by Cleary James
Katya and Connor were the first to arrive, followed swiftly after by Martha. When Lisa had introduced everyone and Grayson had got them all drinks, she left them getting to know each other, while she put the finishing touches to dinner.
‘Well, I’m not surprised you’ve been keeping him to yourself,’ Martha said, joining her in the kitchen. ‘He’s gorgeous!’
Lisa turned to her, unable to suppress a smug grin. ‘He is, isn’t he?’
‘This is your birthday cake,’ Martha said, placing a large round tin on the counter. She was the official baker for all their celebrations. ‘No peeking.’
‘Promise.’ Lisa smiled.
‘Can I do anything?’ Martha asked.
‘No, thanks. Everything’s under control.’ She glanced at the clock on the wall. ‘We can eat in about twenty minutes.’
‘Well, come and open your presents, then.’
Lisa wiped her hands on her apron, then took it off and they went to join the others in the living room. She was relieved to find Grayson, Katya and Connor chatting happily together, with no awkwardness between them. Grayson handed her a glass of champagne, and they all toasted her and wished her a happy birthday. Then Katya sat her down on the sofa and she opened her gifts – a smoky grey hand-crocheted cardigan from Martha, as fine and intricate as a spider’s web; a sea glass necklace from Katya that Lisa had admired in the market; and a pair of beautiful ceramic wine goblets from Connor, who had recently taken up pottery. She was surprised when Grayson handed her a flat rectangular parcel wrapped in shiny purple foil and tied with a big silver ribbon.
‘More?’ She looked up at him questioningly as she took it from him. She wasn’t expecting a present as well as the flowers and champagne. ‘You’re spoiling me.’
‘I don’t think that’s possible,’ he said, sitting beside her as she undid the ribbon. ‘You’re the least spoiled person I’ve ever met.’
‘Well, that could change if you keep this up,’ she said, aware of everyone watching her as she peeled off the paper carefully. Inside, a framed canvas was covered in a layer of bubble wrap, which she tore off impatiently.
‘Oh wow!’ she gasped as she held the painting out at arm’s length to study it.
‘Is that what I think it is?’ Katya said, her eyes wide as she leaned in to see.
Lisa nodded. ‘It’s a Hugo Watling. Thank you so much,’ she said, turning to Grayson. ‘I love it! I’m such a fan of his work.’
‘I know,’ Grayson smiled. ‘You told me once.’
She frowned, confused for a moment – and then she remembered. It was the night she and Grayson had first met. They’d talked about art, and she had admired a painting by Hugo Watling in Grayson’s library. She’d said how much she loved his work. She’d never imagined she could actually own one.
‘You remembered,’ she said wonderingly.
‘Of course,’ he smiled. ‘I remember everything about you.’
‘I love it so much, Grayson,’ she said, gazing at it again. ‘Thank you.’ She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Much as she adored the painting and was thrilled to own it, what made it most precious to her was the fact that Grayson had listened and remembered when she told him what she liked; that he had put so much thought into pleasing her.
‘You’re welcome,’ he murmured.
‘Thank you all again for your presents,’ she said, looking around at her friends as she gathered up the wrapping paper. ‘Okay, let’s eat.’
Dinner was fun. Everyone enjoyed the food, and Lisa was delighted to see Grayson getting along well with her friends. He was so friendly and easy-going with them, and there was no stiffness or formality. She felt a flush of pleasure as she watched them chatting and laughing together, and she could tell they all liked each other right away. The conversation flowed effortlessly, and the sound of laughter reverberated around the room as they all drank a little too much.
