by Cara E Holt
The Boy I Once Loved
Cara E. Holt
Contents
Chapter One 3
Chapter Two 13
Chapter Three 23
Chapter Four 35
Chapter Five 49
Chapter Six 61
Chapter Seven 69
Chapter Eight 84
Chapter Nine 91
Chapter Ten 100
Chapter Eleven 106
Chapter Twelve 114
Chapter Thirteen 125
Chapter Fourteen 133
Chapter Fifteen 143
Chapter Sixteen 150
Chapter Seventeen 159
Epilogue 161
Published by Cara E. Holt.
Copyright © 2021 by Cara E. Holt.
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License notes
This e-book is an original work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
Authored By: Cara E. Holt
Cover Art Design: James GoOnWrite.com
Chapter One
My motorbike roars into the car park, and I realise it is probably not the most inconspicuous way to arrive at the school I have been absent from for three years. As I park up, I get curious looks. This is a small town where new people are noticed. I pull off my helmet and run my hands through my now messy blonde hair. The place hasn't changed at all, but then did I really expect it to have? My memories of the last time I was here were not great. I had been crippled with the grief of losing my brother.
Another reason why I am not thrilled about being back here is Dylan James. Dylan James had been my best friend growing up. We had lived in the same street and spent all our long summer holidays riding our bikes and climbing trees. There had been no one who knew me better than him. I had always thought we would be friends forever, but all that changed with high school.
Dylan was talented at sports and I was quiet, happiest when my head was buried in a book. He became one of the popular kids, and I became one of the quiet unknowns. At first, he would still talk to me at school, we'd chat in the hallways and he'd always give me a wave when we passed each other on the school grounds. On nights he wasn't at football or rugby practice we would hang out together watching our favourite shows and eating junk food. It was when we moved into the second year everything changed and he stopped acknowledging me.
Secretly, from around the age of ten years old, I'd been in love with my best friend. I'm not sure how it happened or why, but I became aware of how beautiful his eyes were and that when he smiled, they would sparkle more. I had of course never uttered a word of my feelings to him. I never wanted to face the humiliating rejection or run the risk of ruining what was a truly great friendship. Then one sunny day I had taken out some washing to hang on the line for my mum when I had heard him on the back field with his friends.
"Hey, Dylan, why don't you invite Ella to kick about with us?" I recognised the voice as belonging to Connor Hart, and my attention was heightened at the mention of my name.
“Very funny, Hart. Why would I do that?”
This brings a laugh from Connor. “Ah, come on man, we all know the score. You think we all haven’t noticed?”
I hear Dylan scoff. “You know nothing, Hart. Besides, Ella is frigid, and she has like no boobs. She has the body of an eight-year-old.”
My heart shatters out there in my back garden as I look down at my boobs. Okay, they were small. But they were still growing.
“Okay, James, if that’s what you tell yourself.”
“Now Beth Jones definitely does not have the body of an eight-year-old.”
“Beth huh?” Connor replies. “Isn’t Beth like Ella’s arch enemy? I mean, didn’t Beth pick on her at primary?”
There’s silence for a second. “And your point is?” Dylan accuses. “Look Ella’s a geek, she likes books and it’s kinda boring.”
And that ladies and gentlemen was the day that my best friend broke my heart and the day the small bit of confidence I had in myself waved goodbye and left me. That weekend I cried in my bedroom, clutching the teddy that Dylan won me at the school fair when we were ten.
“Hey sis, why are you crying?”
I jerk up from where I am lying on my pillow to find my brother stood in my bedroom doorway. “Liam.” I quickly wipe my eyes. “I’m fine.”
He frowns at me in disbelief and walks into the room and sits beside me on my bed. “Who upset you? Do I need to go kick someone’s arse?”
I laugh and sigh. “I overheard Dylan say some means things about me today.”
“Like what?”
I shrug, not wanting to repeat the words out loud that broke my heart. “That I’m..., frigid, and that I have the body of an eight-year-old.” I let out a big breath, yeah saying it really hurt. “I mean, I know my boobs aren’t huge, but I wear a bra.”
My brother holds his hands up. “Okay, I am so not down for discussing the size of your boobs, cos that is just weird, but El don’t waste another tear on Dylan. If he can talk about you, who he’s known since nursery school like that, then he isn’t worth a second of your time.”
I smile sadly and nudge him with my shoulder. “When did you get so wise, brother?”
He grins and nudges me back. “I’ve always been wise; you have just been too dumb to see it.”
“Oh, really?” I grin. “Thanks, Liam. For making me feel better.”
“Anytime. Do you want me to beat him up for you?” He asks, his dark eyes sparkling with promise.
I laugh and return his grin. “No thanks. I know just how to handle this. Like you say he isn’t worth a second of my time.”
The following day I was standing in the school canteen at the vending machine when I’d felt a presence at my back. I turned to find Dylan standing behind me.
“Hey Ell’s.”
I glared at him and turned back towards the machine and punched my selection on the keypad angrily.
