by Sandi Lynn
“When did you have time to arrange this?” I asked.
“I sent an email to the hotel when I booked the room. I figured what better way to see Paris.” He smiled.
“You’ve never been here?”
“No. I was always too busy working.” He lightly gripped my hand.
We climbed into the carriage and off we went.
“We’ll come back tonight when it’s dark and see the tower lit up,” he spoke. “London, why didn’t you tell me about your tumor? Why didn’t you tell me that night?”
“Because the last thing I want is your pity. The symptoms are getting worse and the last thing I wanted was for you to get involved with Teaghan. This is my battle and my battle alone. I didn’t expect to meet someone like you along my journey. It wasn’t part of my plan and the last thing I wanted was to drag you into it. As you remember, I was only supposed to stay with you for a couple of nights and be on my way. But then we grew closer and it became really complicated.”
“So you were just going to leave at the end of the month and never tell me?”
“Yes, because it was better that way.”
“Not for me it wouldn’t have been. I had plans, London. Plans to get you to stay in New York with me. I wanted to make you see that you could build a life there and that you didn’t have to keep traveling from place to place. But I didn’t know you were only doing those things because you were trying to fulfill your bucket list.”
“I was ten years old when Teaghan first made her appearance. After numerous scans, the doctors felt she was isolated, so they decided to put me on some medication to try and shrink it. The doctor said that surgery was too risky at that point. So I went on the meds and they didn’t work. I became sicker with each day that passed. Finally, the doctor decided it was time to go in and try to remove Teaghan. He was able to remove ninety-five percent of her. He couldn’t get to the other five percent and he couldn’t guarantee that she wouldn’t grow back. So I underwent radiation for three months and back for scans every six months. She was stabilized and I was no longer experiencing any symptoms. Then it got to the point where I only needed to go back once a year. When I turned eighteen, I stopped going because I was healthy, and if she’d stayed dormant for eight years, I was in the clear. It wasn’t until after my mother passed away that I started experiencing symptoms again, and I knew in my heart that she was back. I put off going to the doctor for as long as I could because I already knew what they would tell me. Two years ago, I landed in the ER because I had such a killer headache and I’d been vomiting for three days straight. I was dehydrated and very weak. That’s when the doctors confirmed that she was indeed back and growing at a high-speed rate. The doctor told me that because the tumor was so deep down into the brainstem that it was inoperable, but he wanted me to see another doctor, a colleague of his at the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion. I went and he told me the same thing. There was nothing they could do. I wasn’t ready to accept it, so I went to see a specialist at the Cleveland Clinic and at John Hopkins. Both doctors extended their sympathy to me and said that the only thing they could offer me was a little more time. They put me on a medication cocktail to try and slow the growth of the tumor, an anti-seizure medication, and a headache medication for my headaches. But they warned me that the meds were only a band-aid and they would eventually stop working within a years time. That’s when I decided I needed to try and fulfill my bucket list before my time was up. Damien, I’m at peace with my life. I’ve fully accepted it.”
“All that talk about life being too short and you never know when your time is up, you were in a way trying to tell me. Weren’t you?”
“Yes. I was.”
“How do you know the cancer hasn’t spread?”
“Teaghan isn’t cancerous.”
“What?” He furrowed his brows.
“She never was. She’s very rare. But because she had grown the opposite way, deeper into my brain, she became inoperable. Eventually, she’ll get so big that she’ll start shutting down my body. I won’t be able to walk, talk, see, or breathe on my own. I’ll lose all control of any function. That’s why I signed a DNR for when it happens. When I was in the ER the other night, they did a scan and discovered that the medications have probably stopped working because of the size of the tumor. But I’m still taking them every day with hope and faith that I have some time left. That’s why I came to Paris, because I decided I wasn’t going to die without seeing it first. I wasn’t going to let her take that away from me. That’s why I started my blog, because I wanted to leave something behind for people to remember me.”
He pulled me into him and held me tight. I’d never felt as much peace as I did in his arms.
“You’re not going through this alone anymore. I’m staying with you and I don’t care what you say. We’re doing this together, London. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Anywhere in the entire world. You name it and we’ll be there, together. Because if you think I’m going to let you go now, you’re crazy.”
Chapter 21
Damien
I held her in my arms after we made love and her head rested peacefully on my chest. This was our fourth night in Paris and we’d done a lot. She was exhausted and I could see the change in her more every day. As I was holding her, thinking about what to do, she had a seizure in her sleep. Her eyes flew open and her body started to jerk. I rolled her on her other side and wrapped my arms lightly around her while I pressed my lips against her forehead. The seizure stopped and she closed her eyes and went back to sleep. This was too much for her and I needed to get her back to New York so she could rest.
