by Kasie West
“Not if I don’t need to,” Seth said.
“Beau, don’t be a jerk,” I said. “Let’s go, Seth.”
“Let me tell you something about my sister, Seth From The Phone,” Beau said, before we could leave. “She likes to be in perfect control. She has a plan that everyone needs to follow.”
“You’re lucky to have her,” Seth said.
“She’s the lucky one,” Beau said. “So very lucky.”
I snatched the receipt from Paul Wendell off the counter, pushed it against Beau’s chest, and said as quietly as possible, “You owe me thirty thousand dollars.”
Beau gave an exaggerated bow. “Yes, Queen Maddie.”
I marched out the door. It was dark out and the temperature had lowered. I lifted my face and let the breeze cool down my hot cheeks. Seth followed and when he shut the door behind us, I said, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Seth asked.
“For him.” I collected Quinn in my arms and my tension melted a bit. I climbed into his car before he could say anything else. He started the car without a word and then began to drive.
“I’m sorry that was your first impression of my brother. He’s normally not such a … well, actually, lately he has been. I’m sorry.”
Seth reached over and squeezed my hand. “Stop apologizing, Maddie. He isn’t you.”
“I know, but I feel responsible for him.”
“You really can’t control other people.”
“But I want to. Really bad.”
Seth laughed. “It would be so much easier if you did control the world, Maddie. I think it would be a better place.”
“You have a lot of confidence in me.”
“I have all the confidence in you.”
My heart skipped a beat. I wished I had a bit of that confidence in myself.
When we arrived at my house, I kissed Quinn one last time and handed her to Seth. I stepped out of the car. He rolled down the windows a crack, left Quinn on the seat, and walked me to my porch. I hugged him. “Thank you for being here.” I shouldn’t have hugged him. He was warm and I fit perfectly against him, like he was made to hug just me forever.
“I’m glad you called me first,” he said by my ear. Then he was walking away, back to his car.
My chest ached. I didn’t want him to leave. But he needed to. And I had a plan and future to think about. He looked back at me over his shoulder with a smile. Sometimes life had a way of changing perfect plans. Of presenting new plans. And if I couldn’t change or adapt, how was I ever going to survive?
“Seth!”
He had just reached his car and he spun around.
I ran down the walkway until I stopped in front of him, breathless.
“Did you need something else?” he asked.
Maybe I was emotional or grateful or too tired to suppress feelings that I’d been smashing down for weeks, but all I could think was: you. I need you.
“What happened next in the story?” I asked.
“The story?”
“The one about Maddy and Leth?”
His eyes had a teasing glint. “Well, in the story, Leth asks Maddy out.”
“And she says yes,” I said.
“Of course, it wouldn’t be much of a story if she didn’t.”
“Yes,” I said.
“I’m glad you agree.”
“No, I mean, yes, I want to go out. I want you to make up for my birthday.” If that’s the excuse we were going with, I was happy to play along.
I took a small step forward and then another, waiting for him to back up or stop me. But he didn’t. He did the opposite. He took a step forward as well. We were chest to chest and then forehead to forehead. I grabbed hold of the sides of his T-shirt. His hands went to my upper arms.
There was so much he needed to know about me. How could I let it get this far without telling him? He hated fakers. He was going to hate me. “Friday?” I asked. “Can we go out on Friday?”
“Yes,” he said, his eyes still dancing. “I have something planned.”
“You do?”
“I’ve been planning it for a while.”
My heart raced. “Thank you.”
“You haven’t even seen it yet.”
“I don’t need to.”
He smiled. “Yes, actually you do. Friday. I’ll see you then.”
“Okay.”
We said these things like we were leaving, but neither of us did. We stayed in our hug, me soaking in his comfort, wondering if it was the last hug we’d share once he found out the truth I’d been keeping from him.
He leaned against his car, pulling me with him.
I met his eyes. It felt so good to be in his arms. His face, his beautiful face, was moving toward me, and my breath caught.
The front door opened and my dad’s voice asked, “Maddie, is that you?”
I could feel my face fall. I stepped back from Seth. “I better go. Thanks for everything.”
Seth brushed a hand along my cheek. “I’ll see you Friday.”
Butterflies tumbled through my stomach. Before I could analyze it too much, I kissed his cheek, then ran inside, past my dad, and into my room, where I collapsed on my bed with the happiest sigh in the world.
The next day, when I got home from school, Mom was in the kitchen, a bottle of cleaner in one hand and a sponge in the other. She scrubbed intensely at a spot on the counter. Right away I noticed a sparkle around her neck.
“Mom, that’s a beautiful necklace.”
She reached up, her fingers barely grazing over the diamonds as if they would break if she touched them too hard. “Your father bought it for me.”
“That was nice of him. How did he give it to you?”
“He handed it to me this afternoon.”
I held back a groan. Really, Dad, that was the most romantic way you could think of? This only proved Seth’s point—despite my best intentions, I couldn’t control people. My frustration was cut off by the look on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s just, it’s too much. I’m worried that at the rate he’s spending money it won’t last us very long.”