“Listen, I know we haven’t hung out in a while, so err, I wondered if you wanted to come to mine tonight? You know we could watch-”
Taking a big breath and promising myself I wouldn’t cry, I turned to face him. “Dylan, please do me a favour okay? Don’t EVER speak to me again. We are NOT friends.” He winced at my words and took a step back. “We haven’t been friends for a long time. So why don’t you just run along and go play with your cool friends and maybe invite Beth over to watch movies."
He looked at me, sucker-punched for a few seconds. “Is that what you want?”
I nodded resolutely. “Emphatically, yes. I want you to stay away from me.”
He gulped and cleared his throat and then nodded. Collecting my bar from the machine, I shouldered my way past him and out into the schoolyard. I hurriedly found myself the nearest girl’s toilets and cried my poor fourteen-year-old heart out.
From that day forward, Dylan and I passed each other in the schoolyard like strangers. There was no smile, no wave, zero eye contact. To anyone on the outside, it would appear that we never knew each other. That Dylan
James wasn't the boy who gave me a peg up when I couldn't reach the first branch of the tree we wanted to climb. That he wasn't the boy who I had burping competitions with when we camped in his back garden at age nine.
About two weeks after the events of that week, the bottom of my world fell out. Loud Banging on our front door woke me in the middle of the night. Milo our dog was barking like crazy, and I heard my mum pad down the stairs and answer the door. When I'd heard my mum's heartbroken wails, I sat bolt upright in bed. Goosebumps made the hairs on my arm stand tall. The knock at the door had been the police. My brother Liam had died in a car accident. My pain-in-the-ass brother who hogged the shower in the morning and always tugged on my hair because he knew it annoyed me, was gone.
The following few days passed by like a nightmare. I had felt like I was watching the tragedy of my own life from the outside. I’d felt so alone. My mum had retreated into herself and was barely functioning. I knew she had lost her son, but I had lost my brother and I needed her. I had no one. I honestly thought that despite what had happened that Dylan would call and see me. He had grown up knowing my brother all his life, and he would know how much I was hurting. He didn’t come around though.
The day of the funeral came, and he was there in church with his parents, who hugged both my mum and me. He stood there beside his parents in his black suit that looked too big for him and he said nothing to me. I needed him to save me from the grief I was drowning in, and he did nothing.
A month later I was sitting in the schoolyard reading a book when he walked past me with his group of friends. He had Beth Jones cuddled up under his arm as they walked by.
“What book are you reading?”
I looked up to find that Beth had come to a stop in front of me. Her brown eyes were upon me and a smug look was written across her face.
“Leave it okay?” I heard Dylan mumble in her ear.
“I asked you a question?”
I sighed. I was too tired to deal with her today. Every night I would awaken after having nightmares about my brother being in a car accident. “It’s a book called Afterlife.”
She sniggers. “Afterlife?” I could hear the condescending tone in her voice, loud and clear. She leaned down. “Are you seeing your dead brother’s ghost?”
My breath stuttered in my chest as I looked up at her. How could she be so cruel? My eyes move from hers to Dylan. Briefly, he looked at me and I saw a flicker of emotion, but then he tugged on Beth's arm. "Leave it. She's not worth it." With a scowl, she allowed him to put his arm back around her shoulder and pull her gently away.
I let out a breath I had been holding in.
“Ella.” I looked up to find Connor had held back. “Are you okay? I mean Beth had no right.”
Standing, I’d plastered on a fake smile. “I’m fine. Run along and catch up with your friends, Connor.”
He looked conflicted, and he took a step towards me. I couldn’t cope with his sympathy. If he tried to be nice to me, I knew that I would full on break down in front of all my fellow students. I swung my bag up on my shoulder and bulldozed past him, making sure I went in the complete opposite direction to which Dylan and Beth had gone.
Life the following few months did not get any easier. Mum spiralled into a deep depression. She barely left her room. She left me to fend for myself. Empty alcohol bottles littered the floor of the house. She lost her job and final reminder bills had started piling up on the living room table. I was fourteen and had no idea what to do, so I picked up the phone and call my Uncle Matt.
Uncle Matt arrived two days later and carried my mum out of bed and deposited her into a rehab centre. As for me, having no parent to parent me, I had no choice but to pack up and move to the other side of the country with my uncle. I had thought at the time that it would be a temporary thing, a few months to allow mum time to get better. Only she didn't get better. She left rehab after two weeks and continued to drown her grief with alcohol. Fast forward three years and my raging alcoholic mother has finally got her act together and has remembered she has a living child who has been without a mother for three whole years. So yesterday, I stood in the drive of my childhood home as my Uncle pulled me in for a tight hug.
“You call me, okay? At least twice a week.” I nodded and buried myself in his arms. “It’ll be okay, Ella.”
I give him a brave nod as we pulled apart, and he quickly hugged my mum who had been silently watching us say our goodbye’s and I watched him drive away back out of my life, leaving me in a place that is filled with sad memories.
