir Aydin, gentlemen will be queueing at my door when I am ready to be courted, thank you very much.’
An uneven grin tugged at his lips. ‘And exactly when will that day be Lady Callie? For I wish to make sure I am head of the queue.’
My smile faded, and a deep crimson rose to my cheeks, stripping away my ability to reply. I kicked up a shower of water to hide my discomfort, and Aydin laughed as it rained down. I turned away waiting for the blush to subside.
Once I was sure there were no signs of embarrassment left, I walked up the bank and lay beside him. He flopped back, and we both took to staring at the blue sky.
After a while, I rolled my head to steal another glance. His eyes were closed, and he seemed to be enjoying the rare sun on his face. His eighteenth birthday was coming up, and I pondered how he was on the verge of being a man, even if he didn’t seem like one. Though I had to admit his cheeks had lost their boyish shape, and for the first time, I could see short crops of hair covering his chin.
Running my gaze down to his neck I watched his throat move as he swallowed. A sudden urge to trace a finger along his jaw shocked me, and a strange heat surged through my pelvis. A gasp caught in my throat as I struggled to understand the powerful sensation.
‘Do I have something on my face?’
I froze with the unexpected question. His eyes were still closed, and he hadn’t moved, so how did he know I was staring? I fumbled for something to say, desperate to cover my humiliation. ‘I…I was just looking at the birthmark on your neck… It’s smaller than it used to be, wouldn’t you agree?’
It was the best I could do.
A subtle grimace thinned his lips and tightened his eyes. ‘I don’t look at it much,’ he finally replied. ‘My mother used to tell me…it was from the kiss of an angel.’
I held my breath watching him closely, he’d never spoken of his mother before. His face twitched betraying an unconscious hint of pain. I would have given anything to take my comment back and to fix the heartache I’d caused. Without thinking, I leaned over and gently kissed the mark on his neck. His eyes opened slowly.
Horrified by my brazen act, I sat up and smoothed my skirt, overwhelmed with shame. I was biting my lip so hard it hurt. What had I done? I could never look at him again. I was tempted to make my excuses and leave.
Suddenly I felt a sharp jab in my ribs, I yelped and spun around. Aydin was sitting up grinning wickedly, and I instantly knew what he was planning.
‘Don’t you dare,’ I threatened, but it was no use.
He lunged, launching a full-scale tickle attack. I burst out laughing and tried to retaliate, but he was too strong. I struggled, giggling uncontrollably—he knew how much I hated being tickled, though I hadn’t been victim to an attack like this in years.
He grabbed my wrists, pushing me to the ground and pinning my hands beside my head. I squealed and fought to free myself but it was no use, the weight of his body held me still. I relaxed, and both of us grinned as we tried to catch our breath; his face hovered just above mine. We looked at each other, and his smile faded. I became brutally aware of his breath on my lips, and my heart quickened with the intensity of his stare. A floating sensation began in my stomach rising upwards as his face moved closer. Was he going to kiss me? I froze, both terrified and thrilled. My throat tightened as his head tilted and dropped slowly. I inhaled sharply. He paused, and his eyes searched mine. A sad smile settled on his face, and he kissed the tip of my nose before rolling back as though nothing had happened.
I lay there stunned, my hands still beside my head, immersed in delightful confusion. I’d never felt so alive, and I wanted to stay like this forever.
After a while I put my arms down, brushing his as I did. His hand found mine and our fingers entwined. It felt so natural, so right, and I knew things would never be the same between us again.
***
Back at school, the marriage talk went into overdrive. This was our last term, and most of us were expected to marry within the year. The names and situations of the most eligible bachelors in the region were assessed and analyzed multiple times.
I tried to be enthusiastic but my mind often wandered to that moment with Aydin, and I loved to relive the sensation it brought me. Every night his face was the last thing I saw, and every morning his name was the first word I thought.
It was a few weeks before my first letter arrived from home. I adored getting letters, and I always made myself wait a few hours before opening them, so I could savor the excitement.
By afternoon I was ready to burst, and I stole away from my friends, hiding in the school library. Surrounded by countless leather-bound books, I dropped into a window s
eat disturbing a flurry of dust. I ran my fingers over the thick creamy envelope before ripping it open. My father’s slanted script filled the page.