“Mom, he’s being responsible. I think he wanted to do it to be nice. Because you said you wanted him to be thoughtful. Remember you said that?”
“Yes, I did. But I just meant roses or a nice card. I didn’t mean this.”
People were impossible to predict. Why didn’t A plus B equal C?
“I thought two million dollars would be plenty,” Mom was saying. “That it would last us a lifetime. When you told us that’s how much you were going to give us, it sounded like all the money in the world.”
“It’s a lot. You’ll be fine. I already paid off the house, too.”
She nodded but her worried face stayed firmly in place.
“So no more house payment,” I said, trying to make her see they were in much better shape than she thought.
“You’ll be here for us, right, Maddie? If we need you?”
Did she mean if they needed me? Or if they needed more money? “Of course. I’m here.”
“Good. Good.” She patted her necklace again and continued wiping a spot on the counter that was already clean.
My phone dinged with an email and I pulled it up. I gasped as I saw who it was from—Stanford. I clicked on it and in the seconds it took to load onto my phone my heart raced. It finally came up and I read through the words quickly.
“What?” my mom asked.
“Stanford. I got into Stanford.” Fear and excitement battled in my chest. I hoped excitement won.
All Mom said was “Wow. All the way up north.”
Her words gave fear the strong lead. “Did I get any mail today?” I asked.
“Are you still waiting on more college acceptance letters?”
“Just UCLA. Oh, and on something from Uncle Barry. Remember, I invested that money with him? He was supposed to send me over more documents to sign.”
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sp; “You’re right. He was.” She went to her purse on the counter and pulled out her phone. “Let’s call him and find out if there was a delay for some reason.”
“Okay.”
Mom pressed a button and put the phone to her ear. Her eyebrows shot down at whatever she heard on the other end. Then she was looking at her phone again, pushing more buttons, listening some more.
“What is it, Mom?” I asked after she repeated this process three times.
“There’s something wrong with my phone I think. It keeps telling me the number is disconnected.”
“Disconnected?” I pulled my phone out of my pocket. “Let’s try mine.”
We did with the same results.
My heart was sinking. I didn’t want to think about what this meant. It was fine. Everything would be fine. So Uncle Barry had changed his phone number. We’d figure it out.
I left my mom searching through other contacts—his kids or his siblings or someone else who would know—and went to my room.
The words Blaire said to me the other day about being too trusting flashed through my mind. She was referring to Trina, but maybe I’d been too trusting of everyone. Curiosity got the better of me and I went online to research the car Trina’s father had sold me. I shouldn’t have. I was perfectly fine thinking I had gotten some sort of deal. But that wasn’t true at all. Not only had he not given me a deal, he’d charged me five thousand above suggested retail price. I slammed my laptop closed.
Maybe Blaire was right. I was too trusting.
My door swung open and my mom came in. Her face was tight with anger. “He cheated you. He’s a cheat.”
“I know. I just … wait, who?”
“Your uncle. He took your money and other investors’ money as well and he has disappeared with it. I’m sorry.”
My stomach dropped. “Disappeared? What does that mean?”
“That he probably moved far away so he wouldn’t get put in jail.”
I closed my eyes. Five hundred thousand gone. Just like that. I was so naïve. I really couldn’t control people. At all. Or read them. No matter how much research I’d done on them. Money made people different. It made them lie and steal. It made them give away secrets and manipulate. I couldn’t trust anyone. People looked at me and all they saw now was a bank account.
Every single person in my life. My brother for sure. Even my mom had been hinting at it earlier. If I couldn’t trust my own family, who could I trust?
Seth. I could trust Seth. He was the only one who didn’t know and still liked me, anyway. The only person who hadn’t changed.
I spent the rest of the week at school analyzing and avoiding everyone. Every person I looked at had the potential to use me. To want something from me. And any one of them could’ve talked to the reporter. Even my friends.
I avoided Blaire and Elise by hiding out in the back stacks of the library with my bagged lunch. I ducked around corners when I saw them walking down the halls, and stayed away from places I knew they’d be.
How did people with money ever know if people really liked them for them? I would just move far away and wouldn’t tell people I’d won the lottery. Like with Seth. That had worked out perfectly.
Friday night, I opened my front door before Seth could knock and threw my arms around his neck. In my loneliness this week, I had reaffirmed what I’d realized before. Seth was someone I could trust and that meant something. It was more than that, too; Seth was someone I liked. I needed him in my life. I was going to tell him that tonight and let whatever happened as a result of that admission happen. I smiled at the thought.
“Hi,” he said against my cheek. “I’m happy to see you, too.”
I gave him one last tight squeeze and let him go. “Thanks for taking me out tonight. I needed this.”
“I hope it’s not disappointing. I feel like I’ve built up some big event since your birthday. Like you now expect me to lasso the moon or something.”
“Lasso the moon? If that’s not what is happening tonight, I will be completely disappointed.”
