by Marie Hall
Io screamed out again. Kicking and squirming as much as his hold allowed as he started into a steady rhythm that landed spank after spank to the entire surface, leaving it fully infused with color.
Xavier continued to bring his hand down, making a second pass over the rounded globes. Io's fight was almost gone. She struggled, but her shouts changed to steady sobs mostly absorbed by the thick matrices. Xavier slowed the tempo and took focus on the lowest portion of her arse. Not quite low enough to catch her thigh, but enough Io wailed in anticipation of being struck there.
"You will obey commands, my lady," Xavier said then delivered three sharp blows. "And you will have your mouth thoroughly scrubbed with soap if I hear you again use God's name in your angry tirades." Three more solid smacks and Xavier brought the event to an end.
Io had some fight left. She struggled, and between wails and gasps, he could hear growls. Another time, before he'd learned better how to deal with his wife, he'd have continued until she was a limp, sobbing mess. And given Io's strength and stubbornness, he knew there would come times when he'd have to take correction to that point. But not today. Not for this. He wanted only her surrender today, not her defeat. Defeat wouldn't bring him anything more than reluctant compliance on her part, and he needed her reasons today.
She might have behaved poorly because she was tired and frustrated. And he'd thrashed her for defiance. Still, he knew there was more than lack of rest driving her rebellion against his command, and unless he gave in and rescinded the order or discovered her motivations in full, they'd be right back here in no time.
Xavier needed to figure out how to proceed. Stopping short of ending her fight, he wasn't certain taking her in his arms and holding her through her tears was the way to go. Not unless he wanted a black eye. Given how she was pounding at the bed with her fists, she was sure to give him one. Lifting his right leg, he slid his arm under her and stood. As he moved to the side, he positioned her on the bed. She didn't seem to notice the shift and as he walked around the end of the bed, picking up the covers strewn on the floor and tossing them on top of her, she never paused her failing.
As exhausted as she must have been before the confrontation, Xavier expected Io would wear herself out and fall asleep. Turning away, he began picking up the items she'd knocked from the chest and setting them back in place. He moved then to another area of disorder and straightened it. He worked his way around the room, clearing away the evidence of Io's bad temper as she continued to cry and moan from beneath the covers, finally righting the chair, he dropped into it with a heavy sigh.
Xavier gave the bed one last look. The motion under the covers diminished as had the sounds. Now only a few gasping sobs could be heard, and Xavier thought she'd be asleep soon. He scrubbed his hands over his face and tipped his head back to look at the ceiling. Was he being unreasonable in his command Io take a few hours to rest midday? He didn't think so. But if his wife was finding so much difficulty keeping to the rules, he needed to consider how better to satisfy his need to care for her and her need to be autonomous and self-determining.
Of course, he could always impose his will, as he'd done in the past. But that hadn't truly served them. She either resented him or worked around him. Again, he scrubbed at his face. The prickle of stubble scratching his palms made him sigh. He'd not taken time to shave this morning. The stiff, spiky hairs were anything but pleasant to feel. Against Io's soft skin it'd be far worse than against his callused hands. Beards were fashionable, all men wore them. All men wore them and most men failed to acknowledge their wives needs and wants. Xavier wasn't going to be most men. Not when he was the only man with a goddess like Io for a wife. A loud sniff jerked him forward in the chair, and his eyes clashed hard with the pale blue ones staring at him with uncertainty from the bed.
Chapter 12
Io pushed up out of the tangle of furs stacked on top of her. The room was utterly quiet now. So quiet she imagined she could hear her own heartbeat with each painful throb of her arse.
Xavier hadn't spared her in the least. The amount of time and multitudes of events between now and the last time he'd expressed his displeasure in this manner must have faded the memory of how much hurt he could cause when he felt it necessary.
Io wiped her eyes and shoved at the covers more. No, that wasn't it. She never seemed to remember in a timely fashion how painful Xavier's hand could be. Not from one thrashing to the next. Even if he applied the next no more than an hour after the last. Sometimes she just couldn't bother to recall how awful it could be.
Maybe because most every time following, he'd wrap her in his arms and hold her against him. She'd feel his solid strength there beneath her cheek as she rested on his shoulder. She'd also feel his stability under her aching bottom as she sat on his lap. But all that was missing this time.
Shoving the last of the covers off, she tried to stave off the disorientation she felt. Sitting up, she rolled to her hip to take pressure off her aching buttocks. A quick survey of the room found it again neat and tidy. Had she fallen asleep? Had one of her maids come in and cleared the mess she'd created? Had she so annoyed her husband he'd abandoned her to her fit? Maybe he was tired of having a mad woman as a wife. More tired of it than she was of always feeling on the brink of collapse and tears.
Using the fur, she wiped her nose, turned to look towards the door with a sniff and was filled with a mix of joy and trepidation. Xavier hadn't left her. He never did, she knew that. He was sitting right there, in the chair, on the other side of the room.
On the other side of the room though. For a distance she could cross in six steps, it might as well be the same distance she'd traveled to reach the seashore. All she wanted at the very moment was to be held in those arms, but he was way over there, and she sat alone here.
