“You don’t have to be such a bitch,” Micah hissed to Samantha as she walked by. She pushed against his shoulder and glared.
“Whatever, Micah. Shut up,” she snapped, flicking her hair over her shoulder. There was a flush of color on her cheeks. Was she embarrassed?
“Look at you, Ms. Living-A-Little.” Micah held out his hand to me for a high-five. “Good for you.”
I slapped his hand but didn’t feel like celebrating on the inside.
“Don’t let her get to you, Charlie,” Micah told me sternly.
“Micah, I—” My heart pounded against my chest as I tried to say what I had been thinking about the night before. “I—”
“Charlie!” Jennifer’s voice rang from down the hall, breaking my concentration and courage. I turned to see her waving at me.
“I’ll leave you to your friends. See you later.” Micah left for his next class as Jennifer ran to catch up with me.
“So?! Tell me! How did it go?” she gushed.
“The project?” I asked. Nice going, Jennifer….
“Well, duh! What else would I be talking about?” Jennifer tugged on the straps of her backpack.
“I think we did a good job with the movie.”
“Phew! Good! I bet you’re glad it’s over.”
“I guess.”
We stood there in the hallway, allowing others to push past us in their rush to get to class. I adjusted my backpack and let out a hesitant sigh.
“Hey, Jen, if I tell you something, will you not say anything to anyone?”
“Yeah!” Her face turned a little more serious. “What is it?”
“I like Micah,” I whispered. “I do, and I don’t know how to tell him. Josh and his friends suggested I write him a letter. But I don’t…I don’t want to ruin our friendship. We just figured out the whole kissing thing and—”
“Stop right there,” Jennifer said. “You two kissed?”
I nodded shyly, and her grin spread.
“Well, at least you’re finally admitting it! Congratulations!”
I blushed.
“They’re right!” Jennifer squealed. “You have to tell him!”
“How?” I urged her. “How do I? I don’t want to lose him as my friend.”
“What makes you think you’re going to lose him? You guys kissed, remember?”
“By mistake!” I blurted. “He basically said it was a mistake.”
“That was his ego talking, Charlie. Trust me. Micah Jacobs is crazy about you.”
The bell rang again, indicating we both needed to get to class. Jennifer grabbed my hand and yanked me down the hall to the girl’s bathroom, and we snuck inside.
“Whether you believe it or not, there is something between you two. You both just have to figure it out,” Jennifer said. I knew it was true. “Why don’t you write to him?”
“Isn’t a love letter a little cliché?” I bit my lip.
“Not really. I mean…I think it would be worse if you sent him a text. At least a handwritten note is more personal.” Jennifer beamed. “Trust me, Rachel and I have been waiting for this! We figured it would come down to you telling him how you felt in a letter. Micah just doesn’t seem to be the type to write you a note,” she said with a small frown.
“I’m kinda mortified,” I confessed.
“Everything is going to be all right, Charlie. I promise.”
“I just don’t want to ruin anything,” I pressed.
“You won’t. It’s impossible. He kissed you. You guys have this whole process backwards. If that didn’t destroy your friendship, then telling him your honest feelings won’t either. It’ll only show Micah that you’re interested in sharing more with him.”
“You’re right.” I exhaled. “I should give it to him before we go to Homecoming next Friday.”
“You’re going with Micah?” Her eyes were wide with excitement.
“He asked me to go,” I admitted.
“OH. MY. GOD! Do you have a dress?”
When I shook my head, feeling embarrassed again, Jennifer squealed.
“Perfect! We have to go pick out the perfect dress right away. We’ll have to do something simple because of the time crunch, but….” She grinned wildly. “OH! This is so exciting!” Jennifer pulled me into a tight hug. “See? He likes you!”
As she pulled away, she stared at me. “If you want someone to read your letter before you give it to him, I’d be happy to be an eye for you. Operation Letter to Micah!”
I nodded, giving her a small, grateful smile. “Thanks, Jen. I appreciate it. I’d like that.”
She smiled, seeming pleased. “Great! I’m so happy you told me! I’m so excited for you!”
“Why am I not as excited as you? I feel like puking.”
“It’s going to be fine! Micah would be nuts to turn you down after all this.”
“He is nuts.”
“Yeah, for you! You’ll see.” Jennifer winked. “You. Will. See.”
I finally cracked a grin.
“You’d better get to writing.” Jennifer laughed as we emerged from the bathroom. “I can’t wait to see how right I am about this!”
“Only You”
The Flying Pickets
THAT NIGHT, I STARED AT the empty sheet of notebook paper, contemplating exactly what I wanted to say. After dinner, I went in search of my dad. Grateful to find him alone in his workshop, I decided I’d ask him what he thought. I knew my dad would give me his real opinion.
