“Done with your conclusions?” Ishana couldn’t help but feel irritated by his remark. He sat up straight, nervously.
“By the way, you are right. I was that desperate back then!” Ishana sighed and continued.
School Life – Year 2001
Earlier, coaching was a haven for me, where all I did was study and share happy moments with Dev. But now it was a nightmare. All thanks to Dev’s evil plans, my reputation was badly tarred. None of us – Shiva, Sarv and I – knew how wide his folder of The Slut Chronicles had spread, but more and more boys had started approaching me.
Sarv and Shiva ensured they never left me alone, but it didn’t stop the pervert boys. Every two-three days a new boy approached me, and I had to turn him down, politely. Sarv’s theory was they were trying their luck in Dev’s absence. Shiva’s remark was that they just wanted to get in a girl’s pants and they wouldn’t stop until they succeeded. And as for me, I didn’t care what anybody thought or wanted, I just hated the fact that more than ten boys had proposed to me in past month – and it made me feel dirty, kind of a slut!
The day after Dev’s arrival, we got another shock. I was rooted to the ground when I saw him sitting in his usual last seat. For a moment I was torn between following Shiva to her seat and sitting next to him like a lost puppy. But Shiva solved my problem; she held my hand and dragged me to sit next to her.
“Err Shiva, I will sit with Ishana.” Dev didn’t request, he demanded, that too in front of the whole class.
“You want to study or play romance in coaching?” she glared at me. I bowed my head in shame.
“What?” he asked, shocked. At this, she stood up and whispered, so that only Dev, Sarv and I could hear, “All thanks to you she failed four subjects in pre-board exams. Now she has to study, so back off you…”
“Shiva,” I barked, angry, and cut her off. She was about to tell him that we knew his plot.
“Your choice, pass or fail?” she demanded, staring down at me. I considered her for a moment and felt trapped between a rock and a hard place; she raised her eyebrows furiously scolding me. “Pass!” I caved in and she sat back next to me and Dev went and sat next to one of his friends.
He was angry and I didn’t know how to react. Deep down I wanted to confront him, but somehow it felt this was all for the best.
After the coaching, Dev stayed back to talk. And Shiva stayed glued to my side. She knew I was too fragile at the moment and Dev might take advantage of it.
“I waited for your response yesterday,” he whispered, eyeing Shiva.
“I…” I wanted to confront him, tell him he should shove it up his ass, but couldn’t.
“You can give us privacy at least?” Dev almost scolded Shiva. She was about to retort, but Sarv dragged her a few feet away. She was eyeing us suspiciously.
“I waited for your response the whole day yesterday,” Dev whispered, gently pulling my fingers. I looked at him in amazement. The way he was talking, smiling and looking into my eyes; it was as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn’t ruined my life completely, broken my trust, and had not written the Slut Chronicles. “I missed you so much,” he continued, and he laced his fingers around mine. I didn’t know how to react; I was just dumbfounded.
“Ahem!” Shiva cleared her throat loudly. I looked at her; she was pointing at our intertwined fingers. I pulled back my hand hastily. “You are in public, if I must remind you.” She was agitated.
“What is her problem?” Dev pointed furiously at her, but I just shook my head.
“You are back so early, how come?” I ignored his question. I could feel the hopeless yet angry glare of my friends. They had expected me to yell at Dev. They had hoped that I would confront him, but I didn’t do any such thing.
“Yeah, I was missing you, so I came back,” he lied so convincingly.
“You want to tell me something?” A part of me stupidly hoped he would come clean and apologize, but I was naïve; some people never change. He gave me a cautious and calculative look for a moment and then smiled. “I love you,” he spoke, raising his hand to caress my cheek. I stepped back, hastily. Of course, why would he confess? How could he even suspect that I knew!
“I will see you tonight then?” He bent down and whispered very softly in my ears.
His proximity, his lie, his confidence, his Casanova attitude flipped something in me. Fury rose in me, however controlling it I just nodded. I should have said ‘no’, I should have slapped squarely in his face, but I resisted and nodded.