The next morning, while she slept, I got up and opened the laptop that was sitting on the desk. I started researching brainstem tumors and the top neurosurgeons in the world. There had to be something or someone that could help her. I wasn’t about to sit back and do nothing for the woman I had fallen so deeply in love with. She had helped me in ways I never thought possible, and now, I was going to help her. I was looking at different countries, ones that were more medically advanced. There had to be a goddamn trial study somewhere in the world for brainstem tumors. Everywhere I looked, I kept seeing the same name over and over again: Dr. Jamieson Finn. I googled him and came across numerous articles about his work and awards. He worked out of Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles and consulted at Mount Sinai in New York. It wouldn’t hurt to give him a call. I picked up my phone and dialed his office number.
“Dr. Finn’s office, how can I help you?”
“Umm. Yes, I need to make an appointment to see Dr. Finn, please.”
“His next available appointment is next month.”
“I don’t have a month. I need to get in to see him now.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but Dr. Finn is completely booked.”
I took in a deep breath to stop me from losing my shit.
“I understand that, but this is an emergency. My girlfriend doesn’t have a month. It is imperative that we get in to see Dr. Finn immediately.”
“Sir. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. He can only take so many appointments because he has his other duties here at the hospital.”
I hung up on her and threw my phone across the desk. There had to be a way to get in to see him. I tried searching for his personal number and came to a dead end. Then I ran across an article about his wife. It seemed she was a trauma surgeon at the same hospital. I dialed the emergency room and a woman named Jackie answered.
“Hello, I need to speak with Dr. Grace Finn, please.”
“May I ask who’s calling?”
“Damien Prescott out of New York.”
“Let me see if I can find her. I’m going to put you on hold.”
I waited for approximately ten minutes and then someone picked up.
“Hi, Mr. Prescott, this is Dr. Grace Finn. How can I help you?”
Thank god.
“Dr. Finn, I know this isn’t appropriate, but I’m in desperate need of your help. I
tried calling your husband to get an appointment with him, but the utterly rude woman said his first appointment isn’t until next month. My girlfriend doesn’t have a month.”
“Okay, Mr. Prescott. Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with your girlfriend?”
“She’s been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor in her brainstem. She’s been to several neurosurgeons and they’ve all said the same thing. She’s been taking medication to try and keep the tumor under control to buy her more time, but her symptoms now are getting worse. She had a seizure last night in her sleep. Please, Dr. Finn. I love this woman so much and I need to get your husband’s opinion. From what I’ve read, he’s the best neurosurgeon out there.”
“He is the best, Mr. Prescott.”
“Please. I’m begging you for your help. I am not ready to lose her.”
“Okay. Are you in the Los Angeles area by any chance?”
“No. I’m from New York, but right now, we’re in Paris. It was her last wish.”
“I see. What is your girlfriend’s name?”
“London Everly. She has a blog where she’s documented her journey. Let me give you the web address and you and your husband can check it out.”
“What is it and what is your phone number?”
I rattled off the web address to her as well as my number.
“Thank you, Mr. Prescott. I’ll talk to my husband and I’ll be in touch. I promise.”
“Thank you, Dr. Finn.”
Chapter 22
Jamieson Finn
“You paged me?” I asked Grace as I walked down to the ER.
“I just got a call from a man named Damien Prescott out of New York. It seems he tried to make an appointment with you, but your secretary couldn’t accommodate him.”
“So he called you? That takes a lot of nerve.”
“Not really. He’s desperate, Jamieson. His girlfriend has an inoperable brain tumor in her brainstem and her symptoms are worsening. Apparently, she’s been to several specialists and they won’t touch it. So they put her on some medication to try and control it to buy her some more time. He said she has a blog and he asked if we could check it out.”
I sighed as I looked at my watch.
“I have a craniotomy in fifteen minutes.”
“Fifteen minutes should be enough time.” She smiled.
“Fine. Let’s go up to my office.”
I pulled up a chair next to mine and typed in the web address in the address bar, pulling up London’s blog.
“Oh my gosh, she’s beautiful,” Grace spoke. “Look at how happy and full of life she is. You’d never know this girl has a brain tumor.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” I replied.
I scrolled down, reading her posts and looking at her pictures.
“Dr. Finn, your patient is prepped for his craniotomy,” Linda spoke as she poked her head through the door.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’m in the middle of something.”
“Oh my God, Jamieson. She wrote a letter to her tumor,” Grace spoke.
We both sat there and read it, and when I glanced over at Grace, I saw tears streaming down her face.
“You have to see her,” she spoke. “This isn’t an option, Jamieson.”
“I know,” I spoke as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “Did Mr. Prescott give you his number?”
“Yes. It’s right here.” She handed me a piece of paper.
I picked up my phone and dialed the number.
“Hello.”
“Mr. Prescott, this is Dr. Jamieson Finn.”
“Dr. Finn. Thank you so much for calling me back.”
“No problem. My wife and I just looked at London’s blog. Grace mentioned you were in Paris.”
“Yes. We are. But it’s wearing her down and fast.”
“She also mentioned she had a seizure in her sleep last night? Has she had any other seizures prior?”
“She had one the other night at a club. The doctor at the ER said he suspects her meds are no longer working.”