He kicked at the sidewalk between us. “But seriously, it’s not a big thing. You know I’m trying to save every penny I have, so it’s not even an expensive night or anything.”
I grabbed his hand. “Seth, I would be happy if we sat in your car and did nothing.” Or we could sit in his car and do something, I thought, my eyes going to his lips and then quickly darting away like he could read my thoughts.
He nodded, then intertwined our fingers together and led me down the walkway and to his car. He climbed in and shut his door. He put his keys in the ignition but instead of turning them, he shifted in his seat to face me.
After several beats of silence he said, “You didn’t mean sit in my car and do nothing, right? Can we at least sit in here and talk?”
I laughed. “Yes, what shall we talk about?”
He smiled, then started the car. “I do have something a tiny bit more exciting planned.”
I wasn’t necessarily a girl who liked surprises. After all, I made plans to make plans. But I was going to be better about this, loosen up, let go of some control. At least with him.
“How has your week been?” he asked as we drove along.
“Not great,” I responded truthfully.
“Why not?”
So many reasons. “I think my parents are going to get a divorce.” That was the first time I’d said that to anyone, even myself.
“I’m sorry. That’s hard. Why do you think that?”
“Because the only time they don’t fight is when they aren’t in the same place together.” I sighed.
“That’s not good. Another thing you can’t control and wish you could?”
I let out a huff. “For sure. I was trying to for a little while, but I’m learning that it’s not up to me.” I shook my head. “Let’s not talk about this tonight. Let’s talk about happy things.”
“Like what?”
“Like Maddy and Leth finally going out.”
He smiled. “Leth has been waiting a while.”
“Has he?” The butterflies were back to flapping around in my stomach.
“You have no idea.” He winked at me. “But that makes for a better story, right? Buildup. Tension.”
I laughed.
Seth pulled into the Mini-mart, and the way the store was lit I could clearly see Maxine sitting on her stool behind the register.
“Do you need gas?” I asked.
“No, just a quick stop for a few snacks before we head on.” He parked and turned off the engine.
“Can I wait in the car?” I asked.
His brow went down.
“I’ll give you some money for my snacks but I’d rather not go in.”
“First of all, I’m paying for your snacks. What do you think this is, a friendship outing? Second of all, why don’t you want to come in?”
“I just … Maxine … ” I realized he might not know her name. “The cashier and I don’t get along.”
He laughed. “Join the club.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t like her either. Now don’t make me face her alone.”
“Why don’t you like her? I saw you guys laughing together last time.”
“Let’s see, our exchanges go like this. She says, Wow, you don’t even have an accent. I say, You don’t either. Then we both laugh, while I secretly curse her. This is the routine every time.”
As much as the story sucked it made me feel better about my initial instinct of not giving her any money. I owed her nothing. “Why do you keep going in there, then?” I asked.
“I can’t avoid every place where people say ignorant things or I wouldn’t have anywhere to go.”
I squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged.
Either way, Maxine wasn’t going to be the one to break the news about my lottery win to Seth. I was staying in this car. “I promise I’ll go in with you next time, but tonight … ”
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“That’s fine. Stay. I’ll be right back.” He smiled at me, kissed me on the cheek, then went to face Maxine alone.
I put my hand over my cheek after he was gone, unable to contain the wide grin that had taken over.
Seth came out carrying two big drinks and a bag. When I tried to look in the bag after he set it by his feet, he pushed my hand away. “No way, now you have to wait. Mostly because I can tell surprises aren’t your favorite, but also because Maxine was especially annoying tonight.”
“How do you know I don’t like surprises? Maybe I love them.”
“Because when you’re nervous you talk five times as fast as you normally do.”
I shoved his arm and he laughed.
I tried not to talk the rest of the drive. I didn’t want him to know how right he’d been.
My attention had been so focused on him, on the night, that I hadn’t been paying attention to the landscape until he pulled into the parking lot of the zoo.
“We’re going to the zoo?”
“This is where we met.”
For a second I thought we were just going to sit in the car and eat whatever was in the bag and stare at the front gates. This would’ve all been perfectly fine with me. But he opened his door. “Stan gave me his keys.” He pulled a key out of his pocket and held it up for me.
I smiled. “Did you tell him it was for me? He might’ve taken them back.”
Seth sighed.
Taking me here was a sweet gesture. I didn’t realize how sweet until we were inside, though. Seth had lit the walkways with strands and strands of white lights. They were wrapped around railings and poles and tree trunks and signs … and my entire insides. Or at least it felt like my body was glowing.
“Didn’t you have school today?” I asked.
“I came over here right after the zoo closed with a few buddies.”
Nobody had ever done something so nice for me. My eyes stung and that reaction embarrassed me. I hooked my arm in his elbow and laid my head on his shoulder as we walked. “I thought you said it wasn’t a big thing.”
“It’s not. Just a little time.”
“Thank you.”
“Totally worth it,” he said.
His lit path led to the Farm. The carousel and its horses were lit up as well, and he held his arm to the side, gesturing for me to climb on.
