“No, I’m not okay, so I’ll get to it. Harlow and I are done. I just ended it this morning. You probably won’t be seeing her around much anymore. I know some of you are friends with her, and what you do on your own time is your business.” He shrugged and leaned against the wall, pretending he wasn’t affected by this news in the least. It was a crock of shit, but they didn’t need to know that. He was pissed off; that’s what they needed to see. “She lied to me and is protecting one of you while doing it.”
“What the fuck?” Carson sat up.
“Are you serious?” Rebel folded his arms across his chest. “Letting that woman go would be the dumbest thing you’ve ever done,” he grumbled.
Toby ignored him. “Who wrote the letter?” He watched each of them closely. Carson and Rebel looked confused, if not a little disappointed in him. Dee’s eyes went wide, and Mel stayed quiet. He had his answer. As suspected, it was one of the girls. He should have known it’d be between those two.
He pointed at Dee. “Was it you?” He stood up straighter and took a step toward her. Shockingly, he was interrupted from his interrogation when Melody’s chair fell over with a loud crash, and she rushed out of the room. He watched her go then gave Diamond the stink eye. “Talk!”
“It wasn’t me, but I knew about it.” She lifted her chin in defiance. “You’ve been destructive for a long time now, Toby, and we were all worried. Especially when you shut most of us out. Did you read it? Because what was said was nothing horrible, and it never went public. Only a few people have seen it. Me, Harlow, and Mel. I’ll tell you one thing, though, Rebel’s right. You are a dumbass if you left Harlow because of this. That woman loves you, and until this moment, it was nice to see you happy again.”
“Do I look happy to you?” he roared, back on the defensive. “You have no idea what I went through or how it felt after Carley died. I was crushed, and it’s not a situation you just get over. Is it?” He exhaled loudly. “Harlow lied to me about it when I told her. She already knew and didn’t tell me shit that she did. I trusted her. Then, this morning, I find it on her counter, and she didn’t have the decency to tell me who even wrote the thing. She refused to tell me!”
Dee flinched in her spot as his yelling got louder. Toby’s face was red, and a vein throbbed in his forehead.
“It was me, you idiot.” Mel charged up to him, and he spun around to face her. “Now sit your ass down for your own good and hear me out.”
“I’m good right here.” Toby narrowed his eyes and folded his arms while everyone else looked at their standoff.
“Whatever.” Melody threw her hands in the air. “You read the original letter I gave to Harlow, but you never read her response.” She threw Harlow’s written words at him, and he bent to pick them up. “Now, listen to me, Toby James. She didn’t know it was you when I gave her the letter. I never used your real name. When Harlow finally figured it out, she confronted me and all but begged me to let her come clean. I didn’t think it was a big deal and brushed her off. That was my mistake, and I’ll own up to it. She couldn’t tell you because it goes against the grain. She’s a psychologist, for Christ’s sake. She got her degree from Stanford. Haven’t you ever heard of doctor-patient confidentiality? I know she works for the magazine now, but the same ethics apply, Toby. I wrote the letter; therefore, she needed my permission to tell you. She treated my situation, or should I say yours, as if I was in her shrink’s chair. The person you should be mad at is me.” She pointed at her chest and closed any remaining distance between them.
“Oh, I’m pissed off.” Toby pointed his finger at her this time. “You had no right.”
“I was worried!” Mel screamed. “You were on a downward spiral. You were wearing yourself out and wouldn’t listen to anybody. You had a different woman almost every night, worked more than you slept, and you barely ate. If I had known you were about to fall for Harlow and get your stubborn head out of your ass, maybe I wouldn’t have done anything, but I’m not psychic. We’re more than friends, Toby, more than boss and employee. You’re my family. It might not be by blood, but you’re still my brother, and I love you, so smarten up and do it fast. We’ve all had enough of this shit, and you’re using it as an excuse to push away the woman you’re crazy about.”
