“I guess we could watch your movie now.” He raised the Dracula box.
“If you want.” I batted my lashes at him playfully. I stood up and walked to my door; the house was quiet and dark.
“What time are your parents coming home?” Micah asked. He must have noticed the silence, too.
“I have no idea, actually. They haven’t texted me or anything. I guess they went out and got sidetracked with something.”
Micah started the movie and I sat back against my pillows again, this time pushing my comforter to the side. Micah lay down and rested his head against my leg, startling me a little. I hadn’t expected him to feel so comfortable with me like that. But he kept his focus on the screen, engrossed in the opening scenes of the king and his suicidal bride. My hands crept to his hair, and I began to gently play with his dark locks, twirling the strands around my fingertips. Micah closed his eyes and moaned faintly.
“That feels really good,” he grunted.
“I-I’m glad,” I stuttered. I had never touched a boy’s hair. While I might have dreamed of doing this, I never thought I’d have enough courage to do it for real.
Micah opened his soft, brown eyes and I was molten lava. The movie seemed long forgotten as he lay there, watching me. That something was building deep in my gut again as he slowly pushed himself up and turned to face me. My hands retreated to my sides as his lips turned up into a playful smile. His warm fingers came to rest on either side of my waist, trapping me between his arms.
“Do you want to make out?”
I was so absorbed in his stare, I barely registered what he had asked.
“What?” My eyes darted from his eyes to his lips. I wondered what they’d feel like. They looked kissable. His lips seemed warm and soft. I had thought a lot about kissing Micah Jacobs.
“You heard me, Charlie.” His response was gentle and teasing as he leaned in closer. I eased back, trying to regain some distance between us.
Somehow, he managed his way between my legs, and his hands tightened their hold of me, preventing me from leaning too far. There was nothing I could do to keep him from coming closer, and I didn’t want him to stop.
I knew I needed to respond to him; I needed to find my voice and say “yes,” but it betrayed me. Micah didn’t wait for me to muster up enough courage either. He gently pressed his lips against mine. It took me a moment to register that this was really happening. Micah Jacobs was actually kissing me. I had been right: his lips were soft and warm, and I knew I could get lost in his kiss if I allowed myself to.
But it was brief, a mere soft peck, as though he only wanted to try and see what would happen.
Micah looked down at me, gauging my reaction, and then pulled away. The kiss happened all too quickly for me. I needed it to happen again. I wanted it to happen again.
“I think we should give that another go,” he said, as though reading my mind. He hovered over me, his hand brushing my neck, his thumb skimming smoothly over my skin and through my hair as his lips lowered to mine a second time. I lifted my hands to his sides, and held onto him tightly. His lips slanted slightly, deepening the kiss. My heart pounded loudly in my ears.
His lips parted, inviting me to participate. My body began to melt and buzz to life all at once, as my fingers dug into the back of his shirt. I was eager to return the deepened kiss. His body relaxed against mine as his fingers moved to the back of my head, massaging my scalp. Micah’s lips moved expertly against mine, leaving me breathless and drowsy.
He pulled away slowly, but by the expression in his eyes, he seemed pleased. I lay there in amazement. I had no words to fill the silence of the room, or the space between us. I had never imagined my first kiss to be so…perfect.
“You’re actually speechless,” Micah murmured. “I didn’t think I’d ever see the day.”
His eyes scanned over my dazed expression with a smug smile. Was he going to go for a third kiss? Did he realize what this meant for me? For us?
“Please, don’t break my heart,” I heard myself rasp, and the amusement in his eyes faded.
“Why would I break your heart?” Micah brushed his thumb against the corner of my lips, his nose to my cheek. My arms were still awkwardly holding onto his sides. I couldn’t seem to let go of him.
What explanation could I give him? I was scared of allowing myself to be happy with him. I was scared of opening myself up to Micah, showing him all my bumps and bruises. And somehow, one day, losing him. I was afraid of facing an unforeseeable rejection by him. Though I was thrilled to have been kissed by him, I feared being so vulnerable.
