The Devil's Cave: A Humorous Fantasy Novel (The Legends of Damon Arkon: The World's Greatest Swordfighter)

by Everson Cook

  "Let's move," Belosic yelled over the increasing sound of the pounding rain. He grabbed the rope used for restraining Damon from Kaateria and took off at a trot. It was a much faster pace than Damon was expecting. Damon's feet slipped out from under him and he slammed into the ground. Kaateria grabbed him by the shoulder and hoisted him back to his feet.

  "Ugh, and I was really starting to like this shirt," Damon said. He held his now muddy sleeves away from his body.

  "They'll be fine. But you won't if you don't stop your whining and start moving," Kaateria said.

  "Piggyback ride?" Damon yelled up to Belosic.

  Belosic yanked on the rope again causing Damon to slip and slam again into the mud. Belosic let out a loud laugh. Kaateria covered her mouth as she let out a laugh of her own. Then she once again helped Damon to his feet.

  "Hahaha. Laugh it up you two," Damon said. "You know Belosic, I liked you a lot more when we first met."

  "I'm sure you often hear the same thing," Belosic retorted.

  They continued making their way up the mountain, but it wasn't getting any easier.

  "Once we get inside, we should remove all of our clothes and huddle together for warmth. We, being Kaateria and myself. Don't want us to get sick. I'm not sure what you'll do Belosic. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

  "I'm not getting naked with you," Kaateria said.

  "No one is getting naked. We'll start a fire. It will be fine. Keep moving," Belosic said.

  "I might be getting naked," Damon said. "Also, how do you think you're going to get a fire going? It's not like there is going to be a bunch of wood stacked inside?"

  "Do you want me to send you flying into the mud again?"

  "Not particularly. No."

  "Then shut up and move."

  Belosic turned and continued up the mountain.

  The three of them trudged the rest of the way in silence, which was very hard for Damon to do.

  Standing outside of the cave, Damon wasn't so sure he wanted to enter. As much as he wanted to find what he hoped would be a place to get dry, the fact that there was a sign outside with the words, "Do Not Enter" painted on it in what Damon knew to be blood, put a slight damper on his excitement. That, and the fact that the sign was held up by several bones of varying animals and people. One of the bones reminded Damon of the one he almost lost to King Glendorrys's henchman. He gulped.

  Neither the sign, nor the bones, seemed to bother the other two that much. Possibly because they were too focused on getting out of the rain. Belosic removed a torch from his sack and sparked two rocks together to get it lit. He handed the burning torch to Kaateria and then readied his sword. Kaateria held the torch in her left hand, her right hovering over the handle prepared to draw in case of danger.

  "You know, people say I'm pretty good with a sword. Ha! People. Who am I kidding? Other than you two and a few other fools, everyone would want me to have a sword in a situation like this," Damon said. "So, what do you say you unshackle me and give me a blade?"

  Kaateria shushed him.

  "Belosic? You know it would be easier if you had both hands free, right? Unbind my hands and give me a weapon."

  "Stop yapping."

  "Ok, ok. You don't have to tell me twice," Damon said.

  The trio walked through the mouth of the cave. Belosic ducked his head slightly. Damon didn't. He banged it hard against a rock that poked out from the top causing him to let out a yelp of anguish. In a show of concern, Belosic and Kaateria shushed him again.

  "If you're not going to give me a sword, you are still set on that right, then at least you could give me a torch. What could I possibly do with a torch?"

  Beyond the entrance of the cave was a crude set of rock stairs that lead deeper into the mountain. The group cautiously walked down the stairs by the light of one torch.

  "What's that?" Damon asked, sure he heard a noise.

  The group paused and listened.

  "Nothing," Belosic said. "Keep moving."

  "I'm sure I heard something. Kaateria? You hear that?"

  "The only thing I hear is the sound of you peeing your pants," Kaateria retorted.

  "Good one. Very clever," Damon replied. "But seriously--"

  "Keeping moving," Belosic repeated.

  At the bottom of the stairs was a wide open space. Across the cavern was another passage. The opening to the passage was covered by a wooden door that had been poorly fitted for the hole. It was latched shut.

