by L M Terry
“Were you working that night in the bar or were you there for…you know…like the things you do in one of those clubs?”
He laughs hard doubling over towards the steering wheel. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you.” He pulls himself together but it’s too late I’m already butt hurt.
“Fine. Don’t tell me, I don’t really want to talk about this topic anyhow. Let’s just move on to the next crazy thing you’re going to make me do. What’s next wrestling alligators at the zoo?” We pull into the garage and I get out before he can come around to open my door for me. I slam the door and stomp into the house heading straight for the painting room. He said it was my space to get away from him and that is just what I want right now.
I don’t slam the door to the room though, it doesn’t feel right to slam the door on such a beautiful place. After waiting a few minutes, I see he is not going to follow me. Good. I’m never bringing the subject up again. He laughed. I don’t know what was worse Ted laughing at my story all those years ago or Anthony laughing at my question. Fuck him.
Maybe if I paint I will feel better. There isn’t anyone here to tell me what to paint. I explore the room finding everything I need and set up near the windows. It is perfect here, wonderful lighting, an amazing view. It is an art room I could only dream of being mine. But, for the next year it is mine. If this lasts a year. He will probably end up killing me before then.
So, what to paint?
I draw my brush through a few rich colors as my mind swirls with thoughts of the day. I close my eyes and then I begin. When I finish the first painting I move on to the next and then another and another. Before I know it the room is getting dark and my stomach is growling. I look around the floor, holy cow. Where did all of this come from?
It came from me.
Not the memories of others.
But, my own.
I plop down in the center of the room. What the fuck is happening to me?
I glance at the door. He hasn’t bugged me all day. I suppose I should go out and apologize for my tizzy fit. I mean really it was a silly thing to get mad about. This whole fucked up situation is funny, why did I get so butt hurt over him laughing? I know the answer to that, unfortunately. It is because Ted made me believe that my story, my fantasies were bad. He made me believe that I deserved the things he asked me to do because of what I wrote. That I was so fucked up already it didn’t matter. So, when Anthony laughed it was another lash of shame.
After washing out my brushes and cleaning up I make my way out to living room to face him. He is sitting at the table with a glass of wine in front of him. I stand in the doorway and clear my throat to get his attention. He looks up and smiles. “Come here.” He pats his knee urging me to go to him.
I don’t move from my spot. “I’m sorry, Anthony. I should not have acted that way, especially since you have been doing so much for me. I was being childish again I’m afraid.”
He frowns and that makes me shift nervously. “Come. Here,” he orders again.
Crap he is angry. I inch my way over to him and he grabs me by my wrist pulling me down into his lap. “You don’t need to apologize, Dani. I am the one who owes you one. I should not have laughed at you. This…” he motions his finger between the two of us, “is new to me.”
He shifts so that I am more comfortable on his knee. “I’m not going to lie to you, Dani. I’m fast, everything I do is fast, so I stay ahead of those dirty little things called feelings. I’m simply not good with them. You make me want to work on that. I’ve been thinking maybe we will be able to help each other.”
“You want me to help you?” I stare deep into his eyes. This is a different Anthony than I’ve seen.
“Yes, you are going to help me slow down and I’m going to hate it as much as you hated jumping off that bridge.”
I laugh but I see the sincerity in his words. “Anthony, I don’t know if I can help you. I can barely keep my own head above water most days.”
“You have already begun to help. It’s hard to see but you are. Don’t worry, you just have to be you,” he says running his thumb over my cheek.
“Would you like to come see what I painted today?” I ask, suddenly wanting to share something with him.
“Absolutely. I was hoping you were locked in there creating something and not just sulking over my bad manners.”
I hop off of his lap and take a step away from him, but I reach my hand behind me. He accepts and allows me to pull him down the hallway. When we get inside I flip the light on. He stares at all of my paintings for a minute before turning to face me. “How did you do all of this today?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I’ve only ever painted what others have told me to paint. Even when I was young, I always painted what my dad told me to. This is the first time I simply just painted…for myself.”
He takes a step forward and crouches down to inspect them closer. I set them up in a row along the wall. “They are incredible.”
I chew on my bottom lip, feeling slightly embarrassed. Each painting is one of my memories since I bumped into him. The bridge, the river, the bench he spanked me on, his bike, the rose from my breakfast tray and the largest of all of the paintings - the windows of his home with the ocean beyond, complete with the smudge on the glass from where he pushed against it.
“I think the doctors are wrong,” he says to the paintings in front of him.
“Why do you say that?” I ask.
“You aren’t afraid of everything. Look at these, they all represent something you have overcame in just a few short days. Something is triggering your anxiety, I get that. I’m not dismissing your feelings. I wish I knew what it was, but I don’t think you have a phobia.”
“I’m just not as afraid of things when I’m with you. You are a great distraction to the anxiety that lives in the pit of my soul,” I say leaning up against the door frame.
He stands and slowly turns to face me. “I’m sorry about today. I really am. Let’s talk. I suck at it as you’ve probably already deduced but, I think we need to do more of it. I’m not going to be able to figure out those broken bits of yours if all I do is force you to jump.” He smiles taking my hand in his and bringing it to his lips. I’m mesmerized by him. He is like a drug, one that keeps my apprehension at bay.
