by Nakkiah Lui
SONNY I got a Ferrari. Vroom.
JOAN And how is your mum, Sonny?
SONNY She’s getting there. The loss of Dad hit her pretty hard.
RAY walks in balancing a tray of drinks, virtual reality mask sitting atop his head. Everybody takes a drink.
RAY Your father was a good man, Sonny. Especially for a Jesus freak.
SONNY Speaking of Jesus / actually
ROSE / How good is it to be back here? And to see my family again. Do you have much family, Francis?
FRANCIS Not really, just my mum and dad.
ROSE Any siblings?
FRANCIS No, just me. That I know of.
ROSE You have siblings you don’t know of?
FRANCIS I was just joking. Like, maybe my dad … cheated …
ROSE Your dad cheated?
FRANCIS I don’t know.
SONNY Oh, yeah, get it! Like we could all have brothers and sisters that we don’t know of. I wonder if the show will find any siblings I never knew I had.
RAY Ah, yes! The show! How did filming go, Sonny? You know, if you weren’t married to Rose I’d be pretty happy if you found out you were related to me!
SONNY Thankfully I’m pretty sure I’m not.
RAY You never know!
FRANCIS You know, you do look alike.
ROSE Yep, all us Blackfellas look the same.
RAY Could you imagine, me and the big fella, the political leader and the footy player? Now that would make a great show.
JOAN Raymond, please, you’re giving your ego a boner.
RAY I am not! I am just proud of our family. Let’s have a toast. To the five of us!
JOAN Six of us, Raymond. Six.
RAY To our family coming back together for our first Christmas in two years. To hope and to faith. As Martin Luther King said: “Faith is
taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Go the mob!
EVERYONE Go the mob!
RAY leads SONNY and FRANCIS out for their initiation into the family. JOAN, CHARLOTTE and ROSE start to put together the Christmas tree and decorate it.
NARRATOR
Sonny is a wealthy banker, but most importantly, Sonny is a retired football star. One of the best players of all time and, many say, the most famous Aboriginal football player to date.
Sonny didn’t grow up wealthy like Rose. He was raised in the Western Suburbs of Sydney by a school teacher and a preacher. He got an Aboriginal rugby union scholarship to a private all-boys school. He met Rose at the school dance between St Jude’s and the Lady of the Christ at Lavender Bay.
They consummated their relationship straight away, at age 16, in the school toilets. The one with the faulty lock and the graffiti that said “Lucy Albatross is a Fat Slut”.
They’ve been in love ever since.
It was when Sonny’s dad died that he first heard the voice of the Lord.
Sonny realised that no matter what happened here on earth, the true father, the one father, was the father who had sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die for us on earth. And that the Son of the Lord is always there for you. No matter what.
Sonny has also been filming for Celebrity: Where Do You Come From?, which has been tracing back his family history.
He doesn’t know it yet, but soon he will get a call from the show that will change his and Rose’s lives forever.
SCENE 4
ROSE and CHARLOTTE play Mariah Carey’s Christmas album and decorate the Christmas tree. ROSE pulls a joint out of her purse and lights it. She takes a big inhale.
ROSE To Christmas traditions!
CHARLOTTE What about your newfound born-again beliefs?
ROSE passes the joint to CHARLOTTE, who takes a smoke. They pass the joint back and forth.
ROSE It’s helping Sonny deal with the death of his father, so if I have to “praise be the lord” a few times to make sure he’s okay, so be it.
CHARLOTTE Are you saying it’s all a show?
ROSE It’s not a show. I do believe in God. I’m just an antagonist.
CHARLOTTE Antagonist?
ROSE Yeah, like, I believe in a god, I just don’t know who. Or what. Or where. I do think whatever God is, it’s definitely a woman.
CHARLOTTE You mean agnostic.
ROSE What?
CHARLOTTE Antagonist is a bad guy.
ROSE Oh, okay. I’m sorry. Sorry I’m the dumb daughter.
CHARLOTTE Don’t do that.
ROSE I’m just some silly little fashion designer and you’re the world-class lawyer and social commentator.