“I don’t want to break your heart, Charlie. That’s the last thing I want to do.” Micah leaned down, pressing another soft kiss against my lips, as though he were trying to seal his words. I parted my mouth, welcoming him. I wanted him to continue. This was actually happening. Micah had just kissed me…and was kissing me again! Did he feel the same way I was feeling? There was a building desire growing in the pit of my stomach with every slant of his lips. His fingers carefully moved from my cheek, to my shoulder and then slowly down my side. His caresses were intoxicating. I heard myself let out a soft gasp as his lips moved away from mine, down to my neck.
The sound of the garage door opening broke our moment. Micah quickly pushed himself off of me and the bed. I got up, feeling groggy as I watched him pick up his car keys.
“I’ll head out. Don’t want to get you in trouble with your parents.” Something in the tone of his voice didn’t feel right. Something had changed.
“You won’t,” I said. I wanted to talk. I wanted to know what this moment meant to him. He couldn’t just leave after kissing me like that. “You don’t have to go.”
“I should probably head home and make sure my dad hasn’t burned the place down. When we left, he was making dinner for himself.”
I didn’t know whether to lift myself up on my toes and kiss his cheek, or wave him off, like we were only friends—like nothing had just happened. Why did this have to be so complicated?
“Plus, we’ve got the whole monster-coming-to-life scene Monday. I should go rest up so I can give my ultimate performance,” Micah teased.
I heard my parents and their jingling keys as they entered the house. My dad’s voice echoed throughout the house, almost like a warning of stop-doing-things-you-shouldn’t-be. “We’re home.”
“Micah,” I said, as I tried to stop him, reaching for his arm. But Micah moved away wordlessly down the hall.
“Oh, hey, Micah,” my mom greeted him. Could she see how flushed my cheeks were? I swallowed.
“Hey, Mrs. Blake.” Micah waved. “Just headed out. Thanks for letting us use your camera and the backyard for our film today.” His comment was also directed to my dad, who was busy going through the pile of mail on the table. Dad nodded his head in acknowledgement as Micah slipped out the door. I wanted to prevent him from leaving. Had the tables really been turned on me? Was he really running away from this…from me…from us…?
“Did you two have fun today?” Dad asked me.
I shrugged as I turned back toward my room. “I thought we did.”
Closing my door behind me, I tried to keep myself calm. Deciding hot water might help, I clambered into the shower and tried to steady my thoughts. Once the water started to turn cold, I stepped out and changed into my pajamas. My heart felt heavy as I sank down into my bed.
As I lay on my mattress, I rested my phone on my chest. I felt incredibly confused. All of this was so new to me. I had never been kissed before. It was better than a Hollywood movie-kiss, or even my “La Vie En Rose” fantasy; this had been real.
I closed my eyes and relived our kisses. There had been a tender eagerness in his lips. In my memory, I could still feel his fingers on my waist, holding me tightly against him. I had never known what it was like to be so connected, so close to someone before.
I waited for what felt like hours for Micah to text me, but he didn’t. I was tempted to send him a message, but I didn’t want to seem clingy. I didn’t want to scare him off with the million questions building up in my mind.
I tried to distract myself by watching a movie on my laptop, and surfing my Facebook feed for a while. By midnight, I knew I had to give up and just go to sleep.
“Hiding My Heart”
Adele
I STARED BLANKLY AT THE test in front of me. I couldn’t stop thinking about Micah.
I snuck a glance in his direction as he answered the questions I should have been focusing on. Mrs. Tenner had decided to give us a pop quiz on our monthly vocabulary words. Despite my love of reading, I’d always been pretty terrible at memorizing words and definitions. Sometimes, I’d try to find letters in the word and discover clever ways of matching them to their meaning, but it rarely ever helped me on the quizzes. This one was no exception. Looking down at the test, I regretted my method of so-called learning:
I was going to fail. So badly. On cue, the bell rang and Mrs. Tenner tapped her desk.