Maybe she could reach him. Maybe he wasn't so far away as it seemed. The bedding was reluctant to give up her legs, but the floor was sure under her feet as she stood and faced him. Only her feet wouldn't go. They refused to carry her forward. He was right there, but she couldn't get to him. She watched him sit forward, almost like he was trying to get to her too. He lifted his hand, held it out, and with the crook of just one finger, he gave her feet wings.
Io crashed against his chest with a cry she'd held back for days. His arms tightening around her squeezed out the sobs of frustration and fear she swallowed down night after night. Curling against him didn't make her feel smaller than she already felt. In fact, pressed so close now, she felt her strength and resolve growing.
"Shh, my love. It will be all right. We will make it right. We can make it right, together. Shh." Xavier's breath tickled her ear as he continued to confirm what she knew with all her heart. They could do this together. She only need ask his help, and he'd lend it. And he'd do so without condemnation, without judgment or comparison.
Io didn't know how long she held on and cried. All that mattered was Xavier held on too, whispering soft assurances and pressing light kisses to her temple. He didn't just hold her, though. He knew her. Knew what it was she desired. She felt him tighten his hold as she started to feel insecure again and loosen it when the moment passed. He'd be silent when she needed to hear her own thoughts and then whisper encouragement when she couldn't find a thought to reassure herself. Xavier was there for her. He was there the way he always was; the way she knew with every fiber he always would be. He'd not ever abandon her. Leave her lonely or unprotected. He wouldn't. No matter how she pushed at him, no matter her failings, no matter the fact she'd never be the mannered lady with a rich dowry he could have if he chose.
It was that thought that refreshed her sobs. Everything he'd sacrificed for her and she couldn't even submit to a simple command which he only gave so she'd better serve this house.
"Ah, Io." She heard him say as he shifted her in his lap so she rested in his arms, not hidden against his shoulder. "Come now," he said, sweeping his hand over her face to wipe the wetness from her skin. "Come. I thought you pa
st the worst of it." He leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead. "My poor heart, settle. Settle."
Io tried again for the calm he offered. It took a moment, but with a few tries, she drew in a deeper breath. It didn't flow out easy, but the next deep one did, and then a second followed with more smoothness.
"There, settle now," he said and lifted her under his chin so he could rub her back. Io sniffed and drew in one last long breath, held it, then slowly released it. "Yes now?"
She nodded and closed her eyes to enjoy the feel of his arms holding her closer. Using the back of her hand she wiped her eyes and nose, then nodded again.
His whole body shifted under her and she felt herself slip from his lap as he stood. "Stand here a moment. Do not move," he said stepping away. He was back before Io got her head cleared and could track his movements, and she was back in his lap and arms before she was even stable on her feet. "Let us try this," he said, dabbing at her face with a soft cloth. "I think it better than your hand." He wiped a few more tears away then pinched the cloth over her nose and commanded her, "Blow." Which she did with a giggle. "Yes, so much better." Xavier set the cloth aside then adjusted her on his knee so her still sore arse fell between his thighs. Reaching up, he brushed a strand of hair away then kissed her forehead again.
She snuggled against him and let all the distress she'd felt only a few hours ago fade away. She was almost asleep when he spoke again.
"Can you tell me now?" he asked and Io looked up to see his intent stare. What could she say? Any words that came out would sound accusing and distrusting. "Io, tell me. Stop trying to think about it and tell me." She looked away and felt his chest heave with the sigh. "Start with why you think you must do so much all at once. Hum? Why so much haste in all your actions?" When she remained silent, he set his fingers under her chin and forced her to meet his eyes. "It is all right, Io. Tell me. Nothing you can say will cause offense. But to remain silent gives me no chance to set any wrongs right."
"I…" she started then sniffed and took a calming breath. "I want this house set right… back. I want… need it set back as it was before."
"We both want that, Io. Truly. But why such the rush." He tipped his head now and smiled a bit. "The house is not going any place and neither are you."
The burn of tears made her blink. She nodded and swallowed.
"Come tell me why you try to make it happen in one day. Why is it you would have it done yesterday?"
What could it hurt to say something now? "Before, they… they took the house so easily and nothing in it was even theirs to claim. And now everything, every room is filled with her things, and if they come again, how much easier will it be for them to take it all?"
"Io," he said her name then crushed her to him. "Io, they are not coming back. They are not. They will not come back through the gates." He relaxed his hold and she leaned back. "And do you not know, they did not take the house because of what was here. They took it because of what was not. Me. I was not here to defend the house against them. But I am here now. I am here and so are you." He again brushed stray strands of hair that had fallen in her face before he leaned away, and resting his elbow on the arm of the chair, he set his chin in his hand. "Io, you know they are not coming back in this house. Tell me now the real reason for what drives you to risk your health… and your sanity."
She bit down on her lip to stop its trembling, but she couldn't blink back the tears. Why did he not accept the answer she gave? It was easy and true. He'd have accepted it before. But then she'd have been left unsatisfied by his reaction. The scales might balance for a moment, but they'd again tip against her if she didn't give him a full response. And after everything, Xavier no longer would accept anything less from her. Easy was easy but not always the best.
