The Devil's Cave: A Humorous Fantasy Novel (The Legends of Damon Arkon: The World's Greatest Swordfighter)

by Everson Cook

  "Well, that makes me feel confident," Kaateria said.

  Then to Harry, Damon said, "I think 20-30 bladders full should be enough."

  Then to Belosic, Damon added, "Unless you think you could carry a barrel on your shoulder as you ride?"

  The group ate breakfast and then prepared their horses for continuing on the journey. Or, at least that was what Belosic was doing. Damon was sitting on a stump complaining about his shackles and how he'd really like to help, but you know.

  Kaateria and Mona were carrying on, what appeared to Damon to be, a solemn conversation in hushed tones. Kaateria turned and looked at him. Her face was blank. Which was momentarily terrifying, until Damon realized it was just her expression. All the rest of the parts were still there: eyes, nose, mouth, etc.

  Belosic, having finished getting the horses ready, helped both Kaateria and Damon mount their rides. They all three waved good-bye and guided their horses back onto the path that they had been on before the storm hit.

  "Hey Belosic, toss me one of those bladders of ale. No need to stop. I promise I'll catch it," Damon said after they got out of sight of Harry and Mona.

  "I didn't grab any."

  "Didn't grab any?!"

  "Correct."

  "I made one simple request. And you didn't...Well, we need to go back." Damon pulled on Buttercup's reins in an attempt to steer the horse back.

  "We're not going back," Belosic said. He grabbed Buttercup's bridle and turned her forward.

  "This is an outrage. Kaateria, don't you think this is an outrage?"

  "No."

  "Really? Huh. Ok, well, I want to go on record as being outraged."

  "So noted."

  Damon continued yammering about the perceived injustice for a while until he got distracted by something else. Then he went off on a tangent about that. And so it went as the group got deeper into their journey.

  27

  The group continued their travels for many mornings and an equal amount of nights.

  They climbed over mountains.

  "How are you feeling?" Damon asked.

  "Still a little sore, but ok," Kaateria replied.

  And walked through plains.

  "How about now?"

  "Better."

  They traversed terrain that was grassy.

  "And now?"

  "Fine."

  And deep with snow.

  "How about now?"

  "I'm not going to answer that."

  They rode their horses for days that turned into weeks.

  "Are you feeling ok now?"

  "Seriously, if you ask me one more time I'm going to murder you."

  With each rise of the sun Damon insisted they were getting closer. And asked how Kaateria was feeling.

  And with each passing day they saw fewer and fewer men. Which Damon was totally fine with, but which Kaateria and Belosic found odd.

  One night while standing on top of a cliff looking at the trees below, Kaateria asked, "How much longer?"

  "How are you feeling?"

  "I feel the best I've ever felt."

  Damon studied her. Then nodded. Then he looked out at the horizon. And found that he had made them wander around enough that he had finally gotten back on track. At some point he had gotten lost, but didn't want to admit it. He felt that the directions really could've been clearer. Something he'd bring up with Jin if he ever saw the guy again. And he hoped he wouldn't.

  Damon pointed at a river that separated the trees down below. The water sparkled in the moonlight.

  "You see that river?" he asked.

  "Yes."

  "We need to get there. Then hop on a boat. And ride it a ways."

  "And how exactly are we going to get a boat?"

  "You know, I hadn't actually considered that. We'll worry about it when we get down there, I guess."

  "Great plan."

  "What's that?" Belosic asked. He dropped an armful of firewood he had gathered to the ground.

  "Damon said we need to get a boat."

  "Is The Devil's Cave along the river?"

  "Not exactly," Damon said.

  "But close?"

  "Sure."

  "How close?"

  "Couldn't say and I doubt I would want to," Damon said. "I become expendable once I do."

  Neither Kaateria nor Belosic responded.

  "A little reassurance would be nice," Damon said when he could no longer bear the silence.

  "You won't become expendable," Kaateria said with a sigh.