“I know what I feel. I don’t need you to tell me, and it’s easier said than done.” Toby sulked. By the time Mel stopped yelling at him, it was as if the fight had suddenly left him. “You’re still on my shit list.”
Mel rolled her eyes, threw her hands in the air again, and slammed the door shut behind her as she left the room.
Carson stood, slowly approached Toby, and clapped his friend on the shoulder. “All right, brother, why don’t we take a breather? I think you should go home, read that response, and we’ll take it one day at a time until we can get past all this. But do me a favor and think on it hard so you can come to the right decision. Get your woman back. She’s the real deal, and I envy you that. The one-night stands get old, man. Reach for your happy and hold on tight. She’s worth it. You know it, and despite what you think, you deserve it. This is for keeps.”
Toby sighed. He’d read it and think about what Carson said, but first, he needed another drink to ease the pain of betrayal he still felt.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Dear Readers:
It’s been awhile since the roles were reversed, and today is one of those days. I love when you write in every week. Helping people has always been a passion of mine. It’s rewarding, and I’d like to thank you all for the support you give to both me and this column. Only for this article, I’m giving you me again.
A few months back, I was introduced to a group of really great people, and they fast became my friends. We’ll call them Rae, Parker, Tyler, Romeo, and James. You see, Lily’s birthday was coming up, and I wanted to get a tattoo, my very first in her honor. Not only that but the placement would also cover some of the physical scars left on me from the accident. I had this idea that it would turn my ugly into something beautiful again, just like my little girl was.
I met Tyler first at a dinner with my best friend. Tyler worked at this highly sought-after tattoo parlor and convinced me to come check it out, so I wouldn’t chicken out.
Tyler’s a fan of Harlow Helps, and she asked me to look at a letter she wrote, but she was nervous about sharing it publicly. She was worried about someone she cared for, and as a favor, I decided to keep it private. I promised her I’d have a look and that I’d reply with a letter of my own when we met up again. It seemed simple enough.
This letter, although written with good intentions, turned out to be about someone I came to love.
It was when I went to the tattoo parlor that I met James for the first time.
I was there to meet Tyler, but she was busy with a client, and it was just me and James up front. There was an instant magnetism that I’ve never felt before, and he was so nice, in personality and to look at. We talked about the tattoo I wanted, and James took it upon himself to make my dream into a reality. He drew my idea and then later gave me the most beautiful tattoo I could imagine. He’s that good of an artist.
That same night, I ran into Romeo, Tyler’s twin brother. He’s an adorable man who can make anyone laugh with his cheesy pick-up lines and easy-going persona. A man you can’t help but like.
A few days later, I was introduced to Rae, a vivacious woman with a big personality, and Parker, a broody bad boy with a heart of gold. For the first time in a long time, my life was looking up, and all because these five people welcomed me into their group with open arms.
Since my daughter died, I became a loner by choice, and I never realized how lonely I’d become.
James was a kindred spirit. He understood me, unlike anyone else I met, because he suffered from his own loss and knew grief as well as I did.
Our relationship grew, and we couldn’t fight the attraction for much longer. He’s someone so special, with a tremendous talent for drawing and inki
ng skin. He’s caring and thoughtful, and we had so much in common from our love of motorcycles to old-school horror movies. It didn’t take long before I fell in love, despite his warning that he wasn’t sure he could let himself feel the same.
He had his reasons, and they were good ones. I’ll leave it at that.
So, what’s the reason for my rant, you might ask?
I owe him a heartfelt apology, and I’m hoping this post reaches him. Our complicated relationship has unfortunately come to an end. I unintentionally hurt him, and I have to try to make amends.
Mr. James, if you’re reading this, I am truly sorry. You bared your heart and soul to me, told me things about you that not a lot of people are privy to, and I didn’t tell you that I already knew because I didn’t know how. I hope you can find it in your heart to one day forgive me.
