by Cara E Holt
I snort. “Of course, I do. I was born to be a biker.”
Dylan squeezes my waist gently, his thumb lightly brushes the skin on my stomach, under my t-shirt, and it sends a shiver through my body. My body feels the loss instantly when he pulls his hands away and climbs off. I pull my hair out of the loose bun and shake it out running my fingers through it and I stop still in my actions when I find Dylan standing looking at me with a strange smile on his face.
“What? Bad bike hair?”
He gives me a shy smile and he shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”
I want to press more, but I spot Amber over by the fountain. “Hey, I need to catch up with Amber. I’ll see you later, okay?”
He nods and with one last glance my way; he turns on his feet and heads over to his friends. I turn my head when I hear jostling and whistles when he reaches his group. Shaking his head, he laughs as Caleb grabs him around the shoulders and ruffles his hair. Boys!
The morning passes quickly and I'm loading my books into my locker when two arms grab me around my stomach and tickle me.
“Hey El,” Dylan grins as he casually leans on the lockers beside mine. I watch a group of girls slow down to admire him as they walk by. One of them winks at him as she passes, and Dylan gives her a lazy grin.
I roll my eyes.
“What?” He asks, smiling, knowing full well what. “Let’s eat out today.”
“Eat out. Why?”
He shrugs his shoulders and gestures to the outside. “It’s sunny and dry. Let’s go grab burgers from a van and eat in a park or something?”
I chuckle, and he tilts his head in question. “Something funny, Ella Umbrella?”
I roll my eyes again. “Are you ever going to lose the childish nicknames?”
He laughs as he places an arm around my shoulder and guides me towards the exit. "Where's the fun in that, El? Besides you love it when I call you that really?"
“You’re deluded,” I reply as I allow him to guide me outside and towards the car park. “You’re paying for lunch then captain big-bollocks.”
We drive to a local beauty spot with a lake and Dylan gets us burgers. We find a spot under a tree and sit on the grass together. We sit in silence for a few minutes, which in most circumstances should feel weird, but it never does with Dyl.
"How're things with your mum?" He asks me as he tucks into his food.
I frown. It was all going so well. "You really wanna go there?" I ask him as I chew on my burger.
He nods and waits for me to answer.
“She’s trying so hard it makes me nauseous. She’s trying to be this perfect mother, and it angers me big time.”
Dylan quietly observes me. “At least she’s trying, El. My Dad barely phones me anymore. He’s too wrapped up in his new girlfriend and their baby.”
“I’d rather she just left me alone. It’s all a little too late for me. You can’t turn back time and forget it ever happened.”
He shrugs. "No, you can't, but you can't hold on to things that happened in the past and hold it against people forever. There has to come a point where you move on and try to forgive."
I furrow my brows and look away across the water. “it’s not that easy, Dylan. Can you forgive your Dad for walking out on you guys?” His frown says it all. “Exactly. So, don’t lecture me on my mum and I won’t hassle you over your dad.”
We are silent again for a minute.
“What did you get up to for the last three years, Ella? I never hear you talk about friends from when you lived with your uncle.”
I finish off the last of my burger and as there’s no bin anywhere; I chuck the serviette into my bag. “That’s because I didn’t really have any close friends up there. I was happier in my own company or hanging with Uncle Matt and his biker buddies. We’re very different you and me, Dylan James. You crave the company of others and I shy away from it.”
Dylan leans back on his hands, studying me and making me nervous. “I know you’re scared, Ella.”
My eyes snap to his. "What is it you think i'm scared of? Nothing bothers me."
He half-smiles. “You’re so scared of letting anyone in and being let down again, so you put on this front. This I don’t care about nothing and no one. That way you won’t get hurt.”
We both look up as the sky rumbles and we’ve been so lost in our conversation I haven’t noticed how dark and grey it has suddenly become.
“We should head back before the heavens open.”
“Sure,” Dylan says gruffly, standing to his feet and he follows me over to the bike. Just as he climbs on behind me, the heavens open and torrential rain falls from the sky.