She looked around the table at her friends’ smiling faces warmed by the soft glow of the candlelight, and thought how far she’d come, how much her life had changed in the past year. Her last birthday had been such a sterile occasion compared to this. Mark had taken her to an upmarket restaurant, and they had eaten exquisite food and drunk the finest wine. It had all been elegant and refined, and very expensive, just the way Mark liked it. But there had been no laughter or fun, no getting tipsy and letting their hair down. She’d spent the evening feeling tense and uncomfortable in the tight, sheath dress and vertiginous heels Mark had picked out for her to wear. She couldn’t even remember what bit of expensive jewellery or sexy lingerie he’d given her. She did recall with a shudder that it was the first time he’d suggested the boob job – it had been part of his birthday gift to her. She had longed to tell him he should buy himself a blow-up doll and have done with it. But she had swallowed it down and said nothing, instead pretending to be pleased and grateful for his generosity. Later, after he had fallen asleep, she had cried into her pillow, wondering how she had sunk so low, and despairing of ever escaping. She had never felt so alone.
‘Lisa?’ Grayson’s voice murmuring in her ear brought her back to the present.
‘Sorry.’ She shook her head as if to clear it of such dark thoughts as she turned to smile at him. ‘I was miles away.’
‘You okay?’ He frowned, putting an arm around her shoulders.
‘Yes,’ she nodded, nuzzling her face against his hand. ‘More than okay.’ She sighed contentedly.
Martha and Katya had disappeared into the kitchen, where they could be heard whispering and giggling together. Moments later, they reappeared, singing Happy Birthday and bearing a large chocolate cake between them, topped with flaming candles. Lisa blushed as everyone joined in the singing and Martha placed the cake on the table in front of her. It was covered in a thick layer of chocolate ganache with ‘Happy Birthday Lisa’ piped in swirly pink icing.
‘This looks amazing, Martha,’ she said as the singing came to an end and everyone clapped.
‘Don’t forget to make a wish,’ Grayson murmured in her ear.
Lisa racked her brain as she drew a deep breath, but she genuinely couldn’t think of anything to wish for. What could she possibly want that she didn’t already have right now? Today couldn’t have been more perfect, and she loved her life. She felt safe and cherished; she had great friends, a job she enjoyed, financial independence and a fulfilling creative life; and she had Grayson. Surely it would be greedy to wish for anything more? She looked around at all the faces smiling at her expectantly, and then her eyes fell on Grayson. She closed her eyes, drew a deep breath and blew out the candles in one go, as everyone clapped and cheered.
‘What did you wish for?’ Connor asked.
‘She can’t say or it won’t come true,’ Katya chided him.
Lisa shook her head. ‘It’s already come true,’ she said, her eyes shining as she turned to Grayson and took his hand. She leaned in and whispered in his ear. ‘I wished for you.’
Chapter Sixteen
‘I have news,’ Grayson told her the next morning. They’d stayed in bed until midday after a late night, and Lisa was cooking them brunch.
‘Oh?’ She added herbs to the frittata in the pan and turned to face him. He was leaning against the worktop, arms folded.
A slow smile spread across his face as he nodded. It was obviously good news.
‘I’ve been shortlisted for the Stirling award,’ he told her, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
‘Stirling award?’
‘It’s an architecture prize,’ he explained. ‘For the building of the year. I’ve been nominated for a children’s library I did in the inner city.’
‘Oh wow!’ Lisa gasped. ‘That’s wonderful, Grayson! Congratulations!’ She threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this last night?’
He shrugged. ‘It was your birthday. I didn’t want to steal your thunder.’
She grinned. ‘Well, now we have to have
another celebration.’ She turned back to the stove and transferred the pan to the oven.
‘There’s something else,’ he said, pushing away from the counter and going to his jacket that hung on the back of a chair. ‘There’s an awards ceremony at the end of the month.’ He delved into the inside pocket and pulled out an envelope. ‘Come with me?’ he asked, handing it to her.
Lisa took the envelope from him and opened it. Inside was an invitation printed on thick white card. Her eyes ran quickly over the elegant silver script, scanning the details: Grayson Fielding and guest, six pm on Friday the twenty-seventh of October, drinks reception followed by dinner at ...
Lisa frowned. ‘But ... it’s in London,’ she faltered, looking up at Grayson.
‘Yes.’ Grayson raised his eyebrows questioningly.
‘I can’t go.’ She held the invitation out to him, handing it back.