“Do you think telling Micah how I feel is a good idea, Dad?” I sat on a nearby stool as he sanded down a long wooden board. When my dad had free time, he’d go to his shop and work on different projects. Most of the time, they were part of the maintenance for the house, but sometimes, he’d create something for himself—he was currently working on his new hobby: building a train set. Before dinner, Josh and I had helped him figure out how to buy trains and model homes on eBay.
“It depends on how serious you are,” Dad replied, glancing at me from behind his bifocals. “He seems like a nice kid.”
Kid. My dad thought Micah was a kid. I guess we were kids to him. I knew I would always be his kid.
“What do you expect to gain from telling him?” he asked, dropping the sandpaper onto his desk.
“I don’t know,” I confessed. I hadn’t thought that far. I felt a little silly as I shrugged and picked up a nail from the counter nearby.
“I guess, to officially go out with him?” I tested the words aloud, unsure of how my dad would react. “Dating” was something we rarely talked about. I had heard plenty of girls at school talk about how their dads forbade dating until they were older, but I was sixteen. I never imagined my dad would apply that rule to me.
“Isn’t he already your boyfriend, Charlie?” He adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose.
“Actually…no.”
“If it makes you happy,” he replied. “You gotta live your life.” He picked up a different piece of sandpaper, leaned over the board and began to sand it down again.
I admired the way my dad worked with his hands. It amazed me how he could place an image in his head and create it. When it came to school projects, he was my go-to person.
One year, for a science fair project, he built a waterfall with a running motor. (I always managed to have the cool projects because of him.) But there, in the quietness of his workshop, my dad would teach me about more than the difference between a Phillips screwdriver and a flathead. He gave me real life advice about everything and anything.
“In high school, did you ever tell a girl you liked her?” I asked, though my dad didn’t really like to talk too much about his time in high school. After some investigation into his yearbooks, I discovered my dad had once been a flirt. Almost every page had handwritten messages from different g
irls.
“Of course,” he smirked, looking up at me. “It’s part of being young.”
“Yeah, but…what will all of you think if Micah and I…start dating? You, Mom, Josh…?” Really, I wanted to know what he’d think. His opinion mattered to me. All I ever wanted to do was to make him proud of me. Dad cleared his throat, a hint of warmth in his eyes.
“You can’t help what the heart wants, Charlie. A lot of things happened between your mother and me, but I knew she was the love of my life. Other people’s opinions didn’t stop me from doing what I thought was right. It was right for me. I’m not going to stop you from dating Micah. If you like him, you like him.” I could hear the sincerity in his voice.
I knew, of all the people in my life, I could always trust my dad to tell me exactly what I needed to hear. He never pressured me to tell him more than what I was willing to say. At times, it just felt like he understood me.
“Just be aware,” he said teasingly, “I will interrogate him.”
“I know you will. Thanks, Dad.” I laughed.
With Micah’s words echoing in my mind, I decided to “live a little.” My first love letter, ever—to Micah. I focused back on the notebook paper. Carefully, I began to formulate my words.
Micah,
I wish I could say all of this to you in person…but I can’t. I want you to know that you’ve come to mean so much to me. More than I ever thought you would. I don’t want to ruin what we have...but I can’t continue on with our normal routine without being truthful. You and I both deserve honesty between us.
The truth is, I’ve spent the majority of my time with you fighting off my feelings for you. When I first saw you from across the cafeteria, I felt an instant attraction to you. I wanted to get to know you. I guess it was a good thing Samantha started those rumors, or else you would have never spoken to me.
You’re probably wondering why I denied them… The night we were at Samantha’s house, she mentioned a name you probably don’t remember—Dane Wesley. I used to like Dane. Samantha was supposed to be a friend, someone I could trust, but she knowingly took him from me. Because of that, I didn’t want to feel anything for you…so you couldn’t hurt me the way they had.
A part of me feared Samantha would get to you, too.
When you asked me to hang out with you, I was beyond thrilled. When you danced with me at the fire hall, I felt something I never had before. When you needed me that one night, and slept in my bed, I knew it would be harder to resist you. The night you kissed me, I knew I wanted to be more than just friends. I wish I could feel your lips on mine again. I’m not ashamed to admit it…I want you. I would do anything to go back to that night and make you stay.
Riding in your car, listening to your music, living in this little world we’ve created, has been more than I ever thought I could have or share with anyone. You’ve opened up something new inside of me, and for that I’m grateful.
I like you, Micah. I do have a “crush” on you, after all. I don’t want to be “just” friends. I don’t know what this means for us, but I would like to have the chance to talk to you about it.
Since music is the way you have shared yourself with me, I wanted to do the same.
Enclosed is a CD mix I’ve created for you. Listen to it carefully. If you feel the same way…let me know.
After listening, meet me at the Grand Lakes Library, where we hung out together that one time. I’ll be waiting for you there until eight tonight. If you don’t come, I’ll know your answer. I’ll respect that, too. If you don’t feel the same way, I’ll understand. I know this only complicates everything, but I couldn’t keep it locked inside of me any longer. These songs will tell you what’s in my heart.