My own dear daughter,
Your last letter had you sounding well. It pleases me you look forward to returning home. Mother is in good health and has hung new drapes in your room. She tells me they match the freshly planted lavender in the entrance gardens. She has also acquired many new dresses for you, though I must confess I have seen none of them.
In regards to your inquiry, the horses are thriving, though I regret to inform you that old Duke fell in last month’s rain and had to be relieved of a broken leg. I am sorry to tell you this. I know you were most fond of him. Indeed, I believe he was born the same year as you.
One final piece of news before I leave you to return to your studies. Young Aydin has been accepted by London University to pursue a degree in medicine. We are all very proud of him, and his father appears fit to burst. I contacted an old friend in London who has agreed to give him lodgings in return for several hours work a day. Aydin seems pleased with the arrangement so I have set for him to leave in the next fortnight so he may settle before starting studies in the New Year.
I look forward to your letter in next month’s post. Please take a moment when you can to write your Aunt Carr, you have been very disagreeable when it comes to this matter despite my many requests. I hope you continue to be both respectful and obedient for your tutors. I am and always will be yours with utmost warmth and affection.
H. Williams.
The letter shook in my hands—I was both devastated and thrilled. It was wonderful that Aydin had been accepted—it had always been his dream, but it also meant he would be gone by the time I got home. It seemed odd my father wished to send him away so soon. Would I ever even see him again? I wanted to feel happy for him, but it was hard with my heart slowly breaking.
Our final term at college seemed more pointless than ever. There were countless celebrations and graduation ceremonies, but little else. And exactly what had I achieved during my time at school? I had impeccable manners and knew how to behave like a lady, but other than that, my education seemed rather hollow. I envied Aydin and his future studies. I would have loved to do something, anything, with my life, but I was painfully aware of exactly what life had in store for me, and it didn’t include him.
My last morning at school was the worst—someone, other than Aydin, would come to fetch me, and this dropped my spirits to a new low. I sat away from the others as the carriages started arriving. Hidden by the meticulously pruned shrubs, I tried to read, ignoring the high-pitched twitter of departing students buzzing in the distance. I knew someone would soon arrive to take me home, and no doubt they would panic when they couldn’t find me, but I didn’t care. Why should I when life was so incredibly unfair?
‘Callie? Is that you?’
The soft, smooth voice drew my head upwards. I had to be dreaming; it sounded like Aydin. I twisted on my stone bench to see a familiar form towering above. Leaping to my feet, I nearly threw myself into his arms. It took all my strength to stop and I only just managed to clutch my hands together in time.
I cleared my throat. ‘How delightful to see you, Aydin. From the letters, I received, I thought you’d be long gone to college by now.’
His uneven smile emerged. ‘I have deferred for a year. Your father has been very kind, and it was difficult to refuse his offer, but my father has been unwell of late. I wanted to help him around the estate a while longer.’
The grin on my face must have been enormous. ‘What a noble son you are. I hope your father returns to good health soon. Maybe you will also be able to fit in some time for me over the next year when you are not too busy.’
His eyes shone. ‘It would be my pleasure Lady Callie, but I’m not sure you will have time for me. I think I saw the beginnings of a queue at your father’s door when I left the estate.’
His comment broke my last defense, I laughed loudly and playfully hit his arm. My little outburst evoked frowns from a nearby teacher patrolling the garden.
Aydin shook his head. ‘Come on Callie, let’s get you home.’
I took the arm he offered and walked, head high, to my awaiting carriage. The desire to poke my tongue out at the multitude of disapproving onlookers was almost too much.
When we reached the carriage, he tried to guide me into the back, but I quickly slipped free of his hold and climbed into the front. His cheeks reddened a touch, and I thought he would insist I move, but after a quick head shake he joined me.
‘You never cease to amaze me, Callie Williams,’ he whispered, flicking the reins.
As we pulled away, his arm brushed mine and my body filled with the golden warmth that only he brought. Life was truly wonderful.
***
I soon settled back in at home, but the building anxiety got harder and harder to ignore. In the months that followed I rode nearly every day, and every day I begged Aydin to come, but he never had time now that he was covering his father’s work as well as his own. Maybe I was fooling myself, but at least he always took longer than necessary to ready my horse, giving us a chance to talk.
