Realizing that he was going to die very soon if he didn’t do anything, Josef did something that only a desperate man can think of: he pressed the accelerator hard with his foot and the car started quickly gaining speed, swaying all over the road. If he was going to die, he had decided to definitely take us with him.
“Annalise, grab the wheel!!!” Heinrich yelled at me.
“What?!” There was no way I was getting in the front next to the man who was struggling against the cord around his neck. The car was going even faster now, getting dangerously close to the woods.
“Do it, now!!! We’ll crash!!!”
I don’t know how, but I found the strength to leave my corner and reached for the wheel, just in time to turn it all the way to the left, straightening out the car. Miraculously we escaped crashing into a tree, but now I found myself hanging over the front seat, trying to control the wheel with both hands. The hand of the speedometer was getting closer and closer to the furthest point and the loud grunting of the motor mixed with Josef’s death-rattle.
“Get in the front seat and stop the goddamn car!” Heinrich yelled at me again. I don’t think he understood that I was so terrified with everything going on right next to me that I could hardly move my half-paralyzed limbs, leave alone trying to operate any machinery. The panic made me feel so lightheaded that I honestly started to feel that I might lose consciousness any second now.
“I can’t!” I cried out back at him.
“Yes, you can! You’re doing great, baby, come on, just crawl into the passenger’s seat!”
Still holding the wheel with one hand, I grabbed the front seat and climbed into it.
“Now what?”
“Now put your leg on top of his, then move his away from the accelerator and then slow down the car!”
“Heinrich, I’m not touching him!!!”
I didn’t have to touch him. With his last breath, Josef jerked for the last time in convulsion, straightened out completely, and pressed both feet to the floor simultaneously hitting the breaks as well. The last thing I remembered was slamming my head into the dashboard; then everything went dark.
_______________
I woke up for the second time already in our bed at home, my head still fuzzy from the morphine the doctor shot into my vein despite all my protests. I was incredibly thirsty and there was no water in sight.
When I opened my eyes for the first time, it was from my husband slightly slapping me on both cheeks. Josef’s body was already gone from the driver’s seat, and I didn’t even want to know where. I hardly remember how we made it back home because I kept losing consciousness again and again. At dawn, before our housekeeper Magda would come to work, Heinrich carried me to bed and changed my clothes into the night gown and told me to say that I fell off the stairs when the doctor comes. The pounding in my head was unbearable, but I somehow managed to nod.
“Just a slight concussion. You hit your temple area right here,” the doctor concluded after checking my eye reflexes and asking me several questions to which I mumbled something in reply. “You’re very lucky you didn’t break your neck!”
“It’s our dog, he’s grown to be so massive, constantly throws himself under the feet whenever we go up or down the stairs.” I heard Heinrich say. “She was sleepy and didn’t see him.”
The doctor clicked his tongue several times and shook his head. I closed my eyes again. I just wanted those horrible twenty four hours to be over and all of them to leave me in peace. The doctor spoke to Heinrich about the medicine he was leaving for my headache and the regiment I should stick to within the next week at least, pricked me with morphine and finally left. Heinrich had to leave to work as well, and I couldn’t help but feel relief when he kissed me on my forehead and closed the door behind him.
Morphine put me out to at least a somewhat pain-free sleep without dreams, but made me wake up craving water as if I hadn’t been drinking in days. And now it seemed like I had to get it myself. Magda was most likely downstairs cleaning or making lunch (I didn’t even know what time it was), so the chance that she would hear me call her was very slim.
Struggling both with dizziness and nausea – the doctor warned me that I might be vomiting within the next few days because of the concussion, I put on the robe that Heinrich left for me on the bed and opened the bedroom door. To my big surprise I heard my housekeeper’s voice coming from the hallway, far louder than usual.
“Sir, I assure you, Frau Friedmann is fine, her life is not in danger, she just needs a lot of rest. Doctor would have taken her to the hospital if it was serious.”
“Well, maybe that doctor doesn’t know any better! Let me have my doctor see her!”
I clenched my hand around the door knob. I could recognize that voice out of a million. Even though I still didn’t feel too steady on my feet, I swung the door open and walked to the top of the stairs.
“What the hell are you doing in my house?” I couldn’t speak too loud because of the immense pounding in my head, but it was more than enough for Gruppenführer Kaltenbrunner to hear me. He lifted his head to me and made a step towards the stairs, but I stretched my hand in front of me. “Stay where you are or I’ll call the police.”
Good argument I made, I thought to myself – threatening the Chief of the Gestapo with the police. But I think it was the tone of my voice than stopped him.
“I just came to apologize.” He was looking at me with an almost pleading expression on his face. It was very unusual to hear him talk in such a soft voice. I didn’t say anything, so he turned to Magda. “Could you leave us for a minute, please?”
The girl looked at me as if asking what she should do. I motioned my head to the direction of the kitchen dismissing her and regretted it right away: I lost coordination and had to grab the railing not to fall. Dr. Kaltenbrunner noticed it and made a quick motion towards me, but I extended my hand in front of me again.