I nod and follow him to the kitchen. He pulls something that smells delicious out of the oven. “l was hoping you would come out of that room soon. I enjoy having someone to share a meal with. But, I was tempted to eat without you. I’m starving.”
I laugh and help him set the table. “So, what did you want to talk about? Is it about what crazy thing you are going to make me accomplish tomorrow?”
“No. We are going to share our deepest and darkest fantasies.”
My mind flashes to my story as I slide into a chair. “Seriously, I don’t…”
“Shhh, this won’t be as difficult as you think. I’ll make it as easy as I can, but we keep sidestepping the topic and it’s not doing you any favors. So, we hash this out tonight. I’m going to tell you and show you what I like. And, I’m going to question you on what you like. You won’t need to struggle with words, I promise. We eat first.”
I clean up in the kitchen while Anthony locks up for the evening. I find myself scrubbing at imaginary spots on the countertops stalling as he waits for me. “Dani,” he says, and he cocks an eyebrow at me. Gig is up, he knows I’m delaying the inevitable. I toss the dish cloth on the counter and slowly follow him to the bedroom. He climbs up on the bed and pats the spot beside him. Once I’m settled cross legged and facing him he begins.
“First off I am going to answer the question I so rudely laughed at in the car. I was in that club because I like to be in control, I have a very dominate personality as you may have noticed.” I snort at his comment, boy have I noticed. “Anyhow, I was in a terrible mood that night. I’d all but cut my friends off and I had been spending most nights in the bottom of a bottle. I just wasn’t finding what I was needing in the club s
cene any longer. Then, I bumped into you and as time progressed I started to see myself with you. I want to share something a little more intimate than random hookups at a club. I want someone who is willing to put their trust in me and I am hoping that person is you. I want to see how far you and I can go together.”
“I’m…I don’t understand? You don’t want to just help me with my fears. You want more than that from me?”
“I do want to help you but yes, that’s not all I want. I want everything from you.”
And, I want to give you everything. My thoughts are running rampant. This, this is my chance. He is the one I have been waiting for and it’s happening and I’m not even afraid. My heart is beating loudly in my ears and my palms are sweating. I run my hands over my legs trying desperately to control my breathing. “Okay.”
He smiles. “Okay?”
“Yes.”
“So, were you in the club just to have someone force you out of your fear or were you there because you have an interest in the lifestyle?”
I look down at my lap. “Both.”
He grabs my chin and forces my eyes to his. “Don’t hide from me. I will answer all of your questions on the topic but do not be embarrassed. What do you know about it?”
“Very little,” I whisper.
“We will start slow. I will teach you what I know.”
“What if I don’t like something?”
“Then you say red and we stop. Since meeting me what have you fantasied about?”
I giggle and look down again.
He tips my chin again. “Okay, since you seem to be uncomfortable telling me what you have been thinking, I’ll tell you what I have been imagining.”
“You’ve fantasied about me?”
“Oh, Dani, you have no idea. Have you heard of Shibari?”
I blush a thousand shades of red. “Yes,” I say barely audible to my own ears.
He gets off the bed going into his closet. He comes back out and hands me a length of looped rope. “Would you like to try it?”
I wiggle on the bed. I do, I really do. Being restrained by Anthony has pretty much been a common theme in my head since the moment I met him. I run the rope through my fingers, it’s not coarse like I thought it would be, it is almost soft. I peek up at him through my lashes. “Have you done this before?”
“I’m very good at it.”
Well I guess that answers my question. I don’t really want to hear about his previous partners anyhow. He said they had been unfulfilling, no need to poke at the green-eyed monster. What if I disappoint him too? “Are you sure you want to do this with me?”
“Yes. I have a feeling this is something you have been needing or simply wanting. I can give it to you, and you can trust that you will be safe with me. I need to control, and I think you have been searching for someone to give up control to. We won’t know until we try, yes?”
I look directly into his eyes. “Will you make me cry?”
“Possibly, this is about letting me take control and you simply being free to feel whatever it is that you feel in that moment. It’s all about trust. I will take care of you. I promise, I know what to watch for. I will push you, but I won’t push you farther than you can go. Do you trust me, Dani?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to cry.”
“Why?”
“I won’t be able to stop.”
He takes my face in his hands. “Dani, I’m not going to lie to you. You might cry, you might scream, you might even curse all of the gods, but I promise I will take care of you. I will never abandon you, but you have to trust me.”
“Fuck, Anthony. Are we really going to do this?”
“Take a shower, think about it and if you want to try I’ll be in the living room waiting. Come to me as you are, do not get dressed.” He takes the rope from my hands and walks out of the room.
I don’t have to think twice. I want this. I want this more than anything I have every wanted. He saved me twice, can he do it again? Can he unleash my soul from the fear and shame that has kept me shackled for so long?
I all but run to shower. My story is finally coming true, and the leading man is the one I have dreamed about for the past eight years and he is waiting for me in the other room. Me. Maybe my luck has finally changed.