CHARLOTTE You’re smart enough to charge $580 for a t-shirt.
ROSE Or some people are just stupid enough to buy a $580 t-shirt. Charlotte, you like Francis a lot?
CHARLOTTE I love him.
ROSE For how long?
CHARLOTTE What do you mean?
ROSE You can do the holier than thou thing for Mum and Dad, Char, but I see you. I SEE YOU, you big ol’ slut. How serious are you?
CHARLOTTE Oh, come on.
ROSE You’re serious enough to bring him here for Christmas, so that’s pretty serious.
CHARLOTTE There’s something I should tell you.
ROSE You’re pregnant?!
CHARLOTTE No!
ROSE Thank God.
CHARLOTTE What do you mean, “Thank God?”
ROSE It’s probably good you’re not. I mean, how long how you known Francis? Three months?
CHARLOTTE I resent that.
ROSE How long then?
CHARLOTTE …
ROSE How long?
CHARLOTTE … Three months and two weeks and four days. Do you not like Francis?
ROSE No, of course I do. He’s great. I just … I just … look, no, he’s great.
CHARLOTTE Look what? What’s wrong?
ROSE If you google Australian Aboriginal mixed race, do you know the first thing that comes up?
CHARLOTTE What?
ROSE The Stolen Generations.
CHARLOTTE Oh, come on.
ROSE It’s true. Google the Stolen Generations. Think about that.
CHARLOTTE Is this about his Stolen Generations joke? Because he didn’t mean that. He’s just bad at making jokes.
ROSE Have you ever even dated a Black man, Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE I dated Tyson. You know Tyson?
ROSE Ted Turner’s son? The doctor?
CHARLOTTE Yeah.
ROSE Isn’t he our cousin?!
CHARLOTTE I didn’t know that at the time! I mean, I purposely didn’t ask.
But then one night in bed, after, you know, he asked if I was a Gibson Gibson from out this way. We did the math, we were cousins.
ROSE Gross.
CHARLOTTE Can’t get pregnant up the bum.
ROSE Charlotte! Too much!
CHARLOTTE Wait. What if I am so stoned I think I’m talking to Rose and I’m actually talking to Dad? And I just told Dad I had bum sex.
ROSE I’m Rose. Wait.
No, I’m Rose.
What did Daddy say about Francis?
CHARLOTTE It’s less about Francis and more about him wanting me to take this TV gig. To further my career. Or his career.
ROSE Or both?
CHARLOTTE Who cares?
ROSE He does, obviously.
CHARLOTTE He is so intense about this idea of a legacy he has for this family as, like, Aboriginal leaders.
ROSE I wish Daddy showed the same level of enthusiasm for my career.
CHARLOTTE That last case I did has really … Don’t you ever feel guilty about the fact we have so much?
ROSE No.
CHARLOTTE Come on. You don’t feel uncomfortable about being a well-known Aboriginal person and yet we, you and I, have never struggled?
ROSE Struggle isn’t Aboriginality. That’s poverty porn.
CHARLOTTE I’m just saying maybe our experience may not be indicative of a broader community.
ROSE What: we can’t have different kinds of Black pe
ople?
CHARLOTTE No, that’s not my point. If our Blackness is a lived experience, and the majority of Black people aren’t privy to the privileges we have, then can we really call ourselves Black?
ROSE Look, no matter if Sonny or I make six or seven figures a year—
CHARLOTTE Both of those sums are above the average wage.
ROSE The point is, no matter how much money Sonny or I make, we are still Black. Class and race are not the same thing, Char. Don’t get it twisted.
CHARLOTTE I’m not saying we’re not Black. If race is constructed and culture is lived, then if we’re rich, then maybe our culture is changing?
ROSE So you’re saying we’re coconuts?
CHARLOTTE That’s not what I’m saying. I’m talking about the arbitration of racial identity and socioeconomic class.
ROSE Do you always have to say what I say but smarter?
CHARLOTTE It’s not what you said.
ROSE How much does Francis make a year?
CHARLOTTE Rose, that’s inappropriate.
