by Bella Jay
❖❖❖
The smell of fried chicken tickled Tessah’s nose as she opened her bedroom door after getting in an afternoon nap. “Oh, you read my mind,” she said to her brother as she strolled into the kitchen.
“If you call begging me every day to fry you some chicken reading your mind.” He snickered as she grabbed a bottle of water off the counter.
“Something of the sort.” She planted a kiss on his cheek and he playfully pushed her away. “How was your nap?”
“Well needed.” She let out a sigh. “I wish I could stop thinking about Ky so damn much. It’s exhausting.”
“Shit, I wish I couldn’t relate,” Dasiah said as he transferred the chicken to a plate and turned off the eye.
“Right. You still haven’t told me what’s going on with you and Ave.” He’d gone on a baecation to Vegas with Avelyn and when he returned, he’d come back in a mood. “Spill it! I need some kind of tea to sustain my sucky life.”
He kissed his teeth and faced her. “Man,” he heaved in, “she wanted to elope and I shut her down. Shit spiraled after that.”
Tessah’s lips parted. Her brother wasn’t shy expressing how much he loved Avelyn. It shocked her he wouldn’t have been down to do something crazy such as eloping. “Do you not want to marry her?”
Dasiah crossed his arms loosely around his abdomen. “It’s not about marrying her because I most definitely want her to have my last name. I’ve got the ring. But—”
“Come again?!” Tessah’s eyes bulged.
Dasiah smiled. “I got it in Vegas after I won the money playing roulette.” He’d gotten the best of Vegas and won an obscene amount of money.
“So I’m not understanding…” She cocked her head to the side.
“I want to marry her but I don’t want us to jump into marriage. After everything we’ve been through… I want us to take our time getting there. I got the ring with the intentions of proposing to her in a couple weeks but shit now, I don’t know.”
“Wow,” the word fumbled out of her mouth. “Y’all need to get on the same page.”
“I know but I’ma fix it. She can’t steal a nigga moment but it’ll definitely be a long engagement. Ain’t no need to rush forever.”
Tessah had never thought much about marriage until Kyree. She figured she’d get married in her thirties after she’d enjoyed her twenties to the fullest. But Kyree made her want to take every leap with him even if it was the scariest thing. Before everything turned to shit, she imagined nothing but life with him.
Too bad none of that mattered.
“You heard me?” Dasiah snapped a finger in her face.
“What?”
“Mind on Ky, huh?”
She pouted. “Yeah.” She twisted her mouth to the side. “Siah, do you think someone’s childhood can fuck up their relationships?”
“Hell yeah.” He placed the plate of fried wings in front of them. “That’s why Ave and I go to couples counseling. What she endured growing up made her struggle with love.” He placed napkins in front of them before grabbing a wing. “You think growing up in the system is why you and Ky had problems?”
Tessah sucked in air. The one conversation she never wanted to have with her brother. “Yeah but also causing our parents car accident has.”
“What?” She couldn’t meet his eyes and kept her’s on the chicken. “Tessah what are you talking about?”
She closed her eyes before raising them to his. Sometimes it scared her how much he favored their dad. Same midnight black skin, height, smile, and build. She told him the secret she’d held for fifteen years until it came out to Kyree. “They were arguing about me, Sy, in the car and then mom lost control and I woke up in the hospital to find out they’d died. It was my fault!”
“Baby girl,” Dasiah rounded the island and wrapped her in his arms. His next words were familiar. “Whatever happened wasn’t your fault and you can’t hold on to that.”
“I blame myself. If it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t have lost them or grew up apart. I’ve always been this selfish person, and it ruined my entire life. I’m sorry Siah, I’m so sorry!” Her eyes burned as the tears flowed.