  "Too late. The moment's passed. Maybe jump in a little quicker next time."

  Belosic tossed a few more logs on the fire. He watched the embers as they flew into the air and then drifted slowly back down to the flames.

  Damon yawned.

  "Well, I think it is time for me to go to bed. Care to join me Kaateria?"

  "No."

  "Oooh... you thought I meant 'join me' as in sleep with me... Well, that was my initial hope... But, Belosic looks like he's searching for the meaning of life in that fire over there. So maybe you should get some sleep as well. You know, alone. Unless you've changed your mind, of course."

  "It's not a bad idea," Belosic said. "You need your rest."

  Kaateria thought it over and then gave a nod.

  "Wake me in a bit. Then I'll take watch," she said.

  "Sure."

  Damon and Kaateria settled in and soon fell asleep. It had been a long journey and the difficult part was about to come.

  Belosic walked over to the edge and stared out at the river. It felt like the water was calling to him. He shook his head trying to clear it.

  He watched it, deep in thought and sensing the river's pull, until the sun rose, the fire died, and his companions began to stir.

  28

  "Go slow and be quiet," Damon said.

  They had made their way down the side of the mountain at dawn. It wasn't the ideal time to do anything Damon had complained, but like many of the other things he had complained about on the trip, he was roundly ignored. The group had eaten a breakfast consisting of gongor berries, Damon's least favorite of the berry family, then taken off on their horses.

  They had gotten low enough that they could hear the sound of running water just on the other side of the trees that they were currently using as cover.

  "Do you hear something?" Kaateria asked.

  "You mean besides the sound of running water just on the other side of the trees?" Damon asked.

  "Yes."

  "No."

  "This is ridiculous," Kaateria said.

  "You never know what you may find along a river," Damon said.

  "He isn't wrong, Kaateria," Belosic said.

  The group continued making their way toward the river.

  They moved from behind tree trunk to tree trunk with Damon leading the way while the others followed closely behind. Damon, Kaateria, and Belosic did a good job of blending in with the trees. The horses that trailed behind them not so much. At least for their part they weren't making a lot of noise. Except for the clip clopping, which very little could be done about.

  Damon got to the last row of trees and paused.

  "Shhhh," he whispered.

  Kaateria and Belosic readied their weapons. They proceeded forward with caution.

  Damon scanned the shoreline.

  "Ahhh, forget it," he shouted. "There's no one here."

  Damon kicked at the ground flinging some rocks into the air. Some of them landed in the water below, but they didn't make a sound. The ones that didn't, did.

  "What were you expecting to find?" Belosic asked.

  "I'm sure we don't want to know," Kaateria said.

  "Naked women," Damon said.

  "See?" Kaateria said.

  "You almost always find naked women along rivers. Swimming, or bathing, or doing laundry..."

  "I've never seen a woman naked by a river," Belosic said.

  "I've never done my laundry naked," Kaateria said.


  "You both need to learn to live a little," Damon replied.

  They made their way down the embankment to the mouth of the river. The slick grass made the trek a little more treacherous. But they soon found themselves safely at the bottom, next to the water.

  "Agh, what is that smell?" Damon asked as they got closer.

  "Might explain why no one is swimming here," Belosic said.

  "Or, doing their laundry," Kaateria added.

  The water was a frothy, sickly green like watered down pea soup brought to a boil.

  "Well, at least it looks like there's no shortage of boats," Damon said.

  And he was right. Both in the water and washed up along the shore were dozens of boats of all shapes and sizes. Some of them were still afloat. Many of them had been destroyed.

  And they all appeared to be abandoned.

  "I guess we take our pick?" Damon said.

  "I don't like this," Belosic said.

  "Me neither," replied Kaateria.

  "I suppose we could just follow the river by horse, but that would add quite a bit more time to our journey," Damon said with a shrug.

  "Boat it is," Kaateria said.

  Belosic nodded his approval.