ROSE Oh my God, who’s acting White now? Char, how much does he make? Thirty grand a year tops?
CHARLOTTE His money doesn’t matter to me.
ROSE Because you have it!
My point is, you can’t judge my race because of my money or class. Because if you can, then Francis is Blacker than all of us.
CHARLOTTE Rose, I read one of Dad’s early speeches this year. Like, one of his first ones ever. About the construction of race and cultural genocide. He defined Whiteness as a value system, one that is also radicalised by class. Essentially, the more you attain those values, the closer to White you are. That’s cultural genocide.
He said that. Our father.
ROSE So anyone rich and ethnic are the new White? What are poor Whites then: the new Blacks?
CHARLOTTE That’s not what I’m saying.
ROSE Your argument makes no sense, Char.
CHARLOTTE As long as you’re Black, you’re Black?
ROSE Yep.
CHARLOTTE And those who look less Black?
ROSE Look less Black, but are still Black. It’s about community recognition and being part of your people.
Sonny and I are going to have big Black babies. This I know. And they’re going to be beautiful and Black and proud. And they’ll probably wear Burberry.
CHARLOTTE You sound like a Kardashian.
ROSE You know, that doesn’t offend me at all. It’s a compliment. Char, let me be clear.
What I’m saying is, think about the consequences if you were to have a future with Francis. What that would look like … fully. Shit, Mum’s coming!
NARRATOR
Rose knows that her mother knows she smokes pot, but to humour Charlotte she pretends that their mother has no idea. She enjoys knowing things that Charlotte doesn’t.
For some reason she could never quite understand, Rose was always considered the more “artistic” child. Which we all know means the less intelligent one.
ROSE Hey!
CHARLOTTE I didn’t say anything.
NARRATOR
Which isn’t true at all, because Rose spends a lot of time doing online IQ tests and she always scores well above average.
Rose dropped out of two university courses before entering the fashion business, in which she has been very successful. She attributes her success in business to a fearlessness that is typical in Scorpios.
Although she is fearless, Rose does have bad dreams. When she was a little girl, her grandmother told her about how they would hide from the Aborigines Protection Board.
Ever since then she has had the same dream: that she is in her childhood bedroom, looking outside a window and watching her family being driven away. She screams for the car to stop, but it doesn’t. She keeps screaming, louder and louder, as she watches her family being stolen. Very often Rose wakes up crying, missing her family as if they were already gone.
Rose tells everybody she wants nothing more than a big Black family. Her and Sonny have been trying for many months now. At least Sonny thinks so. But Rose is secretly still taking the pill. She doesn’t know why.
Right now Rose is wondering how much longer she can keep hiding it from Sonny.
And as she thinks about this, she can’t help thinking about that dream.
CHARLOTTE and ROSE repeat the same process JOAN did earlier. JOAN walks in carrying a box with more decorations.
JOAN The tree looks beautiful. I haven’t had my girls decorate the Christmas tree for me in years.
ROSE It was two Christmases ago, Mum.
JOAN In Aboriginal years, with our life expectancy, two years is like 6.4 non-Aboriginal years.
ROSE gives her mum a hug.
ROSE I missed you.
JOAN Both of you, come here. I bet you missed your mama.
JOAN starts pulling things out of the box.
JOAN Here are your stockings that you’ve had since you were little girls.
CHARLOTTE I love how you tell us this as if we haven’t heard it before.
ROSE Or if it wasn’t, like, you know, our lives.
JOAN I don’t have grandchildren, so until I get them, my babies will be my babies forever.
ROSE I have a feeling that won’t change even if you get grandchildren.
JOAN Probably not. So who’s going to turn on the lights?
CHARLOTTE Rose can.
ROSE turns on the Christmas tree lights. JOAN pulls both her daughters in tight. They are together and in awe.
JOAN I love you both. Very much. Also, just so you girls know, marijuana has been shown to lower fertility in females.
JOAN leaves.
CHARLOTTE Think she knows?
ROSE Think she knows what?
CHARLOTTE That we’re high?