Grayson’s face fell, but he didn’t take the card from her. ‘I know it’s a long way to go, but I’m sure Martha would give you the day off – maybe you could even take a couple of days and—’
‘It’s not that,’ she interrupted. ‘It’s just – I don’t want to go back to London.’
He became very still. ‘Ever?’ he asked, his eyes wide. ‘Not even just to visit?’
She realised with a sinking feeling that they had never discussed the details of their long-distance relationship, and it was obvious Grayson hadn’t expected it to continue like this permanently.
‘I’m not asking you to move there. It’s just one night.’
‘I know, but ... I just can’t. I’m sorry.’
‘Why not?’ He frowned.
She took a shaky breath. ‘I just ... I don’t feel safe there.’ She looked up at him, pleading for understanding.
His frown deepened. ‘Because of Mark?’ He sounded almost incredulous, and she felt foolish.
‘Yes,’ she said faintly. She hated disappointing him, but she couldn’t help it.
Grayson sighed. ‘London’s a big place, Lisa,’ he said reasonably. ‘It’s one night. What are the chances of you running into Mark?’
‘I know, but ...’ She bit her lip. She felt awful for letting him down. He’d been so good to her, and she couldn’t do this one little thing for him. She knew he was right: it was highly unlikely she would come across Mark, and she was being completely irrational. But she still couldn’t bring herself to say she’d go.
‘Even if you did see him, what do you think would happen?’ Grayson continued. ‘I’d be with you the whole time. Anything you need to make you feel safe, Lisa, I’ll do it.’
She shook her head, holding out the card to him. ‘I’m sorry. I know it’s silly, but I can’t help it. It’s just how I feel.’
He huffed out a deep breath. ‘It’s fine,’ he said, taking the invitation from her with obvious reluctance. He’d been so happy and excited a few minutes ago, and she hated seeing him so deflated. She couldn’t bear that she’d spoiled the moment for him. He was obviously trying to hide it, but she could tell from the stiffness of his jaw and the tightening around his mouth that he was frustrated with her and was finding it difficult not to show it.
‘I’m really sorry, Grayson,’ she said miserably. ‘I’d love to be there with you, but—’
He took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. ‘It’s fine, Lisa,’ he said, his tone softer this time. He was clearly making an effort to shrug off his disappointment.
‘I wish—’
‘Hey,’ he said softly, reaching for her as tears pooled in her eyes. ‘Really, don’t worry about it.’ He pulled her into his arms, and gave her forehead a soft kiss. ‘It’s not a big deal – just a black-tie dinner and a lot of speeches. It’ll probably be really boring.’ He brushed a stray tear away with his thumb. ‘I’ll ask Isabel to come with me,’ he said.
Lisa flinched. She knew he didn’t say it to be cruel, but her heart twisted at the thought of Isabel sharing his special moment with him when it should have been her – and all because she was too much of a coward. Why was she still letting Mark poison her life? What was the point of leaving everything behind and moving halfway across the country if she was still allowing him to control her? Would she ever be really free of him?
‘I’m sorry,’ Grayson said, frowning as he saw how upset she was. ‘I didn’t realise you felt this way. I wouldn’t have brought it up if I’d known the idea of going to London would scare you so much. But let’s not let it spoil our weekend.’ He kissed her forehead and released her.
‘We can still celebrate, can’t we?’ she asked meekly. ‘I’m so happy for you, Grayson.’
‘Of course. We’ll have our own celebration.’
That evening they drank champagne in front of the fire, and toasted Grayson’s success. He showed Lisa the building he’d been nominated for on his laptop, getting carried away as he talked about how he’d created it and what he’d tried to achieve. The exterior was constructed of timber and mirrored glass. It was beautiful and surprising, standing out in its drab urban setting, and yet at the same time completely harmonious with its surroundings. The plain glass panels reflected the trees and sky, so that the structure blended seamlessly with the landscape. Inside the building was full of colour and quirky, playful features – hidden doors, secret staircases, and even a slide from one floor to another – all aimed at making the library a fun and magical place for the local children, somewhere they they would want to use, and that would feel like it belonged to them.