He squeezed her tighter. “No. What happened was an accident. More than one accident happened that night because of the rain, Tessah. You were six and mom and dad are turning over in their graves hearing you hold on to this. You’re not at fault.” He kissed the top of her head. “And we grew up apart because the system is fucking bullshit. Our records got lost after a fire, and they didn’t have shit backed up like it should have been. Our separation and our parents death is not your fault. And I don’t want you to ever think that shit again. You hear me?”
His firm voice was so much like their dad’s it sent a wave of warmth through her. She nodded but knew it’d take time for her to let the guilt go.
“I’m going to get Jakei’s info from Avelyn.” Jakei was Avelyn’s therapist. “It might be a good idea for you or us to do some therapy.”
“Maybe. Then I might get past this break up and figure out what not to do with the next one.” Therapy had never been something to cross her mind but as she looked back on her relationship, her past had caused her to sabotage it. She would consider therapy.
Tessah wiped her tears and grabbed a piece of chicken as Dasiah circled back around.
“She’ll definitely have you digging deep. But from a man’s point of view — give Ky some time. You told him about the guilt you held about our parents?”
“Yeah.” She gave him a rundown of her and Kyree’s last conversation. “And after all my transparency, he still said fuck me.”
“You did some selfish shit Tee but your heart was in the right place. You’ve done your part — it’s up to him if he’s gonna meet you halfway.”
Baby, please meet me halfway.
❖❖❖
“After last night, I can only get married once.” Quint dragged his feet as he walked into the extravagant kitchen of the Airbnb they’d rented for his bachelor weekend in Costa Rica.
“I’m surprise your ass up already,” Kyree commented as he chilled at the island eating a mango. “I thought all y’all niggas would sleep the whole day. Y’all turned the fuck up last night. Can’t take y’all ghettos asses nowhere.”
“I ain’t even gonna disagree with you. My body won’t let me. I’m hurting.”
Kyree shook his head. He’d kept it chill and his drinking to a minimum last night while his baby brother and his groomsmen showed out.
Quint fixed himself a glass of water. “I for sure thought you were gonna bring that bad ass Spanish chick who was all over you back here for a smash.”
“Nah,” Kyree said with a light chuckle, “she was bad though.”
“Shit. These Costa Rican chicks got me questioning my gayhood.”
Kyree burst out laughing. “Stupid as fuck.”
“How you doing though? You’ve been a little low key. Sean ass really gon’ take your spot.”
Kyree kissed his teeth. “Play with me. You never too old for me to beat that ass. I’on care about ya lil muscles.”
Quint chuckled. “I want you to talk all this shit when we back in the rink on Wednesday.” Kyree waved his brother off. “Speaking of, we should hear next week about the new location.”
“Bet. But I’m good. FaceTimed moms earlier to check on Cherry. Mom taking her to the airport to see Chan off.”
“Damn she leaves for Cali today?”
“Yup.” Kyree let out a deep sigh. They’d explained to Cherry the best they could to a three-year-old why she wouldn’t see her mom for a while.
“Man that’s crazy,” Quint huffed. “But what’s crazier is I’m getting fucking married.”
“What happened to you being ready?”
“I had more than two weeks.” They shared a laugh. “But nah, I am ready it’s just it’s feeling real.”
“I bet. I’m happy for you. Ryan ain’t shit but y’all ain’t shit together.”
“Nigga with who?”
“Do you really want me to say her name?”
Kyree waved him off and focused on his phone. He’d hoped they would make it through their extended weekend without his brother trying to play Dr. Phil. Tessah and him had had their turn, and it hadn’t worked. Shit happens.
“You letting your pride get in the way of something great.”
“I’m not letting my pride get in the way of shit. Chan took me through enough bullshit. I—”
“Tess ain’t Chan. You ain’t even care about Chan like this but she had you wrapped. We both gon agree it had to be the pussy and that pretty girl privilege.”
“And her ass,” he added. “But I loved Chan too.”
“Okay whatever but bro, I’ve known you all my life. Tessah lights you up in a way I’ve never seen. And Cherry likes her too.”