  Kaateria looked around and found a place in the cave walls to place the torch. The torch lit up the space showing a bedroll in the corner and a bunch of dry sticks sitting in a pile of ash in a hole dug into the ground. Above the bedroll was a picture of a handsome young man that had been shredded by what appeared to be sharp claws. The air was damp and smelled of rotting flesh.

  "Well, this is a lovely spot, huh? Very homey. I could do without the smell though." Damon squeezed his nose at the nostrils trying to keep the smell out. But that only meant he had to breathe with his mouth open which in turn meant that he had to taste whatever the smell was. He coughed as he took a deeper breath than necessary and inhaled the vile fumes into his lungs. He decided squeezing his nose wasn't worth it. Although that didn't prevent him from keeping his mouth shut.

  "Now what?" Damon asked.

  "We wait for the rain to stop. Then we keep moving," Belosic said.

  "No wood inside, huh?" Kaateria scoffed eyeing up a woodpile neatly stacked against the wall. It looked dry enough that it would ignite easily.

  "How about someone goes and checks where that passage leads?" Damon asked ignoring Kaateria's very strong implication that he was wrong. "We're trespassing. I'm guessing at some point whoever left that bed behind will come back to sleep in it. Actually, that gives me an idea."

  "No," Kaateria said before Damon could even make the suggestion.

  "Ok, well, hopefully when someone does come back to sleep in it it's the good looking guy in the picture and not whatever ripped it to shreds."

  "I wouldn't worry about it," Belosic said.

  "Wouldn't worry about it? Do you know how many times I've come across a cave with a bedroll inside it and said don't worry about it?" Damon paused for an answer, but not getting one said, "Zero. Zero times. And do you know how many times that's saved my life?" Again there was a pause, this one a little shorter than the one before. And again, to Damon's chagrin, there came no reply. "Every single time. Otherwise, I wouldn't be standing here with you two..."

  "You tend to overreact to pretty much everything," Belosic said. "But I don't think it would be a terrible idea to see where that passage leads. Maybe it will get us closer to our destination. And keep us away from the prying eyes in the forest."

  "And we wouldn't have to wait for the rain to stop." Kaateria made for the passage, "I'll check it out."

  Belosic grabbed her by the arm, "Let me go. You watch him. We don't know what's out there. And we know how not dangerous this guy is."

  "You don't have to protect me. I'll be fine," Kaateria said.

  "Yeah, and if you don't think I'm so dangerous, feel free to untie me. Then I'll show you a thing or two, but probably just one thing. I don't really feel like showing you more than that," Damon said.

  Belosic kept his hand on Kaateria's arm. Their eyes met. Belosic squeezed her arm and let her go.

  "Be safe," he said.

  Kaateria nodded. She withdrew another torch and lit it with the one on the wall. She drew her sword and headed toward the passage.

  "And Kaateria," Belosic said.

  She stopped and turned around.

  "Leave the door open. Just in case."

  Kaateria nodded. Belosic watched her until she was out of sight.

  "So, what do you think about getting a fire going?" Damon asked. "I've gone my entire life without catching anything and I've slept with some very questionable women. I don't want the fact that I sat around in some wet clothes to be reason I finally do. Plus, I've never been one
to let perfectly good wood go unused."

  Belosic sighed, but he knew that Damon was right. About the fire. Although he was pretty sure the rest of it was likely true as well. If they stayed in their wet clothes much longer they could get sick and that would only serve to slow them down.

  Belosic grabbed the torch and used it to light the branches in the pit. Then he went over to the woodpile and grabbed some logs that he tossed into the fire. It didn't take long until the cave was filled with heat. And some very thick smoke.

  Damon yawned. "If it's ok with you, I'm going to take a nap. Wake me when Kaateria gets back."

  Belosic nodded. He settled his large frame on an even larger log that served as seating by the fire. He might as well rest too he figured. They couldn't be surprised. They'd hear anyone who came down the stairs and Kaateria would alert them if there was anyone in the passage.