"Every day, every day I must look at all of those things, her things and I see all you gave up for me. It is bad enough you have pushed your family away, your very blood, for my benefit. But I look now and I know what you could have if you'd chosen differently. I brought nothing into this marriage. Less than nothing, for I needed everything when I came to you. Every stitch of clothing, every bite of food you had to provide. You have lost so much because of me. All these fine belongings, a woman who knows how to belong among your peers, your very own mother. It is all gone because of me. For me." There she'd said it. She held her breath and watched Xavier take one of his own before he turned his face away.
It was a mistake to say anything. She could feel it. Maybe she'd seen everything he'd given up only because it was shoved in her face. But it wasn't right before his eyes. Now, though, she'd pointed out, given him the chance to take stock to realize the great loss. The air didn't flow into her lungs so easy as he kept his face turned away. She tried to rise, but as soon as she moved, his hold became firm, and he finally turned his eyes on her.
"Io, am I a rich man in your opinion?" he asked, and pulling her back, folded his hands together at her hip so she was trapped but not really in his embrace.
"Rich? You mean do I think you have a great wealth?" she asked surprised by the question. He nodded sharply. "Yes. Yes, I know you are. I know no one with more."
He nodded again. "There are, but it matters not." He tipped his head the other way. "I am very wealthy, even without the lands I hold, I am wealthy enough to sustain this life I live. Sustain it for as long as I live and past that."
She couldn't say where he was going with this, but she nodded in agreement nonetheless.
"As rich as I am, Io, do you not think, if I was to want a chair or a chest or different dishes for my table, I might not be able to purchase them myself? That I could not hire the best craftsmen and artisans and create anything I might desire as soon as I did desire it?"
She barely kept from groaning. Was she that stupid? Certainly she must be to not realize on her own this fact. With a sniff, she nodded again. "I suspect you are and could."
He grunted at her statement but then went on. "What you brought with you to this marriage, Io, is something I could not have bought with any amount of coin. You brought thoughtfulness and imagination. You put kindness and understanding between these walls. You added joy and respect to every shire and village under my eye. You crammed laughter and passion into every room, and lit up even the darkest corners of the forest with your warmth and compassion. There is no better dowry in all of creation than that which you brought and gave to me. It will never be surpassed in value by any chair or candle stick."
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed her mouth against his shoulder lest she start laughing and never stop. Damn her stupidity every time.
"And now," he said, pulling her back into place so he could look at her face while he spoke. "While I am most pleased with myself for having fooled you into believing I set out Charlotte for you," he paused and frowned at her a moment before again smiling a bit. "I threw her out for me. It was a selfish act on my part. I sought only my happiness when I had her dragged out of the gates. I did that for me. For me," he said echoing her words. "That it benefited you…" he shrugged his shoulders, "well that makes me happy as well."
"Yes?"
"Yes."
It was that easy. With Xavier, it was that easy. All she had to do was not keep the words to herself, and like leaves in the wind, her troubles and fears were swept away. Leaning against him, she sighed. "I am sorry."
"Do not be, my heart. I too, am struggling with trying to change. What I have always been able to rely on, strength, physical force, does not serve me well with you as it does with others. Your distrust and secretiveness is as ingrained in you as my habits are in me. But we have both come a long way from where we started, and we will keep moving forward."
"Together."
He chuckled and squeezed her briefly. "Together. And while I expect we will have some setbacks, we will have our whole lives to make up for them." His smile increased as he lowered his head towards hers.
The touch of his lips was gentle and warm as they skimm
ed over hers. He didn't deepen it though, only dragged it out for some time before again sitting back then leaning to one side as if he was considering her again.
"Io, I need you to tell me true, is it such a hardship my requirement that you stop and rest?"
She shrugged at the question. He sounded so concerned, and she knew being weary put her in a foul mood, made her snap and shout. She hated that. Xavier wasn't incorrect to accuse her of behaving like Charlotte when she was tired.
"Io," he pressed.
She didn't want to answer. She didn't want to admit she lacked the fortitude to work the whole day through.
"There is no shame in such weakness, Io. You should not expect after so long away from the tasks you would be able to take them up. You did not try so valiantly when you first came. You did some each day until you were able to add more to what you did."
"I do not want to be judged weak," she said and squirmed so his hold loosened.
"Who judges, Io? And what matter if you are judged? What harm. More let someone judge you weak that they think they can come at you easy and find you are capable."
"No, I cannot be weak." This time, his logic didn't suit.
"Why? Tell me what it is you fear about being judged weak. It is not a fact. Such judgment would be a mistake. But tell me."
She shrugged again because this time she wasn't so sure the answer. Or rather she was sure the answer, but couldn't make it fit together. What she felt and what she knew were like oil and water in this case.
"Try, Io, try and help me understand. It need not be reasonable, what you say. But say something that we can start to solve this."
Reaching up, Io put her arms around his neck and lifted so her head rested on his shoulder. "I know you will not, but… but every time I feel weak or unfit I think… I feel… I do not ever want to go back to that convent. And I know you would not send me, but what if you are not here and some other does. What if I get sent back and locked in and not even the mouse comes for me this time?"