“Hold on tight,” I shout over my shoulder as I pull off the car park and I feel his arms tighten around my waist.
“I won’t let go, Ella,” he says in my ear, his mouth touching my skin, he’s so close. Why do I get the feeling he isn’t talking about the here and now? As we make our way back to college, the downpour doesn’t let up. I can barely see in front of me it is raining so hard.
“I’m going to pull over,” I shout out to him. I feel him squeeze my waist in response. I pull up at the side of the road and turn off the engine.
Dylan grabs my hand. “Come on, we can shelter in there.”
I don't look at where we are, I just let him pull me along behind him. The rain drops in my eyes, making my vision blurry. He opens a door and I look up and I realise we are at the old phone box that has been turned into a miniature library. I follow him inside and the door closes behind me. With the shelf of books inside, there isn't a lot of room for the two of us.
“Fuck,” Dylan exclaims laughing as he brushes his wet hair off his face. We are both drenched. Our clothes cling to us like a second skin. Dylan shakes his hair out causing water to spray everywhere and I yelp and cover my face.
"Dickface," I accuse. Water drips off us both onto the floor. Outside the heavens continue to pour, but inside this small space, it feels like we're tucked away from the world. I look at my watch. "I think we've missed the third period."
Dylan shrugs, looking unconcerned. “It’s only one class. We’ll live.” He looks at me and grins, “Come here,” he leans in his and his thumb wipes under my eye and I looked up at him puzzled. “Panda eyes from your mascara.”
Suddenly the space feels even smaller. Our feet touch and our breaths mingle. The windows in the phone box steam up, shutting us off from the outside. My heart pounds in my chest, the intimacy of the situation making me nervous.
Dylan looks lost in his thoughts as he takes a piece of my hair and twirls it between his fingers.
“What are you thinking about in there?” I ask him with a grin, trying to bring light into this tense situation.
He half-smiles. “Nothing good.” Sighing, he looks down at me. “It’s so good to have you back El. Life just wasn’t the same without you around.”
I clear my throat and look out of the glass panels to the outside. In this small space, all I can think about is how close he is, I could just reach out and kiss him and take what I've wanted for so god-damn long, but it could shatter our friendship beyond repair. "It's easing off. I think we should head home and get changed."
Dylan nods, a frown etched across his face. “Sure.”
He follows me back outside, and we silently walk to the bike. When he gets on behind me, I shiver at his touch. Why does it have to be him that gave me goosebumps like this? Why couldn’t it be any other boy but my best friend?
We arrive back at mine and the house is silent as my mum is working a twelve-hour shift today. We are both soaked through to the bone. Dylan follows me up the stairs and I head straight for the bathroom and grab us both towels. I find him sitting on my bed staring at nothing, his mind clearly elsewhere. I stand in front of him and offer him a towel. He takes it off me and he chucks it on the floor and pulling me closer by my legs he rests his head on my stomach.
“You okay?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper. It
feels like we are on the cusp of something.
He simply nods in response. “You smell good,” he states, and I hear him inhale a breath against my jumper.
"Fuck." I gasp, as I suddenly find his mouth on my bare stomach. He drops soft, barely-there kisses along my skin.
“Dylan, what are you doing?” I ask him, my voice pitched with panic.
“I’m kissing your stomach,” he says matter of fact.
“Why?” I ask again.
He stops and looks up at me, his blue eyes full of need. “Because I want to.”
Before I can process his answer, he grabs the back of my legs and pulls me on to his lap, so I am straddling him. He dives into my neck and starts kissing down one side. “Your skin is so soft,” he murmurs.
My heart pounds in my chest as the feel of his lips on my skin does havoc with my senses. I feel like I can’t breathe. I place my hands on either side of his head and lift his face to look at me.
“Dylan, what are you doing?”
He looks at me with such intensity it floors me. “I’m doing this.”