  Damon moved a little further back to the wall and laid down. He looked up at the ceiling. Despite the fact that he already slept for most of the morning, the heat made him drowsy. His eyes fluttered as he drifted off to sleep.

  He would sleep right through the screaming.

  Belosic was just about asleep when he heard Kaateria screaming. He scrambled to his feet while drawing his sword in the process. Despite the drowsiness that gripped him, he was ready to fight whatever she might be bringing his way.

  He walked over to where Kaateria had left not so long ago and waited. He stuck his head in the hole and listened. The screams kept coming, but they didn't sound as if they were getting closer. Belosic couldn't say with any certainty, but they sounded as though they were either getting further away or remaining in place.

  "Damon," Belosic said in a forced whisper.

  Damon rubbed at his nose and smacked his lips together. The saliva in his mouth was thick and gummy. It felt like he had eaten the equivalent of twelve dunnybear sandwiches. Although, it wouldn't have been possible since the dunnybear sandwich could only be found on the island of Zateebo. He realized in his dream sleep it had been some time since he had visited that island and would have to go back. But for now, he decided, he would continue to sleep.

  "Damon," Belosic said again, this time a little louder.

  There was no movement.

  Belosic rushed over to where Damon slept and shook him violently.

  "Damon," he said again.

  Damon swiped at something in the air and said something that vaguely sounded to Belosic like "sandwich." Yet, despite the shakings Damon continued to sleep.

  The screams continued unabated. Belosic turned his head toward the hole and then back to Damon. He was torn. If he left Damon, he figured there was a good chance Damon would awake. And, if that happened, there was no doubt he'd try to escape. However, he couldn't continue to try and wake him either. The longer he wasted time doing so, the greater harm Kaateria was likely to be in.

  Belosic contemplated stabbing him with the sword. Just a little cut to wake Damon. But, he couldn't bring himself to do that to an unarmed man. Let alone a sleeping one. Who also happened to have his hands chained. It would've reflected badly on the king's guard to do such a thing. Despite how intriguing the idea was.

  He couldn't wait any longer. Belosic gave one last look at Damon sleeping peacefully and sighed. Then he took off for the hole on the other side of the cave to save Kaateria from whatever was attacking her.

  Damon, even in his deep slumber, could sense he was alone. It was an odd feeling. One he wasn't entirely used to. It was rare enough that when it did happen, his senses became heightened. And, at a time like this, when he was a prisoner who was suddenly left alone, his senses were especially aroused.

  He bolted off the floor. Kaateria's screams echoed off the walls. He took a look around the cave for something to cut himself free. Seeing nothing, he headed back up the stairs, out of the cave, and toward Buttercup. From there, it was only a ride anywhere in any direction as quickly as possible to put some distance between himself, Belosic, and Kaateria.

  20

  That was the supposed to be the plan anyway. But, like most things in Damon's life, it didn't go as well in reality as it did in his mind. No sooner had he gotten up to the top of the stairs and burst through the cave's mouth was he greeted by some people he didn't expect to see again. At least not so quickly.

  "Hello, Damon," Binnicus said with a sneer. "Boys, meet Damon Arkon."

  Binnicus, Longsleeves, Curly, and seventeen other men of ill repute, questionable looks, and for whom Damon would never bother learning their names, were standing outside. They also sneered and a few of them growled. Damon noted that if you put some of them together, they'd have a complete set of teeth. All of them were armed. And they all had weapons.

  "Guys, whew, I'm glad to see you," Damon said. Damon wondered how they were able to find him with all the misdirection and the rain. He considered how it was anything other than mere coincidence. His smile was wide and his complete set of teeth was on full display. It wasn't intended as a gesture meant to cause jealousy and intimidation. But it was for one guy who stood in the back of the pack and silently stewed about it.

  "You killed Tim," Binnicus said.

  "No, I didn't."

  "We were there, we saw it."

  "You started it."

  "And your man finished it!"

  "Right, so Belosic killed Tim. Not me. I'm glad we're back in agreement on this."

  "Guilt by Association!"

  "You didn't even like Tim," Damon responded.