All my love,
XO
Harlow
***
Harlow
Almost a week had gone by since Toby stormed out of her life and she had shut everyone out again. She just needed time to put herself back together before facing the world. Calista called repeatedly, as well as Mel and Dee. Heck, Carson and Rebel even tried to check in. She just needed time. She’d made herself whole once before. She could do it again…eventually.
Her heartbreak turned into anger after a few days, then the anger turned into exhaustion. Damn Toby for being so stubborn when she hadn’t done anything wrong.
Men! Pftt…
God, they’re a complicated species.
Harlow felt so pathetic, she’d even checked out old Blank Canvas reruns, Toby’s former reality TV show, just to see him again. Torturing herself whenever Carley and Toby were in an episode together. They looked great as a couple too, but she had enough.
The walls of her apartment felt like they were closing in on her, and she had to escape. During her outing, she found herself in front of her daughter’s marked grave. The fresh air was crisp, the sky an overcast of grey just like her mood, and it was chilly out. “Hey, baby,” she said. Harlow bent down to clear some of the colorful leaves and debris from Lily’s tombstone. “I miss you so much, I ache with it. I don’t think the feeling will ever go away, but I was so lucky to be your mommy while I could. I don’t want you to ever forget that I love you. I know somehow that you’re here with me, even though I can’t see you. You’re in my heart, Lily Jane.” Harlow’s knees gave out, and she sat on the cold grass. “It’s been a few months since I’ve visited, and I’m sorry for not coming to you sooner. I recently met a group of great people who became friends, thanks to your Aunty Calista. They helped get me out of my shell and out of the house more often. They’re a great bunch. I’m sure you would have adored them. Then Mommy had to go and fall in love. His name is Toby. I wasn’t expecting it, baby, but it happened quickly and with a bang. I think you would have probably fallen just as hard, and I bet he’d make a great daddy someday.” She wiped a tear from her cheek and sighed with regret. “Unfortunately, it didn’t work out, and he’s mad at me. He has his own issues, and who knows, maybe I’m just destined to be alone. I’ll have to learn to live with that, accept it, but I’ll be okay. Life goes on. One day at a time.” Her shoulders shook as she silently cried. “I hurt, baby girl, and I’m tired.” She pressed her fingers against her lips as she hiccupped and lowered her face into her hands. “What I wouldn’t give to have you back here with me. I got a tattoo in your memory. It’s beautiful. In my heart and in my mind, I’ll always cherish the time we had. One day, we’ll meet again, and I can look upon your beautiful smile, see that adorable dimple in your chubby little cheek, and hold you in my arms.” Harlow collapsed forward on top of her daughter’s grave, oblivious to anything or anyone around her. She’d started the day sad about Toby and ended it with her daughter, vowing to visit again one day soon.
***
Calista
Harlow had been avoiding her, and she’d had enough of the silent treatment. She was worried, they all were, ever since Toby’s stunt the other day. Out of respect, they’d all given her a few days like she wanted. Callie had talked to Mel and Dee earlier, and the plan was for her to spend some one on one time with her bestie, so they could slowly get her to the land of the living again. They were having a girl’s night, whether Harlow wanted one or not. She wasn’t answering her phone or the door, so Calista got out her key—the one Harlow gave to her in case of emergency. She just happened to think today was emergency enough. Operation Harlow Heartbreak to Happiness was a go, step one in progress. The door banged against the hallway wall as she barged into the quiet apartment. “Harlow, it’s rise and shine time.”
Calista walked by the empty kitchen and living room. She took a quick peek in the bathroom and saved the bedroom for last. “Time to get up.” She’d automatically assumed that she might be napping, but apparently, she wasn’t home. “Hm,” Callie blew some hair out of her eye and checked the time on her cell before she texted Mel.
Calista: She’s not home. I’m going to stick around for a bit until she gets here.
Melody: K, keep us posted. We’ll meet up same time as planned. I got the booze, Dee has the junk food covered. We’re golden.