  They went from boat to boat until they found one that looked like it would fit Belosic's large frame and wouldn't take on too much water in the process. They also rummaged through the various boats' remains for suitable oars.

  "Time to go," Belosic said as he lifted up a boat from the shore onto his broad shoulders and then laid it down gently in the river.

  "Well girl, I guess this is good-bye," Damon said as he nuzzled Buttercup.

  Buttercup neighed, which Damon took to mean, "Good-bye my faithful companion. You truly are the world's greatest swordfighter and for as long as I live I will let every horse know that I let you ride me. And we rode hard, and fast, and for as long as we could. I will miss you with all of my horse heart. Assuming we have hearts." When in reality she was simply saying "ok."

  Damon swatted Buttercup on the hindquarters and she took off.

  "Bless the Gods, I'll miss that horse," Damon said as he watched her gallop away.

  Belosic and Kaateria gave no such sendoffs to their horses. They merely dropped the reins and walked away. For their part, the horses simply remained in place.

  Kaateria and Damon got inside the boat. They positioned themselves so that Kaateria was on one end and Damon was in the middle. Once they were seated, Belosic pushed them off the rocks and into the water. He climbed in the other end when they were deep enough to not scrape along the riverbed.

  And they were on their way.

  They had been paddling for most of the day, and during that time were forced to listen to Damon regale them with stories about sword fighting, songs about women, and jokes about a dwarf named Terbilcox, when the boat started to list to one side.

  "Have I been drinking too much, or are we actually leaning?" Damon asked. Damon wished that his hands weren't chained together so that he could grip the boat a little easier to steady himself.

  Belosic stopped aggressively paddling and let the oar drift in the water. The boat rocked to the right.

  "Woah," Kaateria said. She threw her hands out to balance herself.

  Belosic pulled the oar out. He searched the water for anything that they might have hit.

  "Any rocks?"

  The group scanned the water.

  "Do you see any rocks?" he barked.

  The group continued to look into the water, but it was pointless. The water was too deep and dark to make anything out. At least it was no longer a sickly green.

  "Doesn't feel like rocks," Kaateria said.

  The boat was tossed to the side again.

  Kaateria gripped the edges of the boat to steady herself. Damon sat lower, trying to keep from going over into the water.

  Belosic watched the inky liquid. He squinted. He thought he saw something catch in the light. When the boat began to lean again, Belosic bashed the oar into the water. His arms clenched as the wood made contact with something firm. It gave enough that Belosic knew that Kaateria was right. It was no rock that he struck. The boat slammed back down sending waves splashing over the edge. The force sent Damon toppling over the edge, his head plunging into the water. Damon flailed his legs as he tried to shimmy his way back to safety. Kaateria recovered from the jolt and grabbed onto his tunic. Against her better judgement, she pulled him back inside the boat. Damon sputtered and shook the water from his head. He opened his mouth and was just about to say something clever when--

  A piercing scream filled the air as the head of a serpent burst from the watery depths. It had a long snout and sharp teeth. In general, it had the appearance of something a person would rather not see when out in the middle of a body of water in nothing but a wooden boat. More specifically, it was horrifying.

  "That was me," Damon volunteered. "I wasn't expecting that."

  The serpent's head was twice the size of the boat. Its neck about four times. The entire length of its body was too hard to calculate. And in times of impending death, really unnecessary to even consider.

  "A pringxit," Kaateria yelled over the rush of water that the creature shook from its cranium. The drops splashed inside the boat. A rapid thudding echoed with each hit. Kaateria tilted her head back as she took in the sheer size of the thing. Her grip tightened on the hilt of her sword.

  "A pringxit? I thought those were just made up in order to scare children."

  "Clearly, you were wrong."

  "What kind of name is pringxit anyway? That's not scary. I would've expected it to have a name like Blood Tooth or Water Demon or Flesh Ripp--"

  The serpent unleashed a raspy cry that sounded like the edges of two swords rubbing slowly along each other.