The way he’d fallen in love with Tessah couldn’t be compared to anything he’d experienced. It was quick but not forced. Everything flowed organically between them but his pride — fuck. Dr. Quinten prevails.
“From what you told me, yeah she made mistakes and messed up but she had her reasons and she’s owned them. You know Ry and I have been through our shit, but I can’t see myself with anyone else. That’s the difference and why I’ll be at the altar in two weeks.”
“You don’t get it.”
“Maybe I don’t but what’s plain as that big ass pimple on your forehead is you still love her. You need to decide if letting her go is something you’ll ever regret.”
He regretted it from the moment he did it but admitting it wasn’t where his maturity level was at.
“Even if I thought she had the potential of being my forever… it is what it is now.”
“And there we have it ladies and gentleman: niggas and their damn pride.”
“I hate you. Anyway, next subject. What’s the agenda for today?”
Quint grabbed a beer out of the fridge and smirked. “All I’m doing for the rest of the day is chilling by the pool and drinking away my hangover.”
May
“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up” — James Baldwin
GRADUATION CAME AND WENT and Tessah had no idea what was to come in her next chapter of life. If someone asked her last year where she saw herself post getting her degree in Marketing, she’d said on an exclusive island soaking in the sun. She’d imagined Caiden would have flown her out to celebrate her accomplishment and allowed her to live her best life before she dived into the real world.
Tessah and Landon had plans to work together on his waffled based food truck idea but even that was up in the air. He’d been too caught up in his own drama to be bothered with his financial future. Tessah had no drama but the constant hollow feeling inside her left her not wanting to think much about her future, either.
At her graduation dinner, everyone wanted to know what she planned to do next. It made the dinner more depressing than celebratory.
Emery surprised her and it was the highlight and bittersweet moment of the dinner. She was overjoyed to see him but it brought back ill thoughts about her and Kyree’s demise. However Emery would forever hold a space in her heart and life. At least, moving forward she’d know to make that known to whoever came into her life next.
She didn’t want to think about a next.
When she ended things with Kyree in February, she filled the hole inside of her with false reasons of why it was for the best. Once they talked, and she realized how her way of thinking was faulty, the hole had nothing to sustain itself but the pieces of her broken heart.
It had been tough moving past what they’d built but Kyree helped her grow and see things about herself she might’ve never cared to admit. Even though she’d fucked up her chances at love with him, she looked forward to seeing the independent woman she would become because of him.
She’d toyed with going to therapy like Dasiah had suggested and had made an appointment for the following week. She might as well put all the money she’d saved from her past sponsors to use by working on her mental health.
“Aye,” Landon’s voice made her jump and snapped her from her thoughts as she sat curled on Gynah’s couch. “I’m about to run out and get food. You want anything specific?”
“Nope,” she quipped, and he rolled his eyes.
“You ain’t gotta treat me like shit Tee.”
“You’re deserving. I don’t wanna talk to you. Go get my best friend her food.”
Landon kissed his teeth and left her alone. He had made number two on her shit list. Caiden held number one.
May hadn’t been the best month for Landon since all of his bullshit revealed itself. It wasn’t her drama but being it involved her two trifling best friends and Adalyn, she’d been sucked into it.
After Gynah ended up in the hospital after going into premature labor two days ago, Tessah was fed up with it all. The doctors stopped the labor, put her on bedrest, and Landon finally came to terms with the truth of their situation.
His bullshit put not only his and Gynah’s child at risk but also his and Adalyn’s. All because he couldn’t own his mistakes.
Tessah hated to admit it, but their drama kept her mind somewhat off Kyree but when she had alone time, her mind wondered to him. She more than missed him. Her heart ached for him but she’d made her bed and she’d have to learn from her mistakes.
Her brother told her if it’s meant to be, their time would come again. She believed him because he and his girlfriend had gone through it and were now engaged. Maybe there was hope for her.