Always,
Charlie <3
(Here’s your track list.)
Songs from my heart
“La Vie En Rose” - Louis Armstrong: Although you suggested Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes,” and we both know how brilliant it is, this is by far my favorite romantic song. I thought it was only fitting to include something so personal in a mix like this. With that said, “We’ll always have Paris.”
“The Story” - Brandi Carlile: If there were ever a song that summarized me as a person, this would be it. It’s that simple.
“Somewhere Only We Know” - Keane: Every time I hear this song, I find myself thinking about the moments we spent in your car. The times when you’d take me around Grand Lakes, whether for a Mini-Mart run, to the library, to Samantha’s house, to a dance… Listen while driving down the road with the windows rolled down, as the sun is beginning to set. I suddenly feel like Kirsten Dunst in “Elizabethtown,” telling you where to go and what to do, by a song.
“Unchained Melody” - Glee: Yes. The Glee version. Stop rolling your eyes. If you don’t already know, I’m in love with this one. When I saw season four and heard them sing the classic, I had a Glee-fit. I know you’re going to give me a hard time about it later, and that’s fine—I’ll try to not go all Rachel Berry on you. Sometimes, I go down to the art room and hang out with my friend, Daan, and I always insist he play this song. I’m lucky he agrees!
“Wildest Dreams” - Taylor Swift: This is the song we slow-danced to. And just as you had said that night, songs are like memories. This will always be a song, in my memory, of a time when I knew I was starting to fall for you.
“How to Save a Life” - The Fray: I feel as though we have, in our own ways, saved each other. You saw a girl on the bus and gave her no choice but to deal with you. You pulled her from her books and expanded her horizons from the four corners of her room. You, Micah, have saved me from myself. I will always remember our time together through this song, like a montage of the passing weeks we spent with each other.
“Till Kingdom Come” - Coldplay: This song has gotten me through many snowy seasons. It’s been with me through colored leaves and warm cups of tea. And it has been with me each morning, just before the bus comes down my street. As I climb in and turn the corner, I see your face—to this song. And each day, I remind myself that I could get through the day, as long as it meant having a chance to be with you.
“If You Leave Me Now” - Foxes: This one speaks for itself. I don’t...want to lose you. I don’t want to lose what we have.
“Flashlight” - Nathaniel Hoho: This reminded me of our nights at the Mini-Mart, and oddly enough, the bonfire. I love this song. It’s a gentle reminder that no matter what happens, you’ll have a friend in me. I’ll be your flashlight to keep you from getting lost, and I hope that you’ll be mine.
“Something Stupid” - Michael Buble (feat Reese Witherspoon): A few nights ago, just before our project presentation, I was watching the movie Joy on my computer. There was this really beautiful scene between Jennifer Lawrence and Edgar Ramirez. They were singing this song together, while tons of fake snow sprinkled down around them. The lyrics really struck home for me, in an odd way. I know I told you that I didn’t like you in the past. I know I denied it. But the truth is...I do.
“Hold On” - Shel & Gareth Dunlop: I listened to this song the night after the bonfire. I was avoiding all of your text messages and my mom suckered me into watching a sad romance. You know, the ones where someone dies in the end. So, this movie had something to do with a nice girl and a boy from the other side of the tracks, but they fell in love. They fell in love in the deepest and probably most unrealistic way. This song came on after the movie was over, and I went online and listened to it over and over. I started to think about you and me and...everything. There’s a lyric in the song that has to do with coming for someone. I’d like to think that we’ll always hold on in some way, and seek each other out no matter what’s going on in our lives. I believe in that, Micah.
“Up” - Olly Murs feat. Demi Levato: Open your window, crank up the volume, and let your arm ride the wind. It’s a great song.
“Can’t Help F
alling in Love” - Ingrid Michaelson’s cover of Elvis Presley: Since I know you like Elvis, this is one of my favorite Elvis Presley songs, and I really love this rendition. It makes me wish I could lie under the stars, and listen to this song and just be. Just.
“Goodnight My Angel”- Billy Joel: This song has come to mean so much to me. The very end—that’s the part I really want you to listen to. That’s how I wish it could be.
P.S. I hope you listen to this and hear everything that I’m trying to say. I hope you can forgive me for holding back, for pushing you away…when I should have trusted you…and myself. I never expected to fall for you the way I have; I never expected for any of this to happen, but I’m glad it did.
I’m glad you moved back to Grand Lakes and swept me away with your car rides and your music. To answer Samantha’s question, if I had to choose between you or pizza, it would be you. Even that day, at her house, you were the one. Consider me your John Cusack from Say Anything; this is me, holding a boom-box over my head, playing songs to you.
From me, to you, Micah.
“Wait”
M83
I WATCHED AS JENNIFER AND Rachel read over the letter quietly during study hall. They gazed over the flat sheet of notebook paper.
The Songs in Our Hearts: A Young Adult Romance Page 20