“I told you to stay where you are.”
“I just wanted to help you.”
“Get out of my house. I don’t want to see you.”
I guess that the doctor’s advice to stay in bed was more than reasonable, because I started to get lightheaded again. I decided to sit down on the top step just in case. He was still watching me from the bottom but didn’t move this time. My lungs were already burning from the morphine, and I thought that if I didn’t drink right now I would definitely pass out.
“Are you alright?” Dr. Kaltenbrunner asked me with a concerned look on his face. “You look very pale. Do you want some water maybe?”
Yes, I do want the damn water, that’s why I got up from my bed!!!
I hated to ask him for anything but right now it felt like a question of life or death.
“Yes. Ice cold.”
He quickly disappeared, came back in less than a minute and ran up the stairs holding a glass of water that Magda made for him. That bastard found the way to come close to me after all, I thought, taking the glass from him very carefully so I wouldn’t accidentally touch his hand. It was lucky that I was as thirsty as a dying man in a desert, otherwise I would have definitely spilled that water right into his face. But I finished the glass at once and pressed it to my forehead in the hope that it would alleviate my terrible headache. It felt good. I closed my eyes, too tired to fight with the man still standing next to me.
“Annalise.”
He called me by my name for the first time. It bothered me for some reason. It sounded too unofficial, too intimate. Only my husband could call me by my name, but he wasn’t my husband. He had no right to call me ‘Annalise,’ he had no right to kiss me and touch me all over, he had no right to come to my house and get into my personal space.
“Go away.”
“I will. I just wanted to tell you how deeply sorry I am for everything that happened yesterday. That case they had against you, and the radio with your fingerprints, it all got me so angry that I wasn’t acting in my right mind. I thought that you really were conne
cted to those criminals, and that you were lying to me the whole time. I thought that you betrayed me, betrayed my trust, and it hurt me very much. So I wanted to hurt you too, so you would feel the way I felt. Of course it absolutely doesn’t justify any of the things I did, but I thought I needed to explain myself to you.”
“Well, what is your explanation about how you almost raped me in front of another man after all the charges had been already dropped?!”
I was so mad at him that the only thing that was stopping me from throwing the empty glass to his head was my terrible weakness. Gruppenführer Kaltenbrunner remained silent for a moment, probably thinking of the right words to say.
“I was still very angry with you. And besides you kissed me before. It was… a combination of both things.”
“I kissed you because you were holding the goddamn dagger to my neck! It was the only way to snap you out of your torturing mood! Or did you really think that all the inmates dream of making out with their interrogators?!”
“No. I thought that you liked me, that’s all.”
I finally turned my head to him. He was sitting a couple of steps lower than me and looking at me with the most naïve doe eyes I’d ever seen. Was that really the same man who was pointing a gun to my head several hours earlier? I should have told him that I never liked him and never would, that he was a sick perverted person, and that he should leave me alone and never bother me again. I already opened my mouth, but somehow said the following, “Even if I did, you went and ruined it all.”
Maybe it was the water that woke me up, but all of a sudden I felt enough energy to let the leader of the Austrian SS really have it. “And how could I be so stupid? I’ve been told so many times about so many things that you did, and I never believed any of it. I always spoke so highly of you, protected you before the others, blindly denied all the allegations, and for what?! So you would do something like that to me?”
“Annalise…”
“Don’t call me by my name, I’m not one of your girlfriends!”
“You’re right. I apologize, Frau Friedmann.” He obediently lowered his head. “I just want you to know that I am terribly sorry about everything that happened. I’ve never been so ashamed of myself the way I am now. Of all the women that I’ve ever known you deserve the most respect, and I should have never treated you the way I did. There is absolutely no forgiveness or excuse to any of my actions. I understand how much you despise me, and you have every right to feel this way.”
He paused for a moment, waiting for me to say something, but I had nothing to tell him. He sighed, looked at the floor and then at me again.
“I know that you probably don’t want to ever see me again, and I will respect your wish and will never bother you again. But if there was the slightest chance to have your friendship back, I would do anything.”
Anything, he said? For a second I realized that I had an upper hand with the leader of the Austrian SS, and such a chance happens once in a million years. I put the glass down next to me and crossed my arms over my chest.
“There is one thing you can do. I’m not saying that I’ll forgive you if you do it, but at least I’ll pretend to act nice and polite with you if we happen to meet in the future.”
A hopeful smile touched the corners of his lips.
“Just name it. Whatever it is, I promise you I will do it.”
I paused for a second, contemplating if I should really ask him that. Now that I knew by my own experience how quickly his personality can switch from the charming and courteous officer to the amoral and sadistic monster, I wasn’t sure that my request wouldn’t provoke such a change once again. However, I decided to try.
“Release Adam from jail. He’s not some violent criminal, just a confused young man who got caught up in things. And I’ll make sure personally that he’ll board the first train to Switzerland, goes back to New York and never comes back.”