Chapter Ten
Anthony
◆◆◆
Ihope she chooses to trust me. Danielle is special, this I know with one hundred percent certainty. As time goes on I can’t get enough of her. She is strong, so unbelievable strong and she just doesn’t see it. I mean for christ’s sake she jumped off a bridge because I told her too. That takes guts. But, it was the fact that she obeyed me that made my dick hard. I could have taken her right then and there dangling over the river.
But, then in typical Anthony flair I pissed her off, shit, I’ll admit it I didn’t piss her off, I hurt her feelings. It was stupid. We have been dancing around the sexual tension for weeks. I was going to ease her into it, starting with the massage but, fuck I can’t wait. I could take her with rose petals and candles, but I get the feeling she isn’t that type of girl. She is curious about the culture. Her eyes dilated and her breathing picked up when I brought the rope out. I think she wants this, but I will find out soon enough.
I’m sitting in one of the kitchen chairs in front of the windows with my back to the doorway, staring out into the night sky. I’ll see her coming through the reflection in the glass. Speak of the devil. I grin watching her hesitate in the hallway, biting her bottom lip. The anticipation of what she is going to do has me as horny as a teenage boy. However, this is something that I can move slow on. The one thing that quiets my mind and allows me to focus. She is new to this and it is very important that I take great effort for it to be good for her. Maybe she won’t like it but if she does…the possibilities are endless.
She is tiptoeing up behind me. She pauses every few seconds to glance back over her shoulder. Wondering whether she should retreat or surrender. How exciting. This girl has my blood pumping harder than it ever has. This, this is what I have been missing. Someone to share dinner, adventures and this.
What she does next surprises me, which is not easy to do. I cock an eyebrow watching as she moves to stand in front of me, the windows at her back. Her chest is rising and falling fast she slips to her knees, butt resting on her heels, palms raised upward on her thighs. Her honey colored hair is even plaited into a braid as if she anticipated that I would prefer it that way. Simply. Perfection.
I let her sit in silence for a moment, letting her come to terms with her decision. After several long minutes I stand causing her to jerk back slightly, but she corrects herself quickly. “Since this is your first time playing you can raise your eyes. I want you to be able to see what is coming…this time.” She swallows hard, her muscles contracting slowly down her neck.
As I slide the chair away from us a few feet I remove my belt letting it glide through the loops slowly. I glance back at her as I set it on the chair. She is studying me intently. I’m not the person she sees on a day to day to basis under my clothes. I hope it doesn’t scare her. I unbutton my cuffs and I see that her lips have parted. Smiling at her I turn so she can get the full effect. As I slide each button out of its place more and more of my ink is revealed. Not many get to see me this way, I don’t know why I try to hide it. It’s the old me, the wild, out of control version. The one who sat in jail more than I did on my own couch. That is until I met Manuel. After he set me on a straighter path it was just easier to hide that part of me.
Her eyes widen as shrug out of the shirt, but she doesn’t look distressed. Good. “When we play I will expect you to be in this very spot, sitting just like you are now with your eyes lowered to the floor.” She nods her head, not meeting my gaze. Her eyes are still roaming over my torso and my arms.
“You will answer me with words, not a nod of the head. You will also address me as sir,” I tell her picking up the rope off of the floor where I left it. “D
o you understand?”
Goose pimples break out over her body and she shivers slightly. “Yes, sir.”
“Good girl. A few things before we begin.” I grab a pair of scissors out of one of the kitchen drawers holding them up for her inspection. “If for any reason you need to be released I will cut the ropes. I can do this very quickly, but you need to remain calm as I do.”
“Yes, sir.”
I tip my head to her. She is doing very well.
“If anything becomes too numb or tingly I want you to try wiggling the area, if it does not subside, you need to inform me. You may feel some discomfort. It is part of the art but if it is unbearable you must let me know. It is very important that I know your state of well-being at all times. I may from time to time stop and check in with you, I will expect answers to my questions.”
“Yes, sir.”
“We will keep it simple for tonight. Just enough to give you a taste. Do you have any questions?”
“No sir.”
I circle her, noticing her every reaction. She is a blank canvas, a canvas that has been awaiting an artist to discover the beauty that awaits.
Danielle
◆◆◆
Holly hell. Anthony is hot. Like so unbelievably hot that I think I may incinerate at his touch. In the blink of an eye he went from James Bond to…to…hell if I know but I like. I like very much. He had a lethal appearance before and now he looks downright dangerous. My stomach is fluttering as my eyes move over him. Skulls, roses, knives, a dragon, and so, so much more has been secretly living beneath his expensive suits. Ha, how fucking ironic that I used fake tattoos to hide behind and he has done the exact opposite.
He crouches down in front of me staring into my eyes. His normally silver-grey eyes are now almost completely black, with little circles of the silver radiating along the outer edge of his pupils. The fact that he is still dressed in his black dress pants and nothing else besides the dark mass of tattoos adorning his body has my brain entertaining him in a different light. Or maybe no light at all, he is like a dark angel crouching in front of me. Calling to me to join him from the other side. A place where shame doesn’t exist, only pleasure and pain. My eyes shut on their own accord as I try to control my body, to slow it down, I know that is what he is waiting for and I want to please him.