‘It’s amazing, Grayson,’ she said, scrolling through the images. ‘Like something out of a storybook.’
‘That was the idea,’ he smiled.
‘I’d love to see it in the flesh sometime.’
‘I’d love to show it to you,’ Grayson said.
There was a hint of sadness in his tone, and even as they drank champagne and celebrated, Lisa felt leaden, like a pall had been cast over the whole evening and no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t reclaim it.
She felt awful. Grayson had given her so much, and the first time he had asked her for something, she had let him down. It didn’t bode well for the future of their relationship, and it left her feeling shaky and insecure. Grayson had agreed to try the long-distance thing, but he clearly hadn’t realised until today how one-sided the arrangement would be. She knew it wasn’t fair to expect him to always be the one making the effort to be together. How long before he got tired of it? Was she going to lose him now when they’d barely begun? Did they even have a future if she couldn’t share the most important moments of his life with him?
The question niggled at her for the rest of the week. Grayson never mentioned the awards dinner again when they spoke on the phone, but she felt it hanging in the air between them, and it preyed on her mind when she was alone. Was she being unfair to him? If she couldn’t be a real part of his life, would it be better for both of them to stop now before they got in any deeper?
But she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. Instead, she began to entertain the idea of going to London. She tried to imagine herself there, testing her feelings as she visualised herself walking the familiar streets. The idea still scared her, but for Grayson maybe she could overcome it.
He had played down how much the awards ceremony meant to him, but she guessed he was just doing that for her sake, because he didn’t want her to feel bad. She went over and over it in her mind, agonising over what to do. Eventually, she decided she would try. But there was someone else she had to talk to before she could tell Grayson that she’d changed her mind. She looked up the number of Isabel’s Mayfair gallery and called her.
‘Who may I say is calling?’ the receptionist asked her.
‘Lisa ... um, Lisa Matthews,’ she replied. She didn’t know if Isabel would even remember her. They had only met on a couple of occasions, albeit in rather extraordinary circumstances. She drummed her fingers nervously as she waited.
‘Lisa! This is a nice surprise,’ she said, sounding lik
e she meant it. Lisa relaxed, melting into the warmth of Isabel’s welcoming voice. ‘It’s lovely to hear from you. How are you?’
‘I’m good,’ she smiled, remembering how much she had liked Isabel from the first time they’d met. She’d always been so open and friendly. ‘I don’t know if Grayson told you, but we’ve been ... seeing each other a bit.’ She felt awkward saying it, even though she knew Isabel and Grayson had never had a monogamous relationship.
‘Yes, he told me he’d found you,’ she said, and Lisa couldn’t help feeling a little twinge of jealousy at the reminder of how close Grayson and Isabel were. ‘I’m so glad,’ she continued. ‘But don’t worry, he hasn’t told me any details.’
‘Oh, it’s fine. I know I can trust you.’ Isabel had never been anything but kind to her. She had even stuck up for her against Mark.
‘I’m just glad to see him so happy,’ Isabel said. ‘You know he cares about you very much, Lisa.’
Lisa smiled. ‘I care about him too.’ She cleared her throat. ‘That’s why I’m calling really. I wanted to ask you about this award he’s been shortlisted for—’
‘Oh, isn’t it marvellous?’ Isabel gasped. ‘I’m so thrilled for him.’
‘It is important, then? I mean, he said it’s not that big a deal, but ...’
‘Are you kidding me? Grayson getting this is huge! It’s like the architect’s equivalent of an Oscar. I mean, even the short-listing is a big deal. If he wins, it’ll be a total game-changer.’
‘Are you going to the awards dinner with him?’ Lisa asked tentatively.
‘Yes. It’s such a shame you couldn’t get away. I’m sure you’d love to be there with him on the night.’
‘Well, things have ... changed.’ She bit her lip, feeling awkward. Grayson obviously hadn’t gone into the reasons why she’d refused to go to the ceremony, and she didn’t want to admit to Isabel that it was just because she was a coward.