ROSE Stop being paranoid.
SCENE 5
RAY, JOAN, CHARLOTTE, FRANCIS, ROSE and SONNY sit around the Christmas tree, eating from charcuterie boards.
RAY I’m gonna bloody well fall asleep if these fellas don’t get here soon.
JOAN Well, Ray, just go to sleep, then.
RAY I’m articulating a point.
FRANCIS I’m really very sorry. Maybe we should just start without them?
CHARLOTTE Of course not. We can’t start Kris Kringle without your parents.
ROSE They also have two of the presents, so do the math.
JOAN It’s fine, really, Francis. Ray is just being dramatic.
RAY It’ll be Christmas before they get here.
JOAN When were they meant to arrive again, Francis?
FRANCIS Uh, this morning …
JOAN This morning?! Are they okay?
RAY You know who’s not okay? Me.
JOAN You are definitely not okay.
SONNY How about I prepare some drinks. Any requests from the cellar?
ROSE Oh – that wine Daddy gets from Argentina.
RAY The Malbec.
SONNY So, bottle of the Malbec?
JOAN Make it two … three.
SONNY Okey dokey.
SONNY leaves. CHARLOTTE pulls FRANCIS aside.
CHARLOTTE Your parents are coming, aren’t they, Franny?
FRANCIS Of course.
CHARLOTTE And you did tell them where to come, right?
FRANCIS Oh, yeah, I totally told them where to go.
CHARLOTTE With clear instructions?
FRANCIS Really clear.
CHARLOTTE And how did you tell them?
FRANCIS Phone.
CHARLOTTE Just phone?
FRANCIS And text.
CHARLOTTE Show me.
FRANCIS What?
CHARLOTTE Show me your phone. I want to see the texts.
FRANCIS You don’t trust me.
CHARLOTTE Darling, of course I do …
CHARLOTTE quickly reaches into FRANCIS’s back pocket and takes the phone. She starts scrolling through it.
CHARLOTTE Francis! Twelve missed calls!
FRANCIS I must have
had my phone … on … quiet.
CHARLOTTE More like you must have had your phone on avoid.
FRANCIS Okay, yes. I had my phone on avoid. Charlotte, this is a terrible idea.
CHARLOTTE You gave them the wrong address! In the wrong town!
FRANCIS I was desperate.
CHARLOTTE Francis, they have to meet at some point.
FRANCIS But why now? Your father can barely stand me; the spawn of his nemesis /
CHARLOTTE / My father can barely stand anyone. They’re going to have to meet. Remember? It’s like a bandaid. Just pull / it off quick.
FRANCIS / Pull it off quick.
CHARLOTE Yes. What happened to the bandaid, Francis?
FRANCIS I don’t think the scab is ready yet.
CHARLOTTE The scab meaning you.
FRANCIS The scab meaning me.
CHARLOTTE It has to come off. Every wound needs air … Okay, enough with the metaphor. Francis, they need to meet at some point. Do you want them to meet at the wedding?
FRANCIS But why at Christmas?
CHARLOTTE Because no one can be mad at Christmas. We talked about this.
FRANCIS I don’t know how it is for your people, but for us Whites, historically Christmas is a time where everyone gets mad at each other. In fact, that’s what Christmas is known for: coming together with people who piss you off to whom you just happen to have a genetic connection.
CHARLOTTE scrolls through the phone.
CHARLOTTE Yeah, look, that’s pretty similar for Black people too.
JOAN and ROSE call from across the room.
JOAN Charlotte! Francis! Come over and taste this cheese! It’s divine.
ROSE It has truffles.
CHARLOTTE shoves the phone into FRANCIS’s hand.
CHARLOTTE Call your parents now.
CHARLOTTE walks over to her family. FRANCIS slowly dials his parents and holds the phone to his ear. It rings. And rings. It goes to voicemail.
RAY That bloody Dennison just tweeted the stupidest thing. Again. He said that / salad
JOAN / Ray!
FRANCIS I tried calling them but it rang out. Maybe we should just start without them?
RAY Yes. Yes, let’s start right away.