Suddenly his lips are on mine and it is like all my Christmas’ have come at once. His lips against mine feel so right and I respond to him. He groans and he pulls me in closer so that we are touching in every possible way. His tongue dances with mine as he deepens the kiss, and I can honestly say I’m lost. I’m lost in him. He lifts the bottom of my jumper and I hold my arms up. Our lips briefly part as he lifts it over my head and then his lips are back on mine. He grabs my bottom and pulls me closer still, making me feel all of him and I can’t help but groan in pleasure. His hands snake around my back and he unfastens the clasp on my bra and pulls it gently down my arms. He pulls away from my lips and his eyes take in my breasts and smiling to himself he takes one nipple in his mouth.
"Holy fuck," I hiss, dropping my head back and pushing myself further into his mouth. With his other hand, he rubs and teases my other breast. He pulls away and lifts his own t-shirt over his head and we fall back on the bed, kissing each other like our lives depend on it. Our legs tangle together as we fight to get closer to each other. I'm scared that if I blink, this will all be a dream. Dylan fumbles with the button of my jeans.
My phone comes to life, ringing at top volume, making us both jump.
"Ignore it," he tells me as he grabs my chin and pulls my lips back to his. It carries on ringing, and with a groan, I pull away from him and reach for my phone.
“Hello,” I say breathlessly. Dylan pulls me back onto his lap and his mouth finds my breast again.
"Hi Ella, it's Jackie from your mum's work. I'm afraid a resident has assaulted your mum. Can you come and collect her? She's okay, but she is a bit shaken up."
“Yes, of course,” I reply. “I’m on my way now.”
Dylan pulls his mouth from my nipple and looks up at me as I end the call. He exhales. “Come on. Get changed and we’ll borrow my mums’ car.”
I nod, suddenly very aware that we are both topless and that my best friend has just had his lips on my tits. “Dylan I- “
He places a finger over my mouth. “We’ll talk about this later, okay?”
My eyes meet his, and I have no clue what he is thinking. What happens now? No one’s kisses have ever affected me like his. His lips have scorched my soul and branded me everywhere. It both scares and exhilarates me at the same time. I am so deeply in love with my best friend.
We walk around to Dylan’s house in silence and his mum looks up in surprise when we walk through the door. She’s sitting on the sofa with a magazine in her hand, her hair tied up in a ponytail. “Why aren’t you two at college?”
“Long story,” Dylan replies. “My car wouldn’t start this morning. Ella needs to go and pick up her mum from work. A resident has assaulted her. Can I borrow your car, Mum?”
“Oh gosh,” Stacey says, getting to her feet and rushing to her bag. “Poor Kay, I hope she’s okay. Here you go.” She pulls out her keys and holds them out for Dylan. “Give her my love.”
We climb into his mum’s estate car. “It’s the home just past the town hall,” I tell him.
“I know. I’ve given your mum a lift before,” he says, his voice sounds dejected.
Finding the silence between us stifling, I mess with the radio and I put some music on. Mendes sings a song about wanting someone that he can’t have, and the song echoes all the feelings I feel for the guy sitting at the side of me.
We park up at the home and I tell Dylan he can wait in the car, but he insists on coming in with me. I tell reception that I’m here to pick up my mum and they let us both through the security doors. An elderly man sits by the doors singing to himself and he smiles at us both.
“Ella, come through. I’m Jackie, I spoke to you on the phone.” Jackie is a petite woman in her late fifties with warm eyes. “I’m afraid Jack’s in a volatile mood today and he took it out on your mum. She’s okay, just shaken up. He hit her in the face and pushed her into the door. She’s fine, she just needs to go home and rest.” Jackie ushers us into an office where my mum sits in a chair with an icepack on her left eye.
“Mum,” I say as I rush over to her and kneel at her side. “Are you okay?”
She smiles in reassurance, and she pats my hand. “I’m fine. Jack just decided he didn’t want to come for bingo today. Honestly, I’m fine.”
I reach and pull her hand away from her eyes so I can take a look.
"I'll have a black eye and I cut my arm when I landed against the door, but other than that I'm fine."
“Get her home,” Jackie says, passing my mum’s bag to Dylan. “I don’t want to see you back on shift until the weekend.”