An hour passed by in a blur, then two, and it was getting dark out. No matter how many times she tried to call Harlow, there was no answer, and she was beginning to worry. This was so unlike her.
Callie called Mel first, and she picked up on the second ring.
“Hey, have you heard from her? I’ve got nothing, and I’m starting to worry.”
“I wish,” Melody said. “Hang tight. I’ll call Dee and see if she’s heard anything. We were supposed to meet up in a few anyway and head over to Harlow’s for girl’s night. It’s probably a long shot, but you never know. If that doesn’t pan out, I’ll call in the guys, see if we can figure out a plan to find her.”
“Thanks, Mel. I’ll stay here, let you know if anything changes, and try to think of places she might be. Call me back soon as you can.”
***
Melody
“Dee, we have a situation. Calista can’t get a hold of Harlow. She’s not home and not answering her cell. It’s getting dark, and this is not our girl’s norm. Calista’s getting worried, which is getting me worked up too.”
“Whoa,” Dee said. “First off, take a deep breath. I’m leaving now. Meet you at her place with Calista. You want to call the guys for some help with this, or should I?”
“The more people looking, the better. I’ll call Carson. You try Rebel,” Mel replied. “Then I’ll get a hold of Toby. He’s an ass, and I’m still upset, but I know he cares, and he’ll want in on this.”
“Got it. See you shortly.”
“Right.” Mel hung up and raced to get her jacket. She was just locking up her door when she got a hold of Carson.
“Hello, you’ve reached Carson Tyler. Best brother, God’s gift to women, and number one tattooist. How can I help you?”
“Yeah, right.” Mel snorted. “Are you available?”
Carson chuckled. “Oh, how you wound me, baby sister.”
“You’re only older by three minutes. Now listen up, chucklehead, I’m going to need you and the rest of the guys to meet us at Harlow’s place. Dee’s calling Rebel now. I’ll have to call Toby when I’m done with you. Calista went over to her place this afternoon to talk her into a girl’s night, only she wasn’t home, and that was hours ago. We still can’t find her. It’s getting dark. It’s cold out, and there’s no answer on her phone.”
“Okay, hold on a minute. I’m with Rebel and Toby right now at his place, and it looks like he’s filling Toby in—”
“Mel, what the fuck? Is she okay? Tell me she’s good.” Toby sounded panicked. “I’m putting my shoes on right now.” The phone shuffled, and she could hear him talk to her brother. “Lock up and meet me there. I’m taking the bike. It’s faster.”
“I’m calling because I don’t know, Tob. Calm down and meet us in one piece. Calista’s thinking
of places she might be, in the meantime, then we’ll go search if she isn’t home yet. Capiche?” Mel slammed her car door shut and started the engine. “See you in a few, yeah?”
“Fuck, Mel, I’m going out of my mind.” Toby cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he said before he hung up. And, right then and there, Mel knew there was hope yet for the troubled couple. But first, they needed to find the missing piece.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Dear Harlow:
How do you make it up to someone after you’ve made a stupid mistake?
I met this amazing woman, but as soon as she told me she loved me, I freaked out and ended our relationship. I let those words scare me off and took the coward’s way out. I wasn’t ready to face how much I loved her in return.
~Sincerely, Once Burned~
*
Dear Once Burned:
That makes me wonder what made you finally decide you were ready to admit you love her back?
Sounds to me like you need to communicate with a few people. The woman you love, for one. Talk to her, explain why you were scared, and it probably wouldn’t hurt to give her a grand gesture to prove you won’t pull that stunt again.
I know what it’s like to be in this situation. It hurts something fierce, but if she loves you like you claim she does, I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end.
Now, the next person you should think about talking to is a trained professional. There are clearly underlying issues that made you freak out, to begin with, and you need to work through that. This way, you can have a healthy relationship going forward.
Feel free to email me and I’d be happy to give you a list of resources.
Forever With You (Misfit Tattoo Book 1) Page 14