A victorious smile spread on his face and he left.
The moment he left Shiva gave me a tight slap on my shoulder. “What the hell was that?” she demanded. I was staring after him.
“You, by the way, should wash that hand.” Sarv pointed with an icky look.
“He doesn’t suspect a thing,” I enquired looking at Sarv. Dev must have predicted that Sarv would reveal the truth to me.
“Yeah, he asked me earlier. On your orders, I lied and he just believed.” Sarv hissed with gritted teeth.
“Why didn’t you say anything to him?” They both demanded, together, but I just kept quiet.
They thought my silence was my weakness; they presumed I was giving in. But they didn’t know that my silence was the calm before the storm. Yes, I didn’t know what I wanted –whether I still wanted Dev in my life or I wanted to ruin him. But there was one thing that I was dead sure of…
Present Day in the Bar
Ishana stopped abruptly. Ravi waited for a second for her to continue but when she didn’t, he asked anxiously, “Sure of what?”
“Why don’t you wait for the climax,” she winked, and Ravi sat back disappointed. He knew it was useless to force her because every time she mentioned ‘climax’, he was left hanging!
At Night Again
School Life – Year 2001
That night, Shiva didn’t even let me open the window that faced Dev’s house, but I did. I knew he was coming over and the last thing I wanted was for him to knock and raise the alarm.
And around 1:30 A.M., he appeared.
“Open up!” He smiled as he leaned against the windowpane.
“I can’t,” I whispered, and pointed at a sleeping figure. Scared to death, he stooped low and hid beneath the window. “Who is that?” he hissed quietly.
“Shiva,” At her name, he stood up, furious.
“Why is she here? Why is she everywhere? I thought you broke up with her,” he demanded, in a rage.
“You left me; I was lonely. She is my only friend,” I started helplessly, but he stopped me.
“Why is she here?” His tone was unchanged. I wanted to slap him, raise the alarm to my parents, but I controlled myself.
“We sleep alternately in each other’s homes now. We study together. Board exams are so close,” I wanted to say more, but he interrupted me. “I know exams are too close now but I missed you so much, I want to hold you again,” he spoke, leaning against the window bars.
“You have no idea what I went through.” I murmured faking a victimized face.
“What happened?” His tone said he was genuinely curious, but one glance at his face and I knew he was faking too.
“I went through hell. I failed four subjects Dev; my mother had beaten me so much. Even you were not here to support me. At least Shiva is helping me,” I spoke on the verge of tears. Finally, I saw a crease of sincere concern.
“I am so sorry for all this. But I am here now… let me help you. Let me heal your wounds,” he smiled seductively. “Don’t you want to feel my love again? I want to hold you so much,” he finished and banged his head on the window pane.
“Me too, but we can’t.” I pointed at Shiva again.
“She is sleeping, let’s go to our room,” he murmured and grabbed my hand, which was resting close to the windowpane.
“I promised her that I would interact very less with you until final exams, please will you have some patience?” I begged.
“Wh
y?” He was raging now. For a second, I feared Shiva’s safety.
“I am a topper and practically a genius, Dev. But for the first time I failed four bloody subjects. Do you want me to ruin my life? My career? You want my mother to murder me?” I spoke in anger. I felt my suppressed feelings rise.
“No, I don’t want that. But I am here tonight. At least spend it with me, please. I promise to be quick.” He tilted his head and puckered his lips, as if I would jump on them. A wrathful instinct rose in me, but I took a deep breath and pretended to be miserable.
“Soon, love, very soon. Board exams will be over in March, post that we shall be together, forever.” And at this Shiva stirred.
“I love you,” Dev whispered as he bent to kiss my hand.
“Ishana, what time is it?” Shiva groaned in a hoarse voice.
“It’s time to study,” I answered quickly. She saved my precious hand from his acidic lips. And she rose slowly from sleep, rubbing her eyes. I turned to wave goodbye to Dev; well, he was already gone.