“Bring up your quizzes! And remember, your projects are due before Thanksgiving break!” I reluctantly gave her my almost-blank sheet.
“You look a little under the weather, Charlie,” she remarked. “It’s not like you to not finish a test.”
“Yeah, I’m not...feeling the greatest,” I admitted.
“I hope you feel better.” Mrs. Tenner patted my hand tenderly.
I stopped at the door, deciding to wait for Micah and walk with him. Despite the few words we exchanged on the bus earlier that morning, we had barely spoken since Saturday. He had pretty much stayed to himself. The twist in my gut told me something was wrong. Micah regretted it. He totally regretted kissing me.
“Hey.” I tried to smile warmly as he came out of the classroom. He adjusted his backpack and gave me a nod. “How do you think you did on the pop quiz?”
“Eh,” was all he said. Together, we started down the hallway.
“Is everything ready for today?” I asked, trying to keep the conversation going. I felt as though Micah just wanted me to leave him alone. I was tempted to do just that. If that’s what he really wanted.
“Yeah, as far as I know. We just have that one scene, and then I think Marshall and I are going out to a Halloween party afterwards.”
“Oh, that sounds like fun.” I tried to sound enthusiastic. He looked at me, skeptical.
“Not exactly your kind of fun.” His eyes narrowed slightly.
What was that about? We paused as I arrived to my math classroom.
“I guess I’ll see you later,” he began, but I cut in.
“I need to talk to you.”
But he disregarded this, and walked away, toward his next class. I stood in the doorway, feeling stupid and hurt. What had I done wrong? This was exactly what I was afraid of. This was why I didn’t want to get involved with him.
Giving up, I turned and went into my class. I sat down with a sigh and bit the inside of my cheek to distract myself from the nagging pain in my chest. Rachel came to sit beside me, and passed me a note once Mr. Harvey began the lesson.
What’s wrong?
I scribbled back to her.
Micah won’t talk to me. Something happened and he’s being super distant with me today.
While Mr. Harvey wasn’t looking, I slid the note back to her, and watched as she carefully unfolded it and read it behind her desk. She looked at me and wrote back.
Wow. What happened?!
I glanced at the note, uneasy. Should I tell her?
Things just got complicated. I think we had a misunderstanding. But he won’t talk to me now.
Rachel passed the note back to me again.
That doesn’t make any sense.
It made complete sense to me. He was a stupid boy, thinking it would be fine to kiss a girl who had apparently been hanging out with him for too long. He must have thought it was fun, until it wasn’t anymore.
I shrugged at Rachel, deciding not to write anything back. I wanted to tell her about Micah and the kiss, but I didn’t feel comfortable putting it on paper. I didn’t want to chance my note falling into the wrong hands. The last thing I needed was my written confession of my first kiss being found by someone else.
After class, as she looked at me with empathy in her eyes, I told Rachel the whole story.
“I’m so sorry, Charlie. Boys are weird,” she said, shaking her head. We walked together. “I wish I had a better explanation, but I don’t get it either.”
I looked down.
“It’s probably better for you to just distance yourself now. I wouldn’t want you to get any more hurt than you already are. Good thing you’re done filming the project after today. You don’t have to see him anymore. Things can go back to normal, if you want them to.”
“What is normal?” I asked her. “Go back to what, exactly?”
“I guess the way it was before…Micah. Are you sure you can’t just talk to him?”
“I tried today. He doesn’t want to talk.” I shook my head. “I can’t help feeling like I did something wrong.”
“No,” Rachel said as she stopped in the hallway. “That’s the one thing you need to remember. You did nothing wrong. He’s the one who kissed you.”
“Please don’t tell anyone,” I urged her. She gave me a cheer-up-buttercup smile.