My mum goes to protest, and I jump in before her. “Thanks, Jackie. I’ll make sure she stays off.”
Mum stands to her feet and she hands Jackie back the icepack. “I’m fine, I don’t know why you’re all fussing so much.”
I place an arm around my mum’s shoulders, and I walk with her towards the entrance. For the first time in a long time, I feel genuine concern for my mother. I’d switched off all emotions to do with her when I left here three years ago. Uncle Matt would often try to tell me how she was doing in rehab, and I would just shut him down and change the subject. Today, though, getting that call, I felt genuine fear. She and Uncle Matt are the only family I have left.
Mum chats away in the car, telling us about Jack and how he has advanced dementia and whilst he is normally very timid and friendly, he could have his moments when he turns and becomes violent. Dementia is a terrible disease, it robbed people of their memories and personality.
When we pull up at my house, I help mum out of the car. “Thanks for running me,” I tell Dylan. “I can take it from here.”
Dylan looks like he might protest, but he nods. "I'll come round later. We need to talk." His eyes hold mine and with a quick nod, I look away, unable to face him in case I see regret reflected back at me.
Once inside, I fetch mum some more ice and make her a cup of tea. She takes herself off to bed saying she needs a nap and I insist on following her up and making sure she is comfortable. I close my mum’s door and go to head back downstairs, but I hesitate as I pass my brother’s room. I find myself turning the handle and going inside. It’s like time has stood still when you walk in. It’s exactly as he left it that night when he went out with friends. A picture of Old Trafford sits on the wall above his desk where his college papers are spread out. I run my finger along his desk and throw myself down on his bed.
I was so broken when he died. I could feel myself drowning in grief and I couldn't keep afloat. I'd needed someone to be strong for me back then, and it had gutted me when Dylan didn't come through for me. The pain of those memories stab at my fragile heart. I should never have let that happen with Dylan earlier. I can feel him breaking down my barriers the more time we spend together. I've spent the last three years building up my defences. I've sealed my heart from any more heartache. It's best if I keep Dylan at a
rm's length, that way he can't hurt me again.
My phone rings and I pull it out of my jeans pocket and blow out a deep breath when I see Dylan’s name on the screen. I turn my phone to silent and head downstairs to make a start on something for tea for mum and me.
Mum comes down a couple of hours later and I order her to relax in front of the telly while I finish off making tea. I've made us chicken wraps with salad. I take mums through to her and we both eat with our teas on trays on the sofa.
“Everything okay?” She asks me, watching me.
“Course. I should be asking you that question,” I reply, deflecting her query.
My mum guffaws. “I’ve told you I’m fine. You and Dylan were quiet in the car.”
I chew on my lip and concentrate my gaze on the television. “Things with Dylan and I are complicated.”
Mum nods her head. “I guess things do get complicated when the lines between friendship and love blur.”
I laugh. "Dylan doesn't love me, Mum. At least not in that way."
My mum doesn’t take her eyes off me as she lifts her cup to her lips. “If you say so, honey.”
I Ignore Dylan’s calls for the rest of the night. I know it’s only a matter of time before he’s round here banging on the door, so I pick up my phone and call Kyle.
“Hey, this is a pleasant surprise,” he says when he answers. It’s noisy in the background, wherever he is.
“Hey, sorry, are you busy?” I ask, suddenly feeling stupid for ringing him.
“No, not at all. I’m just down at my local with a few friends. Come down?” He suggests.
“Oh, I don’t know,” I say. I’m not sure what I am thinking ringing him like this.
“Come on, come and play pool with us, you can help me beat Jay here.” He sounds like he genuinely wants to see me and he isn’t just being polite.
“Okay. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. Which pub is it? The Crown?”
“Yeah. See you soon.”
I put the phone down and chew on my lip. Anything is better than staying here and dealing with whatever Dylan has to say. To see the look of regret on his face as he tells me we’re better off as friends. I jump to my feet and scour through my wardrobe until I find a white cropped long sleeve top that is casual but okay for the pub.