Her phone vibrated against the coffee table and the name bouncing on the screen made Tessah do a double take. Why was he calling her? It must have been a mistake. She swiped the call away, but he called right back.
“Hello?”
“What’d up? How you gon’ come to Orlando and not see me?”
“Um,” Tessah sang. “Do you know who you called, Quinten?”
Quint sniggered. “My coulda been sister-in-law. What’s good Tee?”
Tessah pulled the phone from her ear and stared at it. Was this a joke? She hadn’t talked to him since the day at the hospital when he told her Kyree was awake. She assumed he held the same animosity towards her Shayla did.
“I’m straight. Who told you I’m in Orlando?”
Quint snickered. “I got people in high places who still had your brother’s number. I.e. My mom. He told me you were here.”
“Well I’ll remember to kill him for telling people my business.”
“Nah. I told him it was urgent.”
The lack of urgency in his voice led her to believe he’d lied. “And what’s the emergency?”
“I’m getting married this weekend. You’re still coming, right? Gotta be why you’re in Orlando.”
Tessah brows pulled in. “Actually no. I’m here because my best friend had complications with her pregnancy. Besides, I doubt your brother wants me there, and I haven’t talked to you in months. Didn’t think you fucked with me anymore because of what happened.”
“It wasn’t your fault. My anger and worry got the best of me a lot at the hospital but I never blamed you,” he admitted. “My big brother wasn’t waking up. We all were scared we were gonna lose him. I admit you weren’t my favorite person then, but I still got love for you.”
“Thank you for saying that. Still confused by the call.” She tittered.
“Because I wanted to make sure you were coming to my wedding. It’s kinda rude to RSVP yes and not come. Ryan gon’ be in his feelings about it because he personally invited you.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” she said, twisting her mouth to the side. Her going to Quint’s wedding where Kyree would be in all of his glory to taunt her wasn’t how she wanted to spend her Saturday.
“It’s me and Ry’s wedding. We want yo
u there so do us this solid. Consider it a wedding gift.” She’d plan to stay in Orlando until Sunday to make sure Gynah didn’t need her, anyway. “Is your silence a yes?”
“Quint are you sure about this? Like your mom, your cousins, your whole family is gonna be there. I’m not tryna ruin y’all wedding.”
He sniggered. “See you Saturday at 3pm.”
The call ended and Tessah stared at the screen until Gynah interrupted her thoughts. “Didn’t you hear me ring my bell?”
Tessah huffed. “Bitch… you and your bell gon’ get a beat down.”
Gynah frowned as she ambled to the kitchen.
“Uh uh. Go lay your ass back down. What you need?”
“A snack.”
Tessah rolled her eyes. “I’ll bring you some grapes. Go chill out.”
As she fixed a cheese and grape plate for her and Gynah, her mind wandered back to her conversation with Quint. There was no way any good could come from attending his wedding.
“Who were you on the phone with making you tuned little ol’ me out?”
“Girl hush.” She waved off her best friend being dramatic. “You lucky I don’t have time to play with you about my nephew.” She sat the snack plate between them as she laid on the bed. Gynah’s six month stomach poked out in all of his amazingness. “Kyree’s brother. He’s getting married on Saturday and wanted to see if I was still coming.”
“Sounds like a setup,” she sang, popping three grapes into her mouth. “Definitely take your ass.”
“Well, I guess I shouldn’t say I wasn’t about to go.”
“Who turns down free food, drinks, and gays? NO ONE.”
Tessah snorted. “You’re stupid.”
“Damn I wish I could go.”
“Noppppe!”
Gynah scowled. “But why would you not go? I love you and I’m dealing with my own shit but I haven’t missed the change in you. And one of us needs to be happy and get the man we want.”
The minuscule pieces left of Tessah’s heart, broke for her friend. She’d done the exact thing Tessah had warned her not to — fall for Landon who still only loved Adalyn.