  "We liked him enough," said Curly.

  "But... but, I'm Damon Arkon. The World's Greatest Swordfighter," Damon expected the new guys in the group to be impressed, and many of them were, but that didn't stop them from continuing to yell incoherently. It was one of the main things they had been brought along to do.

  "Guys," Damon said, turning toward Binnicus, Longsleeves, and Curly, "other guys that I've never met before, surely you are feeling lucky to be in my presence and would feel much better about yourselves if you set me free?" Damon lifted his chained hands above his head.

  No one indicated that they would. Well, except for one guy who had started having second thoughts. He began raising his hand, but it was quickly slapped down by the man standing next to him.

  "Think about the stories you could tell. About the time you met me and... set me free...You could add in some stuff to make it sound a little more thrilling. Like I was fighting a dragon maybe. I don't know. Use your imaginations."

  "Think about the stories we could tell about the time we met you and killed you. Killed the world's greatest swordfighter," Binnicus spat. "Imagine the doors that would be opened to us!" Binnicus turned toward the others. His arms spread wide before them. A few of the men caught the symbolism and chuckled.

  "The riches!" Curly shouted. He raised his arms in triumph. Several of the men cheered.

  "The women!" Longsleeves said. He swiped at some drool that escaped the corner of his mouth at the thought. Even more men cheered.

  "The goats!" A man screamed. He was missing an eye, a nostril, and part of his lips.

  The cheers died down leading the way to complete silence from the group.

  "Goats!" The man said again, a little louder. He thought maybe they hadn't heard him the first time. He brought his arms up as he tried to coax some applause.

  Everyone looked at each other with confusion, wondering if that was truly something that they should be cheering. It didn't seem like it was on par with riches and women. A few looked away. Some started polishing their weapons. The rest shifted on their feet uncomfortably.

  The man who yelled goats slumped his shoulders. A tall, lanky man standing next to him patted him sympathetically.

  "Yes, all of those things are pretty nice. I will admit I've enjoyed most of them. Especially, the women. I wouldn't say the goats so much. Not quite sure where you were going with that. It would be a shame for all of that to end though. For me at least. A terrible shame. There's really nothing I can do t
o change your minds about killing me?" Damon looked each man in the eye. Or eyes depending on the circumstances.

  And each man stared back. It was somewhat uncomforting.

  "You killed Tim!" Binnicus shouted. The men shouted back, raising their swords and making quite a clamor. The goat man did too, although a little less enthusiastic than he had before.

  "Yes, we established that you believe that to be the case, didn't we. I'm sorry. Truly. Tim seemed like a, well, he was a fan of mine, so he must've been a man of some intelligence."

  The men looked at each other. They had all had some interactions with Tim at one point in their lives. Not all of them at the same time of course. Yet to a man, none of them had ever thought of Tim as being smart. They all shook their heads no in unison.

  "No?"

  "Your life for Tim's," Curly said. More consent from the crowd. More rattling of swords.

  "Well, look, if we aren't going to handle this like reasonable men, then, what's that?"

  Everyone turned to look where Damon had pointed.

  While they were distracted, Damon took the opportunity to scamper back down the stairs.

  21

  Damon flew down the stairs, bouncing off the walls as his feet churned. He got to the bottom and burst into the clearing. Neither Belosic nor Kaateria were in sight. Damon couldn't hear the screaming either, but that might have just been because his heart was pounding in his ears.

  He quickly scanned the area. Not a lot of options for hiding places. And hiding places were generally his friends.

  He could crawl into the bedroll and pull it up over his face, although he could only think of one person that had ever worked on. And it hadn't worked for very long. There was a table he could hide under, although it was probably not the best choice since it lacked covering. Even if it had, all they would have to do is look under it and he was as good as dead. Chairs didn't provide enough covering, torches weren't going to hold twenty armed men at bay, even if his hands weren't bound, and neither were the rocks that were scattered around the ground. He considered running down the corridor in the direction of Belosic and Kaateria, but he couldn't decide if that would lead to a worse position than he was already in. Either way, he didn't have a sword. And it was dark that way,