“Can you get her here tomorrow? I’ll be here at the hospital all day. I will warn you that I might be in surgery or something, so you may have to wait.”
“That’s fine. We can catch a flight out this afternoon.”
“Okay. I’ll see you both tomorrow. I will try to do whatever I can, but I can’t make any promises.”
“I understand, Dr. Finn. Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. Have a safe flight.”
“You’re my hero.” Grace smiled as she kissed my cheek.
“I don’t know if this woman can be saved, Grace. She might be in for another disappointment and I hate doing that.”
“I know. But you also love challenges. This may be your biggest one yet.” She smiled.
Chapter 23
Damien
I ended the call and let out a sigh of relief. Maybe, just maybe, there would be something Dr. Finn could do to help her. Now all I had to do was tell her, and I wasn’t so sure how that was going to go.
“Did I hear you talking to someone?” London asked as she walked into the living area.
“Good morning.” I smiled as I held out my arms and she took a seat in my lap. “Do you remember what happened last night?”
“What do you mean?”
“You had a seizure in your sleep, London.”
“Shit.” She laid her head on my shoulder.
“Listen to me. I’m taking you to Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles to see Dr. Jamieson Finn. He’s a world-renowned neurosurgeon and he’s won many awards and accolades for his work. He said he’ll see us tomorrow, so I’ll book us a flight out to Los Angeles this afternoon.”
She lifted her head from my shoulder and stared into my eyes.
“No, Damien.”
“What do you mean, no? He might be able to help you, London.”
She got up from my lap and walked into the bedroom.
“Don’t walk away from me.” I followed her.
“He can’t help me. You need to let go of the notion that I can be fixed. I’ve been there, done that, and I’m not going through it again. Every time I walked into those damn doctor’s offices, I had a tiny piece of hope inside me that the next one would say they could help me. But it was always the same answer. I’ve accepted my fate, Damien, and now you need to as well.”
“The fuck I will!” I shouted. “There is a possibility he can help you. You need to explore all options. Dr. Finn is an option.”
“And the possibility is greater that he can’t!” she shouted back. “I’m not going through that disappointment again! I’m not walking in there for him to say what they’ve all said, ‘I’m sorry, London, but the tumor is inoperable. There’s no way we can get to it without killing you.’”
“You don’t know that,” I calmly spoke.
She walked over to me and placed her hand on my cheek.
“I do know that, Damien. I love you for trying, but there’s no hope left. I’m sorry.” She turned away and started heading towards the bathroom.
“You love me?!” I shouted in anger and she stopped. “If you truly loved me, you would do this for me and for you.”
“This isn’t about you. This is about me.”
“You’re wrong!” I yelled. “This is about me now. About trying to help the woman I fell madly in love with! I love you, London Everly, and I’m not ready to let you go! I fucking love you too much.”
“Damien, stop,” she spoke as she turned around and looked at me.
“No, I’m not going to stop.” I walked over to where she stood. “I love you, London. I love you, and I’m not going to stop loving you. Teaghan can’t take that away. She can’t take away my love for you. You are the only woman I have ever loved my entire life. You are the woman who came into my life and made me see the beauty of it. You made me realize that there is more to life than just work and money. You did that!” Tears started streaming down my face as I gripped he
r hips and dropped to my knees, placing my head on her legs. “You breathed life into me. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m living. Don’t take that away from me. Give Dr. Finn a chance. Please.”
She knelt down and wrapped her arms around me.
“It’s okay. I’ll go see Dr. Finn. We’ll go see him.” She tightened her grip around me.
London
The moment we stepped onto the plane and took our seats, Damien grabbed my hand and brought it up to his lips.
“I love you.” He smiled.
“I love you too.” I laid my head on his shoulder.
He had called Scott and Joslyn and told them that we were on our way to Los Angeles and he didn’t know when he’d be back in the office. California was on my bucket list. I had planned on going there after the Grand Canyon if time allowed it. I wasn’t scared to go see Dr. Finn, because I already knew the outcome. I was scared for Damien because the little bit of hope he had would be destroyed. His breakdown killed me. I never in a million years would have thought he would have done something like that. He loved me, and as happy as I was that he did, I also felt his love for me would destroy him in the end, and I needed to make sure that didn’t happen. I needed for him to see that his life would still go on and that he would find happiness again if he allowed it.
I opened up my laptop and uploaded the remaining pictures of Paris and a couple of me and Damien. I wanted the world to see that no matter what I was facing, this man loved me and wanted to face it with me. I recorded a video on the plane instead of writing a post. I wanted everyone to know that I was on my way to Los Angeles to see Dr. Finn for hopefully a miracle. I turned the camera on Damien and had him say hi. He gave a smile, waved, and then kissed my cheek. I was tired, so I ended the video, uploaded it, closed my laptop, and fell asleep on Damien’s shoulder.
We arrived in Los Angeles the next day around noon. Instead of having a car pick us up, Damien rented a car.