“I thought you were asleep,” I commented as I scanned her face. There was no trace of sleep in her eyes, instead, she was looking angry.
“Bastard has some nerves, I knew he would come tonight,” she barked as she raked her hair with her fingers and picked up her book. I decided not to answer. After all, it was my fault; I had given him enough freedom to walk all over me.
“Anyway, swap,” she ordered. I gave a quick glance at Dev’s window; he was back there. I went to sit on the bed, and she closed the window shut, dramatically.
“I hate him!” she remarked, lying beside me. I considered what I felt for a moment; it was complicated.
“Did Aunty really beat you?” she whispered after a long pause. She was holding her Civics book in front of her and reading the page on the Lok Sabha.
“I lied,” I spoke, closing my eyes. I had been practicing lies for quite some time now, and finally I thought I had mastered the art. But I was wrong; I had instinctively massaged my waist. Shiva sat up quickly. “What?” Her tone was laced with horror and shock.
“What – What?” I enquired.
“Show me your waist,” she demanded, pointing at my body.
“What?” Now I was horrified.
“Take off your clothes,” she insisted, and I clutched the blanket to my body.
“Do it or…” and the tussle went on for quite some time. She blackmailed me, threatened me, and made me swear; finally, I gave in. Not because I wanted to let her know, but I wanted her to be quiet.
And the silence fell! The moment I took off my kurta, her face was horrified. There were marks all over my torso, and some were still healing.
“What? Who? When?” She was out of words. My tears had dried up a long time ago, but seeing my misery, her eyes leaked.
“She has always been hitting me,” I pointed at my body as I wore the kurta again. “These marks are the punishment of failing in four subjects. She hit me with a belan and chimta on the day of results. And the next day she beat me with the hosepipe.” I smiled, and her mouth fell open.
“Belan, chimta, hosepipe?” she whispered, shell-shocked.
“And belt, shoe, wet cloths, sticks, scale, wire, and once she gave me an electric shock.” I completed the list. As I spoke these words, I realized that my mother had been exercising ‘third-degree’ torture on me. Shiva covered her mouth in shock. Tears filled her eyes, but I just smiled. I was used to all the beating. “She is not a mother, she is a monster,” Shiva whispered, horror-struck. I had no words to reprimand her; after all, Mumma deserved them.
“And I thought you were crying and were all miserable because of Dev.” She hung her head and hugged me. “I am so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I was miserable because of Dev. It’s because of him that I was distracted and failed.” I patted her back, and she looked at me angrily.
“Your mother and Dev, both shall pay for what they did to you.” She was outraged. I knew arguing in that moment was pointless, so I followed my best tactic. I stayed quiet.
“How could she?” she whispered, unable to accept my reality. I just smiled. Her mother was an angel; she scolded Shiva from time to time, but she had never ever raised her hand on her. She loved her unconditionally and Shiva’s happiness was of prime importance to her.
Looking at Shiva, I had always realized the difference upbringing brought. A child from a happy home was confident and mature. A child from an abusive home was always timid and weak.
Kunal!
Present Day in the Bar
“Hold on!” Ravi spoke. He looked distressed and panicked.
“What?” Ishana paused as he interrupted her.
“Your mother gave you an electric shock?” He was too shocked to even blink. He was staring at her, wide-eyed. She just nodded.
“But why?” He couldn’t believe it. How could a mother do all this to her daughter?
“Even I don’t know. Every time she would beat me or scold me harshly, I would ask the same question,” Ishana whispered. “Come to think of it, I don’t have a single happy memory with my mother. Every time I hear the word ‘mother’, all I remember is her thrashing.”
Ravi placed his face in his hands. It was unbearable for him to even consider this. “She gave you an electric shock? How? When? Why?”