“Don’t worry. I won’t. I’ll see you later, Charlie. Keep your chin up!”
“See you,” I said and headed to the next classroom.
THE SET PAUL HAD CREATED for the last scene was intense. I was actually shocked as we walked into the barn Paul had found for our film-shooting. There were all sorts of jars and lights lined up on the window sills and desk. There was even a hospital gurney. How the heck had he managed to get that?
“This is way awesome, dude.” Marshall fist-bumped him. “We should have done the whole movie in here!” He played with a few of the props and grinned like a five-year-old.
“This is amazing, Paul.” Micah glanced around.
“Yes, thank you,” I chimed in. Paul grinned broadly and shrugged.
“I love to build stuff. The rest of it, I just found in the dump.” That explains the gurney.
“This should be your career,” I said, picking up one of the odd tools lying openly on a table. “You’d be a great carpenter.”
“Nah.” He shook his head. “This is a hobby. That’s all.”
“We should get started.” Micah shrugged out of his jacket. “I grabbed a lab coat from one of the science labs. I thought it would be best for this.”
“Sweet.” Marshall slid the monster mask over his face. I stood back by Paul; he had the camera in hand as Marshall got up onto the gurney.
“I bet a bunch of people died on this thing,” Marshall said before he lay back on it.
“That’s morbid.” I frowned.
“That’s Marshall.” Paul laughed.
Micah had moussed his hair, and mussed it so that it stood up, giving him the appearance of a madman. By that point in the story, it fit the part of Victor Frankenstein.
Paul flicked a few lights on from a small remote, illuminating the space. With another click, thunderstorm sound effects came from small speakers he had placed around the room. It was impressive, at least for a high school production. Micah laughed wickedly and Marshall rose up slowly, his arms straight in the air like a zombie. I did everything I could to hold back my giggles. It was too dramatic. Paul shouted out, “Cut!” as the scene came to an end, and Marshall tore the mask from his face.
“Was that not the best ever?” he shouted over the crackling of thunder. Paul flicked off the special lights.
“It was pretty awesome.” Paul looked at me. “What do you think, Charlie? Is it a wrap?”
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“Yeah. At least, I don’t think I could watch that again.” I smirked.
Paul set the camera down, grinning. “Now, we’ll just have to tear it all down.”
“No way, man, we should have the Halloween party in here!” Marshall interjected.
“I don’t think so,” Paul replied. “I promised I’d have the barn cleaned out by tonight. If you bring your groupies here, it’ll only get more trashed.”
Marshall made a face, but didn’t argue with Paul. Micah began to help dismantle the set. About an hour later, he and the guys had taken the props apart and hauled them out to Paul’s truck.
“Micah and I are going to be late for our party,” Marshall said as he tugged his phone out of his pocket. “Can you get her home?” he asked Paul. I didn’t like feeling as though I were unwanted baggage. Besides, it wasn’t like Marshall was responsible for me.
“I can just call my brother to come and get me,” I suggested.
“It’s all right. I have to head back to the shop. I think your house is on the way,” Paul assured me.
“Thanks.” Micah gave Paul a high-five. I so wanted to point my middle finger in his face. He strolled out with Marshall without so much as one word to me. I couldn’t stop myself from crossing my arms against my chest. Paul, apparently, witnessed my reaction.
“If looks could kill, Charlie...” He motioned for me to follow him out to his truck. “Come on. Let’s get you home before the trick-or-treaters start flooding the streets.”
“You’ve Haunted Me All My Life”
Death Cab For Cutie
I LAY IN BED WATCHING kid-friendly Halloween movies that I could find on TV. Disney was showing my favorite, Tower of Terror, and before that, the cartoon classic, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. The Headless Horseman still kinda scared me, but not nearly as much as the one in the Johnny Depp version. I kept lifting up my phone to check the time, and to see if I had any new messages, but my text inbox remained empty and quiet.
The Songs in Our Hearts: A Young Adult Romance Page 17