  "I think it likes Flesh Ripper," Damon said.

  "I think I'd like you to shut it," Belosic snapped as he leapt to his feet.

  Belosic grasped the oar in both hands and sliced at the serpent's neck with the side of it. There was a loud crack as the wood shattered at contact. Splinters rained inside the boat. Belosic threw the broken handle where he had hit the neck, but the jagged tip skittered off to the side and splashed into the water. The serpent threw back its head and roared. Damon thought it sounded like laughter.

  Kaateria drew her sword. She thrust it toward the slimy scales. She let out a howl as she pounced from her seat and threw her weight behind the swing. The serpent recoiled its neck avoiding the blow. The boat rocked as Kaateria struggled to maintain her balance. She dropped down to the bench, steadying herself.

  Belosic yanked out his sword and stabbed at the monster. It dodged the blow again. Kaateria had anticipated the creature's movement this time. As it swung away from Belosic, it got close enough for Kaateria to swing at it. She grasped the hilt in both hands and swung the sword from her waist up. The blade lodged inside of the creature's neck.

  There was a scream. This time not from Damon. The serpent snapped its head up and down trying to shake the sword out. Kaateria gripped it, her forearms tight, as she tried to pull the sword loose.

  "Let it go before it tosses you over," Belosic yelled.

  Kaateria struggled some more to pull it free. She rested one foot on the edge of the boat and pulled.

  "Kaateria, let it go. No sword is worth a life," Belosic snapped.

  Kaateria gave it one last yank. Her arms were tired and she could feel them going limp. She knew Belosic was right. She dropped her arms, letting the sword go. The creature flung Kaateria backward. She landed at the bottom of the boat. Her pants became wet from the water that had collected there.

  The serpent snapped its neck back and forth as it tried to wiggle the sword out. It continued to scream and snap its teeth in anger and frustration at it. But the blade was in too deep and the handle too small for the the large teeth to grasp. The screams grew quiet and the thrashing slowed. The monster stared at the tiny boat and its three companions and considered its options
.

  The options considered, the creature lunged toward the boat. Damon rolled out of the way narrowly avoiding the serpent's muscular jaw as it snapped at him.

  "What did I do? They were the ones slicing at you with swords," Damon said.

  The leathery fin on top of the serpent's head barely grazed Damon's side as it pulled it back. Yet the fin was so sharp it tore a hole in the shirt and opened a wound.

  "Ow!" Damon screamed.

  Damon grabbed at the hem of shirt pulling it out and away from his body in order to examine the gash.

  "That really hurt."

  The creature's nostrils flared at the metallic scent of blood that blossomed in the air. Its red pupils narrowed inside its yellowish eyes. Damon wasn't entirely sure, what with the pain ripping through his body causing his own eyes to narrow, but he was pretty sure he saw the creature lick its lips in hunger.

  "That's not good," Damon said.

  "No, it's not," Kaateria said.

  "Hold on," Belosic said. He laid down and spread his weight out as much as he could along the boat.

  The serpent threw its head back and with a great roar brought it straight down on top of the boat. Belosic tightened his grip. As did Kaateria. Damon, did not.

  Damon was flung from the boat into the air. The serpent tracked Damon's trajectory, determining the best time to snap him up.

  Damon kicked his feet and for a moment it appeared as though he was running in the sky. But, it was only for a moment. He quickly fell back to earth. As he was no longer positioned over the boat, he plunged feet first into the icy water. Damon imagined it looked quite graceful and heroic. It did not.

  "Damon!" Kaateria screamed. She thrust her hand in the water after him, but she was too late.

  The serpent dipped its head in after Damon. It had missed its chance to snap him out of the air having been distracted by how silly Damon had looked.

  Belosic joined Kaateria at the side of the boat closest to where Damon dropped in the water and searched for any signs of him. They saw nothing. They checked the other side. Again, nothing. No blood, no bubbles. And for the first time in days, silence.