“It happened sometime around my eighth standard. I was making chapattis and accidentally I burnt them. Rakshit had pulled a prank on me and I was distracted.” Ishana winced at that memory. It was a brutal day. “Well, there was no extra dough, so I, stupid as I was, offered her the slightly burnt chapatti. She was watching TV. She got so mad that she just lost control. She grabbed my hand and pushed it towards the back of the TV. You see, it was winter time. So, her sweater and clothes protected her, but that bloody TV gave me a nasty shock.” Ishana laughed hysterically in the end. Ravi couldn’t help but notice how she, subconsciously, massaged her left hand. He could imagine a small, fourteen-year-old Ishana begging her mother not to do it. He could picture her crying, sobbing, fighting to avoid getting an electric shock. A shiver ran down his spine!
“What prank was it? I don’t even…” he started but stopped abruptly.
“Oh, I don’t even remember the prank now. My brother and I cherished a loving bond, we played together and had loads of fun. He was silly back then, and I don’t blame him at all. It’s my mother who reacted to extreme ends,” Ishana sighed and Ravi hung his head.
“I hate your mother,” he declared with gritted-teeth.
“Well, join the club,” she winked, and Ravi just gaped at her. He wasn’t attracted to her in that moment; instead, he was amazed by her. How was she alive and sane? A normal person would have broken, stooped low to drugs or death. But here she was, despite so many torments, successful and on top of the world.
School Life – Year 2001
Ever since our pre-board exams, our coaching was held in two sessions. Morning – two hours and Evening – two hours. Our teachers were way too upset with my marks and very happy with Shiva’s. They had expected her to fail, but the opposite happened – I had. So, they directed their entire focus on me because they knew that with the right guidance I would top and I was totally fine with it.
Shiva, Sarv and I attended every class that our coaching offered. But much to my dismay and distraction, Dev too started attending them. I could tell that he still didn’t want to study; he was there because of me. He pretended as if he owned me and he didn’t let any boy get close enough. His presence forced every boy to back off. All except for one – Kunal Khanna.
Kunal was the younger son of the head of the institute. He had passed his twelfth last year and had taken a break to prepare for the IIT entrance. Given that he was the golden boy of the institute, he was allowed to sit in any and every class. And recently he had made a habit of sit in all the classes I attended.
Kunal was the most handsome boy in the institute, and his seniority added a magnetic charm to his personality. And not to m
ention, Dev was exceptionally jealous of him.
According to Sarv, Kunal didn’t know about my ‘slut’ reputation and he was genuinely interested in me. But Shiva believed that all boys of our city – no matter the age – were dogs and were hounding me just because they wanted to sleep with me. Not sure whom to believe, I decided to give Kunal the benefit of the doubt. However, I interacted with him only when absolutely necessary. And guess what, it happened more often than required.
“Why does he talk so much to you?” Dev demanded at the end of a lecture. It’s been a week since he came back and coincidently, my conversations with Kunal had gone up significantly since then.
“He needs my help, Dev.” My casual reply took him by surprise.
“No, he is interested in you, he wants to sleep with you!” he hissed, angrily. Kunal was standing at a distance and Dev was giving him scornful looks.
“Why would he do that?” I smirked, bemused. My smile angered him further.
“Because you are so beautiful and sexy. You have no idea how many boys want to be with you,” he barked in a protective tone.
“Really?” I raised my eyebrows threateningly. “What do they think of me? A slut?” And a shocked silence fell at my last word. Dev was speechless.
“What?” I demanded, anger getting the best of me.
“No! Of course not. Why would anybody call you a slut?” He dismissed my words with a casual wave. My instinct was to slap him, but I controlled myself. “I am just concerned, I love you so much,” he spoke, touching my arm. I pulled back, pointing at the crowd. He dropped his hand, disappointed.
“I just don’t like him,” Dev muttered, staring again at Kunal.
“He indeed is very handsome, and he is hot too,” I complimented Kunal, following Dev’s gaze. His jaw dropped in shock, and I placed my palm on my lips acting as if I had done something naughty. “Oh sorry, it’s just that I have been helping him with mathematics.” And his jaw dropped further at my declaration. “I like him; he is a sweet guy. The last time he called me ‘life savior’.” I laughed, blushing slightly. I felt steam rise from Dev’s body; his blood was practically boiling.
Betrayed Page 9