He looked at me differently now. His dark eyes so distracting that I often forgot what I was saying. And when he took my hand to help me into the saddle, the world stopped for the briefest moment like we were the only two people alive. I knew exactly how I felt about this man and I was sure he felt the same way, but as the days passed my frustration grew.
It was overcast the day I decided to tell Aydin how I felt. It was wrong, I didn’t doubt that, but I was running out of time. My parent’s search for a husband had become relentless now that I had “come out”, and the endless social functions were starting to take their toll. My father’s patience was wearing, and even though I knew he wouldn’t approve of Aydin, I’d convinced myself that if he realized just how much I loved him, then maybe there was hope. I just needed to know if Aydin felt the same way.
I put on my favorite black riding habit and twisted my dark hair into tight curls, before tucking them under my hat. I picked up my hand mirror to scrutinize my pale face. In a fit of rebellion, I pinched my cheeks to flush them with color. I put the mirror down and quickly ran from the room praying that no one would see me.
It was cold outside, and as I stepped through the front door, the threatening clouds brought my heart to my throat. I momentarily lost my nerve, but after three deep breaths, I commanded my feet to move. As I marched towards the stable, I repeated the words I planned to say to Aydin over and over, though I was still unsure if I’d be able to speak at all.
In no time, I stood facing the heavy wooden door. One big breath later, I pushed it open; the smell of damp horses was strong. My eyes adjusted quickly, and I looked around for Aydin.
‘Good morning Lady Carolyn.’
I jumped—Isaac Ward, our senior stable hand, seemed to appear out of nowhere. He was a gentle soul who’d always been kind to me, but there was something about his frosty gray eyes that made my head feel foggy.
‘Good morning Ward,’ I replied with a smile. ‘Is Aydin here yet?’
Ward’s bushy eyebrows dipped. ‘Yes he is, but I think he is busy. Can I saddle your horse?’
I looked at the back of the stables. ‘No thank you, Aydin will do it for me.’
‘I am not sure where he is,’ Ward persisted.
‘That is fine, I will find him.’
Ward sighed. ‘Very well my Lady. I hope the dark skies do not ruin your day.’
I glanced at him curiously. ‘I’m sure I will be fine, thank you, Ward.’
He touched his cap and walked away leaving me uneasy. I moved past the stalls looking for Aydin, the straw covering the floor tugged at my hem. I moved quietly, so no one else would notice me and offer to saddle my horse.
By the time I reached the last stall, I was both confused and concerned. Where was Aydin?
A whisper of familiar voices drifted through the
rear stable doors which stood ajar; I edged towards them. Outside I could see Aydin and my father talking. Aydin was staring at the ground, shifting the gravel with the tip of his shoe.
My father spoke softly. ‘Do you understand it is for your own good lad?’ Aydin nodded but didn’t look up, he seemed upset. Suddenly my father caught sight of me. ‘Callie! How long have you been there?’
Aydin’s head shot up. My father sounded angry, and I couldn’t understand why. ‘Only a moment,’ I replied weakly.
His face relaxed a touch. ‘Oh… Very well then. Off for a ride, are we?’
‘Um…yes.’ I glanced at Aydin, and an idea struck me. ‘Please Papa, could Aydin accompany me today? I would like to visit the river, and I know you don’t like me riding there alone. It would be…’
‘Absolutely not,’ he interrupted. ‘He has too much work and only a short ride today Callie, I need to see you as soon as you return.’
The smile slid from my face. ‘Yes, Papa.’
He nodded curtly and strode back towards the house.
‘I’ll get your horse,’ Aydin mumbled once father was out of sight.
He moved to walk past me, but I sidestepped blocking his path. ‘What were you and Papa talking about?’
‘Nothing. He just wanted to know…how my father was.’
He wouldn’t look up, and he tried to edge past again. I grabbed his arm, and his dark eyes flicked to mine. ‘I know what father said, but…I really need you to ride with me today,’ I pleaded.
He pulled his arm free, and an angry expression fixed his face. ‘You know I can’t,’ he whispered harshly. ‘I can’t go against his wishes. Not after everything he has done for me. No matter how much I want to.’
‘But we won’t be long, I promise.’
His stare was cold, painful. ‘What do you want from me, Callie? Why do you keep doing this?’
I was taken aback; he’d never spoken to me so harshly. ‘I don’t want anything? I just...’
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