Pulling myself back to the present day, I hitch my bag over my shoulder and glare at two kids who are gawping at me and my bike. My aggressive face must do the trick as they quickly avert their eyes. I manoeuvre my way through the throngs of kids catching up before the school bell goes and enter the school reception area. A friendly-looking lady types speedily on the computer keyboard.
“Hi. I’m Ella Harrison. Today is my first day.”
She smiles and stops her furious typing. “Ah yes, Ella. Welcome to Lilford high.” She pulls out some papers and hands them to me. “Here is your timetable and a map of the school. They teach most of the sixth form subjects over in the sixth form building.” She points to today on the timetable. “You have A-level History first period.”
I take the timetable from her and I see her eyes briefly fall on the tattoo on my wrist. Yes, I was seventeen and had tattoos. The one on my wrist that the receptionist had clocked is a feather that represented the loss of my brother. It isn’t the only one that adorns my skin. I have one that runs the length of my spine in italic writing that says, ‘Still I Rise’ and another adorns the back of my neck, a Shadow hunter rune that symbolises Strength from one of my favourite book series. “Ah, here we are. Amber will take you to your first lecture.”
I turn around to find a tall willowy girl with brown wavy hair and big brown eyes. “Hi, you must be Ella. I’m Amber I’m your assigned buddy.” She smiles and I can’t help but smile back. The girl has a warmth about her that pulls you in. She links her arm through mine. “The school’s not that big, so you should find your way around fairly quickly.”
“Actually, I kind of know my way around.” She looks at me puzzled. “I used to go here.”
“Oh, wow, really? Well, that will make settling in easier for you.” She grins warmly. “I used to go to Pennington High, but they didn’t have a decent sixth form, so I came here.”
I take in her clothes. We are like chalk and cheese. She wears a pink jumper with a white collar and fitted ice blue denim skinnies. It contrasts starkly with my all-black outfit. Black ripped jeans, black biker style boots and a long-sleeved fitted black t-shirt. My only colour was the maroon lipstick on my lips that matched the colour of my faux leather biker jacket.
“Look Amber, I appreciate the hospitality, but I can find my own way there.”
She smiles and shakes her head. “Oh, it’s no trouble. Besides, we are in history together. You can sit by me.”
It is clear the girl will not take no for an answer. So, I simply smile and decide it’s best to let her escort me to class. We arrive with a few minutes to spare. Amber directs me to the seat beside her. “You’ll love Alaric. He’s a brilliant teacher.”
She says it in a dreamy way that makes me think it isn't just Alaric's teaching style that she likes. The class fills up and I'm lost in my own world when Connor Hart walks through the door. I mean, he isn't the Connor Hart I remember; he is taller and bulkier, but he has the same hazel eyes and mop of brown hair. I avert my gaze down to my phone as he rushes past me and takes his seat in one of the rows behind me. There had been a small part of me that had hoped that Dylan had gone to a different sixth form, but if Connor is still attending here, then that means that he is still here. Our history teacher Alaric arrives and now I can understand why Amber went a little gooey eyed. He is handsome for an older guy. He looks about his late twenties and has short blonde hair. From the looks of how well his sh
irt clings to him, I think it's safe to say he spends a fair amount of time at the gym.
Alaric takes the register and when he reads out my name, he looks up and smiles. “Ah yes, our new student. Welcome to Lilford, Ella. Hopefully, we are at a similar point to your old college class.”
I nod and offer him a quick smile. I can feel my fellow classmates staring at me and I catch one guy with coppery brown hair studying me. I meet his gaze and he gives me a lazy, confident smile and winks. Rolling my eyes, I avert my attention back to our teacher.
Class passes quickly. I find the class is slightly ahead of my old college, but I have no worries I will catch up. I’m packing up my bag when I feel a tap on my shoulder.
"Hey, Ella." I turn to find Connor Hart standing beside me.
"Hey, Connor."
“Wow, I don’t think I would have recognised you if it hadn’t been for your name being read out.” He looks at me with a look of surprise. He is right, I have changed. My hair had always been a honey blonde, but I now dyed it an ash colour. I have also lost weight in three years and I am a slim size eight. I’ve also had a growth spurt over the last three years hormonally and now had ample boobs. I lifted weights, so I have sculpted the curvy body my hormones had blessed me with. “So, you’re back?”
"Looks that way," I reply as I pull out my phone and check for any messages.
“You just disappeared. You were here one day, gone the next.” He looks at me with a bewildered look on his face.
“I guess I did. Look, I gotta go make a call. Nice seeing you, Connor.” I sling my bag over my shoulder and leave him standing there, his eyes following me out of the room. I am stopped from going any farther by Amber, who comes up in front of me.
“You know Connor then?”
I nod. “Yeah, I know of him, but not really well.” I continue to scroll on my phone, hoping she’ll stop with the questions.
“So, if you know Connor, you’ll know Dylan James then?”
I keep my eyes on my phone, hoping the hatred that rears its head doesn’t show on my face. “Yeah, I remember Dylan James.”