Gruppenführer Kaltenbrunner frowned for a moment.
“Usually I have no mercy for the enemies of the Reich, no matter how big or small their deeds are. But I would do this just because you asked me to, if I could. However, I’m afraid, it’s not in my jurisdiction. I have authority over the Austrian Gestapo, not the German one. It’s Müller’s personal playground, and I have no say in it.”
I knew that he wasn’t lying, but there should be a way he could help Adam get out.
“Well, what about if he gets transferred to the territory of Austria? He’s a political prisoner, right? So he’ll be sent to the camp for the political prisoners, which is directly under your supervision.”
“Mauthausen?”
“Yes. Can you get him out of there?”
He was watching me with a pensive look on his face.
“I suppose I could,” he finally said, and then added. “Why do you care about that Jew so much anyway?”
“I care about all my friends. Until they go and do something stupid. But even then I still do.”
I gave him a stern look, but he still smiled at me. He knew that I was talking not just about Adam, but about him as well.
“If Müller decides to send him to Mauthausen, I’ll have him released right away. Of course he’ll have to leave the territory of the Reich immediately.”
“Of course.”
“Are we friends again?” he asked me after a pause.
“No, but I hate you a little less now.”
“That’ll do.” He was smiling at me. “Can I have a handshake before I go?”
I thought about it for a moment and then extended my hand to him.
“Don’t get too excited about it, that’s the most touching you will ever get from me in the future.”
“How about a hug for my birthday?”
“You’re pushing it. Get out of my house!”
He laughed.
“Consider me gone.” He got up from the steps he was sitting on and then, seeing me standing up not too steadily on my feet, asked, “Do you want me to help you into your bed?”
“No!”
“I didn’t mean it in any bad sense…”
“I know, Jesus Christ!” I couldn’t help but start laughing. “Just go already!”
“Goodbye, Frau Friedmann.”
“Goodbye.”
He finally went down the stairs and, still smiling, saluted me. As soon as he closed the door behind himself, Magda emerged from the kitchen and looked at me in confusion.
“Who was that, Frau Friedmann?”
I shrugged and shook my head.
“The biggest mystery I’ve ever met.”
Chapter 6
Berlin, May 27, 1942
I was listening to Beethoven while trying to concentrate on the book I was reading. A week had passed since the terrible events of probably the scariest day (and night) of my life, and classical music and reading were helping me to somehow distract myself from constantly replaying them in my mind. I helped my husband kill a man. I was right next to him when he died. His blood was also on my hands, despite all Heinrich’s arguments about how we didn’t have a choice. I suddenly thought about my dead brother, and how he killed himself because he also didn’t have a choice. It looked like no one in the whole Reich had a choice anymore. We all lived by the jungle law: kill or be killed.
Magda’s polite knocking on the door interrupted my thoughts.
“Excuse me, Frau Friedmann, lunch is ready.”
Both my dogs who kept me company all these days, my loyal German shepherd Rolf and grey-faced Milo – our old family dog, right away lifted their heads at the word ‘lunch.’
“Thank you, Magda. Has Hanz come yet to pick up lunch for Herr Friedmann?”
“Not yet.”
“You know what? I feel better today and I just can’t take staying home anymore. Wrap up my lunch as well and I’ll eat it by Herr Friedmann’s office. Let me know when Hanz is here, will you?”
“Of course, Frau Friedmann.”
“Thank you.”
Heinrich
’s driver Hanz knocked on the front door precisely at eleven thirty; punctuality was one of his great qualities, and I knew how much my husband appreciated it about him. He was a little concerned about me leaving the house without the permission of the doctor, but knowing how stubborn I was, just sighed and helped me into the car. However, when we pulled up by the RSHA main entrance, a very unusual commotion surprised us both greatly.
“What’s going on? Why is everybody running around like they’re insane? Have the Russians signed the capitulation or has Reichsführer Himmler married a Jewish girl?” I asked Hanz, but he just shrugged, as confused as I was.
Even the guards at the entrance hardly looked at my papers and immediately got back to the black phones behind their backs; while I was walking through the hallways the noise of those constantly ringing phones was overwhelming, and I almost started to get my headache back. Something was happening, and judging by the serious and sometimes frightened faces of the workers of the RSHA, that something wasn’t good.
When I finally made it to Heinrich’s anteroom, I was surprised to see that even his adjutant Mark was not at his regular place. I opened the door to my husband’s office to find him on the phone with someone, the expression of his face grave. He nodded at me acknowledging my presence but didn’t even smile. As I sat on the chair across the table from him, he kept repeating ‘Jawohl’ and obviously putting down someone’s orders on the sheet of paper in front of him. When he finally hung up, he turned to me, looking very distressed.
“Have you heard already?”
“What? What happened?”
He looked at me a little longer and then said, “Obergruppenführer Heydrich has been assassinated today.”
For a second I forgot how to breathe, and was just staring at him with my eyes wide open, afraid to ask the next question.
The Girl from Berlin: Gruppenführer's Mistress Page 10
